Losing You: a prequel to It's Not Over

Losing You

Prequel to It’s Not Over

By

Melissa M Marlow

All rights reserved.  This is a work of fiction.  All of the characters, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.  No parts of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any manner or by any means, electronic or otherwise without written permission from the author.

This book contains explicit sex and is intended for mature audiences only.

Losing You (Prequel to It’s Not Over).  Copyright© 2014 by Melissa M Marlow.  All rights reserved.  Printed in the United States of America.  For information address Poehler Publishing, Ramsey Minnesota.  Book design provided by Melissa Poehler with Poehler Publishing.

Co Editor:  Kevin McNally

Photos and Music, 123RF

www.mmmarlow.com

ISBN-13:  978-0-9835245-4-0

Ebook -13:  978-0-9835245-5-7

First Edition:  September 2014

Poehler Publishing

Paul

As a man, sex is important to us as a group.  We want it, desire it, and will beg for it, if we have to, but love completes you by filling your heart with happiness.  I wanted Jessica Jenson to be mine and only mine.  It’s a nightmare thinking of someone else kissing my Jessica.  I cannot put my finger on just one thing that makes her the one, because I love everything about that girl.  Her scent a mixture of jasmine and lavender, not only did it fill my nose I could taste it on her ear, neck, and lips.  The only thing that she wanted happen to be me and I didn’t understand that when I should have.  I wanted to show her what she means to me, and how it will be for the rest of our lives if we stay together.

I traced the back of my hand from her neck down the middle of her chest, but never taking my eyes off of hers.  Those deep green colored eyes sucked me in as she looked innocently at me.  I could tell she wondered what we were about to do.  I wanted to make her want me so bad that she would beg me to make love to her forever.  When you love someone it’s not just sex, it happens to be so much more than that.  Making love is a way to express the trust, loyalty, respect, and dedication to this person that fills every part of you that is missing a piece. Someone once told me that sex happens in mind, not in body.  I have found that to not be true for me.  It happens in body and mind, not really sure which gives you pleasure for it’s a fusion of all senses; love, lust, touch, and a whole lot more.

I slowly lowered the sheet wrapped around her and pulled her to me.  Our time to complete the connection happened to be now.  I lowered her to the bed moving between her legs wear the warmth of her could rest against me.  She smiled as I enticed her with my desire rubbing against her throbbing with need to dive deep within her.

“Jessica, will you marry me?”

She shook her head no, but with the cutest grin on her face.  I enticed her more with little kisses against her neck and under her ear asking again, “Jessica, you must tell me you will marry me.”

She shook her head
no
yet again.

My ego hurt but determined to make her say she would be mine I brushed kisses against her cheeks while my membrane rubbed against her wet folds.  I pleaded again, “Please tell me you will marry me?”

I could see the tears well up in her eyes.  She gave me a slight grin as I took the ring from the box and pulled it out.  Taking her hand in mine I slid it on her finger, “Jessica, will you honor me by telling me you will marry me?”

She nodded as the tears trickled from her eyes and down the sides of her face.  At the moment she said yes I pushed into the depths of her core where the warmth surrounded me.  She gasped for a breath of air, but I captured her squeal tasting those sweet lips.  Not moving an inch of my body allowing her body to adjust to the intrusion I kissed, sucked, and licked her mouth.  The throbbing reminded me of where my penis happens to be at this very moment.  As slow as humanly possible I withdrew until just the tip touched her.  Her hands trailed down my back until she gripped to pull me into her.  Gliding back into her with a little more ease; her body engulfing me pulling me deeper.  The tightness of her enticed chills up my spine.  Not taking my eyes from hers for one reason only, I wanted to see her face as we made love for the first time.

I wasn’t doing as well as I had expected.  I had jacked off to build my tolerance for this moment, but nothing compared to the way this filled every dream I had about the first time with her.  The warmth of her interior added to the sensation making the release come to fast.  I knew she didn’t have the same feeling as me because her face hadn’t changed at all.  I blew it because I wasn’t able to give her the pleasure that she had given me.

I rolled over pulling her with me just to hold her to me.  As I closed my eyes to cherish this moment with her I promised that I would make it up to her as soon as I regained some energy.

