Love Inspired November 2013 #2 (53 page)

She dropped her gaze and he heard her drag in a shaky breath.

He rubbed her shoulders, hoping to bring a little cheer back to her face. “But today you don't seem like the fearless editor I know. More advertising trouble?”

She sighed, bright blue eyes troubled. “Another big client bailed in search of a paper that actually gets read, even if it's only for the celebrity gossip.”

“I'm sorry.”

Evie's lips tugged up. “You're supposed to tell me to man up, to carry on, to keep working to the end.”

“Okay, that, too.” He couldn't help grinning. She felt so good in his arms; he never wanted to let her move another inch away. But the lobby was like the downtown Denver transit station, and Lana was giving them a sly grin from over by the desk.

“We should get to the meeting.” She moved away, leaving one hand tucked into his elbow. “I ordered a pizza to be delivered to the meeting, by the way. I figured you hadn't had dinner yet.”

He ginned at her. “You're a genius. Grant's worried the Mission will fall apart without him. I let him know that as long as Marisol is here, we'll all be okay.”

“I just saw her in the kitchen. She was in a state but told me God would never ignore a mother's tears.”

“He better not ignore Marisol, that's for sure.”

She laughed, a sweet sound that warmed him. “I wish I had someone on my side like her. She's a big, bad spiritual bodyguard in the form of a little Mexican woman.”

“Grandma Lili is mine. I've never tried to wander off the path because I know she'd just pray me back on. It would be a waste of time.” Of course, Allison tried. Grandma Lili had never given up on bringing her granddaughter back into the fold.

They wound their way past the groups gathered near the lobby couches. Gavin knew he had sounded confident, reassuring, but that was his job. He was supposed to help people feel safe. Even when things were going from bad to worse, when he was trying his best to protect the city from a killer disease and failing. The pit of his stomach felt like lead, but he kept the smile fixed to his face. Fake it until you make it was never his motto, but giving in to panic wouldn't help anyone. The world seemed to be falling to pieces around them, but as long as Evie didn't give up, then he felt he could keep going, too.

* * *

“So, if the pertussis cases continue to rise, we'll cancel the Christmas dinner and worship services? What about the caroling?” Evie couldn't imagine what it was like to be a kid, homeless, and have Christmas canceled.

“Discouraging large gatherings helps contain the spread.” Gavin's face was tight but his voice was level.

“That's rough.” Jack shook his head, voicing everyone's sentiments. He picked up the last piece of pizza but didn't take a bite. The idea of skipping Christmas was unthinkable.

“Let's end the meeting with another prayer.” Nancy folded her hands and spoke softly into the conference room. The finance board had managed to get through several large projects that needed approval by Christmas, but baby Gabriel was in everyone's thoughts.

When the prayer had finished, Evie looked up in time to see Gavin's expression turn from contemplative to downright steely. She knew what he was thinking but had no idea how he coped with the feelings.

Evie had been attracted to his quiet wit, his careful speech, that gorgeous smile, but now she knew the man who would lay down his life for his family, who stayed awake worrying about there being enough vaccines for all the babies, who felt a responsibility to an entire city. She'd never considered a biochemist a particularly manly profession, but this science geek was warrior material.

Her heart thudded in her chest as their gazes locked. She wanted to go back in time and change everything. It was too much to ask to erase her own past, but why couldn't she have known about Allison first? Why did she have to get to know Gavin, care for him, and then break her own heart?

And she was going to break it the moment she told him the truth, maybe even minutes away.

“Evie?”

She sat up straight, startled.

Jack was leaning forward. “No meeting next week. It's the Thursday before Christmas.”

“Got it.” Her face felt hot, and she focused on shuffling papers into her folder. The world was bigger than Evie and much bigger than whatever love-life issues she had. She'd love to hang around and mope, but there was work to be done. And a major conversation to be had with the handsome man across from her. She just hoped that her heart didn't get in the way of her mouth when the time came to be honest about her past.

The finance team filed out of the conference room, uncharacteristically quiet.

Nancy waved and was gone, along with a few others. But Jack paused by Lana's desk, a hopeful expression on his face.

