Read Love after Marriage Online
Authors: Bhagya Chandra
“Deepak, enough, please. We’ve discussed this enough. It would be better if we don’t talk anymore about our relationship,” she blurted very angrily at him.
She turned to walk away from him when he quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. Roshni was angry and pushed away his hand, but he held her tightly, and she was upset. She pulled herself away and spoke very loudly and angrily.
“Deepak, what are you doing? I have told you several times before that it is hard for me to believe you. Yes, I am very grateful to you for coming and helping me out in the last few weeks; this has certainly helped me gain some respect for you, but…but…I…my feelings for you – forget it. You just don’t understand, do you!”
All her emotions played havoc on her. They had been shuttered in her for too long and had to be let out. “I moved away from Mumbai to be alone here, to be out of your life, away from your family, and here you are again. Why? Why are you with me? Why don’t you go your way, find somebody else, leave me…leave me alone, just go away,” she yelled.
Deepak, who had listened patiently until now, was angry, frustrated, and he started to yell at her.
“Yeah, right…‘leave me alone’. Who do you think you are? Yes, I humiliated you, insulted you, but I have apologized to you several times. Which part don’t you get? I came here because I regretted what I did. I started to have feelings for you, and without my knowledge, I started loving you, loving you so much that I could not stay away from you. The guilt was there…but I wanted to make it up, make it up by spending time with you, by convincing you that I made a big blunder in my life by not accepting you immediately. I wanted to prove to you that I do love you and there is nobody else in my life, convince you that you mean a lot to me, but no matter what I did or said, you never listened to me, never forgave me. What more should I do to convince you? Tell me! I decided to come here, and as soon as I land here, I find out about your accident. Do you even realize what I had to go through to get here, to see you were safe?”
He looked at her and continued, “Roshni, I regret what happened, but I love you and want to spend my life with you; however, if you still feel that I am not the person you want to spend your life with, if you are not ready to accept me, then that’s fine. I have always respected you as a person and for all the wonderful qualities you have, but this is something else. I think you have become stubborn and your ego has taken over. You don’t want to compromise! This is not the Roshni I know. Why are you behaving like this? You want to be left alone, so be it. I will leave you. I will check for any flights for tonight or tomorrow and leave you by yourself. I will go away never to come back. Maybe that will make you happy.” He said what he had to say and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
Roshni cried; she could not control her tears. She gradually pulled herself to a sofa and landed there, crying. After a few minutes, she regained control of herself.
Her introspection began. “Why did I have to start all this, especially on his birthday? Is this a gift I gave him?” She felt very guilty, and the past came back to her of when Deepak celebrated her birthday: how he was present at her work; how he tricked her and bought gifts for her, which she very blatantly refused; how much it must have upset him! Oh! How he had organized a surprise birthday party for her. Her thoughts moved on to his telephone conversations, so caring and loving, he certainly made sure he never wounded her again. Then her thoughts moved to the recent past when he’d arrived from the US…only to see her injured, and how he spent time caring for her and bore all her tantrums. All these reflections made her cry. This was necessary for her cleansing.
The comment he made, “you have become stubborn and your ego has taken over,” kept ringing in her ears.
Was it really her ego that prevented her from getting closer to him? Had she become so stubborn that she was not ready to forgive him? She loved him as much as he loved her, her heart longed to be with him, she enjoyed being touched by him, she waited eagerly to talk to him, and she’d begun to like everything about him…then why? Why this inhibition? What prevented her?
What had she achieved by offending him on his birthday? She was a very caring person herself, and how…why…what happened to her that she behaved so insanely with him. All he asked her was to go out to lunch with him. Couldn’t she fulfill this simple request of his? He had done so much for her…left his job and was here in India. He did not have to…but he did. This relationship meant a lot to him; he wanted to continue with her. Which part of this was she not able to see?
Several questions bothered her.
