Love Finds You at Home for Christmas (16 page)

“Something heavy must be weighing on your mind,” Mama said. “And I have an idea of what it might be.”

Ruby took a sip. “You do?”

“That boy sleeping down the hall from you.” Mama raised an eyebrow. “Am I right?”

“It doesn't matter. Whatever used to be between us isn't there any longer.” Ruby wished she hadn't been so forthcoming in her letters to Mama and Lucille about all the time she'd spent with Cliff. “He's going to move on, and I'm going to finish my degree and be an independent woman.” She perched in one of the chairs and looked up at her mother.

Mama sat down across from Ruby. “Lucille and I were talking about that very thing just a couple of weeks ago. She mentioned that you might want to move to a big city after graduation. She also says that she's afraid you're hiding behind your dreams of independence to mask your fear of getting your heart broken.” Mama's green eyes bore into Ruby's. “Is that true?”

“She's just mad because I told her I didn't want to wind up stuck on some old farm like her.” The words sounded hollow, even to Ruby's own ears. “Besides, so what if I'm a little scared? The whole world is in turmoil. We don't know what tomorrow might bring. How could I be anything
but
scared?”

Mama shook her head. “Listen to yourself, will you? You'll hear how misguided you sound.” She reached across the table and rubbed Ruby's hand. “We've raised you to be independent and think for yourself. You were the smartest one in your class, and you had a curiosity that we encouraged. And your papa and I are so proud of you for doing well in your college courses and in your work at the ordnance plant.” She smiled.

Ruby had always aimed to please, so hearing that her parents were proud made her feel good. She'd worked hard her whole life to try and be the kind of daughter they could be proud of.

Mama continued. “You are quite a girl, Ruby Jean. But you are way off the mark about one thing.”

Ruby frowned. “What's that?”

“This idea that women like me and Lucille are living in some kind of prison. Honey, I wouldn't trade my life here for anything.” She took a sip of coffee. “The greatest pleasure of my life has been being married to your father and raising you kids. And Lucille will tell you the same thing. When she and Donald and little Annie Sue are together, the three of them positively radiate happiness. And when he comes back from overseas, they'll have the happiest of reunions.”

Ruby swallowed. “But he might not come back. Joseph didn't come back. Plenty of the girls on my shift at the plant are either in mourning or waiting to hear whether their husbands are still alive.”

Mama nodded. “It's not an easy time, I'll give you that. But we have to put it in the Lord's hands and let it go.”

“That's really hard, Mama.” Ruby looked down at her hands. “Because bad things still happen. Even to people who put all their trust in God.”

Mama gave her a small smile. “Honey, trusting in God doesn't mean that everything will always be perfect. It just means that you have a faith that will get you through those tough times. You can't control the world around you, Ruby Jean.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” Mama asked. “And do you also know that by failing to put your hope and trust in the Lord, you're letting your fear win?”

Ruby sighed. “Maybe I've used my quest for independence to cover up my fears. But it's a whole lot easier to keep my heart to myself and know it can't get broken than to give it away and know I might get hurt.”

Mama patted her arm. “That's right. You might get hurt. You might lose a husband just like you lost Joseph. But honey, by closing yourself off and resolving to be alone forever—you're missing out on a wonderful part of life.”

“That's what Lucille says. She says that even if Donald never comes back, she's blessed to have had him for as long as she did. And Hazel and Troy are so happy together as they're getting ready to start a family. She says he's her best friend.” She managed a tiny smile. “There was a time when Cliff was my best friend. Mama, I was so afraid of losing someone else that it made me lose Cliff.”

“Ruby, honey, let's not forget you're probably not the only one afraid of losing someone you love. Cliff has dealt with a lot over the past year.”

“You know about Charlie?” Ruby hadn't told Mama about Cliff's guilt.

Mama nodded. “Owen filled me in. I suspected something terrible must've happened to make Cliff choose to come here instead of enjoying Christmas with his own family.”

“I guess I didn't consider that Cliff might be a little scared too. He seems so confident.” She sighed. “I think I messed up, Mama. With Cliff I mean. Y'all are right about me. I've hidden behind my stubbornness and independence out of fear. Nothing else.”

Mama smiled. “Have you prayed about it?”

“All summer. And every time I'd pray that I'd know what to do, Cliff would do something wonderful to surprise me.” She shook her head. “I think I might've been a little bit blind.”

“But you've figured it out now.” Mama smiled. “And I don't think it's too late.”

Ruby sighed. “You don't understand. Cliff has yet to come out and tell me he has feelings for me. And I want him to do that without my prompting him.”

“That doesn't sound unreasonable. But did it occur to you that maybe he's a little nervous about doing that? You're not a simple girl, Ruby. You've always challenged your brothers. You can play sports and shoot guns as good as them. You're good at your studies and a hard worker.” She reached out and tipped Ruby's chin up. “And you're beautiful.” She smiled. “That's a lot for even the most confident man to handle.”

Ruby grinned. The idea that she somehow intimidated Cliff struck her as funny. “You really don't think it's too late to fix things?”

