Love Renewed (Entwined Hearts #3) (32 page)

I close my eyes and try with everything inside me to pull my head out of my arse and back to where it needs to be. Every single thing she has told me has made my body feel like it’s been wound another time around the reel coiled that bit tighter and I’m about ready to snap. I need some release, I need to let some aggression out and the only way to do that other than killing someone—
Ryan
—is to use the gym. I need to box. Opening my eyes, I look at Nova. She’s so beautiful. Strong. True. She has been through hell and yet she’s still determined to tell me it all, let it all hang out there, without shedding a tear for either of those bastards.

I cup her face and lean in kissing her forehead as softly as I can manage right now. I know she’s hurting, part of that is because of me. I’m also aware that she hasn’t gotten over the pain I caused when I left. I know Pea said I had to get past it because I was seventeen, but that doesn’t excuse my behaviour, especially when I knew what she was being left to deal with. Pea doesn’t get it. Soph does, though. The short conversation I had with her after Nova kicked me out of her apartment in New York, imparting that she had been raped, was eye opening. I knew that Nova had been attacked by Kurtis. If I knew the extent I would have made the bastard suffer. When I told Soph, she understood where Nova was coming from. Having someone there preying on her and me leaving her to that guy. She told me Nova would need a fair bit of reassurance that I could be trusted. So far she’s been easy on me, not demanding or even asking for anything other than my love. I know with this conversation, though, we have opened up a whole new can of worms and I have to boil the fuckers.

“Come on Nova, let me take you somewhere,” I ask hoping she feels safe enough with me that she’s willing to try. She looks back at me like there’s something her brain is trying to work out.

“Okay,” she whispers. “Just…please don’t ever hurt me again.” She slips her hand into mine breaking my heart in the process. The idea that I might hurt her never would have existed in her head in the past. If I could go back and beat the shit out of the seventeen-year-old me, I would. Happily. He made choices that broke me in a way that might never be fixed.

As we turn down the old road, Nova starts twitching.

“You okay?” I ask, keeping the humour from my voice. Although we’ve pushed past the world of pain we were in twenty minutes ago, it’s still not a situation where we’re ready to laugh, and I’m taking my cues from her. When she’s happy I will be. Still, it’s nice to see her getting excited having worked out where we are going.

“Yes. It’s just…it’s been so long.”

“I know,” I say and lace my fingers through hers. It’s the first contact we’ve had since we got in the car and I relish the feel of her warmth. I release her hand when we pull up to the empty car park. The place was shut down a few years ago, and as it’s out of the way, is normally pretty much abandoned. Being that it’s still wet, nearing seven at night and already dark, I’m sure nobody will be here. Walking around to her side of the car and opening the door, I take note that almost all the lights are out, thankfully a few are still working around the building. When she gets out, I grab her hand again and look down at what she’s wearing. Jeans, a hoodie and trainers. Well, that will make things easier and I’m glad I chucked joggers on after our shower earlier. Teamed with the trainers and hoodie, we’re both ready for this.

“Come on,” I say and pull her with me, jogging around the side of the building.

When we get to the back, I pick Nova up under her armpits, lifting her straight into the air until she’s looking down at me.

She squeals. “Be careful, Dane. We’re not teenagers anymore, you don’t want to get hurt.” She bites her bottom lip trying not to laugh.

“Right that sounds like a challenge,” I say dropping her down then bending until my shoulder connects with her stomach. Hoisting Nova up, I throw her over me until she’s hanging down my back, then wrapping my arms across her legs I run. She screams and laughs. “Remember whatever happens you had it coming,” I advise.

“Dane!” she squeaks my name out and I laugh, then take off into a full sprint, she’s bouncing on my shoulder and smacking my arse. Nova kicks her legs and wiggles, but it’s worth every stray kick or slap just to hear her laughing again. Whizzing around the building and over the grass a couple of times, then finally making my way back to the building I set her back down.

“Oh my God! That was like going back in time. You’re still a complete nutcase!” she shouts in between giggles.

“Had to prove my virility after you bashing me for being too old,” I say with a wink.

