Love Unbound (8 page)

You
still have Jay
. Brendon shook his head, no, his mind
refused to let her in. She was not his Ryan, and she never would be. His heart
pounded and chest heaved with the effort to breathe. He looked down at his
shaking hands, before clenching them into fists and shoving them into his
pockets. He shoved away from the wall, walking down the corridor.
Fuck this, fuck it all!
Even cursing did
nothing to ease the pain now gripping his chest.

****

“Don’t worry about him. He loves you, and
it’s hard for a man like him to let go.” Jay soothed, seeing the distress in
Ryan’s eyes. The last thing she wanted was Ryan upset over Brendon’s outbursts.

“I know
,
it’s
hard for a man like him not to be in control. I don’t take it personally, but
you will be there for him, you promised.” Ryan eyed her with concern.

She bit down on her bottom lip. “Yes, for
as long as he needs and wants me to.”

Jay had other concerns weighing on her mind.
She desperately wanted to talk to her best friend about it, like they always
did. Share the news of her discovery. But this was not about her. She was here
for Ryan, not the other way around.

Ryan frowned. “Honey, I know that look of
yours. There’s something else going on.”

Even sick, Ryan never missed anything.

“I know we always share our secrets, but
I don’t want to worry you with this. It’s not important right now.”

Ryan fixed her with a pointed stare.
“Jay, girl, spill it.”

“Okay, just promise not a word to Brendon.
I’m not sure how he would take the news.”

Ryan’s eyes widened, and he weakly
gripped her hand. “Oh god, please tell me you’re not ill, too?”

“Yes. I mean no, not in the way you
think. Remember a few weeks back, when we finally broke the news of your tumor
to Brendon, and he got blind drunk and ended up at my place.”

“Oh yes, I still have your text in my
phone, but if you’re ill—”

“No, not ill, well, we had unprotected
sex, he and I ... I tossed my cookies a few days ago and I’m two weeks late for
my period, so I took a pregnancy test, and well, it was positive.” She sucked
in a breath after rushing out her words.

Ryan’s laugh startled her. He tugged on
her arm to make her stand. “
C’mere
.” He opened his
arms. Jay stood up and hugged her best friend.

“This is the most wonderful news I’ve
heard.”

“It is?”

“Hell yeah, I
dunno
,
call
it karma, but my death and you giving life. I
knew you and Brendon were meant for each other.” She pulled back, and Ryan’s
gaze dropped to her belly. “If it’s a boy, will you call him Ryan?”

Tears stung the back of her eyes, before
spilling over and tumbling down her cheeks. “Yes,” she choked out. “And, if
it’s a girl,
Ryanne
.”

Ryan laughed again. “I love it. Oh,
honey, don’t cry. You have to tell Brendon.”

“Oh, no, not yet, please.” She pulled
back, shaking her head. It was hard enough to keep her hormonal emotions under
control and stay strong for Ryan. There was an air of uncertainty about how
Brendon would react, if he knew he was going to be a father. She didn’t need
any more added stress.

“I will tell him when the time is right.”
She swiped at her tears, sniffed and gave Ryan a smile.

Her smile fell, when his face twisted in
sudden pain. He groaned as his eyes rolled back in his head. In a panic, Jay
snatched up the nurse call-button and pressed it, hard.

****

Despite the morning sun shining down, the
air was still cool and crisp. Jay stood between Ryan’s mother and father,
watching Ryan’s coffin lower into the ground.

The day after she’d told Ryan about her
pregnancy, he’d slipped into a coma.

The doctor assured them Ryan felt no
pain. She, Brendon and his mother kept a vigil by his bedside, until the moment
the last of his breath left his body.

In the days following Ryan’s death, she
felt cold, emotionless and numb. Her every action and response to questions
became automatic, even when talking to the funeral director with Brendon.

Brendon didn’t even look at her. He
seemed lost, detached from the world around him. Standing tall, dressed in a
dark suit, his eyes covered in dark glasses, Brendon stood apart from the other
mourners. She walked around the grave. She knew he watched her approach.

“I promised Ryan I would be here, if you
need me. Is there anything I can do?” She felt small, and she couldn’t help the
quaver in her voice.

“No, I don’t need anything and I don’t
want anything. For your own good, stay the hell away from me. You’re not Ryan, and
you never will be.”

The venom in his tone was unmistakable.
Jay trembled and took a step back. Brendon turned and stalked away, leaving her
more lost and alone than she’d ever felt in her entire life. Little did he
know, Brendon had just torn out her
heart.
Not only
had she lost her best friend, she’d lost the man she loved and the father of
her baby.

She fought back the tears, returning to
Ryan’s mother’s side, helping the sobbing woman back to the car.

Brendon felt torn,
inside and out, and everything around him suffered from his own stupidity and
grief. He snapped at people, and he let his immaculate house slip into
disarray. Days merged into weeks, as his anger slowly melted into resigned
acceptance, the weeks turning into months. He went to work, he ate, slept,
tried to rid himself of the empty ache in his heart.

He’d boxed up Ryan’s
belongings. They sat in the hall of his home, Brendon unable to bring himself
to get rid of them completely.

When he closed his
eyes at night he saw Ryan’s face, his hazel eyes filled with accusations of
promises broken.
“You have to look after
Jay, she needs you. Promise me, Brendon.”

More than anything,
visions of Jay’s lovely blue eyes filled with sadness haunted him. Vivid
memories of touching her soft skin, the sweet taste of her lips, how good her
hot center felt wrapped around his cock. It was more than simply physical—her
tender caring heart, and how beautifully she submitted to him. In all the time
they were together, never once had he admitted how she’d gotten under his skin
and taken hold of his heart. Not even to Ryan.

