Love At Last (Lily's Story, Book 3) (18 page)

He looked at me, confusion clear on his face. “Is something wrong?”

I could still feel the pressure of his mouth on mine, and I pressed my lips together, trying to gather myself. Finally I shook my head.
 

“Then why did you push me away?”

Though I thought I knew why, I hesitated to tell him, but finally said, “I’m just not ready, I guess.” What I meant was, the feelings of desire and longing he evoked in me made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to feel that way right now. Even though I liked the feelings, they reminded me of Marcus, which made me think I would end up being rejected if I let my feelings grow. It made no sense, but that was how I felt.

His face grim, he said, “This is why I told you we should take things slow.” He turned away from me and looked out over the ocean. “This is why we should keep our relationship platonic.”
 

A feeling of panic grew within me.
Just friends, just friends, just friends. All my relationships are doomed to be just friends.
But I knew it was my own doing. I had pushed
him
away, not the other way around.

He turned back to me, his face serious. “I’m not going to kiss you again. It’s on you, Lily. If we’re going to keep seeing each other after this cruise is over, it’s up to you to let me know when you’re ready to move forward.” He stared at me a moment. “Agreed?”

I wasn’t sure I liked having it all put on me, but I understood where he was coming from. “But what about what
you
want?” A small smile crept over my face as I thought about his comment the other day about holding me and kissing me until all my doubts fled.

He sighed. “If you aren’t ready to move forward, it really doesn’t matter what I want, does it?”

Fresh worry surged through me.
Am I blowing my chances with him? Will he lose interest before I get myself together?
It didn’t matter. I couldn’t change the way I felt. Not by force of will. Only time would get me past this barrier. As the image of a barrier floated into my mind, I thought of Marcus. Was that why he was keeping me at arm’s length? Because he knew I wasn’t ready for more than friendship? Or was I holding back from Cameron because of the tender state of my heart
due
to Marcus? I was so confused.

“Lily? What are you thinking?”

I gazed at Cameron. He was so honest with me and so careful about my feelings, despite what he may want. “You’re a good man,” I said without thinking.
 

He smiled. “I try to be.” He paused. “So are we agreed?”

Reluctantly, I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do.

We were quiet as we stared out over the ocean, our faces buffeted by the salty breeze.

“What time is your flight tomorrow?” Cameron asked, turning to me.

I told him.

He smiled. “I think we’re on the same flight.”

My face brightened. “That’s great.” I laughed. “Will you sit by me without fear this time?”

“Yes. I think Natalie will do fine. I can even help you with her.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

“Well, I can at least help you with your luggage.”

I laughed. “That would be nice.”

The earlier tension gone, we chatted on the balcony until Natalie woke up, then we brought her with us as we went to have a snack.

“I’m going to miss this all-you-can-eat set up,” Cameron said, then he took a bite of his sandwich.

“I know. But my waistline might be glad when it’s over.”

He looked at me appreciatively. “I think your waistline looks fine.”

Blushing, I said, “Thanks, but I can tell I’ve put on a couple of pounds. It’s hard not to when I have that delicious chocolate melting cake every night.”

He laughed. “Yeah, that would do it.” He paused. “Hey, I’m going to see if I can get into the early dining in a couple of hours since I’ll be off the ship at our normal time. Do you want to eat with me then?”

“Sure.”

A short time later we went to Ty and Alyssa’s room to ask how Ty’s dad was doing.

“He’s doing fine,” Ty said. “Thanks for staying with him earlier.”

“No problem,” Cameron said.

“Marriage seems to agree with you,” I said to Alyssa as she held Natalie.

She beamed at Ty, then looked at me. “Thanks.”

“Are you going into Victoria tonight?” I asked.

“Yes. What about you?”

I explained how it would be too late for Natalie.

“Ah yes. I guess I’m not used to thinking about what a baby needs.” She put her finger in Natalie’s hand.

“Let’s keep it that way for a while,” Ty said.

I laughed. “She’s wonderful, but a lot of work too.”

A while later I excused myself to take Natalie back to our room to feed her before our dinner.

