Love, Rosie (203 page)

Because
you
have
to
go
to
the
dentist.

Yes,
but
you
didn’t
no
that
until
a
second
ago.

OK
then
would
you
like
to
watch
football,
the
sport
that
you

absolutely
hate
with
a
passion
with
the
two
teams
you
hate
even

more,
in
my
house
today?

Katie:

Toby:

Katie:

Toby:

Katie:

Toby:

Katie:

I
can’t.
I’m
busy.

You
see?
Now
don’t
say
I
never
ask
you
out
anywhere.

How
long
have
you
known
that
I’m
going
to
the
dentist?

All
of
five
minutes.

How
long
ago
did
you
invite
Monica
Doyle
to
your
house?

Last
week.

My
point
exactly!

You
have
an
instant
message
from:
KATIE

Katie:

Rosie:

Katie:

Rosie:

Katie:

Mum,
I
hate
men.

Congratulations
dear
welcome
to
the
club.
Your
membership
is
in

the
post.
I’m
so
proud
of
this
moment
I
wish
I
had
a
camera.

Please
Mum
I’m
serious.

And
so
am
I.
So
what
has
Toby
done
this
time?

He’s
invited
Monica
Doyle
to
his
house
to
watch
the
football
match

and
he
didn’t
invite
me.
Well
he
did,
but
only
after
he
new
I
was

busy.

Rosie:

Oh
dear,
he’s
caught
the
bug
already.
Is
this
moany
Monica
we’re

talking
about?
The
little
girl
who
cried
all
day
at
your
tenth
birth-

day
party
until
her
parents
came
to
collect
her
because
her
false
nail

fell
off?

Katie:

Rosie:

Katie:

Yes.

Oh
dear.
I
hate
that
child.

She’s
not
a
child
anymore
Mum.
She’s
14,
got
the
biggest
chest
in

love,
rosie

307

the
school,
dyes
her
hair
blond,
leaves
the
top
buttons
of
her
polo

shirt
open
in
PE
and
leans
down
so
the
boys
can
see
down
her
top.

She
even
flirts
with
Mr.
Simpson
and
pretends
not
to
understand

what
he’s
talking
about
in
computer
class
so
he’ll
come
up
behind

her
and
lean
over
her
to
show
her
what
to
do.

She
hates
talking
about
anything
other
than
shopping
so
I
don’t
no

why
she’s
going
to
even
bother
watching
football.
Well
actually
I
do

no
why.

Rosie:

Katie:

Rosie:

Katie:

Rosie:

Sounds
like
she’s
got
a
case
of
the
Slutty
Bethinitis
to
me.

What?
What
do
I
do
about
Monica?

Oh
that’s
simple.
Assassinate
her.

Please
Mum
for
once
in
your
life
be
serious.

I
am
an
incredibly
serious
woman.
The
only
way
to
deal
with
this
is

to
silence
her.
Because
if
not,
she’ll
only
end
up
coming
back
to

haunt
you
when
you’re
32
years
old.
Death
is
the
only
thing
for
it.