Love Me ~ Through the Storm (6 page)

9

Kane

Falling asleep with Oakley in my arms was fantastic; waking up without her there was disappointing. But when I realized she had not only left me in bed but my house without even leaving a note, well, in my book that was just evil.  This isn’t something I expected of Oakley, and it isn’t like we did anything, I just held her while she slept. I should have known something like this would happen. This is one of the reasons I stay away from these young girls, emphasis on girl.

I should’ve listened to my gut last night and taken her to GG’s house or at least I should have slept in my own room. My heart is already involved more than I can afford it to be. She’s taboo to me, a delectable forbidden fruit that my mouth waters for. For my own sanity, I should cut all ties.

Who am I kidding? I’m hooked and there is no way to get loose. I know I’ll go running to her the next time she calls. Since we met, I have been at her beck and call, especially over this last year. I wonder if she’s figured out that she has me by the balls and could get me to do anything for her. God, why the hell did she leave without waking me or at least leaving a note?

Against my better judgment, I send her a text.

Kane
:
Are you okay?

That’s just me looking after her like a little sister. No sexual intentions there, I’m still safe.
Yeah, right!

I make myself a glass of juice and a bowl of oatmeal then take my breakfast outside to the patio. I enjoy sitting outside early in the mornings. I always bring my laptop with me and catch up on emails or social media. Today, I use it as a distraction.

While scanning the online issue of the Tennessean, I see a small talent fair this afternoon. I need to go to this because I’m looking for some new talent. Maybe I can find a stunner who’d be willing to start her career in the erotic film industry. SugarKane Productions is low budget, online, sexually explicit art. While actual theatrical content is lacking, it’s still heavily sexual without being pornographic. Would anyone in my personal life respect that I write, direct, and produce these short films? No, but I know they’ve had a good time watching them. More than once, one of the guys has mentioned watching one of my films. I always had an extremely hard time keeping a straight face during one of those conversations.

I pick up the phone to call CJ, my talent and business manager. He has a good eye for the certain gifts and dexterity we are always looking for. At these type of events, a lone guy going up and talking to the girls, will get him labeled as a creeper, so we search for talent together. CJ has a more polished business look, where I have the longer hair and tattoos. I’m the creative and he is the managerial side of the company. For the most part, I just let him handle the shit I don’t want to take care of.

“Hey, man, what are you doing?” I say as he picks up the phone.

“Sleeping, bye,” he grunts.

“Wake your lazy ass up.  We need to go down to the Ryman at noon.”

“You have to be out of your mind if you think I’m giving up my day off to go listen to music with you today.”

“Why? What’s today?” I ask him.

“My fucking day off, Luther. That’s what today is, goodbye.”

“Okay, I understand if you would rather sleep another couple of hours. I was just letting you know about the talent fair, where there will be a lot of ready, willing, and able female bodies. I’ll try to pick out some good ones, you go on and go back to sleep.” I wait for it, I know it’s coming, the moaning and groaning. He’ll be bitching and complaining until we get there. Then he’ll be in full-on ready mode and I’ll be the one wanting to leave.

“When are you picking me the hell up?” He lets out a deep sigh.

We make arrangements then I get ready for my day full of possibilities.

The Ryman Auditorium is legendary. Whoever made the arrangements to have the talent fair in such a prestigious location has class. The auditorium opened as the Union Gospel Tabernacle in 1892 and got its nickname "The Mother Church of Country Music" after the Grand Ole Opry began broadcasting its radio show there in 1943. It still holds that nickname, even though the Opry was moved from there in the early seventies. Experts even say it has some of the best acoustics in the world and events for singers and acts are still held there.

We arrive downtown and, as usual, parking is hard to find, but we still make it to the auditorium in plenty of time. Looking around at the people gathered, I’m beginning to wonder if I have just wasted our time. The article led me to believe that we would be seeing and hearing some of today's best and brightest, but what I’m seeing is something between karaoke and your standard high school talent show.
Great
.

