Love In Rewind (26 page)

"Open your eyes. I need to see your eyes as I'm coming."

I opened my eyes and my orgasm exploded around his pummeling cock. I was straining to keep my eyes open. My vision was blurry. I could make out Louis glaring into me and I could feel by his frantic pace he was seconds away from…

"Eee … ma … ly … fuck … baby … yes…"

Would this ever get old between us? Every time he entered me it felt right. How was it possible that we were that perfect for each other?

Goodbye and hello...

I
was eight months pregnant when I got the strangest call from my husband, saying we needed to talk. I was going crazy with the endless possibilities of what was that important for Louis to make sure I was home at one o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon. Maybe this was it; he'd found someone new, better looking and not pregnant. But then my mind went back to our weekend and how we couldn't get enough of each other.

Saturday night we'd blown off Sara and her man du jour. I lied to her and told her I wasn't feeling well. Being my best friend she called bullshit and told me to say hi to my horny husband who she could bet her life was between my legs at that very moment. As usual, she was one thousand percent right. Louis and I bummed around in bed all day eating takeout and alternating giving each other X-rated body rubs.

Sunday, which I usually reserved for brunch with my sister and grandmother, had become harder and harder for Nana Rose to keep. Lately, Jenna and I bought French pastries and paid Nana a visit at home. My grandma had been feeling off-kilter all week and told Jenna, who told me that she would just like to rest this Sunday and would see us next week. Louis took advantage of having me available and made plans for us with one of his friends. I was way too comfy come Sunday afternoon to leave our warm bed. He took one look at me sprawled out naked in bed and called off brunch with his friend, Henry.

Henry was someone Louis got to know while building his new hotel downtown. Henry Stanton owned a decorating firm and had been chosen by Bruel Industries to design and decorate the new Chelsea Hotel. Louis and Henry hit it off and had been hanging out from time to time. I was happy whenever Louis made a new friend. I think I always felt responsible for what happened with
The Boys
.

Henry was nice but I couldn't stand how his wife Lillian only had eyes for my husband. It was like I was invisible to her. Any conversation was always directed at Louis.
What do you think, Louis? Let's see what Louis says,
etcetera. Henry was a great guy and I liked hanging out with him as long as he left his stupid wife with her hungry eyes at home. I told Louis I hated the way Lillian was shamelessly eating him up with her gaze. My oblivious husband said that I thought every woman we met wanted him. And they all did. He couldn't be that blind to how the world saw him. I was only too happy to distract my man on that particular Sunday morning in bed while he cancelled our brunch plans with Henry and Lillian.

But now it was Tuesday afternoon and I knew Louis had a jam-packed crazy day at work. He couldn't even squeeze me in for a nooner. Why would he drop everything to come talk to me? I decided to call him and find out before I went crazy wondering what was going on. He answered before the phone even rang.

"I'm five minutes away. Don't go anywhere."

"Louis, you're scaring me. Why are you rushing home? What happened?"

"Baby, I'll explain everything in a few minutes. Wait for me on the fifth floor. I love you … just hold tight; I'm almost there."

He walked into our living room as promised five minutes later with red brimmed eyes. His hair was messy and looked like he'd spent the last hour pulling at it in every direction imaginable. Something happened, something bad. He almost ran over to me once he spotted me on the leather couch. I'd already started shaking in anticipation of the bad news I was about to receive. I got up off the couch and then quickly sat back down, deciding I needed all the support I could muster up for what was coming next. My husband reached me in a few strides and sat on the floor at my feet.

"Emily," he had tears in his eyes. Louis almost never called me Emily; it's always Em, baby or little girl. Emily was too long and formal for his lips. Emily was reserved for something serious. I looked into his eyes knowing the next few words would hurt like hell. "Nana Rose passed away early this morning."

