Lost Dreams (20 page)

I tried remembering what had happened but I couldn’t. I'd blanked it out completely. After putting time and thought into it, I concluded it was probably a good thing. I didn’t need to remember being shot, after all.

The door opened and there she was. My Avery. She looked exhausted and I was responsible. When she saw I was awake, she stopped mid-step and her hands went to her mouth in surprise. ''Soldier!'' she exclaimed, with a beautiful and relieved grin on her face.

''Hey girl!''

If she could have jumped on the bed to hug me, I think she would have. Instead, she dropped her purse on the floor and walked as fast as she could to my bedside. She cupped my cheek and kissed my forehead.

''Thank you so much for not leaving me, Remy. I'll help you, okay? I'll watch over you until you're feeling better.''

''Avery. Calm down.'' I smiled at her, she was so beautiful. She was crying but I thought they were happy tears. ''I'll be okay. I can walk, I can talk. I have all my limbs. I'll be okay.'' I reassured her the best way I could.

''I was so scared, Remy. I can't lose you, too. I forbid you to go back. You're staying here from now on.''

''I don't think I'll be leaving, Avery. I've had enough, I need a better kind of life. I need to settle down, be happy and safe.'' This was going to be a challenge, but I needed a new life.

Ave took my free hand and held it securely between both of hers. I had the feeling she didn’t want to let me go.

''Did you hear from Patrick?'' I asked. ''Are they okay?''

''They're all okay, still over there. Patrick called Megan to let her know what happened. He was pretty shaken up, but nobody else was injured.''

A thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders. My buddies were alright, nobody but me was hurt by my actions. This was freaking good news. ''I’m so relieved everybody's okay. Words fail me.''

The doctor and nurse were ready to leave the room and I called out to them.'' Wait, when will I be released?''

Dr Nguyen looked at me in disbelief. ''Not tonight or tomorrow. Let's take one thing at a time?''

Avery squeezed my arm. ''Relax, Remy. You need to stay here until you're better. We almost lost you. You had two blood transfusions, stitches and surgery to fix your shoulder.'' She paused. ''The bullet hit an artery and you lost a lot of blood. Also, I don't know if you've seen your hair yet, but you definitely need a haircut.''

I laughed. ''I saw.'' My eyes were already tired and I wanted to get some more sleep. ''You should go home now, Ave, I'm okay. Get some rest and come back tomorrow if you want. You look like crap, too, take a shower.'' I joked.

''Shut up! I don't.'' She laughed. ''It's your fault, I've been living here for days.''

''I'm sorry, Avery, but you really should go home, have a bath and relax. I'm not going anywhere. I'm awake and not feeling too bad. They're taking good care of me here... and I’m tired.''

''Are you kicking me out?''

Did I insult her? Damn! ''No girl, I'm just tired and I can see you are as well.''

We stared at each other for a long time. A lot had happened in the past few weeks. I had lied to her and yet here she was, taking care of me. It was wrong and I didn’t deserve her generosity.

''I lied to you, Avery.''

''What are you talking about, soldier?''

I hesitated a little but I never let my gaze leave her eyes. ''I do have feelings for you... ever since the first time I saw you.''

She didn’t say anything, because she couldn’t. Avery was crying. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I couldn’t really move. I kept her hand in mine and suddenly, I didn’t want to let her go.

''Carter was my best friend, Ave. I know how you're feeling because I feel exactly the same way.'' I wiped away her tears with one of the blankets. She kissed my cheek and wished me a good night.

''I can't talk about it tonight, Remy, I'm sorry.''

