Love Lies Dying (5 page)

“Don’t worry about it,” John said. “It’s all fine now. I understand.”

“Good. And I’m sorry about pulling the gun on you.”

“That’s okay. It was a bit of a shock though.”

“But I thought if you left and went to find her before you knew what was going on, you might blow the only chance I have.”

“So Helen is at the hospital?”

“Yep, I knew she worked for a hospital, but I couldn’t remember what her job was. So I was thrilled to get here and find out she was a hospital administrator. I asked her if it was possible for her to pull some strings, to call around some of the hospitals on the west coast and see if Ricky Fox had been admitted.”

“Do you think he would have?”

“I don’t know. He liked to steer clear of hospitals if anything went wrong, but if he was close to death, his guards may have taken him to an emergency ward somewhere.”

“But they wouldn’t admit him under the name Ricky Fox, would they?”

“Don’t worry, I gave Helen a full list of all his aliases. He uses about a dozen. She said she’d check them all out. Along with morgues and places like that. It’s a long-shot, but I can’t work out my next step until I hear one way or another.”

“If she finds he’s dead?”

“His empire will crumble. He’s got no family and no backup. He works for himself and his staff take orders only from him. If he’s dead – I’m free.”

“And if she can’t find anything?”

“Then Ricky is still alive. And I’m a dead girl.”

Four

John leaned over, pulled her closer and hugged her tight.

“Don’t worry. Helen will find out some news and we’ll look after you.”

She smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek once more.

“Thanks, Johnny,” she replied. “I’m glad I can trust you.”

“Did Helen say how long it could take her?”

“She said probably all night. She told me you’d be home late and that I should go to bed and try and get some sleep. But I don’t know if I can sleep tonight, Johnny. There’s too many unknown factors and I keep seeing the fight with Ricky in my head over and over again.”

She hugged him tighter.

“Will you stay up with me for a while and talk?”

“Sure,” John said. “I can do that.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been able to talk with people. You know,
really
talk, without having to worry that Ricky’s watching me and going to beat me when I get home.”

“I can imagine.” John replied. “But that’s all behind you now. You’re free of him.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Zoe went quiet for a moment or two before she placed her head on his shoulder.

“You’re a good listener, Johnny. I feel I can talk to you.”

“I’m happy to help in any way and I’m glad you were able to tell me the whole story. You seem more relaxed now.”

“Yeah, I was in such a state when I arrived here and Helen opened the door. I’m sure she didn’t recognise me to begin with. I haven’t slept well for weeks, and certainly haven’t had the chance to catch more than a few hours sleep each night since Tuesday. I must’ve looked like a mess. I couldn’t even formulate my words and thoughts to tell her my whole story. I had to just tell her the main facts and she said I could fill her in on the rest when she gets back. So you’re the first person I’ve really talked to about this.”

“I’m glad I could be of help.”

John’s eyes focussed on the gun lying in the hallway.

Must get that out of Zoe’s sight,
he thought.
It’ll only remind her of the events she wants to forget.

“Do you need anything? Or want anything?” he asked, hoping to use a trip to the kitchen as an excuse to remove the gun from its present position.

“No,” she replied. “I just want to sit here with you.”

I won’t say no to that
, he thought.

“Okay.”

“And talk.”

“Okay.”

“About anything other than Ricky Fox and me.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve been living with this whole situation for ages and now all I want to do is forget and move on.”

“Yeah, but it’s not going to be that easy, is it?”

“It all depends whether the bastard is dead or not,” Zoe whispered.

“Well, hopefully we’ll know more soon.”

Zoe hugged him tighter and burrowed her head into his shoulder. Strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail tickled his chin and her clean, fresh smell enveloped him again.

Poor girl
, John thought.
She deserves so much more
.

He moved her hair from around his chin. The strands were soft and smooth.

“So, tell me about you,” Zoe whispered.

“Well, there’s nothing much to tell. You keep in touch with Helen. I’m sure she’s told you everything about me.”

“Are you happy?” Zoe’s head turned and she looked up at him.

“What?”

“You and Helen, are you both happy?”

“What on earth makes you ask that question?”

Zoe shrugged and placed her head back on his shoulder. “I just want to know. I know what it’s like to be unhappy in a relationship and I just want to make sure yours is okay.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

Now who’s lying?
he asked himself.

John rubbed her left arm and could feel her muscles tense beneath her skin. He wondered if she was trying to sleep or whether she was staring at the gun still on the hallway floor.

“You should try to relax and get some sleep,” he said. “A good night’s sleep will do you the world of good.”

“I know,” Zoe whispered. “But if I go to bed and get any sleep, it will be interrupted by nightmares that I just don’t want to have. Ricky’s still in my head and I’ll dream of him beating me and coming at me with the gun and…”

Her voice trailed off and she shuddered.

“Hey, take it easy.” John whispered, “I thought we weren’t going to talk about Ricky Fox any more?”

Zoe tried to laugh, but it came out as a strangled cry. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.”

She sat up, pushed away from him and turned to face him once more.

“You’re a good man, Johnny,” she said as she smiled. “I barge in here unexpected and pull a gun on you and cry and act like a child, but you still listen to me and try to help. You still care. I’m not used to that.”

“Don’t worry about it, Zoe. Helen and I are both here to help.”

She smiled. “You called me Zoe again. That’s twice now. I like it when you call me that.”

“Well, that
is
your name, after all.”