I was already braced for the worst. I was physically detached. My first instinct was to grab my belly. I felt the baby move inside almost as if she'd heard her father's news, too. I wasn't ready to accept what Louis had just said. There was no way my nana would just die. She was supposed to meet my baby. She was supposed to tell me how to be a good mother. Louis was mistaken. Why would he say such a horrible thing to his eight months pregnant wife?

I shook my head, "No! No!"

I got up and started to walk up the stairs to our bedroom, leaving him on the floor. I didn't even have to look back to know he would be following me.

"Em, you're in shock. Baby, let's talk about this."

I would do no such thing. What he was saying was false and I wasn't going to let him say such a horrible thing again. I was going upstairs to call my nana.

"Emily, look at me. It won't go away if you ignore it. The funeral is tomorrow morning; you—”

"Stop it, I don't want to hear it anymore. My nana is alive and she will meet my baby. Why are you doing this to me?" I was screaming and the tears finally came out like a bursting dam. I was fighting with my head to disbelieve my husband's words. I was halfway up the stairs when I couldn't feel my legs from under me. The next thing I remember I was curled up in Louis' lap in our bed with my cheek against his soaked shirt. My nana left me … and I didn't say goodbye.

Last week she held my stomach and told me how she couldn't wait to meet my little angel. I was trying to remember the last thing she said to me. I giggled when it came to me; she called me a superwoman in Hebrew:
Eshet Chayil
. She then told Jenna that God gives us children only when we're ready. Maybe she was saying goodbye to us in her own way. I closed my eyes to try and absorb my reality.

"Em, baby, let's go take a shower; you'll feel better. I promised your parents we would stop by their house once I told you. Jenna is taking care of all the arrangements."

"What will I do now?"

"You will make your grandmother proud and continue to be my beautiful Emily; an amazing daughter, a great sister, an incredible wife, and very soon a wonderful mother. One day, like Nana Rose, you will be an awe-inspiring grandmother and great-grandmother."

I looked up into his tear-filled eyes, giving him a weak smile and kissing his beating heart beneath the tear soaked button down white shirt.

"She won't meet our daughter."

"Maybe she already has. Baby, she passed away at night. She wasn't in pain. This was her time. She probably decided she could help her family more from the other side. You and Jenna are lucky to have had such a great strong woman in your life for as long as she was. Nana wouldn't want you to be upset. It's natural for kids to bury their parents and grandparents."

I was nodding. Louis was right; I have an abundance of great memories. I would tell our children all about their wonderful grandparents who risked their lives to survive during the war and give their kids a chance at a better life.

"Thank you for coming home to be with me. I love you so much."

"Where else would I be? I don't have anything more important in my life than you and our baby"

"I should go call my mom. I should be comforting her, not feeling sorry for myself. She lost her mother today."

"Your dad and sister have been by her side since this morning. They were all worried about how you would take the news. You're carrying their little granddaughter. They wanted to make sure you don't get too upset over this and put the baby through too much stress."

I understood I couldn't let my mind and body get too worked up, which would affect our baby. Louis wanted to make sure he was here to comfort me once I got the inevitable terrible news. He moved off the bed, still cradling me in his arms. He walked us into our bathroom.

"I'll lay you down on the bench while I draw you a bath. Then I'm feeding you before we go see your family."

"Okay … thank you. Louis, I love you."

While we shared a hot bath I started to wonder how hard it must've been for Louis when he lost his dad.

"When you told me about being told one day that you no longer had a dad I felt sad but I didn't really get it. I never lost anyone close to me. I wasn't even born when Grandpa Nathan passed away. My dad's grandparents all died before Jenna and I were born. With Nana gone it feels like time is standing still. I can't believe that tomorrow I will get up in the morning and she won't be around." I was calm but tears still poured down my face. Only the sound of my tears hitting the bath water betrayed my calm façade.