Just like that, she left the room and left me hanging. Avery wasn’t upset, I think she was lost and surprised. I was whisked away from my thoughts when the nurse walked back in my room and gave me more pain killers. I fell asleep shortly afterwards.

~~~*~~~

I
was standing in the lobby, waiting for Avery to pick me up from the hospital. Dr. Nguyen had finally released me. I promised I would stay in bed when I got home and not do any physical activity. They wanted me to have a quick recovery and in order to heal, I had to take it easy.

Avery hadn’t mentioned anything in regards to my announcement about my feelings. She was pretending like I'd never said anything. Talking to her about it was on my priority list, I had to get things cleared up between us. It was okay if the feelings weren’t reciprocated, I couldn’t force her to love me. It wasn’t clear if I was going to be staying at my place, or hers. Before my deployment, I was staying with her and things were great. I knew now that I'd opened up to her, things were different. It sucked, but at least, I'd been honest.

I saw her car approaching and a grin appeared on my lips. Avery was gorgeous, as usual. I held my bag in my right hand, my left shoulder was in terrible shape and I could barely move it. It was hidden under my t-shirt. My arm was secured against my chest so that it couldn’t move. Avery parked her car in a taxi zone and ran towards me.

''Don’t you remember what the doctor said? Nothing heavy!''

I rolled my eyes. ''Ave, it's just a bag. It's not even heavy.''

''Remy, stop,'' she ordered, and took the bag away from my hands. Her touch was determined, making it harder to insist on keeping the bag in my hand. ''Come on.'' She walked to her car and opened my door, then she motioned me to sit and secured the safety belt around me. Avery was babying me, that was a fact. ''Okay, perfect. Ready to go,'' she muttered nervously.

She got into her seat and drove us to I-didn’t-know-where-yet. The music was playing softly in the car. I was having difficulty with noises, they were making me irritable but the melody was nice so I was okay. We were getting closer to Avery's house. At least I hoped we were going to her house, because I was frightened to be alone. I needed her, in more than one way. When she turned to the right, I knew we were going to her place because my house was over on the left. I bit the inside of my cheeks to subdue a smile. A few seconds later, Avery parked the car in her driveway. She undid my safety belt, then hers. She got out of the car to help me out, then grabbed my bag and arm-in-arm we walked to her door.

''Calm down, girl. I'm not dying, I'm okay. I can feel your body trembling.''

''I can't calm down, Remy.'' She unlocked the door and pushed it open. ''I lost Carter, okay? He's gone,'' she cried. ''And I came this close,'' she showed me a tiny gap between her fingers, ''this close, to losing you too, and that tore me apart.'' She put my bag on the table. ''When Megan told me what happened, I passed out, because I couldn’t believe I was going to have to go through this again. We waited twenty-four hours before we finally got the news that you were alive.''

I felt terrible. ''I'm sorry, girl, I'm so sorry.'' I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arm around her. She cried and she sobbed against my t-shirt. Ave was in a terrible mess. ''I promised you I would come back, and I did.'' I kissed her hair. ''I’m so sorry I had to come back in such a dramatic way.''

''You're alive, Remy.'' She almost never called me by my first name. ''It's all that matters.''

''I know, Avery.''

We were silent for a moment, her sobs calming down and she regained control of herself. It broke my heart to see her like this, she'd seemed so strong at the hospital and I was just realizing it was a facade. In that instant, I knew we both needed rest and we both had a lot on our minds.

''I think I need to lay down, Ave, I'm getting a little dizzy. I'll go to my room.'' She squeezed me with all of her strength, one last time, before releasing me.

I got to the guest room. There was a bouquet of daisies on the night table. She'd changed the sheets and comforter on the bed for a navy blue one. I made it to the bed just in time, my vision had gone blurry. I sat on the corner of the bed and closed my eyes. The fact that she wanted me to stay here was great, but damn, this was fucked up. She still continued to ignore everything I'd said to her. It made me anxious and the best thing I could do was lie down and chill out. Being around her was even harder now. I put my arm over my eyes, to hide away from the light in the room. Turning it off required too much physical effort for now.

''Remy, are you okay?'' Her voice was low.

''Can you turn the light off, please?''

She did and then removed my shoes. I shifted up on the bed and she placed my legs under the comforter. ''Do you feel any pain?''

''It's not too bad, I can manage.'' My head hurt constantly, no matter what I did. In my shoulder, the bullet had torn a muscle and damaged the bone severely. They had to screw the bone together in three different places. It would never be as strong as it used to be, but at least I was alive.

''Okay...'' She stayed in the room looking at me. It had me confused, did she want to talk or something?