“I’ll come pick you up before dinner,” Cameron said.

“Sounds good.” I turned to Alyssa. “Am I going to see you before we get off the ship?”

“How about if Ty and I eat dinner with you guys?”

“That’s a great idea.”

At dinner, the four of us, plus Natalie, enjoyed one another’s company as we ate together for the last time on the ship.
 

“Take lots of pictures of Butchart Gardens,” I said to them.

“We will,” Alyssa promised.

At the end of the meal I said my good-byes to Ty and Alyssa, promising her that we’d keep in touch after we got home, then Cameron and I finished our dessert and made arrangements to meet in the morning to disembark. A short time later he left to go on his excursion and I took Natalie back to our room.

As I carried her onto the elevator, I had to admit that it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing to not have any pressure to kiss Cameron good-night, although a little kiss wouldn’t have been bad. I smiled to myself and shook my head. I hated being so indecisive.

Maybe once I’m home and on familiar territory I’ll be able to figure this out, I thought, feeling hopeful.

Chapter Nineteen

“See, I told you it would be painless to sit by us on the flight.” I smiled at Cameron as he buckled his seatbelt in preparation for take-off.

“I know. And we got to get on first, which was cool.”

I laughed. “Having a baby does have
some
advantages.”

He nodded.
 

“I don’t know about you,” I said, “but I’m looking forward to getting home. The cruise was wonderful, but I’m ready to be home.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

We chatted throughout the short flight, and once we reached Sacramento, he walked me to my car. I put Natalie in her car seat and got the air conditioning going, then stood next to the car and faced Cameron. “I guess this is it,” I said.

He smiled. “What do you mean?”

Smirking a little, I said, “I mean, will I ever see you again?”

He reached out and stroked my arm, which made me get goose bumps. His voice became soft and deep. “That’s completely up to you.”

I gazed at him a moment. “I gave you my cell number, and I hope you use it.”

His smile grew, deepening his dimple. “I will.”
 

He leaned toward me, and I unconsciously held my breath, but his lips brushed against my cheek. When he smiled, his eyes sparkled, and I knew he must know I would have liked more, but I didn’t give any hint of my feelings, deciding to play his game.

“I’d better get going,” I said.

He nodded. “Take care, Lily.”

“You too.”

He stood next to my car as I climbed behind the wheel and backed out of the parking space. Waving as I drove away, I smiled to myself, hopeful that he would call soon. Of course I could call him, but I wanted him to call me. Just over an hour later I pulled into my driveway, and when my house came into view, my smile grew. It felt so good to be home.

“We’re here,” I said to Natalie as I lifted her from her car seat and carried her into the house. Greta met us at the door and I squatted next to her and let Natalie grab her fur. Her tail wagged hard, showing how happy she was to see us. “Were you a good girl for Trish?” I asked as I scratched her head.
 

She panted in reply, her doggie smile wide.

I put Natalie in her swing and set it gently swaying, then went out to the car and brought in all our things. By the time I’d carried the luggage upstairs, Natalie had fallen asleep in the swing. I put her in her crib and unpacked our things, enjoying the feeling of getting everything organized and back into place.

After Natalie awoke from her nap, I put her in her stroller and walked next door to Trish’s house.

“You’re back,” she said, a warm smile on her face.

“Yes. And thank you so much for taking care of Greta. It was so nice knowing she was in good hands.”

“Oh, we’re old friends now.”

I smiled. “Good.”

“Do you want to come in for a visit? I want to hear all about your trip.”

“Sure.”

We settled in the living room and she fixed us each a glass of cold lemonade.

“It’s kind of strange to be back in hot weather,” I said. “After being where it was cooler.”

“I’ll bet it was beautiful there.”

“It was gorgeous. So green. I guess that’s one advantage of the cooler, wetter weather.”

“What was your favorite part?”

I thought of meeting Cameron and smiled, but said, “The whale watching.”

“Oh, that does sound fun.” She sipped her lemonade. “How was the wedding?”

