Authors: D. L. Orton
Chapter 6
Shannon: Finders, Keepers
“H
ey, Shaz. What are you doing here so early?” Mindy plops down next to me in the cafeteria and uses her algebra book to shove my lunch tray out of the way.
“Whoa,” I say and pull my plate back in front of me. “I can’t help with math now. I’m taking Mr. C his lunch today!”
“No way!”
“Yes way. I found him, so I get first
chopes
at him.”
“Can I come?”
“Nope. Mom says one visitor a day until further notice.”
“Shit. You get to have all the fun.” She snags the cookie off my tray. “Are you going to ask him?”
We stare at each other for a second, and then I nod.
She lets out a squeal and glances around self-consciously. The cafeteria is getting busy, but we’re still the only ones at this table.
“Remember when you asked me about boy parts?” she says, scooting closer to me. “Well take a look at these hunks in the buff.”
“Hunks in the buff?”
“OMG, Shaz, you are so mank.” She tosses her hair back over her shoulder in that condescending way she has and starts flipping through the algebra book. “
Hunks
are guys with lots of muscles, and
in the buff
means they don’t have any clothes on.” She stops at a picture tucked inside the textbook.
“Oh, right.” I sneak a peek at the photo and almost choke on my rice and beans. “Wow. I didn’t know their, um,
thing
could get that big.”
“It’s a penis, Shannon. And the men just pump them up for the photos.” She runs her fingertip down the model’s bare chest and then flips the thin magazine page over.
The guy on the other side is even bigger.
“Yikes.”
“Yeah,” she says. “I think his got over-inflated. My sister says they kept people off-camera to blow them up between shots. But if you put too much air in a penis, it can explode.”
“Ouch.”
“Defo.” She gives me a knowing look. “That’s probably what happened to Mr. C.”
“His penis popped?”
“Yep. Poor guy. And it can take a long time to heal. And once it does, he can’t inflate it by himself. Sis says it helps if you put your hand on it when it’s deflated to show the guy you don’t mind that he’s burst. You know, build up his self-confidence a bit.”
“Gotcha.” I glance at the clock. “Oh my gosh, I need to go. Can we look at the hunks of buff again this afternoon?”
“Sure thing.” She puts the book back in her pack. “But you have to tell me
everything
about Mr. C.”
“Cross my heart and hope to croak.” I get up and take my dishes to the soapy bin, Mindy tagging along behind me.
“Die, Shaz. It’s
hope to die.
”
“What?” Mr. Miller sees me and waves me back to pick up Mr. C’s lunch tray.
“Never mind,” Mindy says, heading over to sit with the boys. “See you this afternoon!”
∞
I walk through the open door carrying Mr. C’s lunch tray, my heart beating a meter a minute.
“And here she is now,” Miss Lucy says like I’m Miss America or something.
“Hi, Mr. C,” I say, waving with my fingertips. “Nice to see you again.”
“The pleasure is mine, Shannon.” The way he says my name with that dreamy foreign accent makes me melt. “And thanks for saving me.”
“Sure thing,” I say, feeling all fluttery inside. “It’s not every day you get to see a naked man fall out of a tree.” I bat my eyelashes at him just like Scarlett does to Rhett. “Actually, I felt pretty lucky to be there.”
Miss Lucy rolls her eyes, collects the dirty laundry, and then walks to the door, shaking her head the whole way. “You two have a nice little chat.” She nods at me and then winks at Mr.
C—
like they have some sort of secret between them. “Buzz if you need something.”
“Right-oh,” Mr. C says.
I set the tray down by his bed and take my first good look at the guy everyone calls Miracle Man. I can see why Mom thinks he’s handsome. His long hair is pulled back in a ponytail just like all the buff guys on Mindy’s books, and he has really cute lip
s—
like you have to kiss them or you’re going to die of longing.
“Is it okay if I call you Mr. C?” I say, feeling a little warm. “Mom said to be sure to ask.”
He laughs, deep and sexy, and it reminds me of that Zorro guy Mindy is so hot on.
She’s going to be so jealous.