“I thought it was against Mission rules to have meetings without cookies.”

“Oh!” Lana shook her head, tired eyes going wide. She lifted a plate to the top ledge of the desk. “Have at it.”

“Now this is what I'm talking about!” Jack peeled back the cellophane and inhaled deeply. Evie could see small spritzer cookies with red hots, gingerbread men, brightly colored stars and brownies with fudge topping.

“When I get stressed, I start baking.” Lana didn't smile. “Gavin, I don't want to pry, but is there anything you can tell me about Gabriel?”

Gavin nodded, one hand resting lightly on Evie's back. She felt her mind go blank as feelings surged through her. She struggled not to turn around and lean into him, tried not to think of how everything would change. For this moment, she would be grateful for small blessings. A touch, a whisper.

“Grant said he would be in tomorrow morning and that I should let you all know that Gabriel is holding his own.” Gavin repeated the medical update, his low voice subdued.

“Let them know we're all praying.” Lana's eyes were filled with tears.

“All of us,” Jack said, nodding. “Poor little guy. But Gavin's on the scene, and if I had to choose anybody to be there when my kid got sick, it would be him.”

Gavin smiled but looked pale and sad. Evie wondered how he could work around sick kids and not be overwhelmed with memories.

“Now, I've got to run.” Jack selected a gingerbread man for the road and gave Evie a playful nudge. “I've got a first date and I can't be late. Bad manners. Right, little sister?”

Evie rolled her eyes. “Another? First dates are awful. And I was born first.”

“First dates with me are the bomb. And you're older but littler.” He called the last part from the middle of the lobby and was out the door seconds later.

“I'd better get back to the office. We're running twenty-four hours.” Gavin rubbed his hand over his face. Evie could hear the stubble on his chin rasping. She wondered when he ate, when he slept. She shot Lana a glance and knew she was thinking the same thing.

“Take care of yourself, Gavin. We don't want to be visiting you in the hospital, either.”

He nodded. “I will. Evie, are you leaving? I can walk you out.”

“Sure.” Now was the moment to tell him. It was terrible timing, the very worst. He was exhausted and overwhelmed. But if she didn't do it now, she never would. She could hardly swallow, fear suddenly gripping her by the throat. They walked through the lobby, footsteps echoing on the polished floor. Everything seemed sharp and vivid, her senses heightened with crushing anxiety. The Christmas tree sparkled in the corner, ornaments dangling crazily from where small hands had hung them. She felt as if someone was standing on her chest, and she fought to stay calm. It was just her heart, not life and death. But somehow it felt like she was walking straight toward the end of the world.

He took her hand on the way to the parking lot and she gripped it tightly. Like a prisoner on the way to the gallows, guilty as charged. He was quiet, shooting her a glance. She kept her eyes on the sidewalk, ignoring the bright windows twinkling with Christmas decorations. Not more than a foot away, but she felt the distance yawn between them, impossible to breach. As soon as they'd arrived at the edge of the lot, she turned to face him, letting go of his hand. It felt like she'd lost her only lifeline.

His eyes were filled with questions. Evie wished desperately that she could reach out and brush back the bit of curl that escaped from his hat. What she wouldn't give to touch his cheek, kiss him one last time. She took a deep breath, wishing someone would swoop in and fix the mess she'd made. But it was only her and Gavin, standing on a snowy downtown street corner in the freezing cold.

“What is it?” His voice was low, wary.

She met his gaze and knew she couldn't, not now. Maybe not ever. She'd rather walk away from him than tell him the whole truth. She couldn't bear seeing what was growing between them turn to hate, to witness the disappointment in his eyes.

She looked up to see a familiar pair walking—no, running—down the sidewalk toward the Mission. Grant turned, searching for what had caught her attention.

“Allison!” She thought the young woman wasn't going to stop. Her face was pale and her hand was gripping Sean's as if her life depended on it.

“I'm so glad you're here. Something horrible happened.” Her words dissolved into a hoarse sob.

Evie moved toward her, but Gavin was there first, shielding her, eyes sweeping the street for what was threatening his sister and her little boy.

