Lover of My Dreams (39 page)

“I trusted you when you told me you were clean,” Rachel whispered.

“I know you did, honey,” he said quietly. “You took a chance when you swallowed my seed, though.”

“I never did that for any other man,” Rachel admitted, reaching up and touching his lower lip lightly with her index finger. “You’re the only one.”

Sam’s heart pounded within his chest at her admission. “I’m glad you only did that for me,” he told her. “I’m pretty possessive of you, Rachel. I don’t know how you feel about that, but I can’t help it.”

“I like it,” she said quietly, leaning forward and kissing his neck lightly before pulling back to look up at him.

His face was mere inches from hers, and she saw that his gaze was directed at her lips. She held her breath as he slowly closed the gap between them and gently touched his lips to hers.

She melted into him. Whenever Sam touched her, she wanted more. He called to her heart and made her body sing. She reached up to gently place her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her, loving the feel of his chest pressed against hers.

“Nice,” she whispered when he eased back slightly.

“Mmm,” he whispered, licking at her lower lip.

When he pulled back to look down at her, his heart hammered in his chest at the pure sensuality of her. The soft look in her eyes made him smile. He knew that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

He stepped back, smiling as her arms fell to the bed as if she had no strength to hold them up. Standing in front of the table, he took off his coat and boots. Rachel was watching him intently as he started to remove his shirt and jeans. He wished suddenly that he had been able to watch her as she had undressed just moments before. When he stood before her in just his boxer briefs, he saw her take a deep breath and knew that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

“If you keep looking at me like that, baby, I’m not going to be able to keep away from you tonight,” he told her, his voice gruff.

Although the camper was barely lit, he was sure that Rachel could see the passion that was evident in his eyes and the hardness of his cock. It took every bit of strength and control he had to pull on his sweatpants and sweatshirt, extinguish the lantern, and climb up onto the bed opposite from Rachel. The emptiness of it struck him immediately.

“Sam, are you sure you don’t want to sleep over here with me tonight?” she asked him quietly.

“Rachel, if I sleep with you we won’t sleep.”

“We won’t?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Okay, we’ll sleep after I make love to you over and over again until we’re both exhausted.”

He turned on his side to place his back to Rachel’s view, closed his eyes, and tried to make his mind rest and his body relax. The thirty minute walk around the campground had calmed his body but not his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He wanted her, but it was much more than that. He truly needed her.

“Are you okay?” Rachel’s voice quietly called out to him.

“I’m fine, go to sleep,” he said tiredly, trying to control his voice so that he wouldn’t betray his emotions. The sound of Rachel’s soft voice was making it difficult to think about anything but her. He hoped the quiet of the night would ease his tension.

Sam remained silent. He wanted Rachel beside him in his bed more than he wanted his next breath. He wanted to continue with their intimacy. But he needed it to be her decision. A lot had happened to her recently. The attack on her was something that he knew had to be having an impact on her. He would not force her to start a relationship with him. She had to be ready to take that step. As much as he wanted to pull her into his arms, make love to her, and keep her with him in his bed and in his life forever, he had to hold back. It had to be Rachel’s choice.

Rachel lay silently, thinking. After a moment, she made a crucial decision. Pulling back her covers, she climbed down from her bed, lit the lantern, lowering the flame so that it barely glowed, and walked the short distance across the camper to the bed where Sam was trying to sleep. She hesitated a moment, reached out to pull back the blankets, then climbed up to step over him. She lay down next to him and drew the blankets over the both of them.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked her, his voice a combination of amusement and pleasure.

“I just wanted to get your complete attention,” she told him quietly.

“Well you sure as hell have it, baby,” he told her calmly, unable to keep the smile from his face.

“Sam, I want to tell you some things, but I don’t think I’ll be able to finish telling you if you interrupt me. Promise you’ll wait until I’ve finished before you say anything.”

Sam searched her face silently then nodded. They faced each other quietly in the bed for a moment. Without hesitation, he reached out to drape his arm across her waist and pull her toward him gently, rubbing her back tenderly.

“Okay,” he told her quietly.

“When I helped you with Paulette tonight it felt so good to be a part of your world. I realized how you must feel every day. It really bothers me that you aren’t helping people with your skills. You should be doing what you want to do. If you want to go back to the hospital to work, then you should. If you want to be a part of a practice here in the mountains, then you should do that. You have a gift that you should be using. You shouldn’t let anyone dictate your life to you. You should be practicing medicine and you should be doing it where you want to.”

Sam looked at her silently. He could see the deep sincerity in her eyes. He was touched by her concern for him, and he couldn’t help but smile. Keeping silent, he lowered his hand to her hip and held her gently, waiting for her to finish whatever it was that she wanted to tell him.

“Tonight you were so gentle with Paulette when you touched her. I watched your hands and felt things I can’t even begin to understand or explain. I’ve known since I was a kid that you were a great guy. You were always so caring. I liked you a lot, but I knew that I was just Roy’s kid cousin and you were going to find someone else and make a new life for yourself. To be honest, every guy I’ve ever dated didn’t come close to the person you are, and I never thought I would ever find anyone else that I wanted to be close to.” She sighed and moved a little closer to him, wanting to share his warmth and his gentleness. “A lot has happened to me recently and I’m pretty disgusted with men in general.”

Sam waited silently, hoping that she would be able to tell him about the attack. He wanted to help her get through it somehow. She was already helping him in ways she would never know. He saw the uncertainty on her face and it took every effort to remain silent as he pulled her into his arms to comfort her. Her eyes were closed and she took a shaky breath against his chest.

“When you were touching Paulette’s belly to feel her baby, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you. I kept seeing me in a dream that I’ve been having.”

