Love Confessed (9 page)

9
Leah

I think I was relieved when Steve suggested we be friends. Well, mostly relieved. I was a little bit disappointed too. Obviously, “friends” is better - we have to see each other at work and at the kids’ school functions. The kids are developing a friendship I wouldn’t want to harm in any way. I’m so busy with work and Ethan I’m not sure when I’d find the time to be in a relationship. The whole idea of one is kind of terrifying. It’s been Ethan and I for so long I’m not even sure how I would attempt to balance another man in my life.

But no matter how many ways I try to firmly cement Steve into the friend category, no matter how hard I try to only see him like that, I just can’t. I can’t get rid of the image of him between my legs. I can’t get rid of the way he looked like he was barely able to contain himself when I moaned as he slid his fingers inside of me. No matter how many reasons I can come up with for our choosing the friends road being a good thing, it still feels like more than that. I can’t get over how safe I feel with him either, or how sad I felt when I realized I’d hurt him by leaving.

Actually, it’s not just me though. The way he looked at me when I turned from my conversation with Mrs. Withers and saw him standing behind me? That wasn’t a friend look. That was a look that tells me he wants to be inside of me just as much as I want him there. I wonder why he just wants to be friends? I still can’t figure it out, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get to know him. I can’t stop thinking about the chat we just had and how all it did was make me want to know him more.

Fortunately, for my sanity I don’t have too much time to think about it because the field trip is soon in full swing and watching my five six year olds is a lot harder than I expected it to be. God forbid any two of them want to go the same direction for more than twelve seconds at a time. Do they serve wine at this museum? I doubt it. What a shame. They’d be billionaires tomorrow because I’m pretty sure the adults all need a glass right now.

If I’m being fair though, it’s not just the kids. It’s the glances Steve keeps making at me, and how giddy he seems when the kids want our groups to stay together because Abby and Ethan are now inseparable. The kids are truthfully a welcome distraction from his green eyes. From his shaggy hair. From the glimpse of that Adonis like ‘V’ in is abdomen he caught me staring at when he threw Abby in the air. From the smug, satisfied look he had when he caught me looking at said “V.” I was a little worried that the time we have to spend together would be awkward but it’s not. It’s, well, it’s fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve had fun like this with a man, even if we are surrounded by a hundred elementary school kids. Our “get to know you” talk actually made me feel better. Even though we just scratched the surface, now I understand him a bit more and maybe friends is better than nothing.

On the bus to head back to school Steve uses an extra fruit snack to smoothly bribe one of the kids out of the seat next to me and he plops himself down.

“Whew. That was a workout. I didn’t think it was possible, but they almost seem to get more energetic the older they get, huh?” he asks as he nonchalantly leans his head on my shoulder on a how of feigned exhaustion.

“Tell me about it,” I sympathize. “I’m ready for some takeout, a glass of wine, and a movie. That’s about all the excitement I’ve got left in me after today.”

“Why, Leah… are you asking me out?” He winks at me.

I blush. God. Will I ever stop blushing? The fact that I know I’m blushing makes me blush so much more. It’s some sort of vicious circle I’m doomed to be stuck in forever.

“Well Steve, if you’re fishing for an invitation, you’re welcome to eat Chinese and watch a romantic comedy with me.”

“Sounds like a plan, let’s do it. Not “it,” I mean the movie. Obviously not “it.” Because friends don’t do that.” I find it endearing that a man so confidant and self assured can be so flustered with the accidental mention of sex. I can’t help but smile at him.

              “What are you smiling at?” he asks, attempting to regain his composure.

              “You’re cute, that’s all.”

              “Cute, huh?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Not sure that’s what I’m going for but I guess I’ll take it.”

Fortunately for Steve we arrive back at school and our conversation is halted. Agreeing to go to my place I give him my address and we go our separate ways. When Ethan and I get home, I immediately jump in the shower. I’m not sure how far behind Steve is, but this feels like a date and I really think I need to freshen up. I lift my arm and sniff - yep, I definitely need to freshen up.

Steve shows up just before five and we order food while we’re waiting Steve suggests we all sit down to play the game of Candyland that he brought with him. Apparently it’s Abby’s favorite. Ethan has play dates and I get along with the other parents alright but I can’t say that I have friendships with any of them that would stand without the kids. So it’s nice to all be able to have genuine fun like this together. Dinner arrives right when the game ends and we all sit and eat together.

My mom always sat and had dinner with us, and my grandparents always did the same. I missed it so much though in the relatively short period of time Emily and I spent alone with my dad. That awful period of time where he rapidly degressed after mom died. I make sure Ethan and I make a point to sit and eat dinner together, catch up, talk about our day. It’s nice to find that Steve always had family dinners during his childhood on the farm and it’s important for him to do the same with Abby. All of these little things that I learn about him just make me like him more. This “friends” thing may be the death of me. I keep waiting for him to do something to make me like him a little less but it never happens.