He loved Ryan, no
doubt, but he also felt things for Jay he refused to acknowledge. More often
than not, he found himself driving past her apartment in the darkness; he could
see the lights on in her windows. But his stubborn pride kept him from getting
out of the car, walking to her door and knocking, seeking her comfort and
giving her his.

What would he say?
Sorry, I fucked things up; I know this
wasn’t your fault?
Shit.

Brendon parked his car
outside the cemetery. He hadn’t come here since they’d lowered his lover into
the ground. He needed to talk to Ryan, even if it was his headstone. He wanted
to get things straight in his head.

The afternoon light
was fading, as he strode through the rows of gravestones. He came to a
standstill by the tree, when he noticed someone already sitting by Ryan’s grave.

Jay. He studied her,
her lovely long hair hung around her shoulder, her nose red and her face
streaked with tears.

“Why, Ryan? I know you
love him, but you made me fall in love with him too, but it’s all gone wrong.”
Her shoulders shook, as she softly sobbed.

She loved him. Brendon
had always sensed she had a fondness for him, but never knew the depths of her
feelings until now.

The tears dripped onto
the marble headstone, and her shoulders shook, her body racking with sobs.
“What am I supposed to do now? You’re not here to help me; Brendon hates me and
I have to do this all alone.”

When her hand skimmed
down to her enlarged stomach, his gaze followed, watching as she rubbed it in
gentle circles. His stomach dropped in shock, reality hitting home. She was
pregnant. He knew for a fact Jay had never slept with Ryan. Brendon was the
only man who made love to her in the past six months.

The baby was his.
Brendon leaned against the tree for support, and his head spun while he
absorbed the truth. Anger came,
then
evaporated just
as quickly. She had no reason to tell him about the baby, apart from the fact
it was his. He had told her not to come near him.

Shit, he’d really
messed things up. He’d been nothing but a bastard when Jay needed him the most.
And, like it or not, he did need her.

“Little Ryan keeps
kicking harder than a football player,” Jay said, after bringing her sobs under
control. “I know you’re grinning like an idiot to know it’s a boy. I couldn’t
resist saying yes, when the ultrasound technician asked if I wanted to know the
sex.”

Jay was his. Ryan had
known it long before Brendon. It was impossible not to love her. He’d lost
control of his life and had let grief rule him. The Dom in him knew it was time
to suck it up, be a man, take back control of his life and face his
responsibilities. He only prayed that she would forgive him, after the pain
he’d caused.

Brendon stepped out
from his sheltered spot.

****

“I know Ryan would be
grinning.”

Jay gasped, stumbling
to her feet, only to lose her balance and start to topple over. Brendon darted
forward, catching her.

Heat seared through
her arm at his touch. She inhaled the wonderful masculine sandalwood scent,
before glancing up into his searching, brown eyes. She had to place both hands
on his biceps to push
herself
back. His hands
lingered, even after she was secure on her feet, before dropping to his sides.
But he made no move to distance himself from her.

Her heart slammed
against her chest; it had seemed like forever since she’d last seen him. Even
in the dark, she could see he looked a little pale and had lost weight. He was
still deliciously and devastatingly handsome. “W… what are you doing here?”

“Same thing as you, I
wanted to talk to him. Did Ryan know about the baby, before he passed?”

Jay wrapped her arms
protectively around her belly. “I told him two days before he—” The dam burst
on her emotions and more tears spilled down her cheeks. She was crying nearly
all the time and it was giving her heartburn. “Sorry, damn hormones.” She
swiped at her tears with the back of her hand, struggling to bring herself
under control.

To her surprise,
Brendon stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his
embrace.

He felt so wonderful
and warm, smelled so good, his strong arms around her where they belonged. She
wanted to sink into him, allow him to comfort her. But why was he trying to
comfort her now? Was it because of the baby?

She swallowed, drew in
a deep calming breath, before trying to pull away. His arms only tightened
around her, not letting her go.

“Don’t, blue jay—I
want to hold you, please. I know I’ve been a bastard. I’ve said things in anger
and pain and I’m
more sorry
than you can imagine.”

She sucked in a sharp
breath. He hadn’t called her blue jay since the last Dom/sub session together.

“Are you mad I didn’t
tell you I was pregnant?”

“No, I’ve been a
selfish prick and don’t blame you in the slightest. I confess
,
I’m still a little shell-shocked. I’m not sure how I feel about being a father.
But the more I think about it, the more I like it. I want you back in my life,
blue jay. You’re still my sub, after all.”

Anger flooded Jay, and
she jerked from his arms, stumbling back when he let her go. “You think I’m
just going to fall back into your arms and submit, after a few flowery words? I
never once broke my promise to Ryan, while you broke all of yours. You
abandoned me to face my grief and pain, alone. Don’t think you can worm your
way back into my life, just because you know about the baby. You know nothing
about me, or my life! I could have someone else, for all you know.”

She spun on her heel
to stalk away, but Brendon gripped her arm.

“Is there someone
else?” He growled low and dangerous. “God help me, Jay, you’re my sub, I never
un-collared you.”

“No, but you disowned
me. It’s the same, damn thing. Now, let me go.”

He let go of her arm, and
his face softened. “Jay, can’t you see that I can’t let you go. Ryan’s death
has been hard, but you’re all I can think about. I need you.”

She snorted. “You have
a hell of a way of showing it. If you really want me, and not just your son,
then prove it.”

Before she could
blink, she found herself crushed in his arms, his mouth taking hers in a
punishing kiss, his tongue spearing past her lips.

His decadent flavor
burst onto her tongue, making her head spin. She moaned against him, and then his
kiss gentled, became seductive and teasing, nipping at her lips, making her
hungry for more.