Mama stood and pulled Ruby to her feet, drawing her into a hug. “There's only one way to find out. But I certainly think Cliff is the kind of man who is worth the risk. Your feelings for him have been evident through the letters you've sent these past months. That kind of bond doesn't come along too often.”

Her mama was exactly right. Now that she'd realized the error of her ways, the paralyzing fear was gone. And in its place was a bunch of big old butterflies. Because the next conversation she had with Cliff could change her life forever.

“Thanks, Mama.” Ruby kissed her mother on the cheek. “We'd better finish getting breakfast ready.” She smiled. “I think I have a big day ahead.”

* * * * *

“This is the best breakfast I've had in a good while,” Cliff said, eating the last bite of his scrambled eggs. “Thanks again for the hospitality.”

Mama smiled. “I'm glad you enjoyed it. What do you have planned for today, Cliff?”

Ruby froze as she waited for his answer. Now that she'd decided to have an honest talk with him, she was nervous that he might up and leave.

“I offered to help out on the farm today, but Mr. McFadden wouldn't hear of it.” He took a sip of coffee. “So I guess I'll go for a walk and maybe come back and read a little.” He grinned at Ruby. “I thought I might go out and see what Spotty is up to today.”

She smiled. “That sounds nice.”

“It does sound like a lovely way to spend the day.” Mama wiped her hands on her apron. “Please take your time. Lunch will be ready around noon.”

Cliff excused himself and left the kitchen.

Mama shot Ruby a knowing glance. It was now or never.

Ruby put her coffee mug next to the sink and hurried after Cliff. She rounded the corner from the living room to the hallway and ran right into him.

Cliff's hands went around her waist to steady her. “Sorry about that,” he murmured.

Her breath caught as his hands seemed to linger on her waist. “That's okay,” she said softly.

She started to walk past him, but he caught her hand. “Would you like to join me on my walk?” he asked.

“Yes, I would. Let me go get my coat.” She rushed to her bedroom, relieved that he wanted to spend time with her. She shrugged on her coat and glanced in the mirror. Not too bad considering her fitful sleep. She fluffed her hair and squared her shoulders. She could do this.

She hurried down the hallway to where Cliff waited and saw Mama peer around the corner. “Everything okay?” Ruby heard her ask him.

“Yes, ma'am. Ruby and I are going to go for a walk. We'll be back soon,” Cliff said.

Mama looked pointedly at Ruby, and the gleam in her eye was unmistakable. “Take your time. And have fun.” She grinned and turned back to the kitchen.

“Let's go.” Ruby led the way out the front door. “I haven't been out to see Spotty yet.”

Cliff chuckled. “I'm sure he'll be happy to see you again.”

They walked in silence for a long moment.

“Is it weird for you that I'm here?” Cliff asked finally. “Because I can go back to Jacksonville today if it would make your Christmas better.”

Ruby stopped walking. “You know, I thought it was going to be weird. When I first saw you in the kitchen and found out why you were here, I expected it to be really uncomfortable.” She grinned. “But last night eating cookies and this morning having breakfast, I didn't think it felt weird at all.” She gave him a tiny smile. “It felt normal.”

“I'm glad you think so.” He led the way into the barn and motioned toward a hay bale. “Let's sit for a minute. There's something I want you to see.”

Ruby sat down next to him, surprised that she should feel nervous around Cliff. “What's that?”

He pulled a crumpled letter out of his pocket. “I got this yesterday before I left to come here.” He handed it to her. “I finally wrote my folks a few weeks ago.”

Ruby reached over and squeezed his arm. She knew it was a big step for him. “I'm so glad. I know they were relieved to hear from you.”

He motioned at the letter in her hand. “This is their response. I thought you might want to read it.”

Ruby was touched that he would share something so personal. “Are you sure?”

He nodded.

She unfolded the letter.

Ruby's eyes filled with tears. Was it true? Had she won his heart? She felt his eyes on her. “Oh, Cliff, it's wonderful. I'm so glad you contacted them.”

“Me too.”

Cliff sat so close that she could see the faint stubble on his jaw. She fought the urge to reach out and run her fingers over it. “Are you going home for a visit?”

He nodded. “Soon.” He grinned at her. “And Mom was right. You were all the difference. You're the reason I finally contacted them in the first place. Right after I got you the Christmas tree, I realized that one of the things I wanted most was for my parents to know you. So I wrote them that letter.” He sighed. “Of course, soon after that, we stopped speaking.”

“You wanted me to meet your parents?” She was unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

He grinned. “Of course. I figured you knew.”

“I had no idea.”

Cliff took the letter from her hands and folded it back up. “I wanted you to read this because I wanted you to know that even if nothing else came from our relationship, it at least prompted me to reconnect with my parents.” He smiled. “And for that I'll be forever grateful.”

Ruby sat, speechless, trying to process the turn of events. She'd come to the barn expecting to reveal her heart. Instead, Cliff had managed to surprise her again. She took a breath. It was time to come clean about her fears and her feelings.

Before she could speak, Cliff stood up from the hay bale and began to pace. “I need to apologize to you, Ruby. You made it perfectly clear that you weren't looking for a relationship. You told me in no uncertain terms that you never wanted to marry. And yet, I said those words anyway. I never should've put you in that position, and I'm so sorry.”