“Mr. C is fine,” he says, still smiling. “Who’s your very smart mom?”
“Dr. Kai, silly. Even though she doesn’t have a parchment from a famous university, she’s the best doctor this side of C-Ba
y—
and
she’s my mother.”
“Well if you ask me, diplomas are overrated. Thanks for bringing my lunch, Shannon. I hope you brought enough for two?”
“Oh no,” I say, feeling a lump form in my throat. “I... couldn’t. And besides, I already ate.” I take the napkin off the tray and place it across his lap, making sure I brush my hand against his boy parts like Mindy suggested. “Mom says you need lots of protein, and the only way to get enough is to eat fowls.”
“Fowls?”
“Yeah, you know, birds.” I pull down the legs of the tray, smooth out the sheets over his boy parts, and set the whole thing in front of him. “Um, would you like me to stay and keep you company?”
He stares at me, his eyes big, and I’m pretty sure he must have gotten popped like the guy in Mindy’s magazine.
“Uh, sure. That’s very kind of you to offer.”
I watch him take a bite of the bird, trying not to make a face. “So. How’s the hen?” I grab a chair and sit down next to him.
“The hen?”
I nod at his lunch.
“Oh, that hen. It’s good, thanks. Where I come from we call it chicken.”
“Oops,” I giggle, feeling a little awkward. “I hope you don’t think I’m a limbo.”
He raises one eyebrow in a way that is totally hot, and I make a mental note to tell Mindy about it. “Limbo?” he asks.
Damn, I must have gotten it wrong.
“You know,” I say, “a limbo: just some unintelligent, mank girl who says dumb stuff to impress guys.”
“Ah.” He stifles a smile. “I think the word’s
bimbo
.” For a second, I feel really embarrassed, but then he adds, “Which you are clearly not. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re very smart
and
very well-mannere
d—
and not the least bit mank, whatever that is.”
All the women in the romance books slide their hands across their hips when someone gives them a compliment, so I try it. He gives me a strange look, so I don’t know if it worked.
“Uh...” he says. “Where do you keep the hens?”
“Here in the bubble, of course. Otherwise they’d run away.” He says some of the strangest things. “We use the eggs mostly, but this one broke a wing and wouldn’t stop squawking.” I make a clicking noise and slice my finger across my neck.
“Yeow. I’ll do my best not to squawk.”
I giggle again and scoot my chair closer. “You’re funny, Mr. C.” I glance at his tray, hoping he won’t be offended by my next question. “Mom says you’re not from around here. Is that why you wear your hair so long?”
“You could say that.”
“Mom and Miss Lucy think you should cut it.” I look up into his dreamy brown eyes. “But I like it long.”
He looks a bit embarrassed. “Thank you.”
“And Mom wants to know if you have any kids.”
He takes a drink of water. “You can tell her no, I don’t.”
I hop up and refill his water glass, happy to have something to do. “Well, I don’t want to sound pushy or anything, but I did find you, and I wanted to ask you before anyone else does.”
“Ask me what, Shannon?”
I sit on the very edge of the chair and lift my chest, just like Mindy says to do to show off my cleavage. “I was wondering if you’d consider signing my card.” I’m too nervous to meet his eyes, so I pretend to look out the window.
“Ah.” His tone is amused, and I jerk my head back in time to see his gaze leave my chest.
Obviously he thinks you’re too young and stupid to be good at inflating anything.
“Does that mean you’re carding me?” he asks.
I nod and flop back into the chair. “So what do you say?”
“I’m sorry, Shannon, but I’m not sure what that means. Lucy had mentioned something about it, but you arrived before she could explain everything.”
“Oh.” I try not to look disappointed. “Miss Lucy is
way
to old to have kids, and If
she
tried to card you, then it’s way worse than Mindy and I thought. Mom wouldn’t let me in until today, and I knew you’d be hot.”
“Well, no, actually, I’m not carde
d—
or hot, for that matter. Lucy just mentioned it to me, but she didn’t get around to finishing.”
“It means you agree to mix your DNA with mine so I can have your babies. Once I’m twenty-one, of course, but Mom says I should wait until I’m twenty-five.”
