Lost (31 page)

He watched her run out of the house with
the little girls holding her hands. They put stuff by the table, and the girls
took off. A second later, she ran past them. Her long legs ate up the ground,
and then she was flying through the air to splash in the water. The girls
jumped in after her, and a few minutes later, he saw eight of them all in the
water. He could hear their laughter.

Images were
running through his mind, like a movie on fast forward. He saw the kids playing
in the water, he got glimpses of her running next to him, holding his hand as
they walked. Mundane things, things that spoke to a good life. A happy life—one
he had been a part of.

One he wanted
again.

“You want a silver bullet?” Mark Ranger
owned a gun shop, and Ethan had been getting supplies from him for years. “Are
you joking?”

“First of all,
I don’t want
one
bullet. I want at least 12. Second, yes, I’m serious.
Do I look like I’m joking?” Ethan leaned forward just a bit so that Mark could
see his eyes.

Whether it was
the tone of Ethan’s voice or the look on his face, Mark kept his mouth shut. He
thought for a minute.

“Yeah. Alright.
I think I can do it. Want to tell me why you need them?” Mark asked.

“No.”

We had a great afternoon. Dinner was low
key. We just warmed up the chicken and took it outside. The boys had built a
fire pit a few summers ago, and they had put small benches around it. We ate
out by the pit, and we were watching Sam trying to build a fire.

“I think you’re
doing it wrong,” Ant told him.

“You want to do
it smart ass?” Sam looked up, and Ant just held up his hands and laughed.

After a few
minutes Sam had a roaring fire going, and he smirked at the younger boys. The
girls had already found sticks so we could do s’mores, and I was opening up the
graham crackers.

Karie had
brought her iPod dock, and we had the window open so we could hear the music.
We sang along and told bad jokes. Jimmy and Ant asked Carey about some of the
teachers they were going to have once school started, and the girls told Karie
all about their new school clothes, while she braided their hair.

And me? I just
sat there and took it all in.

None of us knew
that the next day would bring hell right to our door.

I woke up early the next morning. I was
going to run over to Costco to get some things we forgot. I wanted to make sure
I got some freezer pops. The kids always liked those, and they were cheap. I
had ordered some deli platters and two large cakes as well, so I needed to get
those. The fridge and freezer were working like champs, so we had plenty of
storage space.

I crept into
the boys’ room after I showered and dressed and tapped Sam on the shoulder.

“I’m going to
run to Costco to get the cakes. Watch them, okay?”

He gave me a
drowsy nod and stretched. “You don’t need any help?”

“No, I’m good.
I think we got everything. I’ll be back in about an hour or so. Eat what you
can find.”

I crept back to
the door and looked back at my boys. I smiled and shut the door quietly.

He saw her come out of the house. The
sun was up. He guessed it was maybe 9:30. She was alone.

He watched her
drive away, but decided to stay with the children.

Then the air
shifted around him. He felt it. He took a deep breath and readied himself.

The Woman was
coming.

“What did Mark say when you asked for
silver bullets?” Walter chuckled, already picturing it.

“He looked at
me like I was an idiot, but he came through,” Ethan said into his phone. “You
know you don’t have to do this, Walt. You have Cindy.”

“And you have
Nathan. It’s done. I’ll call you later.” Walter hung up.

He looked over
at Cindy. They’d been together almost 30 years. They were high school
sweethearts, but he was pretty sure he fell in love the first time he saw
her—they were both in eighth grade. Here she was at 44 years old, and she still
took his breath away. She was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“Hey, Cin?” He
called to her. She was in the kitchen doing the dishes. If he was home, he
always made her breakfast, and she cleaned up the kitchen. After so many years,
they had it down pat.

“Yeah?” She
answered, not looking up from the pot she was scrubbing.

He walked into
the kitchen and looked at her. She had her back to him. She was a tiny woman,
only 5’2”—about a foot shorter than Walt. Her thick brown hair was still shiny,
while his was mostly gray. Every time he looked at her, he asked himself what
the hell he had done to get her to agree to be his wife. He walked over to her
and reached around, taking the sponge from her. He spun her around and picked
her up, putting her on the counter next to the sink.

She laughed and
wound her arms around his neck. “What’s gotten into you, mister?”

He smiled at
her, and he hoped she didn’t notice that the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Nothing. Just love my wife.”

And he showed
her exactly how much he loved her, and he prayed that it wouldn’t be the last
time he held her in his arms.

“Hi, Ethan. How’s it going?” Melissa,
his ex-wife, answered the door.

