Love Redone in Hidden Harbor (Island County Book 2) (17 page)

“Fair to who?” he breathed, his mouth inches from mine.

“To either of us.”

I had no more fight left in me. I loved Cole, and I always would.

“Have you listened to the song?” he asked, moving into me.

I shook my head, not willing to admit I wasn’t strong enough to listen. I wasn’t ready, and I might never be.

His mouth swept over mine, leaving a flood of emotions to run through me as he took a step back.

“Well, maybe when you do, things will become clear.” The hurt in his eyes killed me. My plan wasn’t to hurt Cole; it was only to finally protect myself.

“Things will work out how they’re supposed to, Cole,” my voice hitched and he nodded, softly touching my chin with his thumb.

“I have faith everything will.” And that was it. He turned around and walked out of my shop.

Just like I thought I’d wanted.

 

Walking along the sidewalk on Seaview Avenue, I glanced into one of the old antique stores and spotted a set of cute Moroccan votive holders. Those would be perfect to add to my collection at the store. I loved finding things that might work for a bride someday. I yanked on the front door with no luck. It must be later than I thought, which meant I better hurry home and change to meet Sophie for yoga. It was always tough to know what time it was in the winter when it got dark so early.

 It had been several weeks since I last saw Cole. I wasn’t even sure he was on the island. He’d taken direction well, and for once I was relieved by the lack of communication. We both had work to do and lives to figure out. I did learn his brother was still on the island because Sophie knew the home nurse, who was taking care of him, but I never asked if there was more than one male at that home.

A gust of wind chilled me to my core, and I quickly zipped up my jacket and tugged on my hat. Most days, I really enjoyed walking to and from work, but today was turning me into an icicle. It was nice to see my town up close and personal. For instance, how many people knew we had a puppy parade coming to town this Saturday? Only those like me who wandered the sidewalks and noticed the flyers in the shop windows.

Speaking of flyers, I also noticed our annual Fireweed Island Book Fair was only a week from next Saturday. My life was fully on course again.

By the time I’d made it to the front door of my house, my fingers were nearly frozen, and the thought of having to change for yoga and come back outside wasn’t appealing, but I was following doctor’s orders, and I couldn’t wait to catch up with Sophie.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside to my warm home, flicking the lights on as I made my way to my bedroom where I quickly changed into yoga pants and a loose-fitting tunic. I bunched my hair into a messy bun, grabbed my yoga mat, and filled a bottle with water.

I dropped everything off by the front door and texted Sophie to make sure she’d still be there, and just as I was seeing her reply come over, I noticed an email from Cole slide into my inbox.

Just. Like. That.

I was like a glutton for punishment, jinxing myself by declaring how freeing it had been not to hear from him, and just like that, he tuned into the universe and decided to reach out.

His email could wait. I needed to focus on yoga with a friend, followed by a glass of wine or three with her as a reward. Stuffing everything into my bag and grabbing a heavier coat, I locked the door and was on my way to the gym. By foot it was only ten minutes away. But that was enough time to wonder myself to death about Cole’s email. I could be an adult and read the message, but that would be too easy, and I’d started to learn that I actually might like torturing myself slightly.

“I bet you wish you decided try out hot yoga with me,” Sophie chuckled, running over to me. She drove to the gym since the apartment she rented was a bit out of town.

“Not in a million years.” The idea of willingly bending and contorting my body was already teetering on the edge of insanity, except that by the end of the session I was ready to fall asleep.

“The idea of slipping and sliding in my own sweat because the heat is cranked to ninety-five degrees isn’t how I imagine I’d want to spend any amount of time.”

“It’s not like that.” She rolled her eyes, and I followed her into the building.

“Right when I left to come here, guess what popped into my email?”

We both typed in our codes to check in and walked down the hall as weights clanked against floors and grunting bounced off the walls.

“An email.” She flashed a devilish grin as we walked into the yoga studio in the back of the building. “From Mr. Hill.”

“I guess he is generally the only reason I mention emails.” I stuffed my bag in a cubby and fished out my water bottle.

“Generally.” We rolled out our mats, and I slid off my socks. “And what did it say?”

“I didn’t open it.”

Sophie groaned and a few of the students glanced over. “Okay, you’re definitely missing the big picture.”

“Of what?” I whispered, leaning in.

“Relaxation, meditation, life.” She sat down and stretched her legs.

“What are you talking about?” I sat on my knees and scowled.

“You spend ten minutes walking to a yoga session and—correct me if I’m wrong—probably debated about what was inside the message Cole sent on the entire trip over. So instead of enjoying a leisurely stroll on the way to a meditation exercise, you show up to said meditative experience completely wired and full of questions. So really, this entire class is going to be lost on you all because you didn’t just open an email and read it.”

I sat back and glared at her.

“What? Am I wrong?” Her brows knitted together. “Please correct me if I’m wrong, and you didn’t think about the contents of that message all the way over here. Besides, I can tell when you’re all worked up.”

“Great, another outward sign of my insanity. Do I get to add this symptom to hives and fainting?”

“Only if you want to.” She leaned over and squeezed my shoulders. They felt so knotted her fingers felt like daggers. “You tend to lose your neck when you get all stressed.”

“Perfect. I’m Frankenstein with hives.”

“But always adorable,” she assured me.

Our tiny instructor glided into the room, and right behind her, several more students pattered in light as a feather. Our yoga instructor was in her customary sky blue yoga pants and white tank, showing not an ounce of fat on her perfectly proportioned body. I gave a quick tug on my tunic and slid to my bum as she placed her hands in a prayer position and Namaste’d us all.

“Namaste,” I said in unison with the class.

