Love Me Crazy (31 page)
Authors: Camden Leigh
“No,” he says as he grabs the wheel. “Let Kat work her magic.”
I stare at him and shake my head. No. I need to explain. I need to make her understand. “Where are they? I need to see her now.”
“Your sister’s wedding is in three hours. You can’t leave.”
“I can. She’ll understand.” I turn the wipers on high.
“No, she won’t. None of them will understand.”
I hit the steering wheel. Hit it again and again, grab it and growl as loud as I can. Of course he’s fucking right. They’ll think I bailed . . . again.
“But Cassie doesn’t. She doesn’t understand. I need to talk to her.”
“Dude, it can wait.” Wes grabs the keys from the ignition.
“Fuck, man. Give those back.”
He shakes his head.
I
glance behind me at the idling car with its headlights still on, wipers tracking back and forth. I twist the steering wheel beneath my hands, then sling the door open. I dart through the rain, headed to the car. Wes cuts me off, grabbing my arm, pulling me back and pinning me against the truck. I can’t fight him off. My legs feel weak, my arms like lead, my heart numb.
“I said no, Covington.”
I sink to the ground. To the mud. Water and hail pounding me and the ground around me like miniature bombs. Wes squats beside me and offers his hand. I can’t take it. I just fucking can’t. Accepting it means accepting all this shit.
“I have a kid,” I whisper.
“What?”
“There’s a kid. A fucking kid. Annabeth never told me.” I stare at him, willing him to understand so I don’t have to say it again.
“Shit, man. When did you find out?” He drops to his knees and pushes water from his face.
“An hour ago.”
“And you think that’s why Cassie left?”
“I know it is. Annabeth . . . She told her first.”
“Damn. She’s ruthless.” Wes sighs and collapses next to me.
We sit in silence, rain and hail beating us to death. I close my eyes, squeeze them so tight, hoping when I open them my ass isn’t sitting in the mud, losing it over the woman I love in front of a kid I barely know.
The
hail stops and the rain lightens up. Wes taps my arm. “Come on. Let’s conquer one problem at a time. We have a wedding to go to. Then we’ll find Cassie. You can explain. I bet she’ll understand. She’s bloody smart, man. It’ll be fine.”
“I haven’t met him,” I say as I bury my head in my hands. “I don’t even know what he looks like. All I can think about is Cassie and her getting that news and how it must’ve confirmed all the reasons she didn’t want to start anything with me. She fucking left. She’s gone.”
Wes taps my arm again and this time I take his hand. “Kat won’t let her go. Trust me.”
Pretty heels dyed indigo tap against the carpet. They’re the same shoes I’d suggested for Ellie’s bridesmaids. The black feather near the toe combs the air, emphasizing impatience with each tap. I cast my focus to the words at the bottom of my magazine page and pretend I’m engrossed in the article. How did they find me?
“The thing about a small town is everyone knows everything about everybody.” Kat bats the magazine out of my hand. It falls to the floor. “Getting a ride from a townie won’t exactly keep your business secret.”
My ass slides down the seat farther until my head rests on the back.
“My brother’s going ape shit over you.” Kat steps closer, knees meeting mine. “You going ape shit over him?”
I force a swallow, though my mouth just went Arizona dry.
“Okay . . .” She taps her toes against the stained carpet. The same carpet in every bus depot I’ll stop in on the way home. Nothing warm about it. Nothing pretty. Just a trample-me-and-leave-me-behind industrial gray-blue.
She sighs, then continues, “The wedding’s in two hours, Cass. Are you really going to skip out on Ellie?”
“I’m sure your mom will give me extra credit for leaving early.” I tuck my hands under my thighs.
“
So you’re a quitter?” She knocks my knee with hers; I give in and look up. “
Hmmm
, must have read you wrong. I could’ve sworn you were a fighter.” She pulls my purse out of the seat next to me and drops into it.
“It has nothing to do with quitting,” I say. I double-check the time on my ticket, then glance at the huge digital clock above the ticket counter. Fifteen minutes. I hope I last.
“Ellie’s pitching a hissy fit and you’re the only one who can calm her down. Mom’s making it worse, and before you say no”—she grabs my arm— “know that I haven’t seen Quinn since the ball. Who knows if he’ll show for the wedding.”
I read her face, trying to figure out if she’s lying. “Seriously?”
