Love Is Louder (49 page)

“You’re a hard man to get in touch with,” Derek finally says. He squeezes my shoulder and tosses me a wry smile as I shake off his hand.

“I’m fucking busy. You know that. I think I told you that the last time you called me at home.” My voice is hard.

“Fine...fine.” He sits back on his stool. “So, tell me. How are things?”

“I don’t think this is why you wanted to meet with me, so cut all the bullshit and make this quick. What’s this about?” I bounce my knees, anxious to get out of here and make another phone call to my wife.

“Money.”

“Money? We’ve talked about this. I’m done.”

“Well, yeah.” He pulls off his baseball cap and scratches his head. “My son plans to go to law school. You know how expensive tuition can be, you being a Harvard graduate and all.” He pops a brow.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I push back the stool, causing it to screech across the floor. Several patrons take note along with Micah. I nod, reassuring him everything is under control and calmly sit back on my stool. “This is fucking blackmail.” Exhaling heavily, I turn and glare at him.

This is definitely not going my way. Nothing has been lately. I’m not used to people having power over me.

“Hey. My boy wants to be a lawyer just like you. I have to do what I have to do to get him there.”

This is bullshit. I hate having to make rash decisions. Decisions I thought were right at the time, only to see it all come back like a boomerang to destroy everything I was trying to protect and so much more. Karma is truly a raging bitch.

Disgusted, I jerk my head in the other direction, debating whether to punch this asshole in the face or to ask Micah for the whole bottle of whiskey.

“Let me give you a minute to ponder what I’m asking while I go take a piss.” He pushes off his stool, chuckling. “I think we can work something out.”

“Yeah.” I grab my drink and bring it to my lips. “Cheers, motherfucker,” I mumble as he walks away with a little extra pep to his step like he just won the lottery. Honestly, the asshole has. He’s had it made for four years, and now he’s asking for more. I throw back the drink in one swallow, order another one, and turn to the stage, pretending to enjoy the band playing, but nothing on this fucking earth can prepare me for what my eyes fall upon.

Anger rips through my veins, taunting me as I glare at him talking to her. I let out a loud shuddering breath as I soak it all in. A trickle of sweat rolls down my lower back. This is the one thing that is going to catapult me off the fucking edge. When I hear her throaty laugh and the fact I’m not the one making her feel that happiness, I crack.

They haven’t seen me sitting at the bar. A ticking time bomb, I rip off my tie, roll up my sleeves, grab the fresh glass of whiskey, and down it as I watch my wife smile and touch another man. The liquid burns as it slides down my throat and pools like fire in my stomach. Every ounce of blood in my body rushed and surged. Everyone around me disappears and fades into nothing as I stalk across the bar toward the stage. I throw my reputation as DA out the window just like I may have thrown my marriage out the window. I don’t give a shit about anything anymore. Not a damn thing. Just her.

“What the fuck are you doing with my wife?”

A wave of anxiety crashes over me like a blast of arctic air, and my stomach takes a dive at the sound of his voice. As I look past Mason’s shoulder, my skin prickles watching him break through the crowd, people parting like a rolling tide while he pushes them aside. His angry strides are long and purposeful as he stalks forward with his eyes zeroed in on Mason. My breathing accelerates, dragging in the scent of alcohol and sweat. Bile crawls up my throat, and my drunkenness evaporates at the sight of him.

James.

Mason doesn’t have a chance. The second he glances over his shoulder to follow my gaze, James grabs his shoulder, turns him around, and smashes his face with his fist. Mason staggers back and hits the wall near the stage with a hard thud. Rage boils in James’ eyes like an inferno as he skulks forward with his fist raised to throw another punch, but Micah comes out of nowhere to wrap his arms around James’ chest to restrain him. The sleeves of James’ shirt tear, and beads of sweat trickle from his forehead. Mason pushes off the wall, standing taller and rubbing his jaw with one hand and tightening his fist at his side, prepared to retaliate.

“Calm the fuck down!” Micah yells.

“Fuck you!” James’ voice is rough and gravelly like a ferocious beast.

Wrestling away from Micah and exploding forward, he waves his fist like a hammer connecting with Mason’s cheek as a small crowd that has formed looks on. I recognize some of his colleagues, but they do nothing to stop him.

My heart thuds, and I take a startled step back.

What the hell is happening?

A bar fight. My educated, impeccable husband has instigated a bar brawl.

Tears prick the back of my eyes, and I swallow hard. My blood drains to my legs, leaving a trail of ice in its wake. My heart rate amplifies, threatening to rob me of what little strength I have left. I avert my eyes to Mason, his jaw clenching with his eyes narrowed at James, his broad shoulders tense, and his arms pulsing with unspent fury.

James’ square jaw is powerful as he grits his teeth, his blue eyes flashing with anger. Seething, Mason jams his hand through his hair, his temper rising with each passing second. The atmosphere between them is charged. I blink and miss what restarts the scuffle, watching as Mason lands a punch to James’ jaw, causing him to stumble back a step. James winces in pain, but then he glowers with an intensified anger.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my wife?” James rubs his jaw as he takes a step closer.

“You need to calm the fuck down.” Mason shakes his fist that landed the blow. “I have some fucking issues with you, asshole.” He looks over at me. It’s a flash, but I see it there in his eyes. He cares for me as much as I care for him.

