Love Confessed (15 page)

“I know. I know I should have told you…”

“Yea, you should have.” I want to storm out, but it’s my house. I want to slap her, but I know I can’t do that with Grams here, who is sitting quietly, observing, and finally Emily breaks our little stare down.

“Well, I have to work at four so I should head out. I’m sorry, sis, I know I should have told you. I just, I just really think you should think about it a little, not just brush it off.”

Our grandmother walks her to the door, they make plans to brunch together tomorrow, and then grams comes back into the living room on her way to the kitchen to get me more medicine.

“Leah honey, I understand how you feel,” Grams genuinely sympathizes while refilling my tea. “I also understand why you feel that way. You have every right to be upset. Maybe she didn’t want you to be hurt any more than you already have been. She doesn’t know what your life has been like and I’m sure it wasn't intentional.”

              My grandmother. Always the peacekeeper. I know she’s right, but it still stings. And that’s what I’m thinking about when I take the medicine and pass out again.

This time, when I wake up, I feel infinitely better. The incoming text I just received has woken me up. It’s from Steve.
I think your grandma may be one of my favorite people. She’s awesome.

I jump off the sofa. What the hell? He’s met my grandma?! I look through the apartment and find her and Ethan doing his homework together in the den. She looks up with a devious smile on her classically beautiful face. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen one on her before and it makes me laugh.

“Sleep well?” she asks, knowing full well what the frazzled look on my face is for.

“Mommy, you’re awake! I missed you! Grams and Steve made me and Abby play in here while she cooked dinner. She even let us eat in here while we watched a movie!”

I shake my head and laugh. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you to be so sneaky, grandma.”

“You’ve been hurt enough, sweet girl, I have to do what I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Now go get some dinner, I left your plate in the oven. We’re working on homework. Shooo.” Ethan laughs hard at my being scolded so I let them have their fun. It’s nice to have somebody look out for me. Unfortunately though, Grams has to leave early Friday morning because she’s got a charity gala to attend Friday night. On the up side of my day though, I’m feeling better and Ethan doesn’t have any school Friday because it’s a teacher development day. So we play video games, we eat take out, we build Legos - we have an amazing lazy day full of our favorite things to do together. The day flies by, and Joseph video conferences Ethan to tell him goodnight. I swear, the man never sleeps. He said he was working on some big deal that was keeping him up but telling Ethan goodnight at 7:30 our time is 1:30 his time and he’s still in his suit, sitting in his office. After they hang up, I tuck Ethan in, and I plop my tired self back down on the sofa but then my tablet starts ringing because Joseph is trying to video conference again. I contemplate just letting the call go but reluctantly opt to pick up and let him know he’s too late.

“Hey. He’s asleep. Want me to have him all you back tomorrow?” I say barely looking at the tablet while I scroll through my recorded tv options.

“Sure, I always like to talk to him but I called tonight to talk to you.” What the hell? That got my attention.

“Why?”

He laughs at me, “Don’t sound so excited, kitten. Just wanted to talk to you about the deal I mentioned when you were in town. I wanted to let you know that it’s actually an acquisition of a U.S. telecommunications company, one of our competitors. And, well, it’s in the states. Chicago based, actually. I just wanted to talk to you about it because, if the acquisition is successful, there could be the possibility of me moving while we get the company straightened out. There’s a lot of work to be done. They’ve taken a real dive the last few years so who knows how long I’d get to stay, could be a while.”

“Hm…I’m not sure why you’re telling me. Maybe you should discuss it with Emily? I hear you two are best friends now…” I love sick me. I’m way better at being mean when I need to be than I am normally. I know I’m being catty but I’m so pissed at both of them that I don’t really care. Joseph looks down and messes with his hair. His gorgeous, sandy blond hair. He’s leaning back in his big leather chair, with his coat draped over the back, his tie loose, and the first two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. Even mad at him, I still have to admit that Emily is right. There’s no way I could ever think that I wouldn’t be attracted to him. He looks back up at me.

“Okay, I deserved that. I’m sorry. She was in town, we hadn’t seen one another since she was a kid, we just hung out a few times. I helped her make a few friends so she wouldn’t feel alone here.”

“I’m not sure why neither of you felt the need to tell me. Why she knew you loved me before I did. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. I’ve been home sick this week, and this conversation is taking more thought than I’m afraid I have to offer right now so I’m going to let you go Joseph.”

“Leah, I love you.”

“Goodbye Joseph.”