She nods. “He’s probably out searching for you. Or maybe he bailed . . . again.” She crosses her ankles and smooths the pretty silk skirt made from the fabric I’d fetched from their dad’s office. “You know; you could’ve put his mind at ease with a simple text. Or note. Or phone call . . . or to his face.”
“I told your mom.” I shrug. “He could’ve asked her.” I’d come clean about knowing Quinn has a son. The old witch didn’t say good-bye or thank you or anything. She just sat on the other end of the phone in complete silence.
Kat punches my leg and a knot seizes my muscle.
“Fucking-A.” I rub the lump and flex my foot.
“Quit being a pansy-ass coward. My sister needs you whether Quinn shows up to the wedding or not. Get your crap and come on.”
I don’t move.
She rises from the seat and crosses her arms, waiting for me to follow.
“This is my bus. I’m not running away; just going home. Where I belong.”
She
pulls my ticket from my hand and reads the itinerary, mouthing the words silently. “Where you belong. Are you sure, Cass?” She rips my ticket and I grab it from her.
I hold the pieces together, squeezing them in my palm. “Why did you do that? Why can’t you just let me go?”
“Because you have someone here to go home to. Here’s where you belong. I know it. Quinn knows it. My mom fucking knows it, but she’ll never admit it. And you know it. You don’t belong anywhere else. You belong here.”
“He’s got a—” I clamp my teeth down hard to stop my words. “I’m a city girl. Small towns suffocate me.” I march past Kat to the ticket counter. “Can I board with this? I accidentally ripped it.” I hold out my ticket and the guy acts like he’s doing me a favor when he hands over his tape dispenser.
“You aren’t getting on that bus,” Kat says to my back.
I slap tape over the rip, grab another piece, but Kat chunks the entire dispenser off the counter.
Thunk
. It lands on the floor. She flings my ticket under the glass partition at the ticket man. He stands and crosses his arms, staring at us.
“Ellie doesn’t have a maid of honor. I can step in, but we’re one bridesmaid short. She needs you.” She shows me her phone with a big, capital-lettered text reading: ANNABETH SUCKS. FIND CASSIDY!!!
“Not my concern.” I reach through the gap in the window and grab my ticket and issue a silent sorry to the guy. I want badly to ask why Annabeth isn’t attending. Has the news broke? Wouldn’t Kat have mentioned it?
“
But it is. You helped plan this event. You figured out the logistics, where everyone needs to be.” She grabs my arm and squeezes. “Have you ever seen a chicken with its head cut off?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s gross.”
“It’s true, you know. They run around in circles until they can’t run anymore then flop over dead.”
“Thanks for the visual.” I fold the ticket in my palm so she won’t steal it and head toward the double doors leading to the buses.
Once I put a barrier between us, I’ll be okay. I can get on the bus. Ride away and never look back.
“That’s Ellie and Quinn. A double-headed chicken with both heads lopped off, trying to run in different directions. It doesn’t work, Cass. They’re lost. They can’t think straight without you.”
They’ll manage. Ellie has Dean and Quinn has a very important person about to take over his life. And his heart.
I give the woman at the door my ticket. She scans it, sighs heavily, then smooths the wrinkled tape to read the smeared bus number. She hands it back and points to the left.
“I have to go. I’m sure everything will work out. If your brother doesn’t show, there’s still even numbers for the procession without Annabeth.” Saying her name makes me flame inside. Burn up like a sparkler, then fall apart. Nothing but charred wire and fragile ash as proof a fire once existed.
I
give Kat a small smile. I really like her. Really hoped we would keep in touch. But as I’ve come to understand, things don’t work out the way you plan. Ever. I push through the door and give Kat a wave.
“You are Cassidy fucking Beck.” She leans out the glass door. “You don’t give up. You don’t give in. You finish everything and you don’t accept anything but the best. So get in my car and finish the wedding. Finish breaking things off with my brother and don’t accept anyone else in your life because you and I both know Quinn
is
your fucking best.”
I freeze, one foot on the road, one hovering above the curb. Can I live with never saying good-bye? Can I live with walking away? I grit my teeth. I don’t want to do either, but walking away means I can skip the good-byes. I’ve done it before. I close my eyes. But leaving Mom was different. She never comforted me the way Quinn does. And this time around, I don’t have hate pushing me out the door like I did back then. I have love pushing me away and that’s worse.