“Okay big guy, consider me told.” She laughs and I tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear and her breath catches. As much as I’d like to get lost in her again, that’s not what tonight is about. Grabbing her shoulders, I push her in front of me toward the side wall before I change my mind. Nova giggles.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing really, I was just thinking the last time we were here you lost your hat, remember that?”

“Yeah. And whose fault was that? I mean it had nothing to do with a certain female, that’s currently not too far away from me, taking my hat and throwing it in the air repeatedly. No?” I smirk at her outraged face.

“No!” she says in a high-pitched lilt and I laugh. “It’s not my fault you were mucking about. The way I remember it you kept putting it on my head and I was throwing it back. I didn’t know the wind would pick it up…or the dog.” She laughs again, probably remembering me chasing the dog trying to get my hat back.

“Come on funny girl,” I say crouching down. She turns away from me until she’s on my right-hand side, her firm bum pressing against my shoulder. I grip her lower legs with my left arm and throw my right around her back, guiding her until she’s sitting on my shoulder, then I stand taking her with me. Her hands grip my hair and arm simultaneously and I let her gain her balance before walking toward the building, close enough so her stomach is at the ledge of the flat roof. She lifts herself over the edge and onto the roof, then I reach up gripping the edges with my fingers. I use all my strength to drag myself up and over, glad that I can still manage it with proficiency. Once I’m standing, I notice Nova creeping around the edges looking down.

“Still scared of heights?” I call to her.

“Yep,” she shouts back and the wind carries her words.

“But yet, you still have to go to the edge and look down,” I state and shake my head. After all these years this woman still baffles me.

“I need to see it, just because it settles my tummy,” she tells me turning around her hands sit on her hips.

“All right weirdo.” I chuckle and walk over to the middle. I sit down and cross my legs and watch Nova walking to me. As cold as I am inside, I feel the warmth and have to pinch myself sometimes when I realise Nova’s real. She copies my position and we take a few minutes to just look at each other.

“I never thought I’d be doing this again,” she whispers, breaking the silence.

“Me either, baby,” I reply and grab her hands in mine bringing each one up to my mouth and kissing the back of them.

“Do you think there’s still water down there?” she asks taking her hands back and pointing below us.

“I doubt it. Health and Safety would have made them drain it. Otherwise, people could break in and drown.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” We both return to silence. My thoughts turn to the swimming pool that used to be alive with fun years ago. Nova and I would visit as often as we could. When we couldn’t afford to swim, we’d wait until it was night and come here to sit on the roof, watching the stars. Talking about life and our dreams. It was our safe spot, on top of the world.

“Tell me about your life, Dane. How did you end up being who you are?” Her voice is so soft and it trembles slightly.

“Are you cold?” I ask.

She shakes her head no but doesn’t speak.

Sighing, I realise this can’t be put off any longer.

“You have to understand, I never tell people the whole truth about me, if I did they'd never see me the same. Never. You're my exception, Nova. Only you. But you need to promise. If you feel like running away from me, that first you'll listen, give yourself time to digest. Ask me any question you want...I'll answer you. I'll always tell you the truth, but don't ever be scared of me. I'll never hurt you. Never Nova. Because the truth is you're the one with all the power, you could take me down in a heartbeat and I don't think you even realise it yet.” I open myself wide for her to reach in and break my heart, but she just looks at me.

“I’ll never leave you, now I have you again. I’ve been waiting for you to rescue me for my whole life, to take me from the mundane to the amazing. No matter what you tell me I’ll always stand right by your side, or at your back, or hugging your front, but you’ll never be without me. Never.” She whispers to me.

Rubbing my hand down my face I feel a burst of happiness and contentment like I haven’t felt before and I’m ready to tell her everything.

“I’ve worked for a group of trained professionals for many years now. Jenson recruited me,” I start.

“Trained professionals?” she asks.

“Killers, Nova.” At my words her face jolts back. “This can’t be a surprise, you’ve seen what I am capable of,” I reply.

“No, it’s just…I guess it’s different hearing it confirmed.”