“Alyssa looked stunning and it was so fun to see her getting married. I really like her new husband.”

“Did you already know Alyssa’s family?”

“No. The only person I knew ahead of time was Alyssa, but her family and Ty’s family were really nice. Ty’s younger sister even babysat for me several times.”

“That must have been nice. What did you do on the ship?”

I pictured Cameron again and vividly recalled dancing with him, his arms wrapped around me, and smiled. Though I was in Marcus’s childhood home, my memory of Cameron was fresh as I’d only left him a few hours earlier. “There were some fun comedy shows, and we also went dancing.”

She must have seen something in my face, because she asked in a tone like she could already tell what my answer would be, “Did you meet anyone special?”

Heat rushed to my face. “Well, I did spend some time with Ty’s best man.”

Her eyebrows rose. “Oh? And what is his name?”

My smile grew. “Cameron.”

“Where does he live?”

“Just in Sacramento.”

“How nice.” She seemed genuinely happy for me. She hesitated. “So you hit it off?”

I nodded. “Yeah, he’s a great guy.”

“How lucky for you that he doesn’t live very far. Are you going to continue seeing him?”

“I think so.”
 

“That’s wonderful, Lily. I’m so glad you found someone.”

I thought about her son. The man who had popped into my mind when I’d been dancing with Cameron. The man who, only a couple of weeks before, I’d thought I was falling in love with. The man who’d I’d thought was my ‘someone’. Then I thought of him dating Chelsea and felt a stab of jealousy. Happiness at having Cameron in my life was marred by my feelings for Marcus. I pushed a smile on my face and nodded. “Yeah. So am I.”

We talked about the rest of my trip, then I headed home, stopping by my mailbox to pick up the bundle of mail I’d had the post office hold for me. I carried the bundle into the house and set it on the coffee table, then put Natalie on a blanket on the floor. She was beginning to push herself onto her hands and knees, getting ready to crawl, and I smiled as I watched her.

I sorted through the mail, putting bills in one pile and junk mail in another, then stopped when I found a letter from Trevor’s mom. Before the cruise I’d sent her a letter telling her we’d come for a visit soon, and now I would need to think about exactly when. I opened the envelope and pulled out the letter.

Dear Lily,

I’m so glad you’ve decided to come for a visit. Please let me know when you would like to come. I know I’m old-fashioned with sending letters in the mail, and I actually do have an email address, so if you’d prefer to email me, that would be fine.

Take care,

Marcy

She’d given me her email address, so I opened my laptop and went online, then started an email.

Marcy -
 

I decided to send you an email as it’s so much faster—and no stamps involved :)

Natalie and I can come for a visit in a week. Would that work for you?

Lily

I sent the email, then spent some time catching up on my other online activities, including taking care of some tasks for the websites I had created for Billi and the other small business owners who’d hired me. When I received a response from Marcy before I’d signed off, I was surprised—I didn’t know she spent much time online. She confirmed the date I’d set, so I called Trish to see if she could take care of Greta again. I felt guilty asking, but I didn’t know what else to do.

“I wouldn’t mind at all,” Trish said. “But I’ll be out of town then.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, thanks anyway.”

After we hung up, I considered what to do. Taking Greta with me was a non-starter, not after the comment Marcy had made about her family being upset that she had killed Trevor. I completely understood their reticence toward Greta, even though she’d only been protecting me. I got that they would never want to face her, but I didn’t want to change the date as Marcy had already confirmed it.

I sighed, knowing the only other option was to ask Marcus to take care of her. With some reluctance, I called his cell phone.

“Hey, Lily. You’re back,” he answered.

For a moment I was caught off-guard, until I realized he would know it was me since my number was probably programmed into his phone. Then I focused on the sound of his voice and felt a strong tremor of longing flow through me, making me wistful that he was dating Chelsea and not me. “Hi, Marcus.”

“It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Your’s too.” I silently added,
I thought about you when I was in another man’s arms.

“Did you have a good time? How did it go with Natalie? How did she do on the ship?”

I smiled. Of course he would ask about Natalie. “She did great.”