Loved In Pieces (52 page)

I looked at Renee and Elise, both women hardened by sin and empty promises. I looked at Franz, Sage and Attila, my
trusted
employees. I looked at my beautiful mother
and her co-producers
. I wondered
how soon
Michelle
would die from x-nib. I wondered what the hell my
aunt was wearing. Then I smiled at Celia, Tom, Carlos and Liz
, and Beth’s parents
.
I noticed how truly beautiful
Beth’s mom
was and felt sorry that she lived the consequence of believing in the industry’s
empty
promises.

My heart swelled when Manuel’s eyes met mine. I smiled and chuckled to myself thinking ‘it is what it is.’ I may have suffered, bad things certainly happened, but out of the bad
I realized
that I am more than my past mistakes.

Then it hit me
—
hard.
I was more than a product. God is here for the good and bad and brought me my guardian.
God gave me both power and Manuel
to influence and change the Hollywood web.

I looked at
Manuel again
and
spoke, “
As you know, Manuel and I had a great time at prom and I’m very much in love with my
boyfriend
and
h
op
e
to marry him soon
. This time, there’s no pregnancy scare, just total love
and my overwhelming fear that I’ll lose him
.”

Everyone
looked puzzled
.

“I also terminated my existing contracts with my agent
, lawyer, studio and publicist
, so that’s why they’re not here
. Please don’t worry
. Y
ou all still have your jobs because
I’
ll continue to
be
Muse.”

“But Marie,
you’re
so incredibly talented,” Sage interrupted.
I was surprised she didn’t know. If she didn’t know, then many there would not have known.

“Tha
nks. I know
I’m
good at acting
and great with scripts. I know that I’m disappointing some of you, but I need to figure
out
how I want my acting career to proceed.” I looked at Manuel and
Dad
. It was nice to see them smiling. “
I want to change Hollywood and with your support, I think we can
.” I looked around the room, gauging people’s reactions to
anarchy.
Most didn’t know what I was talking about
.

“
T
here’
s more. I have a tumor on my pituitary gland that is going to be removed next week. The tumor caused
the
gland to stop functioning as it should. I look so young because it stopped producing growth hormone. I’m pretty scared about the brain surgery but I’m more scared about what would happen if I don’t have the surgery. What I have is called hypopituitarism
,
and the headaches I’ve had were from the tumor. Hopefully, the doctor will remove
it,
and I’ll finally be able to grow up.”

I smiled and nodded to
Michelle
to have her rescue me. I was done.
My eyes watered but I did not lose it like I had the night before
.
I sat down and held Manuel’s hand
while
Michelle
started talking.
She answered everyone’s questions.

I saw Evan look at his phone, surely Googling hypopituitarism.
In the next moment, Evan
darted
out of his seat and embraced me.

I knew what he learned. I learned it, too. Neither one of us would ever participate in our own exploitation again. We would never cave to the changing whims of fans and social media. We would stay true-to-ourselves to protect our ‘self’ and never again live a lie to fill seats in theaters.

He whispered, “I’m sorry I thought like your mom.”

At the end of the night, Manuel and
I were
snuggling into each other while we listen
ed
to
Ira’s story about how he transitioned from producing music videos to owning a huge independent motion picture production studio
.
It was all about money. He got a big investment and went for it on
Left to Die.
His start was my start
,
and
Michelle
’s re-start. I cursed that investment money.

“Hey kids, can
we
have a minute with you both?”
Dad
asked.
Celia excused herself from a conversation and stepped to
Dad
’s side, holding his hand. She was smiling beautifully.

“We are so proud of both of you,
”
Celia
praised. “Thank you Manuel for loving
Lia
. Your support and presence in her life has helped her be strong and to become a new woman. 
Lia
, we are so proud of you and love to be witness to your positive transformation.”

Dad
added
, smiling, “I noticed that you both wear half of a heart that together you both make whole.
You unite the guardian and the angel.
We want you to know that we think
that it’
s
very sweet
, wise, and
very precious.”

Celia presented me with a jewelry box. “
Lia
, Tom wanted to add this to your half of the heart.”

I opened the box. They gave me a lovely pendant of a horse.

Dad
explained
, “The
horse
represents
freedom of movement, safe running with sure footing, and ability to overcome adversity.
Just as your tribe
and the Flathead Nation
has endured oppression, your spirits will guide you. Together with the strength from your Guardian Angel, y
ou will get through this, my filly.”

Manuel took off my guardian necklace, added the filly to it, and clasped it back around
my neck. I hugged him, Celia
,
and
Dad
.

“
Thanks for my tattooed heart
, Manuel,
and
for
my totem
, Dad
.
Thanks for
supporting me through this
. I love you
all
.
Thanks for loving every piece of me
.”

~  |  ~
 
 
buenos sueños
 
  ~  |  ~ 

I truly appreciate all those who helped me write the Intentions novels. In particular, I'd like to thank the following:

Those who have inspired me: Ben, Kaylin and Carson Hanna, Richard, Terrie and Dave Hannum, Christi & Nate Buffington, Breanna and Cody Donald, Kay Kessel-Hanna, Marcia Stevens and Marcia Sherrill, Celia Shells, Jen Shen Chang, Traci Arnett, Grace Kimura, Attila Gogos, Lynne Kawakami Gogos, Mira Scott, Jenny Mitchell, and Christina Cheney.

Those who read and improved the drafts of my novels: Peg Beer, Valerie Waters, Deanna Rhee, Maddi Dullea, Beth Dullea, Taylor Williams,
TraciLyn Clark,
Jen McCullum, Brooke Montz,
Terrie Hannum,
Cheryl Sanders, Tiffany Wright, Marnie Rocklin, and Lisa Ivelslatt.

Thank you to my professional copyeditors: Kendall Slee and Grace Kimura Lambert.

I also appreciate the inspiration I got from my interaction with A-list actors who were nice and kind to me and my kids when we lived in Santa Monica. They helped me create Liana Marie Michael, a sweet and smart fictional actress who I learned could be a very real product of Hollywood.

Carla J Hanna is the author of the Intentions Series coming-of-age novels with romantic and spiritual elements, including her debut novel
LOVED IN PIECES
. A graduate of Colorado State University with a Masters of Arts, she lives in Colorado with her family.

www.carlajhanna.com