“This’s what you call talent? Man, I’ve seen more talent at my grandma’s nursing home.” CJ shakes his head. “You got me out of bed for this?”

“Quit grumbling. You can’t sleep half of your life away,” I tell him.

“I know I can’t because you won’t let me sleep on my days off!” he spouts off.

I laugh at him. “You pussy.”

He rolls his eyes toward the ceiling and replaces his shades. “Don’t talk to me, not until after you feed me. I want GG’s tonight.”

“Well, maybe we’ll get lucky. You never know who will show up and maybe there will be something we can work with here, so keep your eyes and ears open.”

We find seats near the stage. I look over at CJ who has his arms crossed and his mouth drawn into a hard line. He either needs a vacation or a good fuck. Maybe a good fucking vacation. Hell, we could all use that.

We listen to the theatrical poetry readings and the five-minute original skits, deciding there isn’t anything here worth our time. Then I see my girl with her acoustic guitar, and she’s with that boy, the one who broke her heart just last night.

So, I guess that is where she was off to in such a hurry this morning. She wants to spend as much time with him as possible before he leaves her. Can’t she remember how upset she was last night? He is just going to break her heart again tomorrow.

Since there aren’t regular intermissions between the different types of talent being presented, we are waiting for the skit acts to gather all their stuff and leave the stage before the next group of artist can proceed to torture us for their allotted time. The row of seats in front of us clears and Oakley notices me. 

She waves at me as she walks over. “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming today.”

CJ perks up a little, sitting up straighter, “Hello, I’m CJ Hightower, managing partner of SugarKane Productions.”

I turn and give him a slight shake of my head. Oakley is a beautiful girl, but she isn’t going to be working for us, ever.

“What’s SugarKane Productions? Kane, you own a candy company and you’re holding out on me?” Oakley extends her hand to CJ. “Hello, I’m Oakley. You’ve probably heard Kane refer to me as baby sister.” She laughs, and points a thumb over at Quinn. “This is Q, my…” She looks at her left hand.

I notice a small square diamond on her ring finger. “Looks like congratulations are in order.” I say rather stiffly, but try to offer a smile anyway.

Quinn comes over. “Hey, I’m Quinn, Oakley’s fiancé. It’s nice to finally meet you, Kane. Thanks for keeping my lady here company while I was away.” He sticks out his hand for me to shake.

I just stare at Oakley… His fiancée? I reluctantly take his hand.

Like he does to all of the beautiful girls we meet at functions like this, CJ starts to explain about the business. “Yes, we run a small production company—”

“She’s not interested in our company,” I tell him, not taking my eyes off Oakley, his fiancée.

Oakley avoids looking at me. In fact, she has her eyes completely closed and she’s taking deep breaths. I could be mistaken, but she doesn’t seem that happy.

“Congratulations, Oakley, I’m sure the two of you will be very happy together,” I say.

Their engagement is a good thing. I’m so glad I didn’t give into temptation last night because what a fucking mess this would all be right now if I had. Fate intervened at the right time and it’s telling me once again, ‘You can’t have her, buddy. I was just fucking around with you.’ Yeah, that asshole, fate, is laughing its ugly head off right now.

“Thanks, Kane, I’ll be needing you to watch out for her a while longer, man. I’ll be in training for another three months before I can come back for her.” Quinn loops his arm around Oakley’s shoulder, pulling her over and giving her a kiss on her temple.

Me?
He can’t tell how much I want Oakley for myself, and only by sheer will power have I not acted on it. I need to get away. “Yeah, well, I guess we better let you guys get ready for Oakley’s set. We need to go around and talk to a few of the wannabe models, gotta find some new talent.”

Oakley lifts her eyes. “Is that your code word for finding a piece of ass, Kane?”

I don’t see the normal amusement in her eyes. In fact, she looks hurt. I search her eyes, but I’m not seeing any happiness. Don’t chicks freak the fuck out when they get engaged?

“We may find a little of that, too.” CJ says, offering me a fist bump.