When I opened my eyes she wasn’t there.  I sat up looking around my room and she wasn’t here at all.  I looked where we had left our clothes and not only were her clothes missing, but I was still in mine.  With the realization that I’d dreamt the whole thing I grabbed my phone making the call to Jess again.

“Paul?”

“Jess!”  My voice betrayed me with a hint of torment.

“Are you okay?”

Subduing the agony I replied with the truth, “No, you?”

“Not really.”

We sat in silence listening to each other breath.  I know she broke up with me, but for a good reason.  I left her lonely and sad most of the time, but I did it for her.  She wasn’t ready to take that next step and my needs were getting harder and harder to suppress.  I wanted to give her time to grow into herself without pressure from me.  We’re both sad and lonely now, and neither of us wanted to let go.  To deal with it we call each other listening to each other breath….

Jessica

Paul, my ex-boyfriend of three years, happened to be one of the most amazing guys in the world.  He had sandy brown hair that always seemed a mess, hazel green eyes that melted me when he looked into my eyes.  A great muscular body, an amazing smile; featuring the best dimples that I had ever seen.  I am one hundred and ten percent still in love with him, but the last two years of our relationship didn’t go so well.  In fact it was hard for me.  We spent a lot of time apart, because of his business and going to college.  Neither of us wanted it to end, but to go through another year of missing him would be too painful.  I didn’t want to stand in his way, so I let him go.  I have regretted it ever since, but I had plans, boy did I have plans!

I tried a date with a guy from school, Greg, another great guy.   The problem of me comparing everything he did to Paul happens to be the problem.  I still loved Paul when I kissed Greg.  My only intention was to see if there could be anything between us.  After the kiss we both looked at each other and laughed.  He didn’t have it for me and I definitely didn’t have it for him.  We had the best hug and agreed that we’re much better off being friends than anything else.  Besides, his kiss didn’t make my toes curl like Paul’s did.  Oh yeah, comparing them again.  This needed to stop because it didn’t matter anymore.  I had to face my fears head on and fight for what I wanted, Paul.

Mom and dad drove me to school.  I hadn’t told Paul this yet, but I got accepted to the same school he attended.  I wanted to surprise him.  I needed to figure out his schedule and then I’d find a way to spring it on him.

He turned over all his work to a few guys that he called foremen, and then he also had workers to handle all his accounts.  If we have a chance at all it would have to be now when he had the time.  All he had to concentrate on is school, and me, of course. 

Mom and dad stayed to get me moved into my room.  Before they left they wanted to make sure I had everything.

Dad seemed more worried about Paul than me, “Jess, we should stick around and say hi to Paul ourselves.”

“Dad, you are not ruining my surprise for him and no, you are not saying hi to him.”

Mom had to get her input, “Are you sure he is still interested, Jess.  I mean you broke his heart.  It is possible that he is dating.”

“No, he’s not dating.  Besides, we still talk a little.  If he did date he would have told me.  I told him about Greg.”

Watching my mom and dad exchange glances worried me a bit.  Did they know something that I didn’t?  My dad and Paul had this weird relationship where they talked like friends.  Hopefully they were concerned for our wellbeing.  Paul had been through so much in his life already with his last girlfriend dying next to him in a car.  Or it might have been the three weeks I wept in my room.

“If you are sure, but I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I won’t.”

I walked them down to their car; I have my own now.  Thank god I wouldn’t be stranded at school and if I needed to go home for a weekend I had the means to go.  I pushed them in their car and I kept looking over my shoulder worried that Paul may show up to ruin my surprise.  The campus happened to be smaller than I believed, and I didn’t have a clue what floor he lived on, even though housing consisted of one building.

When I walked back in I went to the director’s area in the resident hall and asked what his room number is.  They didn’t have anyone staying in this hall by that name.  Sure that he still went to school here, I wondered why he didn’t have a room number.

I went back to my room, where my roommates worked to organize their rooms.  We had three bedrooms and two bathrooms, so I walked into the room that I had decided on being my bedroom.  When I walked in a girl had already moved in arranging her side of the room the way she wanted.  I sat down on my bed and introduced myself.  She told me her name, “Karlie Brown.  She explained that she’s a junior.  Getting acquainted I filled her in on my plan.  We seemed to get along fairly well.