“Good, good.
Hey. Thanks for letting me stop by,” Ethan said, awkwardly coming into the
foyer when Melissa motioned him in.

“No problem!
Nathan was thrilled! Some of his friends are out of town, so he’s been bored,”
she told him, and then called up the stairs. “Nat, your dad’s here!”

They heard a
crash and smiled at each other. Their son could be a bit clumsy. He came
running down the stairs, and Ethan prayed he didn’t fall.

“What was
that?” His mother asked.

“Nothing,”
Nathan replied.

“Really?”
Melissa pushed.

“I tripped over
my baseball bag. It’s cool.” Nathan looked like a younger version of his
father. He was only 14, but he was big for his age. He was all arms and legs,
but he was growing into his height. His hair was a bit too long for Ethan, but
he knew that was the style now.

“Hey, Dad!” He
gave his father a hug, and Ethan closed his eyes, enjoying it.

Melissa caught
Ethan’s expression and tilted her head, giving him a look. He just smiled at
her and opened the front door.

“I’ll have him
home before dinner,” he told his ex-wife.

“No problem.
You guys have fun.”

Ethan suddenly
felt a rush of sorrow, and he stepped back up to the front door.

“Lissa?” He
hadn’t called her that in years, not since well before their divorce.

She looked at
him. “Yeah?”

He felt at a
loss, but he stepped forward and gave her a hug. “Thank you.”

She laughed and
hugged him back. “For what?”

“For not being
a bitch of an ex. And letting me see Nathan as much as you do. For just… you
know… For not holding it against me.”

She knew what
he meant. He had loved her, dearly, but he also loved his job, and he
understood why she left. And though she had cried and been upset when he agreed
to the divorce, she got over it—quicker than many woman in her shoes would
have. She had moved on and found someone that could make her happy, and she had
truly hoped he would do the same. And though he hadn’t, he was at peace.

“Are you okay,
Ethan? Is everything alright?” She was concerned.

He released her
and stepped back, suddenly embarrassed. “No, no. I’m good. Just been doing some
thinking, ya know?”

She gave him
another look, but eventually nodded and accepted his answer. “You know I’m
here. I still care about you.”

Oh, how he
hated those words. And yet he knew she meant them. She didn’t love him anymore,
but they still had a bond, and that meant something to her.

“I’m good.
We’ll see you later.” And he walked away, leaving her to stare after him.

“What’s going on, Dad?” Nathan was a
smart kid, and he asked his dad when they were seated in the back of Flo’s
Diner.

“What do you
mean?” Ethan avoided his son’s gaze.

“Aren’t you on
the night shift? You should be resting. But you pick me up on a Friday, hugging
mom. What’s the deal?”

Ethan put down
the menu and looked at his son, really taking him in. He was a good kid. He was
kind, smart, and funny, but Ethan couldn’t tell him what was really going on.

“Hi there. What
can I get ya?” They were interrupted by a young man with a notepad.

“Umm… can I get
the Full Stack, a side of bacon, and hash browns. And coffee. Black,” Ethan
said, handing him the menu.

“Sure. You?” He
pointed his pencil at Nathan.

“Two sticky
buns, some scrambled eggs, and a large orange juice,” Nathan told him.

They went there
almost every Sunday, and every Sunday they ordered the same thing. It was their
thing.

Once the waiter
was gone, Nathan turned back to his Dad. “Well?”

Ethan gave a
laugh. “Nothing’s going on. I just wanted to see my son.”

Nathan snorted
and looked at his dad.

Ethan met his
gaze. “Look, son. I love you. You know that, right?”

“Of course.”

Ethan
continued, “I want you to be a good man. I want you to grow up and know that
doing what’s right isn’t always easy. Hell, sometimes it’s fucking scary.”

He never
censored himself with his son, and the crude language didn’t take Nathan aback.

“I know, Dad.
Look, are you alright? You aren’t sick or something, are you?”

Melissa’s
father had just fought a lengthy battle with lung cancer. He was doing okay,
for now, but it had been an ugly fight, and Nathan had been there for all of
it.

“No, no. I’m
fine. Getting old, but I’m fine. I just… well… I don’t think I tell you enough,
that I’m proud of you. School, baseball, that kind of thing. But, you’re
growing up too fast, and I want you to start thinking of your future… okay? Be
a good man. A strong man. Help Carl take care of your mom.”

Nathan, like
his mom, was perceptive, and he knew that something was going on, but he chose
to respect Ethan’s privacy and didn’t push for more than Ethan felt he could
give him.

“Dad, I know,”
he said gently.

“Yeah… no. I
know you know. I just… If I’m not around, just remember that I love you.”