''Is everything OK, Ave?'' I needed to know.

She nodded. ''It's just good to have you here. I missed you.''

Okay, she was giving signs she wanted to talk, but I thought maybe she wasn’t ready just yet.

''I missed you too, girl.'' I smiled.

She returned my smile with one of her own, she seemed suddenly shy and her cheeks flushed. ''I thought about what you said to me a lot. It scared me at first but then, I felt like I already knew about it. Things cleared up in my mind. How you were always looking after me, always making sure I was okay. I should have known, but I only had eyes for Carter. I still love and miss him every single day.'' She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. ''But... I felt things were different prior to your deployment and I understand now. I didn’t hate it, I liked it. Being closer to you makes me feel better. I need it, but I can't promise you more than that.''

''What are you saying, exactly, Avery?'' I could feel a wave of tingles rush through my body. What did she mean? It was so out of character for her to be so shy.

''I’m saying I still love Carter, I probably always will, but I also like you and need to be around you. I can't promise you anything, but we could try and see if it would work out.''

''I’m not a consolation prize, Avery.''

She sighed. ''God, this is so hard. You're not, I know you're not. When I didn’t know what was happening to you, I cracked up. I felt so broken, because I feel something for you. Something which is more than friendship, but Carter hasn't been gone for long and emotionally, I'm still a little fragile. So if you're willing to take baby steps and see where this could lead us, I'm willing to try.''

''Okay.'' I was speechless.

''Is that all you're going to say?'' she asked desperately.

''If I could get up without keeling over, I would come and get you, but since I can't, would you come and join me? I need you, too.'' I offered her my free hand and she took it, settling next to me on the bed.

She lay beside me, on the right side of my body and leaned her head in the hollow of my shoulder. I kissed her hair and she entwined her legs with mine. This had to be a dream. Was she really in my bed? Had she really said everything I'd just heard? Or was my medicine too strong and I was hallucinating? I loved it, but I couldn’t believe it.

Her breathing quickened and her heartbeat resonated through me. She had to be nervous. I squeezed her with my uninjured arm and minutes later, she seemed calmer. My eyes focused on her, I tried to capture the moment in my mind forever, but I ended up falling asleep holding her against me. She was my little angel, my girl.

F
or some reason, I wanted to keep our relationship private, something between the two of us. I wasn't ready to tell the world just yet. People could easily be judgmental and I didn't want to explain myself to anyone. My feelings for Remy had gotten more serious than I’d ever thought they would be. My love for him was growing every single day. Remy was a wonderful man, so thoughtful and always taking good care of me, making sure I was okay. I was a lucky girl.

Remy was released from the hospital two weeks ago, and the doctor told him repeatedly that he was forbidden to do any heavy lifting or manual work, due to his shoulder injury. I wasn't certain Remy fully understood the gravity of his injuries, because when I came back from the daycare two days ago, he was working in the yard as if there was nothing wrong. I stopped him and forced him into a chair for the remainder of the day. I was upset with him, he had been hurt enough already.

''How was your day at work?”

It was good, but Liam... ''Good, the kids were excited to see each other again. I don't know how they do it, I hate Mondays.''

''How's your boss treating you?''

I sighed. ''Good, but things are strange.'' I paused, not sure how to explain myself. ''I feel like Liam wants something from me, something which has nothing to do with the daycare.''

Remy's jaw tensed. ''He can't force you into anything you don't want, Avery.''

''I know, and I think he knows too. I don't encourage him, I always keep it professional.''

''Should I be worried?'' His brow furrowed.

''Absolutely not. You have nothing to worry about.'' Because my heart belongs to you, already. I hugged him and he pressed a kiss against my forehead, which made me squeal on the inside. Every single one of his gentle touches made me feel loved.

It was good to be home and to have him with me. In the past months, I’d gotten used to being alone, but nothing felt better than being with him.

In the past two weeks, we had settled into a routine where we would drink a glass of wine before dinner and sit on the couch and talk. Many times, Remy would talk about the mission in Afghanistan, and how strange it was that he had no memories of the attack. I told him, more than once, that it was a good thing - he didn't need to remember. He had me in tears regularly during our discussions, but for many different reasons - because I couldn't imagine my life without him, because I was thankful to have him back in one piece and because I felt sympathy for him having a memory full of devastating souvenirs from his time abroad, even worse than mine. As soldiers, we’d seen so many horrible things and sometimes dealing with them seemed almost impossible.