Love for Scale (29 page)

“Mmhmm?” Pearl didn’t take her eyes off her crossword as she brought her coffee mug to her lips.

“You know, I was thinking how awesome you are at taking care of Dad and keeping everything together.”

Pearl looked up at her daughter, peering over the rims of her glasses. “What do you mean?”

Rachel took another spoonful of yogurt before speaking, still trying to seem casual. “I just think that you’re like a superwoman the way you seem to do it all and never get ruffled feathers, you know?”

A smile crept across Pearl’s face the way a chocolate sauce drizzles down a mound of ice cream. “Well, thank you, Rachel. I take pride in keeping a good house. My mother used to say that it was a testament to a woman how well she kept her house.”

“I just hope that someday I can do it all like you and still manage to make it look easy.” Rachel stopped. Maybe she was laying it on too thick. She looked at her mother, waiting for her to speak, afraid Pearl was going to be onto her.

Apparently not.

“Well someday you’ll have a husband and I’d be happy to teach you the finer points of keeping a proper home.”

Rachel smiled. “That would be really nice. So, um, you know, I was going to stick around for a while longer to help out with Dad, but since you’ve obviously got everything totally under control, I don’t see any reason not to move out on schedule.”

Pearl’s face dropped. She hadn’t even seen the bear trap lying in the woods; she’d just walked right into it.

Harry came shuffling into the kitchen in his slippers and bathrobe. He looked from wife to daughter and back again. “What? What’s going on in here?”

Pearl was still speechless so it was Rachel who answered. “I was just telling Mom how great it is that she is managing everything, like the house and working and taking care of you. I’m feeling kind of superfluous around here, so I think I’ll still move out as planned. Sheri’s stuff is mostly out of the apartment so I can move in any time.”

Harry slid into his regular kitchen chair and smiled at Rachel, even turning his head to give her a wink out of Pearl’s field of vision. “Well we’ll be sad to see you go, but we understand. Don’t we, Pearl?”

It was like the most perfect two-pronged attack ever orchestrated. Rachel couldn’t have planned it better if she’d tried. She and her Dad definitely made a good team.

Pearl turned and glared at her husband. “No, but what am I going to say?”

Rachel finished her yogurt and got up to put her spoon in the dishwasher and the container into the recycle bin. “I think I’m going to go start packing,” she said as she leaned over and gave her dad a kiss on the cheek.

Score one for Rachel.

Chapter 39

For someone who didn’t have any furniture, Rachel was astounded at how much stuff she had to move. As she trudged up the stairs to the second-floor apartment balancing an awkward box in her quivering arms, she wished she’d accepted Finn’s offer to help.

But she had been adamant: she had to do this on her own. It was the same reason she refused Pearl’s offer of a care package of home-cooked food. She was
moving out
on her own and she would
do it
on her own.

She stopped on the landing for a breather and realized maybe she’d been a bit stubborn. Even independent, self-sufficient women had been known to ask for a little assistance now and then. Rachel was sure neither Jennifer Lawrence or Taylor Swift moved their own crap into a new place, nor would they turn down a home-cooked meal if it were offered.

“Well, I’m certainly neither of them,” Rachel laughed as she picked the box back up and continued up the stairs for what had been about her tenth trip. And there were still several boxes left in her trunk.

Her clothes alone had ended up filling three huge boxes and two suitcases. Then there was her computer and desk equipment, DVDs, toiletries, etcetera, etcetera.

By the time everything was out of her car, Rachel was starving and exhausted. Her hair was sweaty under her baseball cap and she was in desperate need of a shower. But first she needed some dinner.

She opened the fridge. Yikes; there was not one thing in it. Well, except the note from Sheri and an open box of baking soda.

Rach: bet you didn’t think I’d clean out the fridge. Well, I did!

S.

With a sigh, Rachel closed the refrigerator door. A big care package from Pearl sounded perfect about now.

The little diet devil that always had a front row seat on Rachel’s shoulder whispered in her ear:
“There’s always pizza delivery…you’re alone, no one will know.”

