Love after Marriage (44 page)

Deepak again nodded. “Thanks, Sheetal, I will certainly try to make the best of this time.” He continued with a depressed face. “I wish she would tell me what’s bothering her. She puts up a smile for everybody, but I can see through it. There is so much pain she is hiding from everybody. I would like her to open up, but she’s still not comfortable with me. I guess I need to be patient.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Deepak dropped Sheetal at the airport and, after all the formalities, bid her farewell and left. On his way back he thought about Roshni and made a determination to have an open conversation with her.

By the time he returned, Lakshmi was already at the house, and Deepak had to wait to talk to her. After a few hours of dusting, mopping and cleaning, Lakshmi left. Roshni took a deep breath and looked around. Everything was in its place. She was satisfied and then rested on the sofa in the family room.

Deepak brought chai for her. “So tomorrow is Ashtami, right? What’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Well, Ashtami is the day for Durga pooja. It is the eighth day of the lunar calendar and eighth day of Dashera festival. I will wake up early and do the cooking.” Then she paused, looking at Deepak. “Can you do the pooja? We do not have a big altar, but we can do a little offering to Devi.”

“Roshni, I’m okay with you doing the cooking, but please no elaborate cooking and no straining. You overworked yourself with Lakshmi today. You don’t want to repeat this tomorrow.”

Roshni listened to him, and after a few minutes she asked, “Did you receive the copy of the software or license…the same new software you were to show me?”

Deepak took a few minutes and scanned his e-mails. “Not yet, I may receive the mail on Monday, but Roshni, I have it on my computer. I can start to show you some basic things. Shall we do it now?”

She nodded, and Deepak indicated to her to move to the dining table, and he joined her, sitting next to her.

He began his tutorial and walked her through the basics in the software while Roshni attentively listened to him. She asked a lot of questions and took notes. Both were so engrossed in teaching and listening, they did not pay attention to the time. It was already 8 p.m. Roshni turned towards the window, and it was dark outside. The sky was clear with twinkling stars, and a cool breeze through the window made her shiver. She asked Deepak to stop while she limped her way to the windows and enjoyed the twinkling stars and moonlight. She was very peaceful. After a few minutes, she closed the window and walked back to the family room and rested on the sofa.

Deepak was very impressed at Roshni’s knowledge, her capability to learn, and her organizational skills. Roshni on the other hand was impressed with Deepak’s talent, his knowledge of the software, his teaching skills, and his patience to answer her questions. It was apparent both had a great time together, teaching and learning.

Roshni got up to walk to the kitchen when Deepak asked her to relax. He went into the kitchen and fixed dinner for both of them. Roshni was very appreciative of Deepak being so caring of her and all the support he provided.

They had their dinner and cleaned the kitchen and dishes together – great teamwork visible between them!

Roshni practiced walking with little or no support with crutches and managed a few steps without pain and discomfort.

Deepak helped her get ready for bed and went to change into his pyjamas.

One question that bothered him was why Roshni had behaved so differently that morning when asked to go to the airport. But what could be bothering her? Why was she so upset and quiet?

He joined her on the bed. “Roshni, can I ask you a question?”

Roshni looked towards him and nodded.

“You were disturbed and did not want to come to the airport this morning. What happened?”

Roshni casually looked at him and did not respond.

Deepak again insisted on the same question, but this time, he came closer to her and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Roshni, you can tell me. Is there anything I can do to help you? Is everything all right?” he asked her very lovingly.

Except for her babuji, nobody else asked her this question in the past, and nobody was so caring and concerned for her. She could not contain herself and burst into tears.

Deepak moved a little closer to her and placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “Roshni, what is the matter? Would you please talk to me? I’m really worried for you.”

She couldn’t handle his love and care, and she cried, but all she could say was, “No, nothing.”

Nothing seemed pretentious when Deepak expressed his concern; he was very real. He sincerely made every effort to make her comfortable. Finally, after a few minutes, he held her hands with one of his and wiped her tears with the other hand. “Roshni, all I want you to know is that I am here for you any time. You are not alone. Whatever comes our way, we will fight it together. I want you to have that confidence in me.”

