Love Is Louder (29 page)

I will not resort to toxins or mind-altering drugs that are formulated to only cripple my mind. James knows better than that. All I want is him here like this. I’m fighting the urge to take anything because I know I’m stronger than I feel. I have to believe that. If I don’t, who will?

“No, I’m fine. What about you?” I smile, unsure of the man that is before my eyes. The man who can be so amazing one minute and then so cold and unpredictable the next. “What was that phone call about? You sounded upset.”

“Just a case we’ve been working on for awhile. Nothing new.” His voice wavers as I brush a strand of hair that’s fallen over his eyes.

“I’ve never seen you like that before.” His deep blue gaze sees through me, penetrating far inside me and leaving me nowhere to hide. Does he see the same in my eyes?

“Yeah...” He averts his eyes from mine for a moment. “The office has been heckling me about it. I’m just not in the mood to work on a holiday. It can wait.” He peeks inside the bag. “So, what did you pick up?”

“Just some little last-minute things. Napkins, condiments, and snacks.”

“You should have asked me, babe. I would have picked up some of this stuff.”

“It’s fine. It was on the way.”

“You’re so good to me.” He holds me close, resting his chin upon my head. I feel safe. “When is this photo shoot of yours?”

“In an hour.”

“Lily is her name, right?” He pulls away to look down at me.

I’m shocked he remembers that detail. James has never been great with names.

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” he asks with a chill in his voice. I bite my tongue, wanting to ask him why he would want to attend a four-year-olds birthday party when he has no desire to have a child of his own with me.

“No, I won’t stay long. Maybe a couple of hours. I have to be back here before the guests start arriving, so I can get things ready.” I swallow the knot that has lodged itself in my throat, thinking about all the guests in my house and having to see his parents, especially his mother. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to please Barbara Fleming, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying. The less social gatherings we have, the less time I have to spend with her. “Your parents are still coming, right?”

“Yes.” He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “I know what you’re thinking. You need to be yourself.”

“That’s the problem. She hates the real me, but I won’t change for her, James.”

“I don’t expect you to, babe. That’s why I married you,” he says with flicker of lust in his eyes. “There were other perks to marrying you, too.” He drops his head and kisses my lips. I swoon into him, searching his eyes for a moment.

“You okay?” I murmur, tilting my head.

“Do you think we have time?”

“Time for what?” I smile, ducking my eyes to trace the broad lines of his chest.

“A quickie?” His eyes drop to my breasts. Biting his lip, he ever so slowly caresses the soft mound of flesh, his finger dipping lower and finding my nipple underneath my sports bra. He gazes at me with a wolfish grin. Everything inside me clenches, and my pussy grows slick with need. My chest aches so badly for him, even with all the ugliness that my tortured eyes have seen. He presses an unexpected kiss to my throat, nibbling my flesh, causing my heartbeat to ratchet to a rapid pace.

“Yes.” I glance at the wall clock, wishing time would stand still as he presses his lips against mine and kisses me with veracity. I sigh, wrapping my hands in his hair and feeling his stubble graze my face. I gasp as James tears his mouth from mine.

He manages to remove my bra and yoga pants, leaving me completely naked in front of him. He then grabs my ass and pulls me closer. I feel his erection through his pants as he grinds himself against my clit.

“Fuck, you make me lose my mind.”

Never losing eye contact, he moves to stand between my legs, backing me against the wall next to the kitchen counter. Spreading my legs apart with his hands, I feel his thumb brush over my clit and then press deep inside me. I moan when he trails two fingers over my clit and rubs faster. My stomach tightens as I unzip his pants, and his engorged cock springs free as his pants drop to the floor.

“You want this?” he asks as he turns me around so I’m bent over the counter. I feel his hands grab my hips.

“Baby, yes,” I plead, my body shaking with need.

“Good. I’m going to give it to you.” He pulls my hair, bending my neck backward to plant a ravenous kiss onto my swollen lips and trailing more kisses down my neck before he releases me. “Mmm…I can smell how turned on you are.”

His cock nudges at my entrance, and he finally slides all the way inside, causing me to clutch the counter as he starts to thrust inside me. I shut my eyes, savoring his slow, deliberate rhythm as he groans, gripping my hips harder. “B, you always feel so good.” He fucks into me smoothly as his fingers lavish my clit, rubbing without mercy. I lift my ass into the air and push harder against his dick as he slams his body into mine for several minutes. I’m giving him all of me, like I always do.

“James.” My body buzzes as he continues his assault on me and as I tighten around his cock. I’m approaching ecstasy as his hips slam against me, driving deeper and harder.

“So good, baby,” he growls as he slams into me one last time. The force of his motion pushes me forward as I unravel underneath him. “Oh, fuck!”

The force of my orgasm tears and explodes through my body, causing me to tremble as he presses down on me. Stars explode behind my eyes, and my body shakes with pleasure. Gradually, I float down from my orgasm-induced haze, small tremors still zinging through my body.

James pulls out of me and wraps his arms around my sweaty body. Our heavy breathing is the only sound in the room. Lacing his fingers with mine, he kisses my neck, and my eyes land on the ring on his finger, and then I stare down at mine. A symbol of love and commitment I believe in with my whole heart. Eternity, love, and all the things I dreamed about when I was a little girl that I hoped to have one day. And I do. I just don’t know if what we have is strong enough to weather the storms that come our way.