Evie's breath caught in her throat. This man would do anything to protect his family, and it showed in his every action. She could never tell him the truth unless she was ready to face the consequences. This strong, faithful man would see her not as a friend, but as the enemy. And Evie knew she would never be strong enough to bear it.

Chapter Thirteen

E
vie slipped an arm around Allison's shoulders, her heart pounding. “What happened?”

The young woman's face was tight with fear. “I was reading the news on my laptop, just scrolling through and saw this.” She held up her phone to show them an internet site filled with photos. A little boy playing in the snow, laughing. Close-ups of his face. One of Allison, looking college age, happier. Evie's mind stuttered to a stop.

“Oh, Allison. I'm so sorry.” Her voice came out soft, breathless.

“Are you?” Allison's gaze was locked on her face, searching for the truth.

“What does that mean? Of course she is.” Gavin stared down at the lurid headline on the screen, anger written in every line of his face. “Left to wander the country without support? An unemployed single mother dependent on her relatives for help? They make it sound like she's a bad mother.”

“You can't think I had anything to do with this.” Evie should have been angry, furious. But she could hardly speak past the enormous lump of fear in her throat.

“I don't know what to think.” Allison clutched Sean closer to her side, never letting her gaze slip from Evie's face.

Gavin looked up at her, a question growing in his eyes. She had meant to tell him, was planning to tell him.

“Oh, Allison, I would never...” Her voice trailed off. She didn't do this terrible thing. But she had, once before. How did one admit guilt and innocence at the same time? Evie swallowed, wishing there was something she could say but everything that occurred to her seemed trite.

Gavin finally spoke, shock dawning in his tone. “Did you write this?”

“No!” Seeing the betrayal in his eyes was the catalyst she needed. “I didn't take those pictures, or write that story, or know who did. I would never do that to you.” She looked from the sad young mom to her son, still standing with his face buried in her sleeve. Her gaze traveled to Gavin, this man she'd come to care so deeply for, without even realizing it was happening. “Any of you,” she whispered.

As if taking the words deep inside, Allison inhaled, shutting her eyes. “Okay. I'm sorry I accused you.” She wiped her eyes. “I don't know what to do now. We can't go back to my place. I rented my apartment in my own name. It must be how they tracked us down.” Her face crumpled as she looked behind her at the bleak cement building. “Maybe this is the safest place for us, a homeless mission.”

“Stay with me. I've got plenty of room. We can plan what to do next.” Gavin put a hand on Allison's shoulder, his deep voice thick with emotion.

Evie knew he would give anything to keep Allison safe. But what she really needed was a little time to disappear. “Maybe it's better if you stayed with me. Just for a while, until the trail goes cold.” She grimaced at her own words. She sounded like a bad spy novel. “I mean, until you decide how to address this. No one knows we're friends. I've got more than enough room, and I'm gone during the day.”

Gavin sucked in a slow breath, nodded. He saw she was right.

Allison looked between them, a watery smile covering her pale face. “Nice, now I have two superheroes for the price of one.”

Lips tugging up, Gavin turned and shot Evie a smile that took her breath away. Like they were on the same team, partners, protectors. She desperately wished it could be true.

“Are you sure? I mean, Sean is a good kid, but he's still a kid.” Allison wavered, dark brown eyes rimmed red from crying.

“I know what kids are like. And I'm no clean freak, so I won't be bothered if he makes a mess or is loud.”

“Sounds like it's settled. We'll head right over. We need to get Sean out of the cold anyway.” Gavin moved toward the car.

Evie held up her hand. “But first we should probably figure out how we're getting Allison's stuff over to my place.”

“Her stuff?” Gavin blinked.

“I'm sure she'd be a lot more comfortable with her own clothes, toothbrush, that sort of thing.” Evie struggled to keep from smiling. Just like a man. He could probably hang out on someone's couch for a week without a problem, and Sean would love to have a sleepover, but women liked their creature comforts.

“I'll go, I've got a key.” Gavin was already heading for his car.

“Here, you better write a list. If you're anything like Jack, you'll bring some ski boots and a parka and call it good.” Allison let out wavering laugh as Evie scrambled in her purse for a pen and some paper.