"When they told me my dad died I felt like a worthless scumbag. I've never told anyone, but he had a heart attack and died alone in his bed across the street from the only woman he ever loved. The night he died alone like a dog, his ungrateful disgrace of a son was piss drunk. I woke up in bed that morning with too many bodies around me to count. I don't even remember sleeping with any of those women. My only comforting thought was that my dorm room floor was littered in used condoms. My mom had been trying to call me for over seven hours to tell me my dad was dead. I was numb after that night. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for months from shame. I didn't know what was worse, knowing that he failed in reuniting with my mom or knowing that he now knew what kind of a lowlife his son really was."

I turned to see the love of my life look broken and far away. I turned sideways and rested my huge belly on Louis' stomach. He was shaking and crying and I didn't know what to say to make it better. I had never seen him break down like this. He told me things that night in the bathtub I had never heard before.

"Louis, you need to be strong for me. If you break down I won't make it through the next couple of days. Eric loved you and your mom; he didn't fail. If he would've left the two of you behind and moved on then he would've failed. He was there for you for every milestone. The man tucked you in every night. He decided that he loved you and your mom so much that he was ready and willing to accept just having you both near him and he was happy. You had a loving family, Louis. Your dad loved your mom and she loved him and they both adored you. Whatever you did in the past, good or bad, is what made you the man I love today. You have to believe that all of your choices have brought us to the here and now."

He smiled through his tears, rubbing my belly. The baby shifted under his touch making us both jump and giggle.

"Little baby, wait until you come out and meet your wise-beyond-her-years beautiful mama."

I sat up to reach his lips. Louis turned me around so I was sitting in his lap straddling him with water lapping all around us. My belly was so enormous that it rose way above the water line. He lowered his head and kissed my protruding tummy. I knew then that life goes on.

My sister really was an event coordinator through and through. Jenna and Mike took the burden off my parents and arranged everything. I was holding on to Louis and drawing strength from him and the life growing inside me. I had to grow up that day and accept a future without my nana in it. Louis was there for me every step of the way. I had the solace of knowing that Nana Rose lived long enough to have at least met the love of my life before she passed away. Nana was so incredibly important in my life that it was hard for me to imagine going on and not sharing my life with her. I know she and Grandpa Nathan were together again in heaven watching out for all their children.

****

I will never forget the look on Louis' face four weeks later when our baby girl was born. When Dr. Naderman gave Louis his daughter I promised myself that I would endure anything to keep putting that look on his beautiful face. All the pain and suffering was worth the expression on my husband's face when he first saw his little baby girl. He was shaking like a leaf at the sight of this tiny person. When she opened her eyes and gave a slight smile at him he broke down and wept. He turned to me and said, "Em, I love you more than I could ever express. I didn't think it was possible but I love her even more. She's you and me together."

We named her Rose as a homage to our beloved Nana Rose. Louis said that when he thought of our little baby girl bearing the name of my grandmother he knew she would always be protected from above. That was one of the happiest memories I have of us.

Louis surprised me a few days later with our Upper East Side townhouse. We were bringing baby Rose home from the hospital. I gave birth at Lenox Hill, ten minutes away from where our new home was, unbeknownst to me.

"You didn't think we'd raise our family in a treehouse. That we'll keep as our love pad, this will be our home," he said as our precious cargo carrying SUV pulled into the driveway of an unfamiliar townhouse.

Life was always interesting with Louis Bruel. He was born to be a father. He was amazing and took off of work for three weeks, never leaving our side. He woke up at night to bring the baby over to me so I could feed her and then he would change her and put her back to sleep expertly. He always went to sleep thanking me for being his and giving him a family. My life was a dream.

La vie en Rose...

M
y life with Louis always bordered on fantasy. We were passionate lovers but we were even more passionate friends and partners. He taught me everything from how to drive a car to how to sail a boat. For our three-year anniversary Louis bought us a one-hundred-foot yacht that we kept docked in St. Martin. Before the boat was finished and named Louis asked me in bed one night, "What do you think about naming the yacht
Great Expectations
?"