“What kind of dream?” Sam asked, his voice barely a whisper. His heart was slamming against his ribs at the mention of her dream, and he wondered if it were possible that they were both having the same dream.

“I keep dreaming that we have a baby together,” she said quietly, looking directly into his kind eyes. “I know it sounds crazy but I keep dreaming that we’re together. The dream is so real. It’s as if you’re really touching me and holding me. I’ve never had such explicit dreams before, and it scares me.”

“Why does it scare you, honey?”

“Because I want my dreams to be real, Sam.”

“Dreams?” he asked, realizing that she said more than one dream.

Rachel nodded and looked into the deep blueness of his eyes. They held no scorn and no laughter—just kindness and caring. She hesitated a moment, touching his chest lightly as she thought.

“Being close to you makes me feel good. It feels right. It feels like home,” she told him in a whisper. “And I find myself wondering how you would be toward me if I really was carrying your baby.”

“How do you think I would be?” he whispered, making every effort to remain calm.

“I think you would be wonderful,” she answered without hesitation.

Sam smiled and leaned forward to tenderly kiss her lips. When he pulled back and looked into the soft brown of her eyes, he saw the shyness there, but he also saw something else. Desire.

Rachel looked away from the intensity of his gaze. She wanted to tell him the rest of her dream but she was afraid that he would laugh at her.

“What else did you dream?” Sam urged her.

“I saw you carrying our daughter to me and me nursing her,” she told him honestly.

Sam smiled at the image of his child suckling at Rachel’s breast and felt a peacefulness overcome him. His own dream of her flashed through his mind.

“That sounds nice,” he said honestly.

Rachel nodded, smiling, but when she looked up at him there was fear in her eyes. “Sam, something happened to me before I came out here,” she began.

“I know,” he told her quietly. “You told me some of it when you were delirious. And I saw your bruises when I was taking care of you.”

Rachel froze in fear. How much had she told him? He had seen her bruises? She pulled her hand free from his and pulled her arms against her chest, covering her breasts as if to shield the horror from him. The memory of the brutality of the attack swept over her in an instant and she pulled away from Sam’s embrace, unable to stand being touched by anyone. Even Sam.

Sam watched her silently. He could feel the fear that washed over her. “I’m sorry you had to endure such cruelty, Rachel,” he told her calmly, reaching out to touch her hand and hold her fingers lightly with his. “I wish I could have been there to stop it from happening.”

He reached up and lightly touched her cheekbone where one of the bruises was beginning to fade. Rachel covered his hand with her own and turned her face into the palm of his hand. She kissed it gently.

“I understand if you want your distance, but you don’t have to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you.”

“I know.”

“I want to make all your pain go away, but I know it’ll take time.”

Rachel nodded and relaxed visibly. “Sam, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you, but I’ve never stopped thinking about you.” She hesitated, not sure if she should tell him more.

Looking up into his face she saw only tenderness and caring and knew that she had to be honest, even if it meant pushing him away with her words. She needed to take a chance.

“It’s impossible to forget your first love,” she admitted finally.

He smiled at her but didn’t laugh. Instead, he leaned toward her and kissed her again with such tenderness that her chest ached with raw emotion. He gathered her gently within his arms and hugged her tightly to him. Reaching up, he touched her face tenderly, almost as if she would break. Taking her hand in his, he drew it toward his chest and held it there.

“When I think of you I remember the kid who used to hang around with me and Roy, but I also see the woman you are now. You’re the same, but you’re different. And to be honest, Rachel, you’re driving me crazy.” He closed his eyes and took a calming breath.

“Crazy good or crazy bad?” she asked, confused.

“That’s a very good question,” he told her, laughing softly. He opened his eyes and looking down at her very seriously. “You’ve always been smart.”

“Thanks. I am pretty smart, Sam,” she said, teasing him. “You know that.”

“I
do
know that,” he said, laughing softly. “You were smarter than me and Roy put together. We were the ones who always did something stupid that you had to rescue us from.”

“You got that right, buddy,” Rachel said, snorting.

Sam couldn’t help but laugh with her. He hugged her tightly and kissed her neck lightly. “How could I ever forget how much I enjoyed being with you?” he whispered against her ear. “You haven’t changed, baby. You’re still fun, you’re still gentle, you’re still kind, and I don’t want to be without you.”

“Sam,” Rachel whispered, surprised by his words even though they thrilled her.

“I want you, Rachel,” he whispered, sending shivers throughout her body. “I want you more than I’ve ever thought it was possible to want someone. I don’t want to scare you away, especially after what you’ve been through. I have to hold myself back because all I want to do is touch you.”

He leaned toward her, gently easing her back onto the bed to lie beside him, and covered her chest with his own. He looked down at her searching her face for any sign of fear, and was relieved to see that she was looking at him calmly.

“Sam,” she whispered hesitantly. “I want…”

“What do you want, honey?”

“I want to make love with you,” she whispered.

He gathered her gently within his arms and lowered his mouth to hers, hesitating just before his lips met hers. His warm breath ghosted across her mouth, and he smiled when he heard and felt the soft sigh that escaped her.

“I want that, too, baby,” he whispered, a soft groan escaping him as he felt her slide her hands beneath his sweatshirt to tenderly caress his back.

He kissed her softly then leaned back to help as she pulled the sweatshirt over his head. He smiled down at her as she gently ran her hands over his chest before enveloping him in her embrace and kissing his neck tenderly. He sighed heavily at the incredibly loving contact and turned to kiss her forehead, trailing the delicate skin of her temple and cheek to find the waiting lips that he had to claim.