Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (14 page)

"Go home Zoe. We will deal with this later."

He pulled her to him. I slipped out of bed and pulled on Nix's flannel shirt that was the closest thing to me.

I looked around the room for my pants but couldn’t find them. Nix had Zoelle in his arms trying to calm her down. I snuck around them and walked out the door. Venom and Red were standing in the hallway. I walked past them and into the main room and glanced up at the clock to realize it was already nine in the morning. I walked into the kitchen and started the coffee.

“Morning sunshine.” Cheyenne smiled as she carried a wide awake Zaiden in with her. I smiled instantly as he reached out for me.

“Mama,” he cooed as I pressed a kiss to his head.

“So do I even want to know what the screaming is all about out there?” Cheyenne asked me.

“Nope.” I stood up and put Zaiden on the floor as I held his hands. We walked back out of the kitchen as Payne walked out from the girls’ rooms with Alex following close behind with a smile on her face. I wanted to be mad, to feel something—jealousy or anger—but nothing came. I looked back down at Zaiden as he started taking steps in the opposite direction. I let Zaiden lead me around the room until he started bouncing on his short little legs and screaming Dada. I looked up to see Nix walking towards us with a pissed of Zoelle. As soon as he heard Zaiden yelling for him he turned towards us. I let go of his hands and he took wobbly steps towards Nix. One. Two. Three. Four steps before be started to stumble. I caught him before he fell, steadying him as he continued on his track to Nix.

Nix bent down, ignoring Zoelle. When we were closer I let go of Zaiden again and let him walk the final steps to his dad. Nix scooped him up as Zoelle started to scream at him. He turned to her with anger in his eyes. "Don't. Not in front of my son Zoe. We will deal with this later. Go home." She looked as though she wanted to say something else. Instead she turned on her heel and marched out the front door.

 "Sorry about that Trix."

I gave him a reassuring smile. Not wanting to speak. Unfortunately for me when I looked at Nix with Zoelle, I did feel something. Pain, jealousy, anger, and most of all hurt.

She was his wife, something I threw away because I wanted my son to live. And seeing that she stayed and had a daughter with the man I loved was causing me more pain than it caused when I walked away from him.

 "You’re thinking again."

I looked up at two of the most important men in my life. "I am."

"Stop."

"I can't."

"Come on." He threw his arm around me and walked me back to his room, Zaiden still in his arms.

I cleaned up the coke residue on the nightstand and put the mirror and leftover coke in a drawer that was high enough that Zaiden couldn't reach it.

"Why don't you stick around for a while. I have to talk to the guys then I'll take you home.”

I nodded, but only because I didn't have a car or any way to get home. I suppose I could have asked Nitro but he was more than likely one of the guys Nix needed to talk to.

He finished getting dressed as Zaiden climbed over and sat on my lap. I looked at him. He stared back at me with his green eyes. The same green eyes as Nix only Zaiden’s were full of innocence. An innocence I knew wouldn't last forever. But for as long as I could I would make sure it stayed intact.

So many decisions that needed to be made and they would all end with me losing someone I cared for. Trix wouldn't stick around forever if I chose Zoe. And Zoe wouldn't stick around at all if I picked Trix. In the end I would lose. Zoe would go back to Angelo's compound. At least I knew my little girl would be safe. But for how long? And would I really be able to let her go?

Fuck. I had enough shit on my plate right now and I needed to focus on the upcoming run to Angelo's.

I sat in my office and waited for the guys to join me. Venom was the first one in the door and was giving me dirty looks. I knew he didn’t like the idea of Trix and me anymore then Zoelle did.  I knew what he thought though. He didn’t bother sugarcoating it either. He thought she and I together were loose cannons. Maybe we were but that’s what made us feel so right. Not that we could truly be together, not now at least.

The room started to fill, Payne walking in last behind Nitro. Payne just stared at me. Nitro looked as though he had something to say to me but was holding it back for now. It didn’t matter though, right now I had more important things to think about. I had to decide who I was sending on the run and who would be staying back. I needed people here to make sure everyone was safe. If I sent Payne that would mean we would both be gone. And I wasn’t one hundred percent that he had my back if anything went down. If I left him here then I had to worry about him getting closer to Trix before we could settle our shit. I just needed to swallow my pride and let him stay behind.

“Now that everyone is here.” I lit a cigarette. “We have a run to make tomorrow. I need to keep a few of you back to hold down the fort. Nitro and Payne will stay here, along with the two prospects. Red, Venom, Echo, Bear, and Casper ride with me. We leave at eight in the morning and will hopefully be back in a day or two.” I took a drag of my cigarette as I stared at Payne as he stared daggers at me. I let out a slight laugh as I blew out a cloud of smoke. “Anyone have anything they want to say?” I asked as looked around the room at the group of guys I liked to consider family. No one spoke up but I knew they were holding something back.

“Don’t everyone speak at once.”  I stubbed out my cigarette. “Off the record, if you have something you want to get off your chest now is the time to do it. You have issues with my personal life speak up now. This is your one and only chance.” I looked around the room.

“Venom, you got something to say?”

“Yeah I do.” He paused and stared at me.

“Then say what you have to say.”

“This shit you got going on right now is causing problems with the club. I know it’s a touchy subject since I have been here through the entire thing. But I really think this needs to be settled.”

I nodded. “I agree it does need to be settled. But—what happens between Trix and me is our decision. There is a lot of shit between us. You of all people know that Venom. She shocked all of us when she showed back up with a kid. A kid who is my son, so the shit between me and her is a bit fucked up to say the least.”