As he said these words, his eyes became moist. It was difficult for her to find him trustworthy, but he tried, and one day, hopefully she would turn around.

Roshni looked into his eyes. “Deepak, I just need some time, some time for everything. It feels like I’m being forced into a few things. I just need time… I hope you will understand,” she requested of him.

Both knew each other so well, they could read each other’s minds and understand each other. It was a matter of time before they came together. It was more important for Roshni – she needed to be convinced completely that Deepak’s care, love and affection were all real, that he was not pretending, that he wanted her back in his life and that was why he was here.

~ ~ ~

The next day was Durga Ashtami, the eighth day of the ten-day Dashera festival dedicated to Goddess Durga, who killed the demon Mahishasura. The day is a celebration of the death of the demon. Hindus all over India and around the world celebrate this day by performing the pooja to Durga Devi and offering food.

As per the rituals, Roshni woke up early, took a shower, washed her hair, and walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her hair. She was quiet so she wouldn’t wake up Deepak; however, her aroma reached him, and he woke up. Roshni looked like an angel, stunningly beautiful in red silk sari with zari and sequins, and as she walked, limping slowly to the mirror, Deepak could not take his eyes off her. He watched her from the corner of his eyes and felt a shiver in his spine.
Gosh, if only I could go hug her, hug her tightly, and get immersed in her.

Roshni had long, dark hair. She dried her hair and, after brushing it, brought it all together with a hair clip. She got dressed and walked out, with Deepak staring at her unblinkingly. He got up and wanted to help her with the preparations for the pooja. It had been several years since he left India, and he looked forward to celebrating Dashera and Diwali with his dear wife, Roshni.

After his morning chores, he came to the kitchen area. Roshni had already lit the lamp in the altar, and the grey smoke of the incense filled the air, spreading the jasmine aroma around. Roshni moved slowly to the kitchen to make chai and cook. Her limping was a handicap, but she slowly managed with one arm and leg.

Deepak could not resist being near her. He was about to hold and pull her towards him when Roshni said, “Deepak, can you please go have your shower and come back?”

Deepak nodded. “Can I have chai first, dear?”

“Yes, certainly, you will have to wait for a few minutes.”

He nodded and waited patiently at the table, staring at his lovely wife, completely mesmerized by her beauty. Both had chai, and he left to have a shower. Meanwhile, Roshni got ready to cook. Deepak helped her chop vegetables, and she maneuvered slowly and made a big meal: rice dishes, dal, vegetable curries, and kheer to offer to the Goddess. She sent Deepak to a caterer to pick up the chapathis she’d ordered the previous evening.

After all the cooking was done, Roshni invited Deepak to help her with the pooja and offering the food and arati to Durga Devi.

Deepak very gladly performed all the rituals, guided by her. First they chanted hymns in Durga’s praise, followed by the food offering and then arati (offering of camphor to the goddess). Deepak was elated celebrating this festival with Roshni. As the tradition goes, after arati, the wife touches husband’s feet to take his blessings while he fills the vermillion in her partition (maang). Roshni, without a second thought, instantly bent down with some difficulty and touched Deepak’s feet. Deepak was dumbfounded, for he never expected this of her. He smiled and held her by shoulders and lifted her up gently.

In that moment, Roshni realized what she had done. “Pardon me, Deepak. I should have thought about it,” she said instantly.

Deepak moved to her. “Why do you apologize? Isn’t this the tradition?”

Deepak enjoyed this ritual, and Roshni saw it. He had no problem; then why was she unhappy? Deepak came closer to her and filled the red vermillion in her partition, emphasizing to her that she was his wife and would always be.

Unable to resist, he bent down and gently kissed her cheek. “Roshni, you look so beautiful in this sari.”

Roshni was shy, color blooming on her cheeks. She was lost for words to respond to him. She smiled and walked away to the kitchen and got ready for lunch. Deepak gave her the prasad, and he took some and helped her bring the food to the table, all the while staring into her eyes. They exchanged glances occasionally.

