Lost In Our Darkness (Demons Of Darkness Book 2) (12 page)

After watching Nix walk into his house following his wife and newborn daughter, I knew I needed a break.  I called my dad to see if he wanted to come over and watch Zaiden. Then I called Payne and made plans for him to come pick me up. I just hoped that Nix didn’t start shit if he saw me leaving with him. I sat outside the front door smoking a cigarette as Zaiden crawled around in the grass. I watched as he pushed his trucks through the grass. When I heard a door slam, I looked over to where it was coming from and spotted Zoelle looking pissed as fuck as she stomped her way towards me.

“Why are you here?” she asked me.

“This is my house.”

“What?”

“This is my house, has been for a while. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“You know what Trix, I don’t care, just stay the fuck away from Nix. He isn’t yours anymore. He is mine and leave him the fuck alone.”

“Wish I could, sweetheart, but I can’t do that and you know it.”

“Then at least can you stop falling on his dick?”

“Sorry about that. Well, actually I’m not. You should have known what you were getting into when you met him. Known he isn’t a one pussy kind of guy.”

“Yeah,  I did, only he didn’t start flaunting it in my face until you came around so keep off of my husband’s dick.”

“Go home Zoelle.”

“Fuck you Trix and stay the fuck off my husband’s cock. You lost that privilege when you walked out on him and now he’s mine.” She turned and walked back towards her house. This living so close to him was going to be a problem. Maybe I could talk my dad into switching houses with me so I didn’t have to put up with her fucking attitude. I was likely to put a bullet between her eyes if she kept this shit up.

I rolled my eyes as she walked away. Dealing with her was going to suck. It was bad enough I was back in the thick of things but she was just icing on the cake. Nix needed to tighten her leash before I had to do it for him. She isn’t pregnant anymore and I was not above beating some sense into a bitch. She should know the life she is in. Cheating husbands is the least of her worries. Then again maybe it was jealousy. I had a son with her husband, and she knew that if she had a son with him he wouldn’t grow up to be Nix’s little protégé. It would be Zaiden. Maybe she didn’t realize what kind of pressure that puts on a child. And eventually I wouldn’t be able to keep my son as innocent as I wish I could. He was going to grow up in this club and eventually rise in ranks, with more enemies than friends. The club may be his family but they would all see him as a threat until he proved himself.

I was lost in thought watching my son when my dad pulled up with Cheyenne on the back of his bike.

“Hey Nitro, Cheyenne.” I smiled as they made their way over to me. Well really not me, they went straight to Zaiden who stood up on his shaky legs and took one step towards my father before he picked him up.

“How is my favorite little guy doing?” Nitro asked as he walked up to me with a giggling Zaiden in his arms.

“He took his first steps.” I beamed.

“What, my little guy has started to walk and I missed it?”

“Well if you wouldn’t have swooped him up just now I’m sure you would have seen it.”

“Did you at least get it on video?”

“With what, Dad, my flip phone? I don’t even think this thing takes pictures. You know burner phone and all.” I waved the little black phone at him.

“Well shit. You need a better phone or a camera just for him.” I rolled my eyes. I didn’t get the luxuries that most women in their twenties did. I had to watch my every step. No social media, no phone or anything that would connect to the Internet, unless it was on my laptop, so I didn’t even see the point in having. Too easy to hack.

“What if Nix wanted to see it. He missed out on enough stuff already.”

“His first steps were right to Nix.”

My dad grinned. I rolled my eyes. Seriously, did he not think I was going to let Nix be a part of Zaiden's life.

I stayed at home as long as I could deal with Zoelle’s attitude. She was still pissed and then she shoved Calissta in my arms and stomped out the door. By the time I had adjusted her in my arms and went to check on where she went I saw her stomping back towards the house. I looked over at my old house and noticed Trix sitting outside with Zaiden as he played in the yard. Shit. Zoelle was even more pissed now since she had gotten back. When I knew Calissta was asleep and Zoelle was as good as she was going to be, I left. I pulled my bike out of the garage and as I backed out I glanced over. Nitro’s bike was in the driveway and Payne was sitting on his bike as Trix threw her leg over the back of it. I waited until they took off before I rode off in the opposite direction.

Chapter Seventeen

Riding on the back of Payne’s bike was like taking in the first breath of fresh air. As if the darkness that surrounded me slowly lifted away. I could forget about the lives I had taken and live in the moment—without Nix invading my mind.

We rode for an hour before Payne pulled over on a side road. He pulled out his phone and checked his messages before turning to me. "I got to check in at the bar. Want to ride with me or you want me to drop you off at home first?"

"I could use a drink." I smiled.

"Then let's go."