Moments like these highlighted how much I didn’t fit in to the whole group setting. I was more of a loner and being expected to participate in something so regimented was beyond uncomfortable, but I was pushing myself in all directions. Learning to regroup and put myself in uncomfortable situations was my new normal, even if that included repeating ancient Sanskrit sayings like I knew what I was talking about.

“Please begin by laying on your back…tucking your chin into your chest and placing your palms up to the sky.” Pausing for the class to do as she said. “Drawing in your breath slowly, make yourself aware of your body…” More silence. “Feel the lengthening of your spine…your arms as they fall away from you…” Another pause. “Feel your facial expression soften. Exhaling, allow yourself to become aware…”

My mind drifted to another place as my breathing shifted, and all my worries wandered away. I envisioned sitting at my kitchen table in the house I grew up in. I began by opening the first envelope and pulled out a letter. Happiness flowed through my entire body as I read Cole’s words. Mistake. Misunderstanding. Loved me. My body felt light as air as I kept reading. He never meant for me to go back to Fireweed, but he couldn’t come back with me. There was too much he needed tell me.

The temperature in the room chilled and my eyes flashed open.

I fell asleep.

In the middle of class.

I glanced around and saw everyone in the tree position, one of my least favorite poses, especially since I just woke up. Trying to shake off my embarrassment, I stood up and reached for the sky—really it was only the ceiling—and slid the base of my heel up along the inside of the opposite leg. This was where it got tricky for those—like myself—challenged with the skill of balancing, but I managed with only a wobble.

Listening to the instructor, I focused on breathing and the pose solidified into place and by the end of class, I was proud of myself for staying upright and awake.

The instructor walked over to me and congratulated me on releasing myself and allowing the empty space to merge with my mind, body, and soul. I didn’t have the heart to tell her, I purely fell asleep, and my mind was filled with a make-believe version of how my life could have been so I instead thanked her and gave her a Namaste.

“Well, I take back what I said about you not getting the whole relaxation thing,” Sophie said, taking a sip of water. “I’m impressed.”

“Don’t be.”

I rolled up my mat and grabbed my bag, waiting for Sophie to do the same before we wandered back into the main gym. The place had thinned out and only the cardio machines were in use by a very few people.

“I think I should get home. My stepmom came down with a cold, and I told her I’d come and check on her to make sure that everything’s okay.”

“So no wine date?” I smiled. “I’ll take a rain check. I probably shouldn’t anyway after that whole out-of-body experience.”

“That’s the spirit.” She winked, but her eyes landed on something behind me, and she turned around quickly, pulling on my free hand.

“What are you doing?” I laughed, tripping over my feet.

“I think a glass of wine would be a good idea after all.”

“He’s here. Isn’t he?” I whispered, feeling the thrill of it all.

She avoided my gaze, which told me everything.

I glanced over my shoulder and saw the back of Cole. Apparently there was one person still in the weight section and that would be him. He was wearing a pair of black, oversized basketball shorts and a tight black shirt that skimmed every God-given muscle he owned. He’d always been in shape, but this was something more and it was intriguing.

“Of course he looks that good working out,” I muttered, shaking my head, and pushing Sophie out the door with me on her tail.

“At least you have good taste in men.” She grabbed her keys out of her purse. “You want me to give you a ride?”

I nodded, shifting my bag to my other shoulder and then I felt it. That same feeling of being watched, but this time I knew it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. I turned around and looked into the gym. Cole was staring right at me; the overhead light spotlighting Sophie and me on the sidewalk.

Instead of the usual emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and annoyance, I actually didn’t mind that he noticed me noticing him. I gave him a quick wave, not realizing that was the open invitation he’d been waiting for, and my stomach dipped to my toes before flying back to my chest.

“Now look what you did,” Sophie teased. “But it’s probably fine. I’m sure you’ve fixed yourself enough to speak to the man. Or, at least for his sake, I hope you have.”

I shot her an icy stare, and she shrugged in innocence.

“I thought that was your excuse? You needed to fix yourself? Find yourself? Whatever it was.”

“It’s not an excuse. It’s the truth. I’ve spent far too much of my life wondering about how my life would have turned out if we’d stayed together, and for your information, I think all this yoga and stuff is starting to work out.”

“How do you figure?”

“I waved at him didn’t I? I didn’t act like he didn’t exist. That is progress.”

“If you’re twenty-two.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist. I’m just not ready.” I spotted Cole getting closer and felt a flutter in my stomach.

“You’re never going to be ready unless you start trying. Now that you have a chance at it—meaning him—you’d rather push him away, and you’ve been pushing the entire idea of love away for years. That’s your fallback move, even if it wasn’t Cole.”

“Sounds to me like you are proving exactly why I need to work on myself before dragging anyone else down.”

She hopped off the step and opened her car door just as Cole came outside.

“I didn’t know you worked out here,” Cole said, breathing hard from the weights.

“I didn’t know you lived here and to clear the air, I saw your email come over, but I haven’t read it.” I crossed my arms as if to shield my heart and ready myself for an imaginary battle.

“Of course you haven’t. That would be too easy.” His brows furrowed as he took me in, and I heard Sophie turn on her car. I glanced over and saw her stop only long enough to give me a friendly wave as she pulled away.

“Was she your ride?” he chuckled, watching Sophie turn onto the main road.

“No.”

“I don’t see your car.” He looked over the parking lot, and a flicker of amusement dashed through his eyes as I shifted from one foot to the other.

“I walked.”

“You shouldn’t be walking home at ten o’clock at night.” I liked how he was as protective as he had been in college, but I shouldn’t. I should barely even be noticing him. “It’s not safe.” His voice became gruffer, but his expression softened.