Finally she affirmed that Deepak was right. It was no longer her esteem or self-respect, it was her ego that took over her completely. She was never such a type of person, then why was she behaving like this? She needed to fix this – fix this immediately. She had to apologize to him for behaving so insanely on his birthday and ruining it for him. She wiped her tears and got up from the sofa. It was already 1 p.m., and Deepak had not returned. Regardless, she decided to prepare a good lunch for him and apologize to him after he arrived.
~ ~ ~
Deepak was angry and walked out of the house. He took a long walk, and when he felt tired, he went into a café to have some coffee.
During this long walk, his introspection began.
He should not have said so many things to her. He knew she was still upset with him. Something in her inhibited her from accepting him. He was aware of her not venting out her feelings, and…and suddenly he smiled to himself.
“Yes, yes! I think this is it! She blurted out things at me and cried…maybe this is what she needed. I hope this made her feel better.”
He could not stop thinking of her – how much he wanted to be with her, to console her at this time, to hug her and pacify her! She’d fought this struggle all by herself, and now again she was by herself.
Part of him wanted to go back home to her, but her words pricked him, “Leave me alone, go away,” and that was exactly what he did. With all these thoughts, he was ready to leave the café when he noticed an internet café inside. A good time to look for air tickets to Mumbai. Should he go to Mumbai, or should he stay here? He was in a dilemma. He found out that all flights to Mumbai that day were booked; the earliest he could go was the next day. He wanted to call Sheetal and tell her but decided not to. This was between Roshni and him. He should not be talking about this to others; Roshni would not approve.
Every moment he thought of Roshni: her likes, dislikes, her conversation, her sweet smile, speech, and her touch…so caring! Everything of her attracted him more to her. Suddenly, his emotions shifted to fear. What if Roshni did not forgive him, what if she did not accept him as her husband, what if he had to go back without her!
These thoughts bothered him, and he wanted to go back home to be with her. He looked at his watch, and it was 3 p.m.
Deepak’s thought process continued.
Roshni must have had lunch and is probably relaxing. I can inform her of my plan to go to Mumbai tomorrow, and if it’s okay with her, I will stay one more night at that apartment.
With these thoughts, he left the café.
~ ~ ~
Roshni prepared a good meal. All his favorite dishes that he had mentioned on occasion. Fortunately she was a good cook and a fast cook too. She arranged the table for their lunch – plates, bowls, spoons and cups for water – the food she prepared was on the table. She gently placed lids on these dishes and waited for him.
It was past 3 p.m., and Deepak was not back. She was worried for him.
Where did he go? Why is he not back? Agreed, I said things I should not have, but he could be forgiving. Why did he have to leave?
She rested at the dining table with her head down, deep in thought.
She heard the door open, and Deepak walked in. Without saying a word, he walked to the room to change into comfortable clothes. Roshni slowly limped and knocked at the door to get his attention. He glanced towards her, not paying much attention.
“Deepak, it’s past three; do you want to have lunch?” she asked him.
“No, I’m not hungry. I ate already,” Deepak replied in an angry tone.
Roshni became teary and was ready to turn away, but paused for a minute, looking towards him although he was not looking at her. “Deepak, I’m sorry for what happened this morning. I should not have said things to offend you, especially on your birthday. Please forgive me.”
Deepak did not respond or even look at her. She waited for a minute and realized that Deepak was still angry with her. She limped her way slowly to the kitchen.
Deepak could not bear the thought of ignoring her. He nodded. “I should not have done that.” So thinking, he changed and walked to the kitchen.
The tears trickled down her cheeks. There was no stopping them, and she continued to wipe her tears and began to store the food in the refrigerator. He noticed two plates turned upside down on the table and quickly understood that she had not eaten either.
He changed his expression. “Roshni, you have not had lunch yet?”
Roshni shook her head, wiping her tears, and continued to clean the table. Deepak came closer to her and very lovingly held her hand and turned her to face him.
“Roshni, suddenly I’m feeling very hungry. Come, will you eat with me?”
Her expression changed, seeing him in a better mood. She wiped her tears and smiled back and nodded her head in approval. She took out the food and started to serve.
