Love Is a Secret (28 page)

45

It was half-term and the shops were filling with Christmas stuff.

Normally, Susan didn’t bother much. Tabitha’s needs weren’t great and there wasn’t enough money for anything extravagant. A new jumper. A couple of jigsaws, of course. And maybe a computer game. It was extraordinary how Tabitha could operate the mouse and the keyboard. But as someone at the centre had said, it was easier for kids like Tabitha to do that than it was to hold a pen.

On the other hand, Susan definitely didn’t want her getting into the internet. It was all very well Steff saying it was educational but there were too many dangers, and the thought of her daughter loose in a chatroom made her feel sick.

But there was another problem this year with Christmas. ‘We had a brilliant time,’ said Steff, when she brought Tabitha back after her first overnighter as it was half-term. ‘There’s this new indoor playground that’s opened up near us with equipment for kids who need a bit more help. It’s even open on Boxing Day. In fact, Josh and I were wondering if you’d like to come to us for Christmas dinner and maybe stay over – both of you, that is.’

‘Sorry, but we always have it with my dad and June.’

Steff’s head had bobbed up and down. ‘Bring them too. My dad’s going to be there. He’s on his own and it’ll be like a proper family.’

Susan had been so taken aback that she’d been unable to think of a good excuse. But she would. Sometimes Josh’s nerve was breathtaking. But it was funny that she didn’t loathe him in the way she had done before. He had changed, and she had to admit that Steff, despite her irritating ways, had to take the credit for that.

She, too, had changed. A few months ago she would never have guessed she’d have a proper job. ‘You’ll be on your own this afternoon,’ Fiona had said to her. ‘I’ve got a viewing and the temp’s off sick again. If the Fieldings make an offer on Silver Street, ring me on the mobile. Otherwise it’ll all be pretty straightforward.’

Susan enjoyed being on her own – it wasn’t the first time. After Fiona had gone, she made herself a cup of coffee and went through the new property list. Years ago, when she’d been a property buyer, she had hated it when estate agents didn’t seem to know anything about a house on their books. Susan knew that her attention to detail had already earned her Brownie points.

The phone rang. ‘Green and Co. How can I help you?’

‘Susan? It’s Joy. Look, I know I shouldn’t be ringing you at work but something really exciting has happened.’

‘What?’ Susan could see a couple looking in the window. ‘I’ve got to be quick. Someone’s about to come in.’

‘The centre wants you and me to go to Number Ten.’

Susan’s first thought was Silver Street, where they were expecting an offer on number ten. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Number Ten Downing Street! Apparently the prime minister has invited lots of representatives – ordinary people, not toffs – to join in a conference about services for disabled kids. Someone told his office about our campaign and we’ve got to go along and make our views known.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Amazing, isn’t it? It’s not till next month but we ought to work out what to wear.’

The couple were coming in and walking expectantly up to her desk.

‘That’s hardly the point, Joy.’

‘But they want to know if you’re in or not. Yes or no.’

‘Yes.’ Susan put the phone down. It had to be a joke. ‘Good afternoon. Can I help you?’

Number Ten? It didn’t seem real. But, amazingly, it was. After the couple had left, armed with information on several properties to browse through, Susan broke all her rules and rang Joy back. Apparently the prime minister talked to various groups of people throughout the year. Facilities for disabled children and teenagers was the topic for the next meeting and their centre had been picked as a representative.

Susan, who didn’t normally pay much attention to politics, was impressed. When the formal arrangements came through to the centre, it transpired they would have to make their own way there.

‘Thought they might send a limo,’ said Joy, disappointed. ‘We’ve got to gather at the end of Downing Street. Apparently there’s a barrier where they check your identity. Isn’t it exciting?’

Luckily it wasn’t one of Susan’s working days. Her father had promised to pick up Tabitha from the bus after school, although he was less impressed about the outing than Joy was. ‘You tell him about the centre closing and what it means to you,’ he said. ‘The cost of these conferences would probably pay for another term.’

He had a point. So, too, did Joy, who kept wittering on about what to wear. During one of her lunch hours, Susan gave in and bought herself a cheap but cheerful two-piece. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d bought something new but she was a working woman now. It had cost her two weeks’ wages but it wasn’t every day you got to meet the prime minister.

From Rainbow to What Mums Know: Guess what? I’ve been invited to Number Ten! I belong to a local parents’ group and we’ve been asked to give our views to the prime minister. I’m really excited.

She couldn’t help it. Joy’s enthusiasm was catching. Until the summer, her life had been so mundane, so samey. Now she was working, having driving lessons and about to meet one of the most famous people in the world. No need to mention that the parents’ group was actually the special-needs centre.

It was so nice to feel she and Tabitha were, almost, like everyone else.

46

The best bit about doing the dinner shift at the special-needs centre was that she got to use the computer when she finished before she went back to the nursery. But today she couldn’t. One of the mums – the one with hoop earrings and that boy who wasn’t right, poor sod – was on it. ‘Sorry, won’t be a minute. I just need to check something online. We’re going to Downing Street, you know. With any luck, we might get the prime minister to save the centre.’

That was all very well but she needed the computer too. By the time the woman had finished, Lisa only had a few minutes to log on, using her password. Still, it was worth it. Pushy Princess was really sympathetic about neighbour problems and advised her to make as much noise as she could. There wasn’t time to check any more messages because another mother was hovering and she didn’t want her to see her private business. Besides, she was already late for the nursery.

‘Lisa, can I have a word?’

Trust Mrs Perkins to be waiting. Surprised she didn’t have a stopwatch in her hand. Lisa tried to think what she’d done wrong now. She’d been really careful about sterilising the bottles and making sure little Scarlett only had soya. She even managed to keep quiet when Scarlett’s mother was moaning about how tired she was.

