Love Delivered (42 page)

“Zoey, in due time Jordan will adjust. Trust me. My mom remarried when I was ten and I got used to the idea very quickly. She was in control of her life.”

I scoffed. “I’m very much in control of my life, Bernard. I just want to make good choices. My parents made good choices, and I have no other choice but to make good ones, too. So, this is something that I have to do gradually, move into and give him time to move into. Let’s just call this a commitment ring, because that’s what I’m feeling is taking place.”

Bernard rolled his eyes. “Zoey, I’ll wait, but please don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. I have a reputation to uphold. I don’t want to just date or hang out forever. You know I’ve wanted you for years now. I don’t want to wait much longer.”

So, now I had this band on my finger, feeling heavy and itchy through my determination. I heard an indistinct bell ringing in the apartment.
I thought I was home alone, but maybe Eligia didn’t go visit family after all
. I left from my bed, tucked into my slippers and headed out toward the front of the apartment. I heard sounds…laughter and clatter coming from the kitchen. I walked in and gasped.

Jordan was there just as giddy as always when with his best friend. His father. Stenton and Jordan yelled, “Happy Mother’s Day,” almost sending me from my house shoes.

“Holy mother of Joseph!” I yelped.

Then the pair burst into a Happy Mother’s Day rendition of Happy Birthday as they danced around the island in chef hats and aprons, looking like polar twins. They laughed themselves silly with their individual dances, melting my heart.

I glanced to the island and saw a setting for one of pancakes and bacon. Then to my right was a table full of gifts wrapped in festive bags and tissue paper. Jordan nearly tackled me to the floor in a bear hug.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy!” He squeezed my thighs. “I love you more than the moon.”

I wrapped my arms around him, returning the energy-exchanging hug. I relished it. Jordan had left just last night. Stenton typically kept him on Mother’s Day, giving me the day alone to do what I wanted, which usually included something lavish that he expensed. This was nice. When Jordan left my fold, Stenton stepped up and grabbed me in his big arms, affording me a waft of his delicious scent that included Bergamot.

“Happy Mother’s Day, Zo!” his baritone vocals poured over my now delicate frame. Stenton still had the ability to elicit a sensual response from my body.

My eyes closed on contact and I once again experienced the zapping of rare pleasure coursing through my entire frame. My heart rate tripled, my breasts felt heavy and my nipples tingled similarly to when I was nursing Jordan and it was past feeding time. It was that
wow
factor that I’d always collided with when in his proximity.

I let go first.

“Thanks, Stenton,” I breathed, nervously wrapping my housecoat around me. “Thanks for this surprise.” For the first time in months, my smile for Stenton was genuine and inspired.

Then the record scratched. “What’s that?” Stenton asked wearing an obligatory smile, presumably for the sake of Jordan. 

I followed his line of sight to my left finger where I was twisting the band on my ring finger. The thing itched even more now since he drew attention to it.

“Oh!” I screeched then glanced over to Jordan who was busy going into the refrigerator grabbing a juice box, something he wasn’t allowed to do at home. “Just a gift from Bernard.” I fixed my voice to sound unalarmed.

“Oh, yeah?” Stenton narrowed his brows, sporting a charming smile. Why was this? Was it for the sake of Jordan or because he was truly indifferent? “Is there anything I should know?”

I shook my head, suddenly bashful. “No. I would tell you if that were the case.”

And then I made the irreversible mistake of regarding him straight in the face where I could observe his thick dark stubble and the small curls in his hair. I loved that style of cut for him…that and the low cut one, close to his scalp. His plain gray tee and black sweats with gray and black sneakers that I recognized as his design with
Nike
from Jordan’s stock looked good on him. Simple. Frustratingly sexy. 

With his thick eyebrows still furrowed and a grin playing at his heart-shaped lips, Stenton nodded softly, “Okay.”

“Okay!” I shouted more spiritedly. “Jordan, are you going to hang out with Mommy this morning?”

