Love Undefeated (Unexpected #5) (24 page)

I knew Xavier’s habits.

The second he wakes up he grabs my boobs as if to reassure himself that they’re there.

Then he stands up to go to the bathroom, brushes his teeth with an orange peppermint toothpaste before walking into the kitchen.

Then he prepares breakfast while singing Josh Groban, where he’s not completely out of tune.

I was no stranger to his behaviors. After our first year of being together, his
tells
where second nature to me.

The way he shoots with his left hand - the stick with the ball inside – for a goal in lacrosse.

The manner in which he walked when he was on edge about something.

There weren’t a lot of things that he could hide from me.

Not anymore.

So today when he got up and stuck his hands to feel my breasts and it lasted for only ten seconds each breast…I knew.

When he took his phone to the living room and I could barely hear his voice…

He usually talked loud
.

When he was sitting at the dining table drinking coffee while watching TV, I knew something was bugging him.

Without further ado, I blurted out, “What’s going on?”

I sat on the wooden chair beside him, drying my hair with a small green towel. My blow dryer was acting wonky lately, I needed to get a new one, but hadn’t found the time. On the cool setting, the air that came out was extremely hot and on the hot setting, it barely turned on.

“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyes not quite meeting mine, the hand holding his phone freed up

and the tips of my fingers touched his.

“You’re acting weird.” I paused, moving my fingers on the table, trying to ebb the tension I was starting to feel on my shoulders.

His dark blonde brows furrowed. “Huh? I’m not acting weird.”

I shook my head, feeling the dampness of my hair against my sheer top. I was coming in late for work since I had a late meeting tonight. “Really? You’re drinking coffee by your lonesome. You don’t drink coffee and watch the news unless something’s got you all worked up.”

A mischievous grin outlined his face. “I’ll work you up.”

“No, Xavier. Stop. Is something going on?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, Nales,” he said in a rare patronizing voice. The one he used when he was trying to get me off his tracks.

I stared at him for a few seconds, stood up, and walked back to his bedroom.

It was time for me to start getting ready for work.

Patience, I’d learned, was a virtue.

Of all the characteristics I’d wished I had more of, it would be patience.

I’d been patient when I waited for him for three hours after a lacrosse game.

The bus that the international team he played with got stuck in the mud and I had to wait for him to arrive with the key to our room in Croatia. I’d tried to check in, but the receptionist was adamant that I wasn’t on the list so I was not allowed to get inside Xavier’s room. It wasn’t a nice day to be stranded inside a musty Croatia hotel where my clothes were soaked from being rained on as I got out of the cab from the airport, and had a very rude cab driver who had probably broken a few speed limits on the way.

I’d been patient when he said he was going to show up at our company dinner only to be detained by his own work issues.

I’d been patient when he refused to talk to me after I’d told him about our baby…more than two and a half weeks’ worth of patience when all I got were voicemails and unreturned texts.

I wasn’t born with patience.

I was the type of kid who couldn’t even wait until Christmas morning to open presents.

I took out the cookies before the timer said they were done.

I pre-ordered vintage Hello Kitty items before the stores put them on sale.

My patience? It hung by a thread — a very, very short thread.

But I’d learned things through the years, being with Jerome, being with Xavier, having my girlfriends.

Great things were worth the wait.

So I would wait.

If Xavier didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him right now, I would wait.

But what I wouldn’t do? Stand there and be idle.

I could wait while changing into my green skirt and polka-dotted trim fitted sleeveless white blouse.

I could wait while I was facing the mirror, putting on my mascara, and applying my foundation…

“Nales…” He was leaning on the bathroom door. His face still mussed from sleep, his dark blonde waves messy, as if he’d been running his hands through them.

I opened my lips to apply lip gloss.

“I’m working on something…” The softness in his voice was reassuring. “It’s very important to me.”

I put my hands on top of the vanity, my eyes meeting his on the mirror.

“I know what you’re probably thinking,” he explained, his hand rubbing the side of his jaw. “That I’m shutting you out or I’m hiding something from you. I’m not gonna lie. I am hiding something from you, but it’s not a bad thing.”

I inhaled, the breath leaving me was of relief. It’s a difficult path to be in, this slope that we’re on top of.

At times, I felt like we’re moving five steps forward, but when he retreats, my brain has a memory bank of him running away when things got tough.

“I can’t help it,” I admitted, my nerves were starting to strain in anxiety. “When you start to hide something from me, I feel it, Xavier. I feel like you’re pulling away. I feel that you’re going to leave. I don’t want to feel this way…I know you’re trying. God knows you’re trying. But old habits are hard to break.”