*              *              *

By the next week, I’m feeling better and so, so excited for this secret Labor Day weekend that Steve has planned! I have no idea where we’re going, or what we’re doing. Only that I should pack for the beach and temperate weather. Also that I should take extra hair ties because my hair may or may not be a giant poof for the greater part of the weekend. He’s given nothing away, so the only inference I’ve made is that we’re going somewhere humid. When we get to the airport and head to the gate for the next flight heading to North Carolina, I jump up and throw my arms around his neck. I mentioned once, one time, when we we’re talking about our favorite vacations that my mother’s favorite place to go was North Carolina and we spent a good deal of our childhood vacations there and the fact that he remembered means a lot. I haven’t been here in years and I’m so looking forward to it. It took everything in me to not squeal like I was five years old again.

“We’re flying into Wilmington and then driving to Bald Head Island. I know it’s not where you were used to going, but my roommate from college has a house there and he’s teaching a work exchange program in Denmark this summer. He said to come up and use the house as often as we want. He has a daughter that’s a year younger than Abby and we spend a lot of time there with Derek and his family.”

“Steve, I’m so excited! I’ve read about the lighthouse there before. It sounds amazing.”

“Well good, because I set up a private tour for tomorrow.” This time I do squeal.

*              *              *

The flight is smooth, the rental car company messed up on our reservation and gave us a Tahoe so it’s a spacious, back seat movie filled hour long ride to the most gorgeous beach house I’ve ever seen. It’s a white, antebellum house with a wraparound porch set just behind the dunes, with a clear view of the beach. It’s got a white picket fence with the tall dune grass growing in patches around it. The large wooden deck has lights strung around its edges. The house itself is big and airy, a typical beach house. Big windows. White oversized furnishings. Oversized rugs. Splashes of color in the art and accent pillows. Honestly, it’s heaven on earth. I’m in love with the way that they’ve remodeled and modernized the house, a historical house that has to be nearly a hundred years old, but have managed to completely maintain its integrity.

I also appreciate the fact that I didn’t have to ask, I didn’t even have to mention it - he’s just respectful enough to give us all separate rooms without even asking if we want it. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since I’ve had Ethan, and I really feel like this could turn into one. So I want to be cautious, take things slow, and do it in a way that won’t scare him at all. It’s important to me that he feels comfortable too.

We flew out at six this morning, so by the time we landed, drove to the house, settle in, it’s time for lunch. The fully stocked kitchen has all the makings for a perfect picnic and the beach in front of the house is where we spend all of our afternoon. Steve and I lay on the blanket and talk while the kids play, on a whim, he throws me over his should and carries me into the water kicking and screaming and it’s apparently the funniest thing the kids have ever seen. As the sun sets the breeze picks up and we head back to the house. It’s been a long day and we barely get the barbecued hotdogs in the kids before they pass out. We put them to bed then go sit on the porch bench. We sip white wine, and stare at the beach while we talk. He kisses me goodnight before we head inside. We’ve been really careful to not show any PDA in front of the kids, even though when we look at each other and that look in his eyes makes it almost impossible for me to not run over, jump up, wrap my legs around him and start kissing him. I can tell that it’s just as hard for him.

The next day we go to brunch at this mom and pop place around the corner and I have the best eggs benedict of my life. I don’t think I’ll ever live down being caught actually moaning after my first bite. After breakfast, we go to the lighthouse. Oh my god, it’s amazing! So much better than the pictures, and fortunately the photos I take are really good photos. I captured a couple that I might even use in the apartment. Ethan is having the time of his life. He’s never had a guy to play football on the beach with, to race, to tackle him into the ocean - I do all of those things but somehow I think it’s different with a man. He’s got a smile and a competitive streak he doesn’t have when I do those things and it’s so nice to watch. Abby is just as excited to have somebody to braid her hair, and paint her nails, and look through fashion magazines with her.

After today’s jaunt at the beach, on our walk back, Steve stops, grabs me by the waist, and kisses me. The kids stop to see what’s happening, realize it’s nothing exciting, and keep walking. Here I was worried about how they would react would react and I get nothing. I kind of regret not kissing him sooner. He jogs up to walk with them and I’m left standing, trying to figure out what happened. It wasn’t obscene, but it certainly wasn't a peck either. I feel like it changed something. Like that little touch, that contact in front of the kids made it different. It made us different.

That night, we planned to watch a movie. I walk into the living room, go to sit in my usual corner of the oversized couch, when Steve pats the cushion next to him. “You can sit here, you know. I don’t have cooties. I promise.” He tells me.

Abby giggles, and I sit down next to Steve and curl into him, with the kids on the floor bed they made with an obscene amount of pillows. Ethan seems oblivious to the lack of distance between us but I catch Abby glance back a few times with a raised brow. Half way through the movie Ethan falls asleep, and I pause the movie while Steve carries him up to his room.

“Abby honey, do you want to come sit by me? There’s plenty of room.” I ask her.

“Okay.” She brings her blanket and lays her head on my lap. I start playing with her hair and she relaxes and snuggles in a little more before she looks up at me and asks, “Leah, are you going to be my new mommy? I want you to.”