Jordan turned with flipped eyes. I knew something regretful was coming. “Mommy, me and Daddy are going to get more sneakers today. He said today was your day to have fun without the guys. But you can come if you want.”

That shredded my heart into pieces. Jordan was torn between hanging out with his cool Dad and obliging his longing Mother. He’d grown up way too fast for my liking. Time was speeding by too quickly for my comfortability. I no longer had a dependent, adorable baby. Stenton now had a buddy, an extension, a partner.
And me
… I had…this gold band from a man who wanted into this convoluted group.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now

August 2014

~
Zoey
~

I inhale the salted air of the Caribbean Ocean. The breeze is mild and the sound of island music swirls beautifully around me. I’m in paradise via Ocho Rios. Bernard and I just left dinner and I’m not ready to turn in. I want to stay out and enjoy the ambiance of Jamaica. This is my vacation, my opportunity to renew my mind and solidify my plans moving forward.

I chance a glance over to Bernard, who’s tapping angrily into his phone. I take his right hand to hopefully hint at the desire for affection. We are here together, discussing the next step in our relationship. After a mild tug, he catches on and drops his hand so I can lace his fingers with mine.

His expression softens. “I’m sorry, sweets. I’m trying to see who liked the last set of pictures I posted on IG.”

“Ughhh… I hope you removed the one of me from the choir anniversary in Delaware.”

“No. Zoey, I keep telling you, I need for my fans to have a glimpse of my personal life. They need to see my fiancée supporting me.”

“Well, your fiancée is with you now;
talk
to
me
.”

He continues at it for a few seconds. I try to distract myself with observing the nightlife on the beach. He didn’t want to take this walk, complaining of the sand in his shoes.

“I’m sorry, sweets. It’s just that we’re really trying to up the likes on our fan page and it’s not moving as fast as Tony’s seemed to last month.”

“Oh, you guys have a fan page? That’s cool. That reminds me to check on ours when I get back.”

Bernard scowls. “I told you we just launched it two weeks ago. You really gotta pay attention, Zo. I need your support.”

Okay…
I didn’t like the way that was delivered. 

“My bad. I don’t recall.”

Since we arrived two days ago, all Bernard has been dedicated to is social media. I was really hoping this would be an opportunity for us to connect and…get to know more about each other. Instead, it’s been about sharing his time with his phone and enduring his mild scolding of overspending. Money was a huge issue when planning this trip. It was like pulling teeth, trying to draw up a budget. I didn’t mind paying a portion of the trip. I understand he’s a “starving artist,” but the desire to travel is rich in my blood. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, have done, and can now do much of on my own dime.

So, I was okay with paying half; what I didn’t realize when I proposed this was that I’d be covering seventy-five percent of it. Desperate to move on with my life, I acquiesced to it and we agreed he’d pay for our meals. I offered to pay for the excursion, understanding they can be a bit pricey and the madcap in me would be more inclined to incur the cost.

“I’m not ready to go back to the room.” I look over at Bernard and smile coyly. He doesn’t like to have plans changed without notice so, I’m attempting to butter him up. We approach a beach bar. “Let’s cop a stool here for a drink.”

Bernard’s eyes peel from his phone and over to the bar before rolling. “Zoey, you know I don’t drink.”

“I know,” I sing as I pull him over to an empty table. “You can have a virgin.”

“But you’ll have alcohol and that stuff is more expensive.”

I roll my eyes, but keep my smile intact. “C’mon, B.”

The waitress comes over and takes our order. Bernard gets a virgin piña colada and I order a lemon drop martini. When I go to search for my money, I realize I didn’t put any in my wrist wallet. Geez!

“Bernard, I didn’t bring my cash.”

“Use your card.” He shrugs, still engaged with his phone.

“I can’t. It’s a cash only bar. See the sign.”

That got his attention. His head pops up and eyes glare.