Alone. She was living alone for the first time in her life and it surprised her that she was already very lonely.

There would be no more Pearl cooking her dinner or doing her laundry. No more winks across the dinner table from her dad when she told him about her day at the library. And if she had no plans on a Saturday night, she would be spending it alone on Sheri’s hand-me-down couch.

Maybe if she had a little dog like Sunny to keep her company. Or maybe some chocolate would make her feel better. No, wait, Chinese food. Rachel looked around the kitchen to see if Sheri had left a phone book.

But then she stopped herself; she’d come too far to throw it all away for some comfort food. She didn’t need egg roll and Cantonese chow mein therapy. She just needed a meal. Food to live on, not to live
for
.

So even though going out was the last thing she wanted to do, she grabbed her car keys and her coat. Off to the grocery store to find some healthy food to stock her cupboards.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Rachel to hit the bottom of the ice cream container with her spoon. And when she did, it was only then that she realized what she had done. She had broken the number one rule of grocery shopping: she had gone when she was ravenous. Salad just wouldn’t do.

Her willpower had abandoned her, leaving her only with a grumbling stomach and weak resolve.

Knowing she was making a big mistake, but unable to help herself, she pulled open the big freezer door, said hello to her long lost friends, Ben and Jerry, took out the pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and put it into her cart. Thinking better of it, she grabbed the ice cream and abandoned her full cart in the frozen foods section, heading for the express aisle. Her diet devil feared a sudden wave of consciousness and forced Rachel to hurry up and buy the ice cream before her resolve returned. She practically threw her money at the cashier and walked as quickly as she could from the store.

And now, sitting on the couch with a bloated and aching belly, Rachel cried. She pushed the ice cream container (mostly empty other than a few spoonfuls around the sides) away from her. “What is wrong with me?” she said out loud.

She needed help. She needed her sponsor. No one else could possibly understand what she had just done other than someone who’d been there. She was ashamed but more than that, she was terrified.

Finn picked up the phone after two rings. “You all done unpacking?” he answered in a cheery voice.

Rachel could hardly breathe let alone speak. “Finn?” she whispered.

“Rachel? Are you okay? Is it your dad? What’s the matter?”

“I pigged out,” she managed, through her sobs.

She heard him exhale. “Tell me what happened.”

Rachel took a deep breath and began. “I moved all my stuff in and then there was nothing in the house to eat so I went to the grocery store and I was so hungry and I was stupid and bought the ice cream and I brought it home and ate the whole thing.” She took another breath. “I can’t believe how stupid I was, and now I just want to go to the bathroom and puke and I’m so ashamed.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

Rachel shook her head. “No, I don’t want to see anyone. I’m too embarrassed.”

Finn laughed.

That hurt. “It’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry, Rachel, I wasn’t laughing at you. I was just laughing because I’ve had much worse setbacks than eating a pint of ice cream.”

This is the kind of therapy Rachel had been looking for: real life stories of weakness. “Like what?”

“I remember this one time, on the anniversary of my parents’ accident I went out to this all you can eat buffet and I ate ribs until I had to go to the bathroom and throw up. And not because I was bulimic, but because I ate myself sick. Have you ever eaten too many spare ribs?” He groaned. “I haven’t been able to look at ribs since. I guess that part is the silver lining to the story.”

Rachel grinned. “It sounds awful.”

“Believe me, it was.”

“Finn? Why do we do this?”

“I really don’t know. If I did, I’d be a very rich man.”

“You mean you aren’t? My mom always told me to find a rich man.”

Finn laughed. “You can tell that mother of yours that I do okay and she won’t have to worry about her daughter being taken care of.”

Rachel’s heart fluttered. Finn wanted to take care of her. And not in Pearl’s special brand of overbearing, can’t let go, guilt-inducing, Jewish mother type of way either.

“I was just joking. Your finances are really none of her business,” Rachel said, wondering what ‘doing okay’ actually meant. Not that it mattered: she had her own money and could take care of herself.

“So you sure you don’t want me to come over? I’d love to see what you’ve done with the place.”

