Love Needed (The Love Is Series) (3 page)

"I don't think we should do this so soon."

He fell back onto his elbow and looked at her.

"What do you mean soon? We've been together for a while, and you know how strongly I feel about you."

"Yes I know, and I feel the same about you. I just think we should wait. There's no rush is there? We don't have to go so fast."

"I don't understand. We're not going too fast, I don't see why we need to ruin something that's so beautiful between two people that are in love."

"Well, it's too fast for me. I don't want to do it now."

She was suddenly agitated. Why did he have to make an issue out of it? He was ruining a night that could have been perfect.

He lay back on the bed and for a while he didn't say anything. After a few minutes of silence she turned to him.

"Are you mad at me?"

He hesitated. "I'm not mad at you. But sex is something that's important to me. It’s something that happens between people when they love each other. I can see that you don't have the same definition of it as I do, and I'm not saying I have a problem with it."

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that it's important to me; it's something that can drive us apart. It's a really big thing to me and you don't agree with what I'm feeling."

"I didn't say I don't agree with you feelings, I just don't want to rush into things. I don't understand why it's such an issue."

He turned onto his side, facing her full on, and put his hand on her cheek, cupping her face.

"I don't want to lose you Tash; I don't want to have a disagreement about something that's meant to prove my love to you. I just want to give everything to you, to show you that all of me belongs to you. It just hurts that you're denying me this."

She sighed. She felt horrible. Here he was declaring his undying love for her, and he was clearly trying to make a huge commitment. These were words that she didn’t usually hear from guys, and the fact that he felt so differently about sex – that it was about love to him and not lust as she was used to. She fought with herself, trying to decide what to do. She was tempted to give in; the way he was looking at her made her melt and his hand on her cheek was so warm and loving. But then that panicked feeling came back and she squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head.

"I'm just asking you to wait. I want our first time to be something special. I'm not saying tonight isn't special, but after this conversation now it won't be the same. Let's just enjoy our time together."

After that things were relatively incident free between them. The more she saw him the more she fell in love with him. Every day she fell deeper into his eyes. His hands were warm on her body when he held her and she felt safe and understood. She felt beautiful. There wasn't anything she couldn't face. Issues at work diminished in size, she was on time and always in a good mood and nothing went wrong. Her reports were correct and accepted.

Cara smiled when she saw Natasha walk in in the mornings. When Dr Mitchell had given her the assignment she was worried that Tash wouldn't be able to cope with the intensity of it. The girl had looked like the was falling apart. But it appeared that being needed for the job did the trick. She was on top of her game and Cara could see nothing that gave her reason to worry anymore.

Ethan surprised Natasha one evening. He arrived uninvited, and when he was sitting on her couch while she made coffee he cleared his throat,

"I have to go to the coast on business."

Natasha stopped what she was doing and turned to him. He hadn't been away since they started dating.

"Will you be gone long?"

"Actually, I was hoping you'd come with me. I want to show you our beach house there. Our family used to go there when we were kids and I want to share it with you. It's close to where I need to be for work."

"That sounds amazing."

"It really is - will you be able to come?"

"I'm sure I can figure something out with my boss."

She turned back to carry on with the coffee but her insides were buzzing.

The next morning she cleared it up with Cara.

"He's invited me to go with him to a family home at the coast."

"Do you think you've got him?"

"Got him?"

"Yes, do you think the beach house is where we'll be sending Tactics?"

Natasha felt a jolt. She'd forgotten about the job.

"Yes," she answered quickly, "of course, that's why I'm asking."

"You can have a few days to go with him. Do you know where it is?"

"Not exactly, it would be strange for me to ask."

"Alright, well let us know so we can get some back up down there."

"Do you really think that's necessary? I mean, we've been around this guy a while now, and there hasn't really been a reason to say I definitely need Frank around."

Cara squinted at Natasha. She opened her mouth to say something but hesitated. Tash felt uncomfortable. She knew that look; Cara knew something she wasn't supposed to have found out.

"Don’t tell me you have feelings for this guy."

Natasha shook her head irritably, "of course not."

"Why don't you want Frank around?"

"I just don't think it's necessary. I've been spending time with him and as far as my safety is concerned we can trust him. And surely you know me well enough to know that I'll report properly."

Cara looked at Tash, again not saying anything. This time Tash fought the urge to squirm at all, and when Cara finally spoke she managed to stay expressionless enough.

"You have to be very careful. I'll let you go on your terms but I can't be here for you if something doesn't go the way you planned."

"Relax Cara, it's just another job, remember?"

Cara grunted as Natasha got up and left the office.

They left before sunrise and drove together in the dark. The car was quiet and cold with the morning air, and when the first rays of sunlight crept over the horizon Natasha sighed and looked at Ethan. She was so happy. What she felt from him crashed over her like waves on the shore.

They arrived at the beach house and it was beautiful. Sanded wood floors and whitewashed walls, doors that opened out practically onto the beach and shells everywhere. They put down their bags and he scooped her into his arms and kissed her long and deep. When they broke free he looked at her with those eyes whispered "I love you".

They spent the day on the beach and in the evening they drove to a cafe in the small little town. There they had seafood and wine for dinner and laughed about silly things. Back at the house they cuddled up in front of a movie and she fell asleep in his arms.

The next morning she woke up in a big double bed in the main bedroom. He must have taken her there last night after she'd fallen asleep. She got up and walked around the house, looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. In the kitchen she found a note on the counter letting her know he'd gone out to take care of some business and he would be back later.

She sighed.