“Don’t let us keep you then,” I say, giving CJ a halfhearted bump.

Oakley says to Quinn, “Q, will you help me get my stuff back stage?”

“Knock ‘em dead, Oak.” I tell her.

Quinn picks up her guitar and lifts his chin to us, “See ya, dudes.”

“Good to meet you two,” CJ calls out while they walk away.

Quinn throws his hand up in reply but Oakley doesn’t look back.

“Fuck, man, tell me that by taking care of her, it means you’ve been hitting that ass.”

“She’s like my little sister. If you don’t want me to beat the shit out of you here and now then you better just shut the fuck up.” I’m not in the mood for him. I’m ready to get the fuck out of here.

“Geez, man, ease up. Come on let’s find a new girl to replace Gretchen.”

I let out a deep breath and give my head a little shake. “Yeah, let’s go, I need to be focusing on the reason we’re here, the business, but it would be really great if I can also find some chick that I can fuck the shit out of tonight.”

“That’s what I’m talking about. I saw some pussy over there that we need to check out.” CJ points over to a strawberry blonde girl with huge tits.

“She would be good for tit fucking; she’s definitely bangable.” I need to get my dick wet and forget about everything for a while.

“Alright then, turn on the charm and let’s do this shit.”

10

Oakley

The Next Day

Going to the ROTC center to watch Quinn get sworn into the Air Force upsets me more than it should have. I told him I would think about his proposal while he is away, but I still don’t think he is going to like my answer. But, now that he’s leaving, why is it hurting so much? How the hell am I supposed to figure out my feelings when they feel like they’re on a rollercoaster?

His mom, Dawnelle and his uncle Dustin came up to see him off and wish him well. They’ve been walking around since they got here with pride shining through their eyes and genuine smiles on their faces. For me, well, the smile is forced and I’m sure it doesn’t look genuine, but I’m here and that is all I can do. Quinn pulled me into his arms one last time before getting on that bus. He held me, holding me tightly against his body, while I trembled and choked back tears.  I know he thought they were tears because I was going to miss him and I will, but to me they were tears of letting go. Of closing one chapter of my life and starting a new one. We shared one tender kiss then he got on that bus and left me.

“Oakley, please honey, join us for lunch,” Dawnelle says after we watch the bus pull out.

“I’d love to, but I’ve got to get ready for school tomorrow. I put everything off until today, so I could spend more time with Quinn.” What I really need is a reprieve from keeping up a brave front, from being strong. I need to be able to process what has happened during the last few days. I have to have things together by tomorrow so I can concentrate on my classes. We say our goodbyes and head in different directions.

I decide I need to go see GG. She has always been in mine and Clay’s lives. But, when my parents died, GG was the one who helped me. She held on to me and cried with me. She wanted me to stay with her while I finished school so she could provide me with the support she knew I needed. She voiced her doubts about Clay and me living on our own, but we were determined to make it happen, or at least Clay was.

I pull up at GG’s house, so thankful to see that she’s home. I see her at her kitchen window so she must be washing dishes. I toot my horn to get her attention then get out of the car and wave.

GG meets me at the door before I can knock. She’s the cutest thing, being as big as she is tall makes her waddle when she walks. I find comfort that she hasn’t changed her appearance at all since I’ve known her. She still wears her salt and pepper hair in tight curls around her face.

“I was wondering when you were going to grace me with your presence.” She gives me a quick hug and takes a step back, holding my hands out to the side. “Let me see you.”

I turn around for her like a little girl. “All grown up,” I tell her.

“All grown up, my foot! Get in this house, sister. You're too skinny, like a stiff breeze would blow you away. Ya need to be eating more.” She pulls me in and shuts the door. “Oakley, I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed ya something fierce,” she says as we walk into the kitchen.

“Oh, GG,” I close my eyes and shake my head. I take deep calming breaths, trying hard not to break down.

She wraps her arms around me again, “Oh, honey, what’s wrong? You can tell GG. You know I don’t like seeing any of my young’uns hurt’n or upset.”