‘Lisa, we’re going to move you back to the Blue Room.’

‘Why?’

‘Daisy’s playing up now the baby’s arrived and you’re the only one who can handle her. Her mother had another girl, and they were so hoping for a boy. Daisy’s having terrible tantrums and refusing to sit up at the activities table. You’ve always been good with her so I’m hoping you might be able to buck her out of this.’

Lisa snorted. You couldn’t ‘buck’ a kid out of hating her new brother or sister. Poor Daisy. ‘I’ll go and find her.’

Daisy was sitting on the floor in the reading corner but she wasn’t reading. Lisa squatted next to her even though it was an effort with the lump. ‘Wotcha.’

Silence.

‘Want to play with some toys?’

She shook her head.

Lisa didn’t blame her. Toys weren’t going to help her with something as traumatic as this. ‘Shall I tell you a story, then?’

Daisy usually loved Lisa’s stories so she took the child’s silence as a ‘yes’. ‘Once upon a time, there was a little girl called Lisa.’

‘That’s your name,’ said Daisy.

‘That’s right. Anyway, Lisa loved her mum very much until, one day, her mum had another baby.’

Daisy started to wriggle.

‘Lisa hated this baby because her mum stopped giving her so many cuddles.’

She put an arm round Daisy, who leaned her head on her shoulder just like Hayley would have done. Lisa glanced round to check that Mrs Perkins wasn’t looking. Not that she cared: the rules about not touching kids were ridiculous. Daisy needed a comfort cuddle just as Lisa had when her half-brother had been born. ‘She tried to make it go back to where it came from.’

‘Where was that?’

‘Babyland. But she couldn’t find the door. So then she thought that if she couldn’t make it go back, she’d better be friends with it.’

‘I don’t want to be friends with my stupid baby.’

‘That’s what Lisa thought. But then she taught this baby to walk and her mother thought that was very clever. Then she taught it to talk and her mother was so pleased she said Lisa was the best big sister in the world. And all the other mothers were so impressed, they got Lisa to teach their babies to talk and walk too. And everyone thought Lisa was brilliant.’

Daisy was twisting her hair. ‘Then what?’

Lisa held her closer. ‘Then the nicest thing of all happened. Lisa found a new best friend.’

‘Who?’

‘Her baby sister. You see, she loved Lisa for helping her and that made Lisa feel all special.’

Daisy wriggled out of her grasp, stood up and flung a book hard across the room. ‘I hate my baby! I wish she wasn’t here! Send her back to Babyland! Now!’

Great. Here’s Mrs Perkins. And there goes her tray of drinks.

‘
Daisy!
Lisa, can’t you control that child? And by the way, Lisa, I really will have to take disciplinary action if I see you cuddling her again. It’s against the rules. And that’s a warning.’

That was what she should have done. Tried being friends with her baby brother. But she’d hated him from the first day she’d seen her mother gazing down at him with more love in her eyes than she’d ever had for
her
.

She might have been little more than a kid herself but that was when she’d decided to have her own baby as soon as she could. Then she’d always have someone to love her. And she wouldn’t have to go to school any more.

How old was Lee now? Four? Five? Somewhere, back in the flat, she still had the screwed-up postcard that Mum had sent months ago, with her new address. Devon was a long way off to visit. Might as well be Babyland.

It was going-home time now, and Daisy was still sitting in the corner while her mother was talking to Mrs Perkins in her office.

Through the window, Lisa could see a pram by the door. She walked over, heart racing. It was difficult to see much with all the blankets but she could just about glimpse a little face and a pink crocheted hat.

Her cheek was so soft. She could easily be Lisa’s. Her very own special wish, just like the little bear on
What Mums Know
had promised.

This little bear can make your dreams come true by Christmas.

The baby stirred and Lisa looked round quickly. Daisy’s mother was still yapping away with Mrs Perkins, ignoring one of her other children who was grizzling at her ankles. How could she be disappointed with another girl? Some people didn’t know how lucky they were.

They went soon after that and, after she had helped Mrs Perkins to tidy up, Lisa did the same. She didn’t have the heart to browse round the baby-clothing shop on the way, especially as her back was killing her. Instead she’d make herself a nice cup of tea and toast before she logged on.

What Mums Know.

Bugger. The bloody computer was frozen again. She turned it off at the mains, then on again, and groaned as a message flashed up on the screen.

YOUR MODEM IS NOT CONNECTED.

Of course it was! She fiddled with some leads at the back but it still didn’t work. Now what was she going to do? She certainly couldn’t afford to ring the helpline, not at premium rate. And on top of everything else, her backache was even worse.

Bang, bang.

Someone was doing DIY at Kiki’s. Probably Kiki’s new bloke. Come to think of it, wasn’t he in computers? Kiki had told her that yesterday. Ryan. That’s right. Lisa didn’t normally like asking anyone for anything. But this was an emergency.

Ryan certainly knew his stuff although he would keep going on about the server and other rubbish she didn’t understand. But her computer did seem to be working again.

‘You all right, love?’ he asked. ‘You’re a bit pale.’

Lisa rubbed her back. ‘I’ve got a really bad pain.’

‘Not going into labour, are you? My sister had backache with her first. You can get it that way round, you know.’

‘You sure?’ Lisa could hardly get the words out.

‘Ask her, if you don’t believe me. I think we ought to be getting you to hospital, love.’

Lisa began to shake with excitement and apprehension. It was time. It was really time! ‘Hang on a minute. There’s something I’ve got to do first.’

From Expectent Mum To What Mums Know: I think Im going into laber! My naybour’s bloke has called a taxi to get me to hospital. I’ll let you know what happens!