After about two weeks of getting comfortable I set my mind on finding Paul.  Going to admissions proved that he definitely went to school here.  Sweet talking the student aid guy gave me what I needed, Paul scheduled, which had to be against school policy.  Side tracked with school work; it’s harder than I assumed it would be I didn’t have much time to work on my surprise.  My roommate asked me if I really wanted to find him.  Telling her our story she agreed that we belonged together.  She even had tears in her eyes at the end of it. 

Cross referencing our schedules together, I found that the possibility of running into him would have to be planned out.  I tried to fit it in and watched for him, but day after day I kept missing him.  I did a glance one day as he drove off and my heart sank.  Wanting to hear his voice deeply I called him that night.

“Jess?”

“Hey.”

“So, how is school?”

“Frustrating.”

“It gets better.  Tell me where you are.  I’ll come visit you.”

“No, not yet Paul, but soon.”

He chuckled, “You are giving into me.”

“A little.”

He laughed.  We talked about his school too, but he didn’t stay on campus, that explained a few things.  He lived in an apartment about 2 miles from school.  The more he explained the better I felt about surprising him.  Matt’s his roommate at the apartment.  I loved Matt like a brother, so that’s perfectly good.  He also explained that he tutored other students to make extra money, which makes no sense to me.  He already makes enough money from him business.  Then he elaborated that he did it mostly to help keep him busy.

That’s when I decided on getting a tutor for my classes.  One way or the other, I am going to find a way to surprise him and that might be the perfect way.  The tutoring schedule listed the time slots open and listed the classes he could tutor in.  The only bad thing is, it will be two more weeks before he has an opening.  At least with his class schedule and the tutoring schedule keeping tabs on him would be easy.

I examined his schedule for tutoring every day, but they all seemed to be girls.  After about a month of trying to catch up and get a head a little I was going to adventure out.  I went to the library and met up with a few girls from my class.  Tammy, Sue, Rachel, and Bobby all sat closely together discussing something of interest to them all.  I walked up and Sue pulled out a chair for me, “Oh, my god Jess, Rachel’s telling us about this tutor she has.  I am going to sign up just to have time with him; he sounds gorgeous.”

My heart raced as I listened to them talk about him.  Everything they described fit my Paul to a T.  I sat listening and then observed Rachel getting up, “I am off to put the moves on him today.”

I stood up and spoke before I realized what I was doing, “You don’t want to do that.”  I didn’t even glance around for him when I spoke out, but I saw him out of the corner of my eye walking into the library.  They all stared at me surprised at my outburst, but if I didn’t want him to know yet I had to hide.  I grabbed my stuff walking away.

“Hey, what is going on with you?”  Tammy yelled after me.

I just wanted to get out of there.  I was trapped, so I found a home in a corner, but I had to see him.  I peeked around the corner.  Tammy found me and walked up to me with glaring eyes, “What are you doing?  You’re acting like a stalker.”

I laughed and shook my head.

“Do you get nervous around cute guys?”

I looked up at her and then peeked around the corner, “Do you think he is that cute?”

“YES!  Don’t you, Jess?  Or do you like girls?”

I shook my head as I stared at my Paul. 

“Jess, you are seriously becoming one of those weird people sitting here staring like that.  You should let me introduce you.”

“NO!”  I turned back to her, “I’m not good around cute guys.  I freeze and get all sweaty, so it wouldn’t be good.  Can you just come get me when they are done?”

She smiled at me, “We need to get you out of your shell.”

I shooed her away from me and peeked back at them.  I found a spot on the floor where seeing him through legs of tables happen to be the best it would get.  I gaze at him, while keeping an eye on Rachel, too.  Time slowly ticked by, but when it had been 50 minutes I saw Matt walk in and up to Paul.  Was I ever going to be released from this captivity? 