I pull away from her, being here with her, being comforted by her reminds me of right after Mom and Dad passed away.  “GG, I’m trying so hard to be strong and to quit dwelling on things.” I wipe away a tear that is trying to escape.

“Sit…Sit and tell me about these things you are dwelling on, sister. Let me get you something to eat.”

“Do you have those brownie cookies?”

“I happen to have some toffee brownie brittle left over from The Dive. I’ll get us both some milk and a plate of those while we talk.”

I love her food. She has the best restaurant in all of Tennessee, or at least I think so. The Dive has been in her family a long time. She renamed it The Dive when she took it over because it was in much need of repair.

GG puts the plate of cookies in the middle of the table then places a saucer and a glass of milk in front of both of us. “Now, honey, tell GG what’s the matter? Ya know sometimes before you can get strong, you have to get all the bad stuff out.”

“I feel like no one wants me.” Why’s this so hard to explain? Does this make me sound self-centered?

“Not wanted? Pfft. You know that’s the furthest thing from the truth, but go on.” She takes a cookie and dunks it in her milk.

“Everyone leaves me or I’m…I’m just invisible to them. Mom left me, GG, she didn’t love me enough to stay here and Quinn left this morning for the Air Force. He broke his promise to go to college with me and then join.” I set my cookie on my plate, and place my arms along the edge of the table.

“Honey, what your mom did has nothing to do with her love for you. You need to understand she hadn’t been thinking in her right mind for weeks.” GG pauses, and lets out a long sigh.

“Yeah, I know but…”

GG starts again. “As for Quinn, well, he’s merely a boy. I promise you,” GG smiles gently, “as much as you think he’s
the one
, he isn’t. When the right guy,
the one
, comes along, you’ll know ‘cause there won’t be any questions. It’s something you will feel deep in your soul.”

I nod.

“Honey, I remember my mama telling me once that if you can picture yourself with them in ten years, then they must be a decent man.”

“I can’t picture much of anything ten years away,” I say quietly.

She looks down at her wedding ring. “When my husband died, Oakley, I felt that way, too. You know, there are many steps to getting better, but the first step is acknowledging ya know that something is wrong.” She reaches across the table and lays her hand on mine.

“I feel so empty most of the time and every time I try to talk about what happened, you know, that day…” I look down at her table and run my fingers over the worn wood. “I freak out, I…I lose it, I throw up, I can’t stop crying and I get so cold that I’m shaking down in my bones.” I peek at her from under my lashes and reach for her hand. “I’m scared, GG. I fear I’ll never be able to get over their deaths. I keep thinking about what all Mom won’t be here for. She won’t be here for when I get married, or have my first baby.”

“You should be thinking about what she was here for, relive those good memories, not that I’m a doctor of any kind. I know that’s easier said than done, especially all by yourself. Maybe you should talk to someone who knows how to help you deal with these emotions that come up when you think or talk about the day they died.”

“Kane told me the same thing. He’s actually been a big help getting me through some rough patches.” I take another bite of the crisp chocolaty goodness.

“I’m glad Luther Kane’s helping you, I’m sure you're helping each other.” She reaches over and strokes my hand that’s holding hers. “I heard about the fall out with the band. I really think he’s more misunderstood than he is bad. You never know why a person does what they do until you walk in their shoes.”

“Oh, and god, GG, Quinn asked me to marry him.” I hold out my left hand showing her the ring, and I let out a deep sigh.

“You don’t sound too happy about your engagement. Do you want to talk about that?” She props her chin on her hands.

“I know I’m too young to get married, but I don’t want to lose him, too. I don’t know if I can handle losing one more person right now.”

“Honey, you need to really think about your relationship with him. If you were really in love with him, you’d be a little excited. First off, fear of losing someone isn’t a good reason to get married. I think that if you decide to stay in the engagement, you need to make him understand that you’re not going to want to get married right away. There are things you and he need to do before you get married.  One of which is learning to live on your own.  There is such thing as a long engagement, a lot of people wait years after saying yes to a ring.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I have a question for you though and you need to think about it really hard before you answer. Do you think you could be holding on to him just because he’s convenient?”