What if the roles were reversed? Could I live with Quinn walking away without a word? And Ellie, she doesn’t deserve to be put in the middle. I came here for the internship. She was my job. If I leave now, am I failing? I shake my head. Grades are in. What does it matter? But am I failing myself if I don’t see this through to the final “I do”? These are the hiccups and the downfalls, right? The things that make my heart keep beating?
I turn around and stare at Kat.
“Just curious,” she says. “Are you leaving to avoid pain? Or are you leaving to avoid love?”
Annabeth’s
dress fits a bit too snugly. I scrunch it around my waist then lift my ass off the seat to pull it down the rest of the way. “Sure had a lot of faith in yourself.” I toss my shirt into the backseat and kick open the shoebox on the floorboard.
“Faith in you, Cass.” She yanks a hard left into the driveway, then drives over an orange cone to cut across the field leading to the pecan grove.
We bounce along, hitting God knows what, until she slams the brakes. We whip around, marring the ground with a crescent.
“Quinn might kill me when he sees his car, but Ellie will make me suffer if I don’t bring your crazy ass back in one piece.”
I shake my head several times, willing the nausea building in my stomach to stay put. “Are you sure you passed your driver’s test?”
“Wait until we take the Jeep mudding, then you can tell me how awesome I drive.” She slams her door and comes around to open mine. “Hand me the bag.”
I toss it to her and she offers her hand. I take it and she pulls me to my feet.
“Makeup and hair while you and Ellie figure out what changes need to be made.” She points at her dad’s office through the tunnel of oaks.
“Wait. Ellie moved the ceremony?”
“You’re surprised? She changes everything at the last minute.”
“When? I mean, we had the grove set up and ready.”
“That’s probably the main reason Ellie’s gone loco. We’ve been moving stuff since yesterday morning. Didn’t even have the rehearsal dinner. If I ever get married, remind me to nix chairs. My shins can’t take another beating.”
“
She was so set on the grove.”
“And like with everything else, she is now ‘so’ set on the oaks.”
I follow her down the center aisle, maneuvering through the workers carrying huge hydrangea bouquets in the darkest, richest blue I’ve ever seen. The air, the sky, the whole atmosphere is like I’d imagined it could be. I peer overhead. Lights twinkle between the slow-swinging Spanish moss tendrils. Come nightfall, it will be a fairy dream, stars and lights colliding like the fireflies at Fire Swamp.
“Why did she chose here?” It was my favorite location. Magical and mystical. Perfect for a wedding.
“Quinn did, actually. He had a photo of one of your drawings. He said this was the perfect place to tell the person who turns your whole world upside-inside-out, that you love them.” She takes the stairs two at a time and holds open the screen door.
I enter and she slams the screen behind me like a spanking, scooting me right into Ellie’s arms.
Through the screen Kat adds, “Was he talking about Ellie and Dean . . . or you?”
Ellie swallows me in her arms, pets my hair and chatters incessantly about changes and Annabeth and Quinn but I can’t take my eyes off Kat.
Quinn had spoken the same words the day we got caught in the rain. The day I turned blue. The day he’d shoved a barbed heart inside mine and let the tines do his dirty work. The rusted tips punctured my fragile shell and let all my pent-up emotions—hate, fear, anger, sadness—leak. Most unexpected was discovering my need to love someone. And that someone was Quinn.
“
Kat, don’t leave.” My heart shrinks in fear. I push Ellie’s arms away and lunge for the door, but Kat’s halfway down the steps. “I don’t know how to do this!” I yell at her.
“You don’t have to know how to do everything. You just have to trust someone else does.” She points at her sister. “Ellie, she looks like she’s been steer wrestling. Fix her up right, ’kay?”
Ellie grabs my arm. “Come on Cassidy.” She pulls me away from the screen. “Time to get you ready for a wedding.”
“Calm the fuck down, man.” Wes presses his hands into my shoulder.
I’ve got to keep moving. If I stop, all this shit will catch up with me. Cassie. A kid. Annabeth . . . Cassie.
“Where the hell is she?” I ask for the billionth time. Why won’t he tell me?
“Kat’s got this. Chill.”
“Don’t tell me to fucking chill.” I smack his hand away from my tie and walk toward the temporary mirror hanging on the kitchen door. “Lose Kat, then tell me you can chill.”