After a few seconds of hasty scribbling, Allison handed it over. “Be careful,” she called after him, and Gavin paused, turning back to give her a tight hug,

“You, too.” He included Evie, touching her lightly on the shoulder as he left.

“Let's get you two someplace warm. Hey, Sean, ready to visit my place?” Evie hoped her voice was cheery and not betraying the desperate anxiety she felt.

He nodded, his little face pale and pinched.

“You follow me. We'll go home and make some hot chocolate, okay?” A brief smile lit his face. Allison flashed her a look of gratitude as they turned back to their car.

As Evie slipped into her little VW, she felt her heart dropping into her shoes. Maybe there had been no chance for real love; maybe she and Gavin were doomed from the start. But something deep in her heart fought against the verdict, especially when she let her mind wander back to that kiss. She'd meant to tell him, and now it was too late. It would look as if she'd been forced to expose her past rather than freely offering it up.

Evie cranked up the heater, rubbing her mittens together. The whole situation was such a mess. She waited for headlights in her rearview mirror and tried to calm her breathing.

If only she'd had the nerve to look him in the eye and speak the words she'd been dreading. Her stomach roiled, imagining the anger, disappointment and pain in his eyes. She hadn't been just a gossip hound, like the journalists he hated. She'd been the person who had exposed his sister to the whole world in the first place. Now that boat had sailed, and the time for confessional talks was gone. There were bigger problems at hand, and one of those was protecting the girl she'd hurt so badly all those years ago.

* * *

Evie wandered aimlessly from the cozy little kitchen to the wide-open living room and back. She was glad she'd decorated a bit, twinkle lights at the windows of her little home, a wreath with ribbons. Allison was trying to read Sean to sleep, but from the sound of it, he wasn't buying the idea of “camping out” in Evie's apartment.

First he said he needed a tent, which they rigged up with chairs and extra blankets. Then he decided he needed a lamp, and Evie's book light was attached to the top inside. Now he seemed to be insisting on a husky to keep him warm in the “snow.” It didn't seem to matter that it was a reasonable seventy degrees in the apartment. She wondered how Allison was going to manage a husky out of the meager offerings in the room. But as far as she'd seen, the young mom was about the most patient and creative person she'd met. If only she wasn't fighting a losing battle with the press. The truth would come out, and it didn't look like it was exactly going to set them free.

Her phone rang and she answered it instinctively. Jack's voice was rough, static-y.

“Are you okay? I just got your message.”

For some reason, Evie felt suddenly exhausted. “Did you see the link I sent you?”

“How is she?” He didn't bother to acknowledge the ugly article, just the little family it targeted.

“Pretty shaken. I'll fill you in tomorrow. Allison and Sean are staying here for a while.”

“Do you need anything?” His voice was wavering in and out of clarity, but the tone was all Jack.

“You have a husky I can borrow?”

“Fresh out.” He waited to see if she was going to add more, but she was too tired to talk. “I want to know what I can do. You call me when you're ready. I'll be a good little boy and go to the office bright and early. I'll shuffle some papers and wait for your phone call.”

Evie snorted. Honest to a fault.

She hung up just as a knock at the door nearly startled her out of her wits. Evie put a hand to her chest, feeling her heart pounding through her shirt. She stepped softly toward the door and looked through the peephole. The face that appeared didn't help to calm the thudding pulse in her ears.

Evie swung open the door and motioned Gavin inside. He set down two duffle bags, seeming taller than she remembered. His dark gaze swept the small living room and then returned to her face, expression unreadable. His jaw was shadowed with stubble and his tie hung loosely. The smell of fresh soap was so familiar it made her throat ache.

“Sorry I took so long. Grant left a message. The lab has more cases.” He stopped and ran a hand through his blond hair, a gesture she hadn't ever seen from him before. He looked overwhelmed, undone. “I'm sorry, that didn't make much sense.”

Somehow his anxiety helped the lump in her throat reduce to a manageable size. It didn't disappear altogether. “How is baby Gabriel?” Her face felt tight with fear.
Lord, please heal him!