After breakfast she started looking around the big house. It had two stories; everything neatly made up and well decorated. She stopped in one of the bedrooms to look at the photos against the walls. She'd never met Ethan's family, but it looked like he could be related to some of the people in the photos. In the hall she saw more photos, some of them where he was standing with his arm around girls, some of them where the girls were alone. She didn't see any photos that could have been his parents.

She got bored with her own company. She stood outside on the patio overlooking the beach, staring across the ocean. The wind was brushing her cheeks and pulling her hair, whispering and breathing and she followed it onto the sand and down to the water. She walked along the shore, picking up shells and humming softly to herself.
Out of nowhere a storm suddenly showed itself, and before Natasha could think twice dark clouds were rumbling all around her, pulling across everything with a curtain of rain. She was soaked almost immediately. She looked back and realised how far she’d wandered from the house – it was only a speck far down the shore line. She held her arms and shivered. Lightning started playing across the sky, and through the deafening cracks she heard someone calling. She turned around, straining to see through the rain. A short distance away, under an overhang created by rocks against the rise of the dunes she could make out a shadowed figure waving at her. She hesitated for a second but after another bolt flashed, followed by a loud crack, she ran to the shelter.

She exclaimed loudly when she was out of the rain and shook her hands.

“Thank you, I have no idea where that came from,” she shouted above the roar of the storm.

“No problem, you should keep a close eye on the weather down here.”

“I’m Natasha.

“Martin.”

He was tall and skinny. He had sharp features and a hard expression, and piercing green eyes that stormed furiously along with the weather. His manner was calm though, and he smiled at her when she shook his hand.

“I haven’t seen you around here.”

“I haven’t been here before, I’m here with my boyfriend - he’s down for work.”

“And who is he?”

“Ethan Houle.”

“I haven’t heard of him. Chances are I’ll recognise his face though.”

“He’s in law.”

“Ah, that would be why. I’m in construction. Travel all over the place for it but I’ve been stuck on a project here for the past couple of months.”

They talked as best they could through the volume of the weather. It turned out that his offices were close to where Tash lived, and when the storm finally died down they’d agreed that if they ran into each other back home, they would have coffee.

Natasha walked back to the house as soon as the rain allowed her, and she dried herself down.

She heard the car out front and ran to the door, her bare feet thudding on the plank floors. The salty sea win greeted her as she pulled the door open, followed by Ethan with a brown paper packet. He kissed her.

"How was work? She asked after he let her go.

"Fine. just had to sort a few things out. I’m sorry it took so long. I got caught in the storm it was impossible to drive. I'm all yours now."

She smiled.

"What are we going to do?"

"Well... I've been thinking about you all morning." His eyes had turned dark and he looked at her seductively. Then he pulled her close to him and kissed her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, getting lost in him, and before she knew it he was carrying her to the bedroom. They collapsed onto the bed and he was all over her, kissing her and running his hands over her body, making her legs go weak and forcing her breath out in quick bursts.

She pushed against his chest with her hands but he was kissing her neck and through his kisses he mumbled "don't worry babe, I know."

She relaxed. He wasn't going to ask her to sleep with him again.

He caressed her and held her close. Then he slipped his hand under her shirt and undid her bra. She stopped, startled.

"What are you doing?"

"Just because we're not going to sleep together doesn't mean we can't have some fun."

"But it's dangerous; we're just looking for trouble now."

"Come on, we'll stop before anything happens. It won't be bad. Trust me."

He looked at her. How could she not trust him? She loved him. And of course she should trust him.

She hesitated for a moment. But then he started kissing her again, holding her close and not doing anything else and she started to relax. The kisses got deeper, their bodies pushed closer and his hands were starting to roam again. Every time she started to tense up he murmured that it was okay, or whispered for her to trust him.

He slipped his hands down again and started undoing his pants.

"Ethan?" He was starting to scare her.

"Just trust me babe, it will be okay. You're beautiful."

His voice was soft and warm, reassuring. She sighed. It meant everything to her when he said that. It was like he saw everything in her that she could never see in herself, and he loved her to death for it. 

He kissed her again, pushing up against her, working her pants down to her knees, running his hands over her body under her shirt. She felt uncomfortable but he never let her hands go anywhere that she could stop him for. He was caressing her and kissing her and pulling her into him tighter, and even though she was worried it was comfortable being so close in his arms and hearing him mumbling compliments in her ears between the kisses in her neck.

Before she knew it her pants were off and he was running his hands up her thighs. She squirmed and pushed her hands against his chest again but he cupped her face in his hand, looked deep into her eyes and then planted kisses all over her face, finally getting to her mouth and she got lost all over again. He ran his hands down her back, and when she tensed up again he held onto her and then rolled onto his back so that she was lying on top of him.

"Will this make you feel better about it?" She nodded shyly, ran her hand through her hair and kissed him again. She felt more relaxed about everything. He had given her control so they wouldn't go further than she wanted. They were kissing furiously and he was sliding his hands down her sides. He rested them on her hips and let her kiss him all over his face and on his neck. She was getting lost in the moment, letting everything slip away, forgetting where they were and why she was there, forgetting he was a job and she was waiting to get information from him, forgetting Blackwell and the pressure they placed on her.

The next moment he locked his grip on her hips and suddenly he was inside her. She jerked her head back, shocked, and tried to lift herself up but he was holding her down and he started gyrating his hips.
"Ethan," she gasped, but he wrapped his arm around her hips to push her onto him, and pulled her face back against his with his free hand. Waves of shock and pleasure, betrayal and lust, flooded over her while she tried in a frenzy to make sense of what just happened. He kissed her hard. Then she pulled free and he let her go.

She looked at him, breathing hard. He was looking at her, smiling a gentle smile, and then he pulled her close to him and hugged her.