“Quick. You’re gonna be late.” He chuckles, breaking me from my reverie and back to the moment.

“You lied. You said a quickie.”

“Telling a lie is not bad, if you can get what you want.”

His comment pierces both my brain and my heart. Does he use that with her to get what he wants? I don’t react to his words. I pretend they don’t faze me as I push my ass against him.

“Baby, I don’t recommend doing that, or you’re going to have to cancel this photo shoot and stay with me.”

“If I didn’t know better, I think you intentionally planned to make me late.” I turn around and kiss him on the cheek as his hand lazily rubs up my hip and sinks into the valley of my waist.

“Maybe...” He smirks, smacking my ass. “Do you blame me?”

Thirty minutes later, I am showered and ready to go. I would have been done sooner, but James insisted on joining me. Keeping with the Independence Day theme, I dress in a red and white striped strapless dress, a thin blue belt, and a pair of red wedges. I apply some mascara and red-tinted lipstick and decide to pull my damp hair back into a chignon since the weather plans to be close to ninety degrees today. James carries my camera while I grab my purse and sunglasses and follow him outside to the car.

“Are you sure you don’t need me there?” He laces our fingers together after placing my camera unto the backseat.

“No, I’ll be fine.” My gaze drops to where our fingers are entwined, and I smile, reminded that the simplest gestures are the most profound and telling. I finally thought I had my three wishes—a husband I love, a career I love, but the third one is so much harder to obtain alone. Our baby.

“Couple of hours, right?” He glances at his Rolex, a gift from me when he landed the position of district attorney.

“Yes, baby.” Pressing my palm onto his bare chest, I stand on my tiptoes to kiss his lips. His hands slide down my back, stroking my skin. They continue to travel down the map of my body, leaving small patches of fire in their wake. I am home. I am always home with him. I kiss him as if I will never kiss him again. He was what was missing in my life, even before I met him. What would happen to me if I lost him? I can’t even think about it. “When have you ever been so caught up with deadlines on the weekends?”

With a smile, James speaks softly into my ear, sending goose bumps down my arms. “When I have to watch my gorgeous wife leave me for two hours when all I want is to have her naked and in bed creating our own fireworks.”

Nothing about James has changed since I first met him except for the smile lines that now appear around his eyes. He leans down, his lips caressing my ear. Need coils inside my belly, spreading quickly to every part of my body like hot lava.

“Two hours.” His voice is husky and raw as he presses his forehead against mine. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I speak the words without a doubt, but with an ache in my heart. I gaze into his aqua depths, looking for the reassurance that a man in true love would have. I believe I find what I seek, but there are shadows in his eyes that tell a story of doubt, not that I doubt his love for me, but doubting what we have will last. And because he’s not certain, neither am I. Our words used to be enough, but I’m not sure. One of us has to be strong.

Does it always have to be me?

The drive to 21 Whitney Lane is less than fifteen minutes away. Pink and white balloons float in the breeze from the mailbox as little boys and girls arrive with their parents, running to the door with gifts in hand. My stomach tightens, and I swallow hard, trying to ignore the pain that’s squeezing my heart. I thought I would be able to deal with seeing a bunch of four year olds for two hours, but I’m not sure I can. Exposing myself to this is a reminder of what I may not experience—torture of the worst kind for me. I need to get a grip. If it’s not one thing that’s bringing me down, it’s another.

I feel like I’m on the verge of hyperventilating because of what I see. I’ve only done this a couple of times in my life. Both times were when I saw James with another woman over four years ago. When I see him with a woman now, I don’t hyperventilate. Instead, I get angry and bottle it up inside.

He’s seen me with other men since we’ve been together, and he’s never had to worry or never had to question my loyalty to him. So, why have I always felt this way, even before Lisa? Relationships with the opposite sex are healthy as long as you don’t cross that line.

“Brie.” I freeze at the sound of the familiar male voice, and my eyes fly to where Mason is bent over with his hands on his knees, tapping on my passenger side window. Dazed, but not confused, I roll down the window. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” I smile, pulling a strand of hair back as a breeze enters my car. “Just catching my breath.”

“Something you learned from yoga?” He laughs as he studies me.

“I don’t think inside my car is the most ideal place to practice yoga breathing techniques.”

“True. So nice to see you. Lily is really excited. Can I help you with anything?”

“No, I don’t have much.” I grab my purse with shaky hands, causing the contents to strew all over the passenger seat and floor of the car.”Ugh,” I groan. God knows my mind has been a bit scattered these days, but did I have to fall apart in front of him?

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks as he opens the passenger door to help me retrieve the loose items.

“Yes.”

“Good. I need you on top of your game when it comes to Lily and her big day. She can be a very demanding little thing when she wants to be.”

“I can’t picture that little angel being anything otherwise.”

“Oh, trust me. My niece is not all sugar and spice and everything nice. When she doesn’t get her way, she’s hell on wheels and won’t back down. I’m not looking forward to her being a teenager.” I see adoration flash over his sexy features when he speaks of his niece.

“I wouldn’t think of letting her down…or you. I’m a professional.” I smile. “Only the best for a friend.”

The handsomest smile appears on his face. “I knew I could count on you.”