Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (4 page)

“
It’s okay. I am going to see if I can find Millie.” I tell him.

“
Do you want me to help you look for her?”

I politely decline and tell him it was nice to meet him. I look for Mills for a while but finally give up and start my long walk home. I know I should have brought my phone. Millie had hers and I’m sure she is trying to find me but the party is huge.

I have been walking for a long time when a truck pulls up on the sidewalk in front of me. I know it’s his truck but I contemplate ignoring him and jumping to the other side of the street.

“
What the hell do you think you’re doing Paige?”
Oh great here we go. Maybe he will ask me one more time what I’m doing here.

“
What do you want Cutter?” I growl at him.

“
Why are you walking in the middle of the night by yourself?” I continue walking past his truck. I know he is going to follow me but I keep walking anyway.

“
I’m completely capable of taking care of myself but thanks for your concern.” I yell back at him but that’s when it happens. Of all the times in the world, my left leg goes partially numb and I stumble. I don’t fall. I’m used to this. I have worked my leg to the point of exhaustion before and I know the warning signs before it completely gives out. I stop and try to rest.

“
You’re limping.”

“
Yeah I know.” I tell him frustrated.

“
Paige just get in the truck. I’ll take you home. Okay?”

“
NO.” I snap back at him and try to walk off but I know if I continue eventually I will fall.

Cutter doesn’t give me a choice he is at my side picking me up and placing me inside the passenger side of his truck. I try to ignore the deep ache in my chest I feel as he touches me and cradles me against him.

“
Way too damn skinny.” He mutters as he carries me to the truck. I just ignore his statement not wanting to dignify it with a response.

Thankfully he doesn’t say much as we drive toward my house until we get close to Greek row. “Where do you live? The sorority?” He asks me.

“
No. I live on the end of Howard Street.”

“
You live by yourself?” I can hear the concern in his voice and it instantly pisses me off.
He wasn’t concerned about my well-being for the last year and half so why does he give a shit now?

“
It’s none of your business.” I tell him simply. We are on Opal Street so I know we will be on my street in just a second and I’m hoping I can keep it together long enough to get out of this truck before I explode.

“
You know what-”
Yup too late.

“
No you know what. I don’t get you. I don’t fucking hear from you for a year and a half other than some random drunk texts saying you’re sorry, and now all of sudden you are Mr. Concerned. Well, guess what you can save it. I don’t need your concern. I’m doing just fine.”

He doesn’t say anything just turns onto my street and slows near my house. “Is that your truck?”

“
Yes and that’s my house. Thanks for the ride.” I am a total mess. I know I’m going to cry but I need to get in my house first. I open my door to climb out but its pulled shut immediately. Cutter is leaned over the center console of his truck and has effectively trapped me inside the cab.

“
Wait just a minute Paige. We need to talk. Okay?” He looks sincere so against my better judgment I don’t shove my way out of the truck.

“
Talk about what?” I mutter.

“
I’m so sorry Paige. I know I really screwed things up but I want you to know that I’m so sorry about everything that happened. I need you to know that it wasn’t a lie. I loved you.” When he said the word loved, I could feel more pieces breaking inside my chest. “I was just hoping maybe we could be friends again. I really miss our friendship.”

I can’t take in air. It feels like an elephant is on my chest squeezing my lungs. I struggle to not show my emotions to him. I have worked too dang hard for him to see me cry now. “Sure, whatever. Thanks for the ride.” I say through a plastered on fake smile.

I open the door and this time he doesn’t slam it shut. I know I’m limping as I make my way across the street to my porch. When I get inside I press my back against the front door and slide down it so I’m sitting propped against it. I’m crying and I know I have been since I took about three steps out of his truck. I was humiliated having him see me struggle to get across the road like that. If I hadn’t have been so desperate I wouldn’t have gotten in the truck with him, but I knew I couldn’t make it all the way home with my leg being so weak. Being in his truck was even worse. That truck held so many memories of us. It still smelled of his cologne and it made me miss him. It made me long for the Cutter I used to know. The one that “loved” me, as he so eloquently put it. Then to totally kick me when I’m down he had said he wanted to be friends. I’m sure that was out of guilt and pity for what he had done to me. I know I should hate him for all of it, but it’s just so hard to separate my hate from my love.