His eyes were turning the color of storm clouds appearing in the skies, the lines of his jaw becoming rigid, his taut shoulders straighter. “I’m not going anywhere, Nales.”

“I keep telling myself that, you know.” I let out a bitter laugh, the vibration thrumming through my gut in disarray. “For so long you were all that I had. You were the center of my world. I didn’t give myself up for you, instead I’ve absorbed every single part of you in me. I’m trying to get it back. That peace that once ago, you were the only one who could bring me. When stuff like this happens, I feel overdramatic, over sensitive, highly reactive. But what do I do, Xavier? What do I have to do to convince myself that I can trust you again. Completely. Fully. With no reservations. Because it’s tiring being in this damned loop of ‘when is he leaving me again?’”

He moved and wrapped his large arms around me, making me feel the strength in his hold, trying to impart the security that only he could give. “We’ll get there, Nales. I promise you, you’ll get there. Or I’ll die trying.”

I held on to the conviction in his voice, the steel determination that radiated from his body.

“I hope I get there,” I said, wistfulness matching a silent prayer. “For your sake and mine, I hope we get there.”

I was dressed to the nines.

Nelson offered to have my makeup done by one of his friends, an in-demand makeup artist to the stars, but I’d declined. I didn’t want to go over the top. Xavier had asked me to wear something extra special, buy a dress that had a lot of zeros after it with matching shoes and splurge.

In a way, I did. I’d booked a last minute appointment with my manicurist so that my toes would have glittered silver jewels on them and my fingers would be French-tipped.

My dress was one I’d bought a few years back. A strapless little black number that emphasized my curves in all the right places. I was thinking I had to wear Spanx, but apparently all the running I’d been doing did wonders for my abs. My paunch had dissolved into hard muscle and my thighs had never felt stronger.

I’d higlighted my eyes with Chanel’s shimmery yellow gold, and to complete the ethereal look, topped it with the shimmery bone, making the hazel in my eyes pop.

Xavier had wanted me to get ready at his place, but I’d asked him to pick me up at my apartment. An apartment that hadn’t seen much of me since I’d been staying over at his place so much. I was actually surprised that my electric bill had only dropped by thirty bucks since I’d barely been in. I guessed the electric company still had to make bank.

The consecutive knocks on the door alerted me of Xavier’s presence. He could’ve easily used the keys I’d given him a month ago, but he was being respectful of my wishes. Since he wanted it to be a real date then he might as well pick me up like a normal date would.

Leaving my bathroom, I had my right hand holding the earrings I’d need his help to put on, and I opened the door and my earrings almost fell from my hand.

I blinked twice just to make sure.

Long-stemmed roses in yellow, pink, orange, white, and red. Yellow and pink tulips. Pink hydrangeas. Regal orchids. All in a wide-based vase.

“Wow.” My eyes started to leak liquid. All my favorites in one place.

Xavier stepped in, carrying one white rose. He looked so handsome and hot at the same time. Some guys just carried that extra gene, the one that made females around them swoon into submission. He was one of them. Half the time he downplayed his looks, as if his emerald green eyes with wisps of silver if you looked closely was nothing. But when he put on the charm, which was definitely on and something more tonight, he didn’t even have to try. My underwear had already melted at the sight of his tousled dark blonde waves slicked back, making him look like an old-fashioned Hollywood actor who was out for the night. Add in the dark blue dress shirt and black dress pants and he could be shoo-in for a cover model.

“These are for you.” He leaned in to kiss my right cheek and handed me the rose without thorns. His closeness was just enough for me to catch his scent of citrus, amber, and musk. “God, you look beautiful, Nales.”

My ears pinkened at his compliment. Five wasted years with an ex like Jerome didn’t do any good to a girl’s self-esteem.

I canted my head so he could kiss my neck and he obliged easily. Xavier showed affection. If he liked you, he made you feel at ease, he cracked the most inappropriate jokes, and he genuinely let loose. It wasn’t hard to read him. When he was in a bad mood, he showed it. When he was annoyed, there was no hiding it. His facial expressions would downright prove to you just how annoyed he was.

With Jerome I was in a constant hide-and-seek phase of our relationship. Hiding what I really wanted, especially in bed. He was so reserved, contained. It was probably because his energy went to all the women he was screwing behind my back. Xavier was an open book, he asked what I wanted and gave it to me. There was no topic left unturned. So I knew that he liked what he saw. If I didn’t believe it before, the pole rubbing against my hand was a generous sign that he
really
appreciated my extra beautification efforts tonight.