It’s also charming how he just makes himself at home. After his turn during the game, he just gets up and walks into my kitchen to opened the fridge to refill both of our wine glasses. My mother was warm and inviting, but we didn’t live in the kind of house where neighbors walked in the back door without knocking, the kind of house where people just made themselves at home and went to your fridge. But I like it. I like that he feels so comfortable yelling to me from the kitchen to ask where my corkscrew is. He must have had that loud, sibling filled, warm and inviting house I was always kind of envious of growing up.

The kids barely stay awake through dinner and I turn on a movie for them in the game room. Steve and I sit down on the sofa with a movie of our own and it’s so relaxing. It’s so nice to put my feet up and talk with another adult tonight. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this adult interaction. Within half an hour the kids are dead silent which means either a) they’re asleep or b) something very important is broken and they’re trying to glue it back together. Steve gets up from his end of the couch to check. While he’s gone, I arrange my pillow and lay a little bit on my side, realizing just now how tired I am. Just as I get comfortable he comes back and announces that the silence was caused by the former not the latter, thank God. I start to move over to give him his spot back but surprising me, he walks over and lifts my legs up, sitting right under them. He puts my legs on his and begins to stroke while we pick up our conversation right where we left off.

He must not be nearly as out of practice as I feel because he’s sitting there calmly while my mind is racing from just the little bit of contact. It’s not sexual in nature, but he is, and him touching me in any way makes me want him to touch me more. I’m worried he can see my heart racing but when the conversation fizzles out and our attention turns to the movie he just lays down behind me and put his arm around me. This definitely isn’t friend territory.

His hand is around my waist. Spooning is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what I want right now. His fingers brush back and forth across the stretch marks on my stomach. I move slightly because I’m insecure about that part of my body.

“Why are you moving away from me?” He asks.

“I don’t like them.” I reply.

“Leah, you brought life into this would. You shouldn’t be ashamed of them. They’re beauty marks.”

His words and the two glasses of wine I’ve consumed have me feeling a little more uninhibited that normal. I grab his hand and slide it under my shirt and up to my breast. That’s clearly all the nudge that he needs because he shifts and is now laying on top of me, kissing me. Kissing me like the night of the party only tonight it’s better. Tonight we’re both mostly sober and it’s different. It feels like more than just a need that we’re satisfying, more than just a surge of hormones and primal attraction. He holds my face in his hands and kisses me passionately. Slowly sliding his tongue in and out of my mouth, my tongue works around his: it’s a rhythm that makes me remember his tongue somewhere else, down lower, and I start to move into him. The fact that we have to stay quiet and underneath the blanket makes it so much more sexy, like it’s forbidden.  He kisses me harder and slips his hand into my jeans, into my panties. Feeling how wet I am he lets out a groan that’s almost a growl. And it’s so fucking sexy. I feel his erection lengthen as we rub against each other like teenagers and I unbutton his jeans and wrap my hand around him. He’s so much bigger and thicker than I remember. As I open my mouth to tell him, I’m interrupted by the “Daddy, I need some water” and accompanying patter of little footsteps walking behind the sofa, coming in from the game room.

10
Steve

“Thank you for having us over.” I say to Leah as we stand at her door. My eyes shift between her eyes and her lips. I notice they are slightly swollen from our kiss just five minutes ago. Lord knows I don’t want to leave, especially like this, with both of us still wanting and needing some sort of conclusion. There’s nothing else I can do though. I can’t kiss her goodnight because Abby would ask questions. I can’t sit here and stare at her all night and I certainly can’t take Abby back to bed and finish what Leah started. Well I probably could and I definitely want to but even I know that I shouldn’t. So instead I settle for an awkward one arm hug, pick Abby up in my arms, and I head home.

The next morning I’m so distracted with the thoughts of Leah that I start to pour coffee in Abby’s cereal.

“Dad! I am not going to eat that. There’s coffee in it!” she yells at me and I jump.

“Sorry honey, I’ll get you a new bowl.” I walk to the cupboard and start her breakfast all over again.

“Daddy, are you ok?” she looks really concerned.

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“Because you’ve been acting really weird this morning.”

“I’m sorry. Just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like Leah?” Her expression changes to pure excitement and it almost looks like she wants to start jumping up and down. “I like her daddy. She’s always really nice to me.”

I’m completely blindsided by this question and the confession that comes with it. What is she trying to tell me? I’ve thought about Leah so much lately and I know I want more. The friends suggestion was doomed from the start but this really is a new concept to me. I’m definitely in uncharted territory here. Up until now I was perfectly content with it just being me and Abby, but there’s a pull to Leah that I can’t seem to escape and I don’t think I even want to.