Millie finally came home about an hour after I made it home. I was still lying against the door when she tried to open it. She took one look at me and knew I had seen him. Mills helped me too my room. She noticed my limp right away and went full on Mom mode. She gave me a lecture on how I need to always bring my phone with that she had been trying to call me and looked all over the party for me.

I felt bad that I worried her. I told her I was sorry and in true Millie style she told me it was no big deal. She then helped me get in my pajamas and got me some water and my meds to help with the numbness in my leg. I told her what happened with Cutter. She seemed relieved he had found me and gave me a ride but was mad that he upset me.

We sat and talked for a long time. I asked her about Brooks and she was her non-committal self. I love Millie, she is such a free spirit. She doesn’t take life too serious which is inspiring. I need to be more like her. She sits with me until the meds kick in and I drift off to sleep.

CHAPTER 4

I dream of him. It started in the hospital after the accident. I dreamed of that awful night and that he was there holding my hand in the ditch while I lay crushed and bleeding. That is the most re-occurring one, but there are others too. Sometimes I dream he was at the hospital with me holding my hand telling me he loved me when I was unconscious and other times I dream of him being in the ambulance with me. It’s a lot of just bits and pieces really but it’s always enough to leave me feeling hollow in the morning.

When I wake up I can tell I basically cried myself to sleep because my eyes are all swollen and my nose is all stuffed up. I can’t believe I got myself in that situation last night. I know better than to not carry my cell phone. I also know better than to try to walk home across campus with my injury. How humiliating to have Cutter see me limping so badly and know that I would never have been able to make it home if he hadn’t have given me a ride. That was the last way I wanted to start my new life at school.

It’s Sunday before school starts and I know I should get to work and start reading for classes but I just don’t have it in me today. If I was at home I would go spend some time The Biz, but here I have no place of refuge. That needed to change, and fast.

After Millie and I ate breakfast and watched T.V. for several hours together we decided to head up to the library to get a head start on our reading for classes. We studied for most of the day. I finished my reading first. Millie said she had about an hour left so I told her I was going to go sit outside and soak up the sun. She said she would find me when she was done and then we could go home.

I chose to sit in my old favorite spot across from the bookstore in the grass under the trees. It felt good being back in my old spot watching the hustle and bustle of college life. It completely entertained me to watch all the people coming and going from campus back to Greek row. Some people I recognized, but for the most part they were all new faces. It made me a bit sad thinking of how much time I had lost because of my accident. I thought of Millie and how many people she knows around campus now. I know that I’ll meet more people this year but it still hurts knowing that I was behind my classmates socially and academically.

I’m lounging lazily in the grass with my sunglasses on when I hear someone approach me. I assume it’s Millie so I spin around ready to grab my stuff and go.

“
Hey Paige.” It’s Laney Davis.
Great just who I don’t want to see. This could only be made worse if Cutter was with her.

“
Hi Laney.” I reply politely.

“
It’s really good to see you back at school since your accident.” She tells me.

“
Thanks it feels good to be back.” I just want her to go away but I have a gut instinct our conversation isn’t even close to being over.

“
Well I think it’s just amazing you are brave enough to come back to school. I mean I think most people would have just given up.”

“
Uh yea thanks.”
Is she purposefully trying to be a bitch to me?

“
I know it must be hard for you with your injuries walking around campus. I saw you limp the other day.”
Well thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious.

“
I manage.” I say pointedly.

“
It also must be hard seeing Cutter.”
Oh hell, here we go.

“
Not really.” I lie.

“
Well I know this whole thing has been really hard on him and I know it upsets him to see you here.”
Okay, yup we are purposefully trying to be a bitch.

“
What’s your point Laney?”
I’m done being polite.

“
I just don’t like seeing Cutter upset is all and so I was thinking it’s probably best if you two kept your distance from each other.”
Okay now I get why Tess calls her Laney Bitchface Davis.

I could stand up and just walk away but after the night I had I really don’t care if she stands here and harasses me. Yesterday I was weak but today I am made of steel. “Well, that won’t be a problem on my end. I don’t want anything to do with your
boyfriend
.”

“
Well great then, we have an understanding.” She says with a fake smile on her face.

“
Yup we sure do.” I say back to her with a sneer.

She turns to walk away and I reach in my purse to call Tess. I know she is going to flip out when I tell her this latest tale of Laney Davis.