“Better.” His lips moved up, though his eyes were still shadowed. “But Lana is sick now. They think she must have caught it from one of the kids and passed it to the Gabriel on one of the days Calista brought him in to visit.”

Evie put a hand to her mouth and felt her eyes go wide. Lana would be heartbroken to have caused baby Gabriel's infection. “Poor Lana.”

His gaze locked on her face and he seemed to be choosing his words. “I know just how she feels.” An old pain flashed in his eyes. “It makes me so angry that I couldn't protect him.”

“But...” Evie frowned, lost for words. “You can't protect the entire population, Gavin.”

He didn't seem to hear her. “The articles helped. But Lana didn't think those symptoms applied to her.” Gavin closed his eyes, his voice dropped low. “To be honest, she told me she was feeling off. She said she couldn't get warm. I heard her cough.”

Evie reached out, her heart aching for the pain she saw on his face. “But you couldn't have known.”

His gaze bored into hers. “No, Evie, I should have known. I should have guessed. I should have warned them.” His voice broke on the last word.

Phrases swirled in her head.
Everything is clearer in hindsight. You're not perfect. It was God's will.
But the words seemed inadequate.

He dragged in a breath. “Anyway, thanks for letting them stay.” He paused. “I was worried what you would think about Allison, about how I wasn't there to help support her when she needed it.”

“Oh, Gavin.” She shook her head, the irony of it all twisting her heart. She couldn't speak. What could she say? He was the most honorable man she had ever met, and he had worried what
she
would think of
him.
She felt sick.

“When we left the Mission tonight, you were trying to tell me something.”

For a moment, Evie couldn't seem to draw in air. “Not a big deal. It's not the right time.”

“Is it related to whatever you wanted to say on the trail?” His voice was pitched low, words measured.

Now? She felt herself standing on a precipice, wavering, heart in her throat. No, it couldn't be now. “Yes, but I want to get Allison and Sean settled.” She smiled a little, hoping he would move on, let it go.

He took a step toward her, and she craned her neck up to see his face. Brown eyes burning with intensity, his hands felt hot where he cupped her face. “I want us to be honest with each other. Don't be afraid to talk to me, Evie. Not ever.”

Her eyes prickled and she sucked in a wavering breath. To the rest of the world she was a fighter, a woman who made her own way. But deep inside fear swirled and twisted. She could never be completely free of her past, and it was too much to hope Gavin could accept her as she was then.

He stood only inches away from her, a buffer of heat between them. She desperately wanted to move forward, to kiss him until they both forgot about the present and the past, what they'd done and failed to do.

Sweeping a thumb over her mouth, he locked his gaze on her lips. Evie knew she should break his gentle hold, back away, but her body wouldn't obey her mind. She was lost, and she hated her own weakness. Every touch, every kiss, would seem a betrayal when he knew the truth. And she still could not do the right thing.

Sean's high voice carried into the living room. The little boy was overtired and obviously near tears. It was enough to break into the moment. Evie blinked and gently lowered Gavin's hands, squeezing them before letting them drop.

Allison's footsteps sounded down the hallway.

“I think he's finally ready to lie down quietly. Sleep may be too much to ask for, but I'll settle for quiet.” She walked in, already talking, both hands tucking her hair behind her ears. “Gavin!” She launched herself into his arms and he hugged her tightly.

This is what family was for, to be the rock in a storm.

“I guess moving here wasn't such a great plan after all,” Allison said. She tried to make it sound as if she thought the whole thing funny, but the quiver in her voice was telltale.

“I'm glad you're here. You and Sean.” Gavin's face was almost fierce. “Don't think I regret you coming to Denver.”

She nodded, looking small and forlorn, and shrugged one shoulder. “Well, I'm glad that I didn't enroll Sean in kindergarten this year. It won't be so hard for him this way.”

“What way?”

“Moving again.”

“Allison, you know you can't let this go on forever. You've got to face it. Head-on.”

For a moment, Evie thought the young woman was going to shout at him, but then she took a deep breath. “You're the one who's been telling me to keep quiet.”