Love Left Behind (23 page)

"What's
wrong?" Celeste whispered, as if she were afraid Janet would hear even
though her door was closed. There was nothing left for me to take so I walked
over to Celeste, determined not to cry.

"I got
fired."

"What?!"
shrieked Celeste, then lowered her voice quickly. "Why did you get
fired?"

I shook my head.
"I can't really talk about it now, Celeste. I have to leave. You have my
email address. I hope we keep in touch."

Celeste gave me a
fierce hug, looking confused and sad. I rode down the elevator for the last
time and trudged home, not wanting to be in a crowded subway. The beautiful
sunny day seemed like a slap in the face. I wanted it to be dark and stormy,
just like my emotions.

After the long walk, I
looked up and realized I was in front of Jackson's apartment building. I had
come here automatically, wanting to feel close to him. There was no better
place than his apartment where we spent so much time together.

"Hi, Sam," I
said dully as I passed by him.

"Emma," he
said smiling but then frowned as he got a closer look. "Is everything
okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just
tired."

I rode to the sixteenth
floor as I stared at my reflection in the elevator doors. My face looked ashen
and my eyes lifeless. I was still in a state of shock over what had happened.

I opened the front door
with the key Jackson had given me a month into our relationship. I dropped my
purse on the floor and walked to the bedroom, getting under the covers fully
clothed. I was shivering even though it was warm in the apartment.

I kept replaying the
scene in Janet's office over and over again. I was bitter that I hadn't
defended myself more, but I hadn't known what to say. I should have insisted
that she open up the file that I emailed her to show her the changes had been
made.

But it was pointless to
beat myself up over what I could've or should've done. It was over and I had to
accept what had happened. I dragged myself out of bed to get my phone from my
purse to see if Jackson had texted me.

Just landed. It's sunny and beautiful here but I'm missing you. Call
you tonight. Love you.

I breathed in deeply as
I stared at Jackson's words. I wondered if I was going to lose him too. I shook
my head, my self-pity annoying me. I should feel lucky that I had someone so
wonderful in my life, not wasting time worrying about the what-ifs. I could
handle anything as long as I still had Jackson.

I texted him back
quickly, trying to infuse my words with enthusiasm.

Happy to hear that! I miss and love you too. Good luck!

I returned to the
bedroom and laid my cell phone on the bedside table, crawling back into bed.
Despite my earlier brave thoughts, the tears I had been holding in came rushing
out as I wept bitterly. I couldn't understand how this had happened.

I fell into an
exhausted sleep, my tears having worn me out. I woke up with a start and
checked the time. I saw that it was past seven o'clock, surprised that I had
been asleep for four hours. I checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a
call from Jackson, feeling disappointed when I saw I hadn't. I reminded myself
that Jackson was three hours behind and it was still the afternoon for him.

I dragged myself out of
bed and heated a can of soup. I ruefully thought that I never lost my appetite,
even when I was depressed.

I watched TV for the
rest of the night, constantly checking my phone to make sure it was still
working and I hadn't missed a call. But Jackson didn't call that night. I went
to bed with a heavy heart and a worried mind, wondering what could have
prevented him from calling.

I woke up to my cell
phone ringing and I checked the time, bleary-eyed. I couldn't believe it was
already nine o'clock as I scrambled for the phone. My heart leapt when I saw
that it was Jackson.

"Hello?"

"Hi,
sweetheart!" Jackson sounded happy.

"Hi,
Jackson," I said, trying to sound normal. "How's L.A.?"

"It's great! I'm
sorry I didn't call you last night, but I didn't get back to the hotel until
late, even with the time difference, and I didn't want to disrupt your sleep.
John Warner actually took me out to dinner along with a bunch of people from
the movie. Can you believe it!?"

Jackson sounded so
enthusiastic and excited; it just made me more depressed. But I tried to mask
it.

"That's great! I
assume that the audition went well then."

"I think so. I
won't know for sure if I got the part for a while, but they want me to do some
more readings with other potential cast members."