James hesitates and looks from Mason to me.

“Not now. I need to talk to my wife first.”

First? Aren’t I the last to know everything? All his lies and dirt.

James glances my way again. His face reddens, and he lowers his chin in shame. I wonder what he sees. Me, his wife, completely torn apart from the inside out because of his actions and betrayal.

“Brie already knows. I told her about your little hook up with my sister, you piece of shit!” The veins in Mason’s thick neck pop. “I figured I’d do it since you have a fucking issue with telling the truth.”

“My wife and my marriage are none of your concern.”

“No, but my sister and my niece are. I should fucking beat the shit out of you.” He gnashes his teeth, bringing his fists together in front of his chest.

“Do it.” James catches his breath and stiffens at the mention of Lily and Meadow.

He takes a quick glance in my direction, like he’s considering his options. My heart stutters. I know James well enough that standing here speechless means he admits his guilt, and he’ll take the punishment.

Every instinct tells me I need to run. I want to run, but I can’t move.

My eyes flicker between the two volatile men, and a rush of vertigo grabs me. After days of barely any sleep and constant stress, I lose control of my body for a moment and stumble. Immediately, all attention is on me. Dropping his arms to his sides, James takes a step toward me, and I retreat like a scared animal. My reaction is involuntary, and it saddens me, because at one time I gravitated to him, and now I repel him. A pang hits my stomach. My resolve is fraying like a rope, the weight of everything pulling me apart.

Ava pushes past Mason and clutches my arm and pulls me aside. Staggering into her, I break my gaze away from James to look at my friend through eyes that have welled up with too many unshed tears.

“Don’t worry about her! Haven’t you done enough?” Ava’s eyes flash as my temper fumes inside me, or is it agony? My emotions are spent that I can’t or don’t know how I feel anymore.

“Ava, you need to stay out of this,” James says, enraged.

“I know what you fucking did! How could you do this to her?” Ava demands, her eyes darting between us. “Brie...don’t. Please, don’t.” Her chin takes on a defiant set as she glares at James.

She knows me so well. She’s my strongest asset. I still have her, but this is my problem. This has always been my problem.

My eyes move around the room at everyone staring at me. I want to melt into the chipped, scuffed wooden floor. I want to disappear in a vapid cloud of smoke.

“It’s okay, Ava,” I reassure, placing my hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be okay.”

Mason and Micah appear beside her and motion for her to leave so that James and I are alone, but Ava still puts up a fuss and shoves James in the chest. Micah wraps his arms around her to restrain her before she finally walks away to the bar. Ava’s eyes dart over her shoulder as she tries to break away, but instead, he presses her tiny frame against his and drags her away.

I gather control of myself, taking several calm breaths and moving my feet forward. I need to be away from all this madness that has become my life. One step, two steps before James’ fingers wrap around my upper arm, spinning me around. I glance up, prepared to tell him to let me go, but all words evaporate into shocked silence. James’ fiery eyes are drowning in unshed tears now. I look directly into them, ignoring the pain in my heart.

“Let me go, James.” I pull away from his hold and look over my shoulder toward the exit.

“Please, I need to talk to you,” he says, grabbing my shoulders to look at him.

My heart thumps, sending a rush of sympathy into my veins.

Don’t do this. Not now. Too much has happened. He’s made one too many mistakes.

“No.” I grit my teeth and close my eyes, forcing all compassion to wither away like a dying leaf. I can’t.

You can’t continue to suffer and hurt like this to appease him. He’s always had this power over you. You’ve allowed it, and he’s possessed it.

My eyes flutter open as he steps closer. Everything is so blurry. Holding my hand over my heart to keep it from pounding out of my chest, I stare back at him. It’s like there’s an ocean between us. We’ve been slowly drifting away. He can’t take away the pain. Not now. I have to make my own ending.

“Listen to me. Just listen.”

“You had just me, and you never came to me like this. Now, you want to because you feel everything slipping away. Everything I dreamed of is fading away. You did this to us. Don’t you see?”

“What I have to say I don’t want to say here,” he says, his voice coated with empathy. He glances around, but I stare blindly in front of me. He reaches for my hand, and I shrink away and look up at him, desperate for some way to get past this moment, past everything. At times, life is wicked, and I just can’t see the light.

“What do you want from me? I’ve given you everything—every part of me—and you stand here and want more of me.”

His eyes latch on to mine and never let go as he speaks. “I failed you. There is nothing I won’t do to make it up to you. You were the one constant in my life, and I broke everything. We have to talk. I have things I want to say to you.”

I know myself. I don’t think I can wait to hear what he has to say. It will bring clarity in some way and along with it excruciating pain. The world seems to fade to black when I look into his eyes that haunt me. He’s the only one in my life that has had this effect on me. How do I break this spell? I need to rescue me.

“Okay,” I respond, wondering if this is a mistake. If giving him the chance to speak is weakness on my part and not the first step in saving myself.

He takes my hand and leads me outside where warm raindrops caress my skin. I’m scared to death of what is going to become of us. He was the one who made me feel love for the first time, and now, he’s the one to make me feel the most brutal of sorrows and loss.