Rachel snorted as she looked at the disorganized array of boxes in front of her. “It’s not much, trust me. But you know what? I would actually really like it if you came over. We can watch a movie.”
Or not
, she didn’t say.

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Oh, and Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“If you want anything to eat or drink, you’d better bring it, all I have here is the remnants of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.”

“Throw it out. I’ll be there before you know it.”

She hung up the phone and got off the couch. She tossed the ice cream carton out as instructed. It was just a setback, she told herself. She had not completely fallen off the wagon. Sometimes you just trip up a little. But she was very glad she had Finn to turn to in times of crisis. Although she felt a little bad that she hadn’t been around when he needed a support. Not that she was that strong, but still, it would have been nice to be there for him.

She smiled to herself as headed to the front hall to move her boxes away from the door.

He wanted to take care of her.

Chapter 40

By the time Finn showed up, Rachel had gotten her second wind.

She swung the door open the second Finn knocked. She had her coat and shoes on and had been waiting for him in the hall. “I have a better idea than watching a movie.”

Finn shrugged. “Okay, I’m up for anything as long as it doesn’t include a buffet. What’ve you got in mind?”

“Take me shopping.”

Finn looked at his watch. “Now?”

Rachel nodded. “Yeah, come on. You can show me how to grocery shop. I’ve never lived on my own.”

“You don’t need me to show you how to buy groceries.”

“I don’t know how to buy healthy, for one. I’ve relied on my mother all my life. Even recently, since I’ve been on Weight Watchers, I’ve told her what to buy, but I’ve never really shopped on my own.” She dipped her head. “I know it’s lame, but I feel like a real grown up for maybe the first time ever. Come on, do this with me.”

Finn laughed.

She blushed. “Stop laughing at me!”

He shook his head. “I’m not laughing at you.”

“Yes, you are. Why are you laughing at me?” Her face felt so hot, like she’d just had several glasses of wine.

“I’m laughing because you’re adorable.”

Rachel’s eyes dropped to her shoes as even more blood rushed to her face.

“So tell me, Rachel. How does it feel to be an independent woman?”

She looked up at him. “It feels pretty good.”

“Come here,” Finn said, holding out his arms.

Rachel stepped forward and slid her arms around him inside his coat while he wrapped his around her.

“It feels
really
good,” she said into his chest.

“So do you,” Finn said before kissing the top of her head.

I could stay like this forever.

“All right, if we’re going to hit the grocery store, let’s go. Now, normally I shop with a list, but I’m guessing you need everything?”

Rachel nodded. “I don’t think Sheri even left me a salt shaker.”

“Don’t worry, Finn Schwartz is on the job.” He turned toward the door.

“Wait a minute,” Rachel said, waiting for him to turn back toward her.

“What?”

“I didn’t get a proper ‘hello.’” Standing up on her tiptoes, Rachel gave him a kiss. It was supposed to be a peck, but it turned into more, tempting her to skip the shopping trip.

“Hello,” Finn smiled down at her when they parted, his eyes half-lidded. “I can’t believe I was going to miss out on that.”

Rachel fought the blush, but it was no use. “Ready to go?”

He nodded and turned back toward the door.

Once his back was to her, Rachel took a breath. Wow, he was a good kisser.

* * *

Over an hour later they returned to the apartment, both carrying full grocery bags. Rachel’s bank account was significantly impacted; she’d forgotten that she would have to start from scratch on the basics. She had to buy everything from salt to aluminum foil to milk and tea.

And Finn had been a wealth of information on the best things to buy that would enable her to stick to her diet.

By the time the groceries were put away, Rachel was exhausted.

“Want to watch a movie?” Finn asked, leaning against the counter and facing her in the galley kitchen.

Rachel just wanted to crawl into bed and pass out, but she also didn’t want him to leave; it was nice having him there, making her forget, even temporarily, that she would be completely alone in the apartment.

“Sure, although I have to warn you, I may not make it through the whole thing.”

He shrugged. “We can just watch some TV.” He leaned toward the fridge and grabbed a diet pop before he pulled open the freezer. “I hope you at least have ice.”