“I know. But it just sounds so right. Ricky called me a lot of things, some horrible things, but he never used my name.”

Her face became a swirl of emotions once more. Her bottom lip quivered and John could tell more tears were on the way. He leaned forward and stroked her cheek.

“Ssshh,” he said. “That’s enough for tonight.”

She reached up and touched his hand, held it to her lips and kissed it.

“Thanks, Johnny. Thanks so much.”

“Don’t worry. I know you’ve been through a lot, but try and put it behind you as best you can. Don’t relive it every few minutes.”

She clutched his hand tighter, closed her eyes and kissed his fingers again. Her lips were warm, wet and soft.

Then she opened her mouth and placed it around his index finger. Her tongue danced over it as she sucked his finger slowly, rhythmically, up and down.

“Hey,” John tried to pull away, but she held his hand tight.

Her mouth was hot and strong and her teeth pressed lightly on his flesh, as if teasing, threatening to bite if he made the wrong move. Her eyes stayed closed and her toes curled as she continued to suck.

“Zoe, please!” John said.

Her eyes sprang open at the mention of her name. She pulled his finger from her mouth and smiled.

“That’s three times now,” she said. “I could get used to you calling for me.”

She let go of his hand and John pulled it back and placed it on his lap.

“Well, get used to it, Zoe. Because it’s your name and that’s what I’m going to be calling you from now on. Okay?”

“Great!” she giggled.

“So, let’s make a deal,” John continued. “I’ll call you Zoe, if you stop keeping tally of how many times I call you by your name. Okay?”

“Okay,” she smiled. “But you’ve said it five times now.”

“Fine. But I don’t need to know the running score, alright?”

“Whatever you say, Johnny,” she slid across the sofa and kneeled next to him and hugged him once more. “I’ll do whatever you say.”

“Good.”

He rubbed her bare shoulder once more; it felt cold.

“Are you cold?” he asked. “Do you want a blanket or sweater or something?”

“Nah,” Zoe replied by his ear, still hugging him. “Just hold me and I’ll feel safe.”

They sat that way for a long time. So long that John thought maybe Zoe had fallen asleep.

I should get her into bed for some proper rest
, he thought.

But there was no denying that she was a nice girl, a
real
nice girl, and if she wanted to hug him all night long, well, there was nothing wrong with that.

He could live with it.

As long as Helen didn’t make a surprise entrance.

Just imagine trying to explain that!
he thought.

But Zoe said Helen would be gone all night.

Does it take all night to find out if a patient has been admitted to a hospital on the other side of the country? John didn’t know. Helen’s job had always been a bit of a mystery to him. Only because he didn’t really care what she did.

“A job’s a job,” he had told her once. “We’ve all got one. But when I come home I don’t want to think about mine and I don’t want to hear about yours.”

It was a harsh thing to say, and he’d said it in the heat of one of their arguments. Helen always felt he didn’t take enough interest in her job, but she didn’t take any in his either. He was fine with that, but she obviously wasn’t.

Now he wished he had listened to Helen when she told him about what she did. At least now he’d know what she was doing.

John turned his head slightly to look over at the gun once more. Zoe’s head was resting on his left shoulder so he was sure she wasn’t looking at the gun now. It was a reminder of what she had lived through and he had to move it or hide it so she wouldn’t see it. He didn’t want those memories resurfacing every five minutes or so. He had to make sure she kept her mind off it all until they found out if Ricky Fox was alive or dead.

Ricky Fox. What a fucking sick bastard
, he thought.
Hope you are dead, you pathetic son of a bitch.

He held Zoe tight. The heat from her body radiated through his left side. She was hard up against him, pinning him to the side of the sofa. He wasn’t uncomfortable yet, but he couldn’t last all night in that position. He rested his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.

I’ll give her a few more minutes
, he thought.

And then he fell asleep.

Running.

Must run.

But what if I’m caught?

Turn around, look.

No one.

Still gotta run.

Gotta run.

Run.

Run, RUN!

I can’t.

My legs. I can’t.

My legs!

They’re after me and I can’t.

I can’t run.

They’ll get me.

Turn around and look again.

There’s nothing there. It’s too dark.

I can’t see anything!

Why is it so dark?

I’ve gotta run and I’ve gotta run now!

Where?

I can’t see where to run!

It’s so dark!

Why?

Why can’t I run and why can’t I see?

They’re gonna find me before I even move!

Run, damn it, just RUN!

RUN RUN RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!

Too dark.

Where’re the lights?

There must be some light somewhere.

Oh my GOD!

It’s too dark.

It’s too dark because I can’t see!

I CAN’T SEE!

My eyes.

I HAVE NO EYES!

I can’t see.

My GOD. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY EYES?

WHERE ARE MY EYES?

Laughter, I hear laughter.

Where are you? You fuck, where the hell are you?

GIVE ME BACK MY EYES!

Pain.

More Pain.

Shit, you hurt me.

What have you done now?

My stomach? No, lower down.

You fuck, what have you done to me?

Wet.

Sticky.

What have you done to me?

Have you killed me?

My God, you’ve killed me?

How could you?

GIVE ME BACK MY EYES SO I CAN SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!

John woke with a start.

He was still sitting on the sofa but Zoe had moved. She was beside him now and it felt as if she had curled herself into a ball and was lying down next to him, her head resting on his thighs. He opened his eyes and stared down at her. He rubbed her back once more and placed a hand on her head.