“Nix, you’re our president and this shit with you and Payne—pulling a gun on one of the brothers isn’t doing any of us any good.”

“See this is where you are wrong, brother.” I stood up. “Trix isn’t just one of the old ladies or a club whore. She has done more for this club than some of the brothers. You say shit about her or fuck with her, it’s no different than doing it to one of us. She’s also the mother of my son. My son who one day will be one of us.”

Chapter Twenty

I was confused. Beyond confused. I knew what I felt but the safer bet was still to get to know Payne. He was the safer of the two. We had a connection but it wasn’t anything like the connection with Nix. He couldn’t hurt me. Maybe that’s what I needed—someone who couldn’t hurt me. I found my jeans on the floor and slipped them on. I needed some time to think, and like always when Nix was around, I was suffocated by him. If he didn’t give me space there was no way I would be able to make the decision I needed to make. It would always be him.

I sat on the floor next to Zaiden who was crawling around the floor looking for something he could get his hands on. I watched him carefully trying not to zone out in my own thoughts. When I heard a knock at the door I stood up and picked up Zaiden before I carefully opened the door. Nitro. I opened it wider.

“Need you in the office. Take Zaiden to Cheyenne.”

I nodded and followed him out the door. Cheyenne was sitting at the bar talking to Alex and Angel. After handing him over I walked slowly to Nix’s office, the door was slightly ajar and I could feel the tension in the room before I even entered it. I took a deep breath before walking in.

“Trix.” Nix nodded at me. I gave him a slight smile as I took the only empty seat next to Venom. He looked over at me scowling. I could remember a time when he looked at me with feelings other than hate but after I left there was no friendship left between us. Maybe he blamed me for Cass. It would be the truth. I blamed myself for causing her death.

“So.” I spoke as I glanced around the room.

“Evidently these guys think that our relationship is causing problems for the club.”

“Why because I’m the mother of your son or because you’re married and still fucking me?”

He chuckled. “Both.”

“Why is it anyone’s concern? It’s not like half of them aren’t married and fucking someone on the side. I don’t see the problem.”

“Trix.” Venom spoke up next to me. “The problem is you and him have a history, that shit that went down last night and this morning is your fault. We can’t have brothers going after each other and old ladies coming in threatening to turn rat just to ruin one of us.”

“I’m not following.”

“Last night Prez here put a gun to lover boy’s head.”

“Why because I fucked him?” I looked at Nix, “I have fucked almost everyone in this room at some point. Okay, well not Nitro and Venom but everyone else. Did you forget that I was nothing more than a club whore when I showed up here? I would still be one if you didn’t know I was Nitro’s daughter.”

“You’re not a club whore,” Nitro growled.

“Stop, Nitro. It doesn’t matter. I did what I did and I have no shame in it. My relationship with Nix is between Nix and me. He is the father of my son. I don’t give a shit what everyone here thinks about us. You all need to get it through your thick heads that there will always be something between us. Even if he is married and has another baby.”

“That’s the problem. When it comes to you and Nix neither of you think straight.” Venom glared at me as he spoke. “You don’t give a shit about the rest of us. We need his head on straight, before someone gets hurt, or killed because his head is so far up your ass he doesn’t see it coming. You two are a ticking time bomb. And when it blows again who’s going to get caught in the aftermath?”

“You weren’t here to see what happened last time Trix.” Red looked down and shook his head.

“There won’t be a next time. I’m not leaving,” I growled at Venom.

“Yeah well there shouldn’t have been a first time either but you didn’t think of anyone other than yourself.” Venom gritted his teeth.

“I wasn’t thinking of myself, I was thinking of the fucking baby growing in my belly. I’m sorry I didn’t want this pregnancy to end like the one before him.”

Everyone went silent and I realized what I had said.

“What other pregnancy Trix?” Nitro gritted through his teeth.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. “I was pregnant when I got shot. I lost the baby.”

“Whose baby was it?” he sighed.

“Nix,” I whispered.

“So you mean to tell me you were pregnant with Nix’s baby and Edge let Disco fucking claim you?”

“I didn’t know I was pregnant. It wasn’t his fault.”

He looked up at Nix. “How the fuck did you not know. You were obviously fucking my daughter without wrapping your dick up and you didn’t fucking think that you could have knocked her up. And then instead of being a man you let a brother claim her and not just any brother but fucking Disco.”

“What’s done is done Nitro. I can’t change what fucking happened.”

“No but you could have. You were fucking my daughter knowing at any time you could knock her up and didn’t even think about claiming her to keep her safe.”

“Nitro. Stop it doesn’t change anything.” I didn’t see why everyone was dragging up a past that couldn’t be changed.

“But it could have been avoided. Just like Cass dying. It could have been avoided,” Venom spit.

“So that’s what all this shit is, huh Venom.” I turned and stared at him as he seethed. “You’re mad because of Cass? I fucking miss her too but we both know she never belonged here and yet she wasn’t strong enough to leave. She knew what she was doing. She died trying to save me. That’s all she ever really cared about, you know. Me. Not you Venom, me. She knew that she wasn’t going to be anything else to you. We all did, and it only confirmed it that night I met your fucking wife that neither she nor I knew about. She was never going to be anything to you. So don’t you dare blame me for her death. Or wait, is it because you are the one that shot her? Is that it Venom? Is it because it was you who fired that shot that blew her fucking brains all over me?”