"I'm happy for
you, Jackson. I'm sure you're going to impress them."

"Are you at work
right now? You sound kind of funny."

I paused as my eyes
filled with tears. I didn't want to bring Jackson down and I didn't want him to
worry about me. He had to focus on what he was doing in L.A. There would be
plenty of time for him to commiserate with me when he got back.

"I'm just feeling
a little under the weather. I think I may be catching a cold. I called in sick
today."

"Are you taking
any medicine?" Jackson asked, sounding concerned. "Crap. Why did you
have to get sick while I'm gone?"

"I'll be fine,
Jackson," I said, forcing a laugh. "I think I can handle a bout with
the common cold."

"Where are you
right now?"

"At your
apartment. I didn't want to get Claire sick since I'm probably
contagious."

Jackson sighed heavily.
"I'll try to get back as soon as possible. I can ask Mark if they can
shift some meetings around so it's condensed into a couple of days."

"Don't you
dare!" I exclaimed, feeling a true emotion finally break through the haze
of depression I had been in. I was horrified at the thought that Jackson would
risk his big break over something as trivial as a cold. Even if I had told him
what happened and how depressed I was, there was no way I would let him risk
his shot at breaking into the industry by making demands before he even got the
role. "If you do that, I'll be really mad. I mean it. You said you were
coming home Friday and if you come back earlier, I'll interrogate Mark to get
the truth."

"Okay, okay,"
Jackson conceded. "I just hate the thought of you sick and alone."

I laughed, feeling some
of my depression lift. I was right. Anything was bearable as long as I had
Jackson. "You'd think I had some sort of terminal illness or something.
I'll be fine, Jackson."

Jackson seemed to accept
my answer and the rest of the call was filled with details about what Jackson
had done the day before. Anytime he asked questions about work, I deflected it
by asking him a question about L.A.

By the time I got off
the phone, I was feeling better. I puttered around the computer, looking up
John Warner's past movies and dreaming about what it would be like if Jackson
got the role. I was debating what to do for dinner when I heard the apartment
phone ring, the rhythm of the rings indicating that it was Sam at the front
desk.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Emma. Mia
Sorenson is here to see you."

"Send her
up," I said, confused by Mia's arrival.

"Hey!" Mia
said when I opened the door for her. "I've got a delivery for you."
She held up a plastic bag and I could smell wafts of delicious food as my
stomach grumbled in response. I let her in, still confused by how she had known
I was here.

"Not that I'm not
happy to see you, but how did you know I was here?"

Mia placed the bag of
food on the kitchen counter and opened cupboards until she found plates.
"Jackson called me. I can't believe he didn't tell us he was going to
California to audition for the great John Warner. He said you were sick and
needed food. He was babbling something about feeding a fever and starving a
cold, but thinking it was a good idea to feed a cold anyway."

I wished Jackson were
here right now so that I could hug him tightly. He never ceased to amaze me
with how caring he was. He was in L.A. with probably a ton of things going on,
but he took the time to make sure I was okay.

"Jackson is
definitely a keeper," I said, watching Mia open cartons of food.
"Where's the food from?"

"Gramercy Tavern.
They don't usually accommodate takeout requests, but apparently they will for
Jackson."

"Yup, definitely a
keeper."

Mia paused from
portioning out lamb chops and various sides onto two plates. "You don't
mind if I join you, do you?"

I shook my head.
"Actually, I would appreciate the company."

Mia nodded, but didn't
say anything until we sat down at the kitchen table and started eating.

"Jackson said you
had a cold, but it looks more like you've been crying."

"I got fired
yesterday," I said with a sigh. "I didn't want to tell Jackson
because the last thing he needs to worry about right now is a depressed
girlfriend."

Mia's eyes widened in
sympathy. "I'm sorry to hear that. But how the hell did you get fired? It
sounded like you were almost running the place."

I smiled ruefully.
"I don't know about that, but I thought I was doing well. I ended up
messing up some big meeting and my boss lost her trust in me."