That was the
closest he would get to telling his son that he might die.

The cakes were ready when I got to
Costco, and I put them gently in the cart I was wheeling around. I grabbed some
ice pops—300 to a box, so I picked up two and put them under the cart. The deli
platters were resting on top of the cakes, and I walked toward the registers.

They had roses
for sale, beautiful lavender ones, and I couldn’t resist. I went over and
picked up a bunch, inhaling deeply and letting the memories take me back.
Whenever I went to Costco, I would drag Brian along. We always had at least one
of the kids with us, and he would give them a 20 to buy me some flowers. They
always picked the lavender roses. I loved the soft purple color and the sweet
smell.

I laid them in
the cart and decided to get another bouquet. They would fill the house with
their scent, and I loved that idea.

After paying I
wheeled the cart out and loaded up the van. It was a beautiful day—nice day for
a carnival if you’re into that kind of thing. I know the younger kids were
excited, and I reminded myself to stop at the bank to get some cash for them. I
started up the van and pulled out of the parking lot. The bank was just up the
road.

After a
moment’s drive, I pulled into the drive-through ATM.

I dug my wallet
out and got my ATM card out. I figured 100 dollars should be plenty.

Better be
plenty!

Once I got my
cash, I stuck it in my pocket and set off for home.

I opened the door to chaos. The girls
were yelling at Carey, and Sam was trying to get them to quiet down.

“Enough!” I
said, only raising my voice slightly.

To their
credit, they all shut up and looked at me.

“What’s going
on?” I asked them.

And boom, they
all started talking at once. I held up my hand, and once again, quiet.

“Carey?” I
asked.

“They’re being
brats. I told them if they didn’t stop bugging me, I wouldn’t take them
swimming.”

“Sounds fair.
Girls?”

“No way, Mom.
He said we were little shits!” Jessie told me.

Maggie nodded.
“He did! So we said we were going to tell you, and he said if we did, he wouldn’t
take us swimming.”

I turned to
Carey. “True?”

“I
might
have
called them that, but only because that’s how they were acting,” Carey said in
his defense.

“Girls, you are
not little shits. Carey, watch your mouth. Done?”

The girls
looked down at their hands. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Carey?” My
voice held a warning.

“Yes, ma’am.
Done,” Carey said, a tad sheepish.

Sam let out a
breath and gave me a look. “Sorry. Things got loud really quickly.”

I shrugged it
off. “Just part of the fun. Where’s everyone else?”

“Jimmy and Ant
are out back. I think Jimmy dug out the old fishing poles. Karie’s in the
shower. Everyone ate, and I just loaded up the dishwasher.”

I nodded.
“Carey, run out and get the deli platters. They need to go in the fridge. I put
the cakes in the fridge already, so they’re fine where they are. Sam, go grab
the box of freezer pops. Let’s open them and put them in the freezer. If we
leave them in the box, they take too long to freeze.”

I barked out
orders and made a mental list of what I still needed to do.

Cut up the
cabbage for coleslaw and mix up the vinaigrette. We had tons of old beach
towels, so I wanted to get those down. Needed to wash the ones from the day
before, but I decided I’d just hang them outside on the line. I had some old
folding tables in the garage, so the kids and I could just set those up for the
food. We had some chairs as well, and I would have to get those out and hose
them down.

“What can I do
to help?” Karie came into the kitchen. I smiled at her. She was so much like
her parents.

“Well, we have
tables in the garage that need to come out, and chairs in there somewhere. We
probably need to hose them down. I won’t bother cutting up the cabbage until
tonight, that’s easy stuff.”

She nodded and
ran to get her sneakers. The girls were still sitting at the table, looking at
magazines.

“You guys help
me out for an hour or two, and then we can go swimming again. Okay?” I asked
them.

“Sorry, Mommy,”
Maggie said, actually looking contrite.

“Mommy, he
started it!” Jessie, didn’t look quite as sorry, but both girls hated it when I
was annoyed at them.

I sat down at
the table. “You know what? I don’t want to hear it, okay? He’s your older
brother. Sometimes he’s going to be a jerk. And sometimes, you guys really do
act like little brats. So let’s let it go, move on, and do what we gotta do.
Got it?” I put my hand on Maggie’s shoulder, and my other hand reached out to
Jessie, who grasped it.

They both
nodded, and I told them to run and grab their Crocs. I could hear the kids in
the garage, and looking up, I saw that Karie and Jimmy already had two of the
tables set up. Ant was coming over with the hose, and Carey and Sam each
carried out another table.

This party
is going to be a breeze.