I didn’t even realize Steve was walking back in until he drops the new bottle of wine he was carrying behind me. Abby and I both jump but then I turn my attention back to her and try to think of what to say. I love her that I know. I think there’s a chance I could love her dad and I’m honored that she’s opened up to me the way she has. I let myself realize only when she asks me this question, that I could see myself being the mother figure in her life.

Obviously I’d never try to take Janie’s place, but I know how painful certain experiences can be without a mother. Experiences like starting your period, falling in love, fighting with your best friend, or having a baby. In all of those experiences you crave a mother to provide insight and comfort. I would love the opportunity to make those experiences a little happier, and a little less painful any way that I can. I feel like I’ve been silent for an hour but I know it’s only been a few seconds and Steve rounds the cough with the bottle that’s miraculously intact and when he starts filling our glasses (avoiding any sort of eye contact) he tries to save me.

“Now Abby, Honey,” he begins but I cut in. She felt comfortable enough to ask
me
, so I need to filter my racing thoughts to six year old appropriate and answer.

I kiss her forehead while she still looks at me expectantly and ignores her dad trying to cut in.

“That’s a really nice question, Abby. It makes me happy that you like me here and feel like you could ask me.” I glance over at Steve’s nervous face before I say, “Daddy and I are still getting to know each other but I like him a lot.” He visibly relaxes and I turn back to her to continue. I grab her face and say, “But I adore you and no matter what I’m here for you, for anything you ever need. Anything at all.”

“Okay,” she says. “I love you too.” She says as she snuggles back into me.

With that the conversation is over, we’ve both said what we need to say, and I press play and cuddle her close to me while Steve squeezes in on the other side. When he grabs my hand I lean up to kiss his cheek as he’s looking down at me and… wait, are his eyes glistening?

18
Steve

I knew Halloween was approaching but what I didn’t realize was how fast. So here I am standing in the costume aisle, or what’s left of it, trying to find Abby a costume that she would find acceptable. My only problem is I feel like I’ve stepped into Strippers ‘R’ Us. Seriously I can’t believe what they call costumes these days and there is no way in hell that I am letting my little girl go out looking like she just came from a club. I have walked the aisles three times already and so far nothing is even remotely acceptable. Right as I am about to give up and go home, ruin a bed sheet, throw it over her and call her a ghost, I see a little green arm poking out from a pile of discarded clothes. I pull it out and bingo! It’s Gumby. I realize Abby doesn’t know who he is but it’s a classic, I loved that show and I’m certain I can convince her to wear this. Especially since there’s a Pokey costume hanging right above it. It’s perfect! I’ll be Pokey and she can be Gumby.

When I come home and show Abby the outfits she bursts into a terrible fit. Leah and I had planned to take the kids trick or treating together and she is going to be here any moment.

“No daddy! I am not wearing that!” Abby screams at me then runs to her room and locks the door. I make a mental note to remove that lock.

“Abby come on. It’s Gumby. I’ll be Pokey. They’re a team. Daddy loved this show when I was a kid. It was the only costume I could find. Please, will you come out and wear this?” Shit this is not going well at all. I thought for sure I could convince her to wear them if we did it together. I put on my costume, hoping she’ll open the door and see that I am going to look ridiculous with her.

“No!” she screams again. “I wanted to be a princess daddy! Not broccoli!” Broccoli? I know she’s really mad right now so I’m glad she can’t see me laugh.

“Abby if you don’t get out here we can’t go trick or treating. Ethan and Leah are going to be here soon. I’m sorry it’s not a princess dress but can you please wear this?”

“No!”

“Abby, do you want to stay here by yourself?” Of course I would never do that but she’s starting to wear on my patience.

“No! I’m not wearing that thing!”

“Abby…” just then my door bell rings. Frankly I’m relieved. Maybe Leah can talk some sense into her. I walk away to answer the door. When I do I'm greeted with Ethan as Leonardo from the teenage mutant ninja turtles and Leah, she's not dressed up but she's beautiful. I don't think I'll ever get over how much she affects me.

"Hey buddy! Awesome costume!" I say to Ethan with a high five. Then turn to Leah and kiss her   Just after saying "hi." It comes out shy like I'm some kind of love crazed teenager but I don't care. I can tell she’s holding back her laughter which immediately reminds me that I’m wearing a donkey costume.

"Is this Pokey? Nice…” she laughs “You seem a little stressed. How's it going? Where's Abby?" She says as she walks into the living room, Ethan following closely behind. He finds a few toys Abby has left out and plays.

"Uh... I messed up. I forgot to get Abby a costume and when I got there today there wasn't a whole lot to choose from so... I got her Gumby. I thought if we dressed up together she would be more apt to wear it." As I say it Leah raises an eyebrow at me.