Paul introduced Matt to all the girls sitting at the table with them.  My breath escaped me with a huff of frustration; this could be awhile. Picturing myself walking up to them and what reaction each of them would have.  Paul would get up moving to me, hug me, and maybe even kiss me.  Rachel would rip my head off, and the rest of them would be stunned into silent mouth dropping awe.  Not that I wouldn’t like it, but I wanted to surprise him in a special way.  Not just springing on him like it’s no big deal going to school here with him.

Paul

“Matt, this is Rachel and her friend’s Tammy, Sue, and Bobby.”

Being polite he shook each of their hands.  I only hoped that one of them sparked his interest.  My ploy to find him a girlfriend didn’t look promising, but Matt happened to be one of the greatest friends a person could have.  I wanted to pay him back for all the bullshit I put him through over the last few years.  The problem with Matt is that his shyness held him back.  I had no problem with talking to girls I have no feelings for, my heart belonged to one girl and I am going to marry her someday.  Tammy recognized his shyness, “Well, we would introduce you to our friend Jess, but she is a little shy.”

Shy would be a good match for Matt, but Jess?  My heart dropped to my stomach as my eyes stared at her.  My mind drifted instantly to my sweet Jessica, how much I missed her.

Matt worked on his shyness and made an attempt to say, “I am shy too.  I would love to meet her.”

I am impressed with the change in Matt.  He seemed to be trying a little harder, but to find a girl as shy as him would be interesting.  Both of them being too shy would be really funny to witness, and to think we would both end up with a Jess.  I started to wonder how ‘many’ Jessica’s go by Jess.  On a weird hunch I asked Rachel, “What is this Jess’s last name?”

I saw Matt turned to me quickly giving me a scolding, but we were both relieved when she said, “Hanson or something like that.” 

I laughed and shook my head and turned to Matt smiling.  He just stood there shaking his head at me.  Yes, I’m still hung up on my, Jess.  I am still in love with that little girl and I wanted to marry her with all my heart.  “So where is this friend?”

She pointed to the back of the library, “So Matt, would you like to meet her now?”  I suggested.

He grinned as I pointed in one direction for him to go and I walked the other way.  We’re going to meet this shy girl that would be perfect for Matt.  It’s my mission to supply him with the perfect girl.  I only embarrassed myself three times saying the name Jess to see if any of the girls I found were her, but they just shook their heads at me. 

I went back to the group of girls and set up another time for Rachel to help her with interpersonal communication class, and another later in the week for Math.  Sue and Bobby wanted to set a tutor session.  They had to go through the proper channels, so I gave them my blog to register and sign up for a time.  I try to help the students that come first.  I took one last eyeing search around the room, and it seemed weird to me.  I took one more deep breath and pulled Matt out with me.

We were heading to the truck, “Matt, what is the possibility that my Jess is here?”

“None.  She broke up with you, Paul.”  His words hit a little more harshly than I expected.

“But we still talk and the last time she agreed to see me.”

“Paul, no!  She broke your heart and it’s very unfair for her to do that.  You should try dating one or some of these girls you tutor.  That Rachel is a hottie.”

I huffed, “She isn’t Jess.”

“No, she is not and that is why you will go on a date with her, and the next one and the next one.  You need to get over Jess and even if you don’t like any of them at least you’re trying.”

I got in my truck not happy with Matt, “I still love her.”

He laughed, “Yeah, I know, but it wouldn’t hurt you to test the waters.”

“I don’t like water.”

“Yes, but what a variety.”

I shook my head as we headed home.

Jessica

I worried if I would ever get out of the library and that bathroom.  Why did they come searching for me?  I went back to the table and sat down with the girls.  Rachel asked, “So, what was that about?”

I laughed and raised my eyebrows, “Just a little shy, especially since they’re so cute.”

Rachel scrunched her nose, “Good, because the shy one wants to meet you.”

I grimaced, “The shy one?”

“Yeah, his name is Matt.”

I held back a grin as I remembered this guy wanting to join my family.  My mom and dad were easy to talk to about anything, and he took advantage of that.  My mind also wandered back to him and Val all cuddled up together.  Even if he is the best guy in the world he isn’t the one for me.  Besides I would never date a friend of Paul’s even if I didn’t still love him.  I played along, “Well, maybe someday.”