“I like her too. How would you feel if I asked Leah and Ethan to spend more time with us?” I ask hesitantly. I’m not really sure how to approach this with Abby. Bringing

other people into our lives seems like a big deal and it’s more than a little terrifying to me. Allowing a woman close to my daughter like this is a huge step for me, one that I never genuinely thought I would take.

“Oh that would be so much fun, daddy. Ethan and I could play all the time.” She’s so happy I feel like I almost have to make this work or else I would be letting her down. Frankly I know I would be letting myself down too.

*              *              *

After dropping Abby off at school I head to the office. Jo is at her desk, staring intently at her computer. I set her coffee down right in front of her and she gives me a grateful smile.

“Oh thank God, you brought me coffee! I don’t know how much longer I could have survived without it…” she says. It’s only nine in the morning and she already sounds exhausted.

              “Why are you so tired this morning, kiddo?” I ask suspiciously. She’s done some late night meetings with one of our recent clients, a client who has a reputation I’m not particularly fond of. Ryan is a producing a music festival that I’m supplying the equipment for this summer. He may have needed a few party planning details taken care of but certainly nothing to warrant the involvement that he seems to be demanding from Jo. I know she can take care of herself but I feel protective of her in a big brother kind of way. She was Janie’s best friend from college. She’s worked with me since I had to run away back home for a few months when Janie died when Abby was born. If Jo hadn’t jumped in and held the company together when I was falling apart, I would have lost the company. She took over the parts of the business that Janie handled and over the years she’s also become one of my closest friends.

              “Simmer down, big brother. Everything’s fine. Ryan kept me up late last night.”

              “I don’t want to know!”

She laughs at me before asking, “So how’s the friends thing going for you?” She continues, affectionately rolling her eyes at me. “God, that was a stupid idea. I thought you were smarter than that Steve.”

Man, girls can be brutal. As I walk out I turn back just long enough to tell her “Very well, thank you. As a matter of fact I’m going to call her right now to ask her out on a date.” Then I exit before she can say another word.

              I go into my office, close the door and pull out my phone. The first person I call is Claire. She’s been watching Abby since she was born and has always been really good to both of us. Unfortunately, since Abby’s been in school full time we haven’t seen as much of each other. We talk for a little while, catching up and by the end she has agreed to watch Abby on Saturday. When I hang up with Claire I scroll down my list of contacts stopping on Leah’s name. It’s better to just do it and get it over with, but I’m nervous. My thumb hovers over the screen for what feels like forever as I try to decide what I’m going to say to her. Deciding to just wing it I press the call button.

              “Leah Collins” she answers and it sounds like she’s busy, which immediately makes me regret this call.

              “Hey, it’s Steve.” I respond, hoping it comes across cool and breezy.

              “Oh, hi. How are you?”

              “I’m good. How are things going? Is this a good time?”

              “Yeah, I’m good. Just headed to court. Listen, I’m glad you called. I think we should talk about what happened last night. I know you want to be friends…”

Before she can mention what a mistake she thought it was for us to do what we did I cut her off.

“Don’t say we made a mistake last night. I think we both know that we were never going to be just friends. Well I knew that at least. I like you Leah and I know that sounds very high school of me but I don’t know how else to say it. Sorry, I haven’t had a conversation like this since, well, High School so I’m a little out of practice. Anyway… I am actually calling to see if you would like to go out on a date Saturday night.” There. It’s out there and all she has to do is say yes. God I hope she says yes.

              After several seconds of silence I start to think she may have hung up but then she giggles and I relax in my chair. That sound is already becoming very familiar.

“Steve” she starts, “I wasn’t going to say it was a mistake. We were both sober, at least mostly, and I started it which means I may or may not like you as well.” I can tell she’s smiling as she says this and if we were face to face I’m almost certain she would’ve winked at me. “Saturday sounds great. I have to go into court. Text me the details?”

              “Yeah definitely. Give ‘em hell Miss Collins.” With that I hang up, slouch in my chair feeling completely euphoric, and send her a text letting her know I’ll pick her up at seven. Then I realize I need to start planning. I can’t just do dinner and a movie with Leah. I need something more, something bigger, something better. 

I stop by the store to pick up a small bouquet of irises. Roses just wouldn’t have worked. They’re too generic, too simple for a woman like Leah. I needed something more special and irises seem to suit her – they’re classic, cool and elegant just like she is. As I approach her door I hesitate, this is the first date that I’ve been on in a really long time that I am actually looking forward to. I catch my breath, straighten my button up shirt and run a hand through my hair. Ok I’m ready. I knock on the door and it takes her a minute to answer but when she does I am speechless. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over how beautiful she is. Her brown hair falls down her back in loose curls and she’s wearing a green wrap dress with tall nude heels. For the first time tonight I notice something is different about her eyes. Normally they’re blue but tonight they’ve picked up the green hue of her dress and have become a blue-green color that is hypnotizing. The dress falls around mid-thigh and her long legs shimmer. The only thing I can think about right now is lightly running my fingertips up those legs. Hmmm. This is going to be a long few hours because I think that though created an image that will be pretty impossible to get out of my head.