I still felt like
crying talking about it so I concentrated on eating.

"How did you mess
it up? Did it have something to do with the stuff you were working on in the
Hamptons?"

I shrugged, not wanting
to go into the details. "Yeah, but it's complicated. I'd rather not talk
about it, if you don't mind. This food is too expensive to cry into."

"Of course. But I
think it's a mistake to not tell Jackson. He'll be upset that you didn't tell
him the truth when he gets back."

I knew Mia was right,
but I was doing it for Jackson's own good. He could be angry with me later,
after he got the part in the movie.

I was happy for Mia's
company since she took my mind off my troubles. She seemed to know exactly what
I needed, keeping the conversation light during dinner, and then she insisted
on watching a cheesy Lifetime movie afterwards.

I gave her a hug before
she left, grateful that she had come to check on me and even more grateful that
I had a boyfriend who cared so deeply about me.

"Call me if you
need to talk," Mia said. "I'm a night owl so I'm up all hours of the
night."

"Thanks. And
thanks so much for coming over and bringing food."

"No problem. Have
a good night."

After I locked the door
behind her, I settled back into the living room couch, mindlessly flicking
through the channels. I grabbed my cell phone eagerly when it rang, seeing that
it was Jackson.

"Hi!"

"Hi, sweetheart.
It's good to hear your voice."

"You too. What did
you do today?"

Jackson gave me a
rundown of his day's activities, from reading with other actors to meeting with
producers. I purposely didn't mention Mia's visit, grinning to myself at my
planned joke.

"So," Jackson
said casually. "Did you have any visitors today?"

"No, why?"

"I'm gonna kill
Mia."

I burst out laughing at
Jackson's disgruntled tone. I had been planning to take the joke further but my
laughter made it impossible.

"She was here.
That was so sweet of you, Jackson. Really."

"Playing tricks on
me, I see," Jackson said but his voice was light. "I just wanted to
make sure you were okay. Do you feel well enough to go to work tomorrow? You
sound much better."

"Um, I'll
see." If only he knew Mia's visit wasn't the only thing I had lied about.

"Well, I'm beat.
I'll give you a call tomorrow night."

"Okay," I said,
although I was loathe to end the conversation with him. "I love you."

"I love you too. I
can't wait to see you soon."

When Jackson called
Thursday night, I lied and said I had gone to work. He accepted it since he had
no reason to doubt me. I started feeling a niggling sense of guilt because I
was lying to him, but I kept reminding myself it was for his own good.

I was relieved when
Friday rolled around, eagerly anticipating seeing Jackson even though I was
nervous about telling him I had been fired.

Jackson's flight was
due in at three in the afternoon so by the time he got home, it was four
o'clock. He seemed happy but surprised when he walked in and saw me sitting on
the living room couch.

"I thought you'd
be at work," he said, lifting me into a hug and kissing me hungrily. Even
though it had been less than a week, I had missed his touch desperately. He
seemed to feel the same way as he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. He
lifted me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me into the bedroom,
laying me gently on the bed.

"I've missed this
so much," he said, his eyes glittering. "I've missed
you
so much."

"I've missed you
too," I whispered, pulling the bottom of his shirt up, wanting to feel the
hard muscled planes of his chest. Jackson helped me by pulling his shirt over
his head, and then reached down to do the same to mine. He unhooked my bra and
leaned down, laving his tongue over my hard nipples, making me moan with
pleasure.

Jackson tried to make
love to me slowly, but we had been apart for too long and soon we were greedily
grabbing at each other, quickening the pace until he was pounding into me,
taking us both over the brink.

"It feels good to
be back," Jackson said afterwards with a satisfied grin. He was laying on
his back and I was nestled to his side.

"It feels good to
have you back." I paused, knowing I needed to tell Jackson the truth
sooner rather than later. "I have a confession to make."

Jackson pulled back
slightly so that he could see me face. "What's that?"