Deepak held her hand, and he helped her sit next to him. He looked over the dishes she’d made: onion bhajias, poories, potato bhaji, vegetable pulav with tomato and onion raita. She’d also made chole and, last but not least, rice kheer.
“Mmm! Did you make all these dishes?” He sniffed the aroma that was emitting from each of them.
Roshni nodded, wiping her trickling tears.
“Did you know that all these are my favorite dishes?” The aroma of all the foods in front of him drove him crazy, and he glanced towards her, and Roshni responded by again nodding her head.
“How did you know these are my favorite dishes?” He tried to cheer her up and make her talk to him. So far she was only responding with actions and expressions.
“You told me or…or I picked it up from your, I mean, our conversations,” she responded.
She served him, and then she started to serve on her plate when he removed one plate and looked towards her very lovingly. “Roshni, we will eat from one plate, and…and how about we feed each other?”
Roshni had tears in her eyes and again nodded at his question. Deepak leaned forward and wiped her tears. He placed one arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him.
“Deepak, I should not have said those things to you earlier. I am really sorry,” she apologized to him.
“It’s okay, Roshni. These arguments make our bond stronger.” He looked at her who smiled and wept at the same time. They fed each other the entire meal with Deepak enjoying every bit of it. Roshni felt satisfied that Deepak enjoyed all the dishes, and she felt a little lighter after she apologized to him.
After the meal they helped each other clean the table and kitchen. Roshni had the last couple of things to clean and she was near the refrigerator when he asked, “So Roshni, did you bring me a gift? Where is my gift?”
Roshni had not bought any gift for him. She turned towards him. “I did not bring any gift. What would you like?”
Deepak moved closer to her and looked into her eyes. “Hmm, I do need one thing.”
“What is it? If time permits, I can get it for you, or I can ask Sheetal to buy it,” she responded.
Deepak held her hands and looked into her eyes very passionately. “I need Roshni.”
“What? I mean, what did you say?” she exclaimed.
Deepak nodded that she’d heard right. “I need my Roshni.”
Roshni instantly pulled her hand from his grip and turned away, facing her back towards him. “Roshni belonged to you, but you did not want her…you distanced her.”
Deepak came behind her and held her hands from behind. He rested his chin on her neck and closed his eyes. “Roshni belongs to me, and I need her. Please give me my Roshni.”
Roshni moved further from him, but he wrapped his hands around her, hugging her from behind. She had no option but to stay close to him. Roshni closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest.
“Roshni belonged to Deepak, but now…she has gone away so far that returning may not be possible.”
Deepak still hugged her. He pushed her hair away from her neck with one hand, exposing it. He slowly bent down and snuggled, touching her neck and rubbing his cheek against hers, sending tingles down her spine; a fire was blazing within both of them. She was unable to control herself. She attempted to pull herself away from him, but he pulled her closer. With his eyes closed and enjoying the closeness, he said, “Everything is possible, Roshni.”
Looking at her from behind, he continued in a husky tone, “I’m sorry for all that happened between us, Roshni. I mean it. I love you, Roshni. Can you please give me one more opportunity? I want to make this happen. Please…give me one opportunity,” he said and rested his chin on her shoulder, and then he closed his eyes, snuggling in her hair.
Roshni forcefully pushed away from him; then she turned around and faced him. “Do you know what you’re saying? You love me!” She shrugged her shoulders and allowed her tears to flow down her cheeks. She moved closer to him and started to talk. She was full of anger and resentment.
“Do you even have the slightest idea of what I had to go through? It was so easy for you to say that you were not interested in me. Without hesitation you mentioned that I was a stranger in your life. Without any effort you said you were pressured into marrying me, and…and you did not want to marry me.”
Deepak looked and listened.
She paused and continued as she wept. “The day Babuji showed me your picture and said that my marriage was confirmed with you, that image stuck to my heart, and I started to love you, started imagining my life with you, our life together, our house, our future, kids and everything. Then all of a sudden, on the night of Suhaag raat, I heard from you that I was not your choice and that you were forced into this marriage.”