I shake my head.

“Don’t answer yet, just listen to me for a moment.” GG holds up a hand. “I don’t want to make you more upset than you already are, but I want you to think about everything, what ya feel and why ya feel that way.”

“You’re right, though I think my heart isn’t telling me he’s the one. My heart is confused.”

“All the more reason to take things slow, honey. Why don’t we change the subject to something happier, for now?” GG asks. “So tell me about that bossy little dog of Lizzie and Clay’s.”

I laugh. “You would think that Chico’s their child. They talk to him like he’s a baby and Lizzie takes pictures of him all the time. If I have to see one more picture of him sleeping in a sunny spot, I’m unfriending her on Facebook.”

“That’s hilarious. He sure was opinionated at Bailey and Cash’s reception. He nipped at my nose when I tried to hug Lizzie.”

“He’s very possessive, that’s for sure.”

We sit quietly for a while just enjoying each other’s company and the brittle, but I need to get back to the dorm to get ready for the first day of classes. “GG, thank you. I needed this today.  Just talking out some of these emotions with you… it’s helped me. I’ll look into finding a counselor or someone like that to talk to, but I was wondering, can I still come by and talk to you, too?”

“Oakley, I’m here for you, night and day. You’re one of my young’uns, and I expect you to come to me when you need help.” GG gets up and takes the couple of steps to me then pulls me into her arms.

She hugs me like a mama would, and I feel all warm and loved, with her gentle squeeze and her hand brushing my back. Something tiny inside me releases, a little weight is gone. GG took it as her own. I hold on to her a little longer, loving the way it feels to be hugged by a mom, even if she’s not my own. I see what all the guys love about her, and I sense my own fondness of her swell inside my chest.

GG sends me home with the remainder of the cookies and makes me promise to come back soon. I think she’ll probably get tired of me because I’ll be around so much.

During the ride back to my dorm, my phone rings. “Hey, Lizzie,” I say, putting the call on speakerphone.

“Hey, Oak!” Lizzie and Bailey say in unison.

“We wanted to call and wish you luck for your first day of classes tomorrow,” Bailey says.

“Thanks, guys.”

“What’s the matter?” Lizzie asks.

“What do ya mean?”

“I know you.  I can hear it in your voice, what’s wrong?” Lizzie asks.

“Oh, it’s nothing. You know, just anxious about starting classes tomorrow.”

“I’m not buying that shit, are you, Bailey?”

“What’s wrong, Oakley? We’re here for you. Hello! Big sister here. Talk to me,” Lizzie insists.

“Can you really hear that something is wrong from my voice? Do I sound that bad?”

“Yes,” they say simultaneously.

“There’s no hiding from you guys, huh?”

“No, sweetie, so unless you want us showing up in your dorm room in about two hours, spill,” Bailey says, sweetly.

“Quinn decided to skip college and go straight into the Air Force. He got sworn in today and left for his training.”

“I’m so sorry,” Bailey says.

“That jackass! I’ll cut off his balls for this!” Lizzie yells.

“For goodness sakes, Lizzie, I’m freaking in the other room and you just killed my ear,” Bailey says. “Are you okay? What can we do? Want us to come up?”

“I’m fine, I can do this. Kane has been helping me with some of my anxious feelings. He’s been talking me through them, and I think some of it is starting to make sense to me.”

“That’s good,” Bailey says.

“The fuck it is. You need to be careful, Oakley. If he tries anything on you, uggggh, I’ll…mess him up. I swear, he better leave you alone.” Lizzie growls.

“Calm your tits, he doesn’t think of me like that. Besides, I think you probably totally overreacted with whatever went on between the two of you,” I tell her.

“Overreacted, overreacted? You can’t be serious. Oh Mi Gawd! I can’t believe you even said that. He tried to kiss me while I was crying over
your brother
. He tried to get me drunk so I would
sleep
with him.”