“Wow.” I let out a breath. “You look amazing, Leah.”

She smiles a shy smile before saying “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.” I’m fairly certain I don’t compare. I decided to go with the dress casual look of jeans and a long sleeved button up white shirt with the cuffs rolled back.

“Would you like to come in for a drink before we head out?”

“Absolutely.” When I step into her apartment I am surprised by how comfortable I feel here already. I’ve only been to her place once and already I feel like I can make myself at home. Well to be honest, I felt this way the first time too. I guess it’s because of how I grew up. Friends of mine or my brothers were always coming or going. My mom always had food prepared for all of us too. But because it’s not my home though and she grew up a whole lot different than I did, I let her grab the wine.

“So what do you have planned for tonight?” she asks as she brings me a glass of red wine.

“Well, I was thinking we could do a little cooking.” I reply and she raises an eyebrow at me. “I have a friend who owns a small Italian restaurant downtown and since he’s just starting out he’s only open through lunch. So I asked and he lent me the keys for tonight. I thought it might be fun to play in the kitchen and make our own dinner. What do think?” When I asked Marco for this favor I thought it was a good idea but her silence has me second guessing myself. I don’t know what it is about Leah that has me caring what she thinks so much and has me so desperate to please her. After a few moments she looks at me and says,

“I think that’s a great idea. I know how to cook a little maybe I can teach you a thing or two.”

“I was hoping so.” Little does she know that I can also do a little cooking myself. Being a single dad I made myself learn some of the basics so that my daughter wouldn’t have to grow up on take out or macaroni and cheese. Abby likes to cook too. We’re actually in a weekend cooking class together right now. As we finish our wine we talk and I learn that we have all night because both of our kids just happen to be staying overnight with their sitters. Looks like I wasn’t the only presumptuous one and the realization has me smiling.

When we get inside Marco’s restaurant I see that he has set a table with candles and place settings and a note that read “
Have a great time, brother. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Ps. Clean up after yourselves please
.” I laugh to myself and put the note in my pocket. What does he think I’m going to do in his restaurant? Well he probably just knows me well enough to know what I want to do, in all honesty. I’ve known Marco almost my whole life. His family lived a few blocks from my parents and his dad worked for my dad on the farm.

A few years back Marco showed me how to make fresh pasta for Abby and because it requires the use of our hands that’s what I wanted to make with Leah.

“Do you like spaghetti?” I ask her as I grab an apron for her off the back of the pantry door.

“Of course. It’s almost a weekly meal in my house.” She says with a smile. I’ve noticed she hasn’t stopped smiling this whole time and neither have I for that matter. That smile makes me so impatient to pull her in for a kiss.

“Great. We’re going to make it from scratch.”

“You know how to make fresh pasta? You just keep surprising Mr. Cooper.”

“A man has to eat and so does his daughter.” I say to her with a small shrug of my shoulders. I pull out the flour, eggs and salt while she grabs a cup of water and place them on his counter. Marco already has the marinara sauce made so I pull that from the refrigerator and place it in a pot to heat on the stove next to the pot of water Leah has already placed. When I turn around Leah is looking at me with hooded eyes. Something tells me this is going to been really fun and become a little bit messy.

“So are you ready to show me how it’s done, sir?” she asks then turns toward the counter with all the ingredients on it. I don’t say anything, I just come up behind her and I feel her tense for just brief moment as my arms slide around her waist but then I grab the measuring cup and scoop out the flour onto the worktop. From this position, even in her heels, I can rest my chin on the top of her head. Her smell is intoxicating and it takes everything I have to focus on what I’m doing. I grab her hands in mine and we make a canal in the flour to add the eggs, a pinch of salt and water then together we knead the dough.

My heart is racing from being this close to her and I can tell I have the same effect on her. As we roll the dough I can feel her relax into me. When she tilts her head to the side and exposes her neck I take the opportunity to lightly brush my lips across her skin, immediately I can feel the goose bumps rise. She pushes her back into me and the contact has my growing erection at full attention. God I want her. I want to lift her up onto this table top, pull her panties down, spread her legs and taste her. I’ve wanted that since the day of Sanders and Smith party. 

Her little shallow breaths that have a faint moan to them are making me feel needy and desperate. Knowing that she needs me as badly as I need her has me wanting to take her over, to possess her, to mold her to me. I’m fully aware that our hands are covered in dough and I feel like I’m being restrained. I can’t touch her not like this. I pull back reluctantly.

“I can’t touch you with my hands covered like this. I need to wash them.” There’s disappointment in my voice and I do nothing to hide it.