He pulled back on the road as I closed my eyes and emptied my mind until we stopped. I opened my eyes and stared at a brick building. The same building Nix brought me to. The night I lost my baby. I sucked in a deep breath as I looked to the spot where I fell to ground. It was just grey cement as if it never happened.

"Something wrong?"

I shook my head no and turned from the spot I was staring at and followed Payne inside. He threw his arm around my shoulders as we walked inside the bar. I glanced around the room. Everything was the same as it was the last time I was here. The one and only time I was here. I never wanted to come back. But now I needed to face those past demons.

"I have to go see what Nix wants."

I nodded and made my way to the bar and sat in an empty seat. The memories of that night I was here were playing in my mind. I don't know how long I sat there staring at my hand when a hand waved in front of my face.

I looked up at the bartender. He looked familiar. "Can I get you a drink?" he asked.

"Yeah, sorry. Um, just a whiskey on the rocks."

"That kind of day, huh?"

I shrugged. I wasn't in the mood for idle chit-chat. He slid the glass of amber-colored liquid in front of me. I wrapped my hands around it, staring at it before bringing the glass to my lips, drinking half the glass and setting it back down. Trying to push back the assault of memories, I finished the glass then asked for a refill. It wasn't working. I needed something else to drown the memories. I pushed off my chair and made my way to the back room. Red stepped in front of me blocking my way.

"Trix, you can't go back there."

"Then tell Nix to come out here." I stared up at him willing the threatening tears to stay put. He stared into my eyes before walking me over to a table in the corner and pushed me into an empty chair. "Stay put. I'll go get him"

I wasn't sure how long I sat there as I waited for Nix.

I looked up when I heard the door swing open. Red knew not to bother me unless it was something important. "Give me a minute," I said to Payne, Venom, and Nitro. I met Red at the door.

"What's up."

"Trix, said she needs you."

"Fuck." I looked over at Payne who was talking to Nitro. "Wait here I need to take care of something," I growled at them. I followed Red to the table where Trix was sitting. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered as she wrapped her arms around me.

"I didn't know we were coming here. And then I thought I would be okay. But I'm not. I just want to forget."

"Come with me." I pulled her up out of the chair and wrapped my arms around her as I escorted her into the back room. I slammed the door shut making Trix jump and all eyes turn to stare at us. Payne looked as though he wanted to jump up and tear Trix out of my arms but this was his own fault that she was even here in the first place. Even if he didn't understand.

"Everyone out. We will finish this later." Nitro looked between Payne and me before smacking Payne on the shoulder and all but pulled him out the door. I set Trix down on the leather couch and pulled open the drawer next to it handing her the box she wanted. The one thing she would use to forget.

"I'll be right back." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and walked to the door.

"Don't let anyone back here and don't let her leave. No matter what."

"On it Prez." Red nodded.

I stalked out of the bar where Payne and Nitro were arguing.

"What the fuck Payne. Why did you bring her here of all places," Nitro growled at him.

“I didn’t know being here would upset her. How am I supposed to know anything, she didn’t tell me she had a problem being here.”

“Just go. I’ll get her home when she is ready.” I shook my head. I would always take care of her.

He looked at me like he wanted to punch me but even if he swung he was the one that wouldn’t be walking out of here. Nitro grabbed him by his arm and shoved him out the door.

I grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the bar and made my way back to Trix. She was sitting on the couch smoking a cigarette and staring at the ceiling. I dropped down on the couch next to her. She looked over at me. “I just want to forget.”

“Maybe you just need to find the positive in the bad shit.”

“How can I find something positive in all this Nix. I was shot right outside of this place and lost our baby. What good can I get out of that shit.”

“You’re right. That day was a shitty day. I thought I lost you for a second time.” I laughed.

“What’s so funny Nix.”

“I was so fucking lost when I thought I had lost you, right when I was finally pulling my head out of my ass. Just to lose you again and again. And you know the fucked up part of it all.”

“What.”

“You were never really mine at all.”

“Of course I was.”

“No, Trix, you weren’t. I may have been yours but we both know you are no ones. You don’t know how to give yourself over to anyone. You hold back and keep yourself just far enough out of reach until you break them. But I accepted that a long time ago. I knew what I was getting into with you. You asked me not to love you. That should have been a red flag right there that you weren’t ever going to let yourself go with me. I accepted that and maybe that is why I didn’t try very hard to find you when you left. Deep down I always knew you would leave me.” I sighed and pulled the mirror off the table and cut out a few lines. I inhaled one and handed the mirror to Trix. She didn’t waste any time as she inhaled it.

“I never thought I would get pregnant again after all that.”

“But you did.”