Deepak was absolutely speechless at all the preparations Roshni had made and praised her for the variety. He was restless and opened the lids, and the wonderful aroma of the spices spread around. He had to sniff and felt exhilarated. By chance, Roshni had made all his favorite dishes. The kheer was the icing on the cake; this was his favorite dessert, and it showed.

As they were about to end the meal, he complimented her. “Roshni, such a wonderful job cooking, you are really a good cook.” He continued, “Thank god, I don’t have to starve all my life.” He smiled and winked at her.

Roshni was amused at this comment but was quiet.

“When did you learn to cook such wonderful food?”

Roshni stared at him, and their eyes locked for a few minutes.

“I can see myself gaining so much weight with all this wonderful cooking you would do, Roshni.” He paused abruptly, not to sadden her, he continued, “Roshni, I am so enjoying this food and all these rituals with you. It is so beautiful to celebrate all these festivals with family.”

He meant it; she was his wife, his family! He thanked her and served himself more kheer and enjoyed every bit of it thoroughly. She was not aware that this was his favorite dish.

They explored each other and understood each other…a wonderful growing experience for them both.

After lunch Deepak asked Roshni to rest while he cleaned up the kitchen. Roshni held her foot frequently and massaged it. She probably was in a lot of pain with all the standing she did in the morning. Slowly limping again, she walked to her room and changed into a comfortable salwar kameez. After changing, she came to the family room and rested on the sofa, massaging her foot again. She was exhausted. She rested her head on the sofa’s back rest, with her right hand over her forehead.

Deepak noticed this and sat by her side on the sofa. He slowly pulled her foot onto his lap and, without saying a word, started to massage her foot as she lay there with her right arm over her eyes.

Startled, she sat up. “Deepak, what are you doing?” She began to pull her leg from his lap.

Deepak held her foot in the same position. “I know you have a throbbing pain, Roshni. Let me massage it; you’ll feel better.”

“No.” She pulled her foot away and forced herself to stand up, and in doing so, she lost her balance. “Aaaaaoooo,” she yelled. She feared a major injury if she fell again!

She was terrified and shut her eyes tight. When she opened them, Deepak was holding her, and she clung to his shirt. His swift movement prevented her from crashing to the floor. They remained in each other’s arms for a few minutes, feeling the warmth and safety in their embrace.

A few minutes later, Roshni pulled her head away from his chest and looked at him, and he stared down at her. Love and care were very much visible in Deepak’s eyes, and deep passion for him in Roshni’s eyes.

“Thank you, Deepak,” she said and tried to free herself from him while he held her.

“No worries, Roshni, are you okay?” he asked.

Roshni gestured and pulled away from him, and he supported her until she gained some balance and control.

“Please don’t do all this, Deepak,” she requested.

“What did I do? I was just massaging your foot because I know you were in pain,” he said very innocently.

“I’m not used to all this pampering, Deepak. Please don’t spoil me,” she said.

Deepak pulled her towards him and very lovingly said, “Roshni, isn’t this what a husband-wife relationship is about? To be there for each other when they need each other, so why do you feel I am pampering you?”

“Because I’m not used to this type of treatment. Only Babuji would pamper me, but…b-being pampered by others, I’m not used to this, please.”

She wanted to move away from him, but he brought her closer to him by placing his arm around her shoulder.

“Roshni, you need help and support at this time, and I am providing that help; moreover, it is my duty as your husband to take care of you too! So there is no question of pampering or spoiling you.”

Roshni closed her eyes for a moment and sighed deeply. “Deepak, please try to understand. I am very grateful to you for taking care of me, but all that you’ve been doing since you came here is too much. Please don’t do all this. I will not be able to repay you.”

Deepak was agonized to hear this. “What nonsense are you saying? Do you think I’m doing all this expecting something from you? You must be crazy, Roshni,” he said in an angry tone.

What Roshni had said caused him more distress than she expected. She saw the tremendous love and affection he had for her. “Deepak, I know you’re not expecting anything. I know you came here for me, but please try to understand. After all that I went through since our marriage, it’s not easy for me to forget everything. Those memories come back to me very often and disturb me. I…I am so troubled sometimes; I feel like running away from them. I just don’t want to go back there, and…please…”