"Gumby? Are you being serious? I can't believe they make those anymore. Let me guess she's not very happy about it." She's snickering at me. Honestly what's the big deal?

"What? He's a classic." I say

"Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can do." I watch as Leah struts her way down the hall towards Abby's room. She knocks lightly on the door.

"Abby honey, it's Leah. Can I come in?" The soft sweet tone she uses with Abby totally melts me. Without hesitation Abby opens the door and jumps into Leah's arms sobbing. Abby glares at me from over Leah's shoulder and all I can do is hope Leah saves this night.

"What happened sweetie?" Leah asks

"Daddy bought me a dumb broccoli costume. I hate it.  I'm not wearing it. I want to be a princess."

"Ok. So let's make you a princess." Abby immediately stops crying and the excitement emitting from her is palpable.

“But how? I don’t have a costume.”

“I’ll show you,” Leah winks and then I watch as she takes the purple sheet off Abby's bed and wraps her in it to a point that it resembles a long princess gown. She takes off the necklace she is wearing and wraps it around Abby's neck. I think in this moment I love this woman. After applying the makeup that she keeps in her purse to Abby's face and pinning her hair up with bobby pins in little curls, she's done. I can't believe she's done it and the smile on Abby's face is priceless. I know now that I am in love with her.

"Ta da." Leah says holding her arms out towards Abby Vanna white style. Abby twirls and does a little curtsey at the end.

"Thank you Leah. You're the best." She says hugging her and then runs off to play with Ethan. Standing next to me we sit back and watch the kids together.

"I can't believe you pulled that off. You're a life saver." I tell her.

"Well every girl should get to fell like a princess. I didn't get the chance and I hope Abby never misses out on it."

"You never got to dress up? Not even for prom?"

"Well I did but my mom died when I was younger and I never got to go to prom." She replies still watching the kids.

"What? Never got to go to prom? A beautiful girl like you. I find that hard to believe."

"My grandpa got sick and I couldn't leave him. I helped my grandma take care of him. It was the right thing to do considering everything they did for my sister and I."

"That's a shame you didn't get to go. But you're a good person and I'm sure your grandpa loved you very much."

"Yeah. He did." I can tell how much he meant to her from the look of love on her face. “Now go take off that absurd costume.”

We walk the apartment buildings, holding hands, for just over an hour and talking while the kids run door to door collecting candy. Realizing today how in love I am with Leah makes want to blurt it out but scared at the same time. I haven’t felt this way since Janie and I’m think she may feel the same but the encounter with Ethan’s dad has me feeling a little unsure.

The next day I call my dad to try to get some outside perspective on this situation. My dad is a man of very few words but when he does talk you listen.

“This is Kenneth.” He says when he answers the phone.

“Hey dad, it’s Steve. Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Sure son. What’s on your mind?”

“Well…dad, I don’t’ know what to do. I’ve been seeing Leah for a few months now and even though we haven’t put a label on what we are I assume she’s my girlfriend and I think she feels the same. Then a few weeks ago we went out of town together with the kids and Abby asked her to be her mom and I know Leah was caught off guard but she handled it really well and it made me start to think. Then yesterday I messed up and got Abby the wrong costume and again Leah was amazing. She made Abby a princess out of bed sheets. I realized last night that I am truly in love with this woman. It’s the first time I’ve felt this way since Janie and honestly dad, it scares the shit out of me.” It all just comes pouring out of me before I can stop it.

“Wow. That’s a lot of information in one breath. So what’s scaring you? You love her isn’t that a good thing?” he asks

“It is. But I don’t know where her relationship stands with Ethan’s father. When I met him I could tell that he was still in love with her but I was confused about her feelings toward him. I want to tell her I love her but what if she’s not ready for that?”

“Have you talked about this fella yet?”

“Yes. She told me that he was Ethan’s dad and that’s it. They were friends who hooked up and afterward he moved back to London to work for his dad’s company so that eventually he could take it over. I can tell she’s pissed at him for leaving her to be a single mom. But I don’t’ know if that’s all it is.”

“Ok son, I’m just going to tell you what I think and you can do what you need to with it.  You love her right?”

“Yeah”

“Then that’s all that matters. When you love someone you tell them. If she loves you too she’ll tell you. As for this other fella you have to trust her when she says that he’s just the boy’s father. Sure she’s pissed at him. She has a right to be and I think deep down you already know all of this stuff I’m telling you.”

“You’re right dad. I guess…I don’t know…she’s pretty amazing and I don’t want to screw things up between us.”

“Then don’t.” I sit for a brief moment soaking in everything he’s said before answering.

“Thanks dad. Love you.”

“Anytime. Love you too son.” After I hang up with my dad I know exactly what I am going to do. Leah said she missed her prom. No one should miss their prom, especially a young girl who clearly deserved it. She turns thirty in a few weeks so I need to start planning because I don’t have much time.