“How much?” he huffs angrily.

“Twenty-two dollars, sir,” the waitress timidly answers, clearly just as taken aback by his tone as I am.

Bernard whips out his Gucci wallet and yanks out a twenty dollar bill and a five. “Please bring my change back.”

The waitress scurries off.

“Bernard, don’t be rude,” I chide lowly.

“I’m not being rude. This was not in the budget. I don’t even drink.”

My brows furrow and I feel my temper rising.

“You do know we’re on vacation, don’t you. You didn’t plan to come out here just to lay up in the room, on your phone for four days, posting about the recent Hermes belt you just bought, did you?”

That was a jibe—cold, but I can’t help myself. I need this retreat. Business is demanding and my life just got turned upside down last month when I learned my son was no mere accident at all. I need a reprieve. There’s no way I’m going to excuse his behavior and further my blues. For crying out loud, there hasn’t even been any romance on this trip. We aren’t even sharing a bed. Bernard has been insistent on waiting until we’re married to try sex again. I’ve respected his decision, considering when we attempted it there was no
wow
fa—
No!
I won’t continue with that thought. I’m looking forward to sex with Bernard. Good sex. Extraordinary sex.
I have to claim it.

“Look, Zoey, I understand you’re used to a certain lifestyle, but I ain’t ya baby daddy. I don’t have money like that yet. I don’t drink.”
You don’t ‘wow
.’ “Now, I’m not saying I can’t be a man to you. I just don’t want these high expectations. You’re gonna have to downgrade for me, princess.”

“Bernard, you’re wearing a Ralph Lauren button up and shorts and Louboutin sandals with Louis Vuitton sunglasses. It seems to me you have an extravagant lifestyle, but I guess it’s one that doesn’t include vacationing to explore outside of the U.S. and tipping waiters.”

Bernard screws his mouth as he reaches over the table to get into my face and mutters, “I ain’t your StentRo!”

I snort as I shake my head. “You sure aren’t. Neither are you fit to be my partner, penny-pinching, yet show-boating the way you do.”

He stands from the table. “I am who I am. You accept what you see or don’t accept me as your “partner.” You need to figure out if you can be a ride or die while I’m on my way up or I’ll be looking down on you while I’m at the top.” And he flopped away in his Red Bottoms.

For the first few minutes I’m fine. Like really, okay. I’ve known Bernard for years. He’s known for his queening antics. I’ve had to check him a few times over the years, but never about throwing Stenton in my face. He’s always inquired about him curiously and I’d just dismiss it as him being human and wondering why I would never mention my son’s father, not even casually.

Tonight, Bernard has shown me more than he realizes. His mention of my lifestyle and Stenton lets me know he’s insecure about Stenton, someone who has never been a factor in our affairs. Stenton may have sent me away on lots of excursions over the years, but I’m a working professional, who with time to save, can send myself off to continue to explore.

By the time I’m on my third martini, having gone to the bar in the hotel we’re staying at, I finally allow myself to think about
him
. I don’t want to. I want to entrench my mind, body and soul into Bernard here in Jamaica. I want new. Need new. But how can I move on to someone else when I haven’t reclaimed my heart from another man? This isn’t looking good for me.

After I order my fourth drink, I go into my phone and search my texts, scrolling until I find the one I received from Angela the day Bernard and I left to fly out here. I never responded because I thought I was coasting into my new and didn’t want any distractions.

Hey Zo! KK just told me about what happened between you and Stenton in S.C. I’m sorry and I hope wasting my time giving you a piece of “Zoey’s Advice”. If you find yourself struggling to get past it, you have to simply forgive him. I won’t take up too much time arguing this. It is after all what you told me to do with Timmy when I got pregnant with Brooklyn. I wish I listened instead of spending so many years angry with the world because of something he did. Remember your words to me: forgive and move on. Whether it’s with or without Stenton, Zoey has to move on.