I nod and place my finger over my mouth asking for her silence. “Let me get this out and then you can ask questions, okay?” She smiles and I take that as her agreement. “It’s a covert group which works for an unknown government agency. We carry out Black Ops and only Black Ops. They’re operations that aren’t known to the public or most of the government.”

“Like James Bond? Like a spy?” she asks excitedly her eyes widening.

“No, not like a fucking spy,” I complain and she giggles.

“I’ve been trained in a lot of things. I can kill someone in the blink of an eye, without thinking twice. And have done. Many times. I’m not a good person, Nova.”

“Who have you killed?” she whispers and I want to gag her so she stops interrupting me.

“A lot of people, I can’t tell you names.” I sigh.

“Innocent people?”

“No,” I confirm.

“Children?”

“Never.”

“People who would kill innocents and children?” She looks at me, sadness swimming in her eyes. I nod my reply. “Then stop beating yourself up. You were ridding the world of bad people. The way I see it you were doing us all a favour.”

“How can you take this all so lightly?” I ask my own question now as even though I know she’s strong, I’m still slightly shocked.

“Because I would do it.”

“What?” I ask hoping she’s going to clarify her words.

Nova looks me straight in the eye. “I would kill them. If I knew it was someone that would harm a child or harm someone completely innocent, then I would be able to pull the trigger. And I wouldn’t feel fucking bad about it either.” Her words hold conviction and I know she’s not lying. She absolutely believes what she says.

“Okay baby, calm down. There’s nobody to shoot tonight.” I wink and she cocks her eyebrow.

“You carry on and there might be,” she moans at me and I grin.

“It all happened so naturally.” I swallow and clamp my teeth together.
Hard.
Trying to scrape off the excess energy that I can feel tingling up my spine. I’m nervous of this, of telling her. I want her to love me, but I’m scared she’ll see a monster.

“What is it?” she asks stroking my face. Her touch relieves the pressure I feel inside and I unclench my jaw and explain.

“When I came back from the photo shoot and you were gone, I was…I was…devastated. I couldn’t cope. I was lost, hurt and if I’m honest…ruined.” I study her face as tears spring into her eyes. “When I spoke to Ryan and he told me Kurtis had attacked you, hurt you, that’s why you’d run off. It was only four hours after I left Kurtis’s house that Jenson caught up with me. Said he’d been watching me. I could go with him or go to prison. My choice.”

The tears spill freely over her face now as she twists her fingers together in her lap. “What happened? Why would you have gone to prison?” she asks, I can almost see her brain working, she already knows the answer but she has to hear it from me.

I stare into her eyes. "He was my first Nova."

"Your first what?" she whispers

"My first kill," I reply.

She exhales quickly but says nothing more. “It turns out Jenson had been watching me. He needed to recruit someone, and they usually look for males in foster care at a certain age. One’s that have no blood family. I fitted the bill perfectly. So did Ryan apparently. Jenson was watching us for a few months, but with my fitness levels he wanted me. When I killed Kurtis, he was able to swoop in before the police got to me. The thing you have to understand is that Jenson wasn’t going to recruit me. He had seen us together, he knew I wasn’t going to leave you. Even at that age. And he didn’t think it wise for people to have relationships while working with them because of having weaknesses. Like him and Hilary.”

I stop and shake my head.

Poor fucker.

“I didn’t delay in accepting his proposition. I didn’t have you, so I felt empty. Not liking the idea of prison I figured there was nothing to lose. Not anymore.” Nova bites her lip as her tears continue. “Jenson trained me, looked after me. I would’ve died on more than one occasion without him. I’m out now. I want to have a normal life with you and the guys. I found them and they rescued me. But my survival is because of you. You’re my reason to carry on, to live. You Nova. I love those guys, but I’ll never explain myself to them, not like I have to you. If they saw me this way, they would think that I have worked hard to become a cold and calculating killer. The truth is I have to work even harder every damn day to be a warm and loving brother. It doesn’t come naturally, although, it is a lot easier now. They’re all in my heart and that means they have my loyalty. And I’d kill for any of them. But you. Shit. Nova, I’d kill for you, but I’d also die for you. Without a second thought.”