He laughs, and my chest gets tight.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m sorry, Shannon. It’s just that you surprised me.” He pats my leg. “But you should definitely wait until you’re twenty-five to have kids.”
I can barely breathe my heart is beating so fast. “But I’m allowed to practice once I turn eighteen, and my birthday’s only a couple months away.” I bite my lip and then remember that Mom told me not to do that. “You don’t have to sign my card right no
w—
that’s only if you want to make a baby with me. But we could practice just for fun. Maybe I can help blow your boy parts back up.”
He gulps.
“Assuming you want me to,” I add, feeling a little light-headed.
“Wow,” he says. “Seventeen, going on eighteen. And you’re obviously smart
and
pretty.” He takes another bite of the hen and rice. “I’m very flattered, Shannon, and I’m sure, uh, practicing with you would be quite enjoyable.”
Yes!
“But, I’m way too old for you.”
I stand up. “You are not. Mom says you’re thirty-five, and that gives you ten more years to have sex.”
He looks up at me, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I’m closer to forty, actually, but that’s beside the point. You should practice with someone your own age.”
“That would be silly, Mr. C. The boys around here don’t know anything!” I cross my arms. “I know you think I’m just an inexperienced kid. But, I’m not. I’m top of my class in school, and I’m healthy and strong. And lots of guys have asked to sign my car
d—
Jake Wilson did yesterday, and Tommy Mueller did last month
and
last week, and he’s twenty-six.”
“Wow.”
I pick up his lunch tray and set it on my chair. “And I’m going to
be
somebody someday. Mom doesn’t believe me, but I’m working on a project to fix the rebreathers so people can go Outside without biosuits.” I give him a defiant look. “And I also happen to know all about men. Just ask Mindy.”
He lifts his eyebrow again. “I’m sure you do, Shannon, and I bet there are lots of guys who would kill to practice with you, but I...” He exhales.
You’re losing him, Shaz. What would Mindy do?
I sit down on the edge of his bed and slide my hand up his thigh. “You don’t have to say yes right away.” I move my fingertips closer to his boy parts. “Maybe we could practice once, and if you don’t like it, then we could stop?” I gaze up into his face and bat my eyelashes again.
He swallows. “Uh, well, perhaps we should just start with being friends?”
I lift my shoulder and toss my hair just like Marilyn Monroe does. “Or I could, you know, do stuff for you until you get stronger.” I lick my top lip and move my hand closer to his boy parts.
Miss Lucy walks in the door carrying a stack of clean clothes, and I slip my hand back into my own lap. She glances at the clock. “Isn’t it time you skedaddled to class, Shannon?”
“Sure thing, Miss Lucy. And I love your hat.” She wears a different hat every day, and I know she’s a little vain about them.
“This ol’ thing? Lord, what I wouldn’t give to go hat shopping one last time before I die.” She tucks the clothes in a cabinet, her back to us. “I’ll return the tray for you, Shannon, but you best be getting off.”
I stare at Mr. C, trying to decide if I should do it.
Now or never.
I lean forward and kiss him hard on the mouth. He lets out a startled gasp, and I move my mouth next to his good ear. “Don’t worry,” I whisper. “We’ll get your penis re-inflated. Pinkie promise!” I hop off the bed.
“Pinkie promise?” His eyes are huge.
He definitely has the hots for me. I can tell.
He glances at Miss Lucy and then back at me, looking a bit disoriented. “Thanks for bringing me lunch, Shannon.”
“You’re welcome, Mr. C.” But as I’m bounding toward the door, I get this great idea. “Hey...”
He looks over at me, a goofy expression on his fac
e—
like he’s madly in love.
“Mindy’s mom Becky is having her birthday today, and a bunch of us are going to watch the movie
Shrek
to celebrate. We could bring it over here, if you like.” I bite my lip, hoping I’m not overstepping my bounds. “So you and Miss Lucy could watch, too.”
Miss Lucy brings her finger to her lips. “We’ll have to check with the doc about all those visitors, but I think it’s a wonderful idea. I bet we could even round up some popcorn. What do you say, Mr. C?”