Lover of My Dreams (60 page)

He walked toward her determinedly and turned on the light next to her bed. He hesitated when he saw that she was sleeping soundly. He wanted to climb into bed beside her, but he knew that she would become enraged, and he knew he would never get her to listen to him then. Slowly, he knelt down on the floor beside her bed and reached out to touch her shoulder lightly.

“Rachel,” he called to her softly.

Rachel moved slightly, turning toward Sam restlessly. Sam was concerned when he saw the dark circles under her eyes. She did not look well at all. He knew that he was the cause of it. After just having read her book, he knew exactly how she felt about him and the fears that had made her leave him. He knew that the words he had spoken to Allison with sarcasm that day at the campground had been the catalyst to everything.

“Rachel, please wake up. We have to talk,” he called to her gently, touching her shoulder to carefully shake her once again. He could feel the bones of her shoulder through her thick robe and grew concerned over how much weight that she had lost.

Rachel opened her eyes slowly and looked up at him then closed her eyes again. “Go away,” she told him, her voice weak. “I’m too tired to fight with you now.”

“I don’t want to fight,” he told her, smiling. “I want to explain everything to you. This has gone on long enough. I want you to come home with me.”

Rachel opened her eyes and looked at him. She sat up slowly and pulled the blankets around her body as she leaned back against the headboard, rubbing at her eyes tiredly and brushing her hair back from her face.

“This ought to be interesting,” she said, yawning. “Maybe I’ll be able to use some of your story in one of my novels.”

Sam stood and looked down at her for a moment before sitting on her bed, close to her legs. “You’ve already written about us,” he told her quietly. “I just finished reading your manuscript.”

“You have no right,” Rachel stammered, blushing that he was now privy to her deepest thoughts and feelings about him.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized sincerely. “I couldn’t help it.” He watched her silently for a moment, then rubbed his neck tiredly and faced her once again. “I’m glad I did, Rachel. I would have never known how you felt.”

“It was very obvious how I felt about you,” she said slowly. “I didn’t let a day go by without telling you and showing you how much I loved you. Don’t give me that crap.”

Sam smiled sadly. “I know that you loved me. It was obvious in everything you did. What I mean is I didn’t know that you were convinced I was going to let you support me for the rest of my life.” When Rachel merely stared at him, not speaking, he reached out and touched her right hand gently. “I also wrung the truth from Allison. I know that you think I married you so that I could have children by you.”

Rachel pulled her hand out of his and looked away. She couldn’t face him. It hurt too much.

Sam looked at the pain that was evident on her face. “That’s not true, Rachel,” he told her quietly. “All that talk about babies was started by the Fletchers thinking that you were pregnant. I’m sorry that I enjoyed teasing you so much about it. After a while I found that I really was thinking about having children with you. I found myself feeling for you what I’ve never felt for any other woman. I would love it if we were blessed with a house full of children, but I want you, not your ability to have children. I miss talking with you, being close with you, and I miss us caring about each other. When you were at the camper I felt like I was coming home every day because you were there.”

He looked at her, waiting for her to respond, but she didn’t say a word. She was not going to give in. She was not going to allow him to hurt her again. He knew that. And he was sorry for it.

“We have something that many couples don’t have,” he continued. “We were friends long before we were lovers. All those years we spent together growing up created a bond that can’t be broken. We care about each other and we love each other.”

Rachel looked at him in surprise. He had never said that word before.

“I love you, Rachel. I want you to come back home with me to Colorado.”

“That sounds very nice,” Rachel told him coldly. “But words can be used to convince very easily. I ought to know. I use words every day to create make-believe worlds.”

“You’re right,” he admitted. “But they’re not just words.”

“Sam, I can’t live a life with someone who doesn’t love me,” she told him quietly.

“Couldn’t you tell every time I touched you and every time I looked at you, just how much I loved you?”

Rachel just stared at him blankly. She would not be suckered in to going back to a relationship just because she wanted it to be real.

Sam watched her carefully for a moment. He realized how deeply he had hurt her. He wished with every ounce of his being that he had never put her through such pain.

“I brought these for you to look at,” he told her finally, unfolding the papers in his hand and handing her the first set. “This is a legal document from my father cutting me out of his will. If you’ll notice here, it states that I will forfeit all inheritance and future claim on his estate as long as I remain married to you.” He indicated a specific spot on the page to draw her attention to the words there. “It also stipulates that any children that we have together will not be considered heirs to his estate.”

Rachel looked down at the document, doing her best to control her pain as she saw the threat before her. “I see,” she told him softly. “I have the marriage papers. You can take them with you to get the marriage annulled. I’ll sign anything you need me to sign. Are you finished now?” She looked up at him defiantly, determined to hold her head up and retain her dignity throughout this ordeal.

Sam shook his head and handed her the second set of papers. “As you can see in these legal documents drawn up by my lawyer, my father is now in receipt of a restraining order to protect you, as well as myself and any children that may result from our marriage. Basically, this document tells him to go to hell.” He pointed to the date stamp on the document. “I had my lawyer draw this up the day after Allison came to the campground. I had to protect you from my father. I will never allow him to threaten you ever again.”

Rachel looked down at the paper in shock. Her eyes devoured the document hungrily, wanting to read for herself what he was telling her. She wanted desperately to believe that he was telling her the truth.

“This document is a copy of my bank accounts and material assets, including stocks, bonds, T-Bills, and real estate. My mother was a smart woman who set up trust accounts for me as soon as I was born with money that came from her family. My father had no knowledge of these accounts. Neither my mother nor I found any reason to enlighten him. He was not exactly the model husband or father, and my mother and I learned very quickly that we had to protect ourselves from his control. You will note that the total value of my assets guarantees that I won’t ever have to worry about our future. My father’s threats to cut me off from my inheritance from him hold no weight. I can support us just fine. By the way, this can be checked at your convenience. I have placed your name as co-owner on all of these holdings as of the date of our marriage.”

Rachel took the papers from him in shock. She looked them over carefully, barely able to believe what she was reading. Joanna McCoy was a smart woman and a loving mother who had certainly looked out for her son.

He took out more papers from the envelope and opened them to place them in her hand. “These documents verify that the mortgage for the Monroe Ranch has been paid in full and your aunt is the sole owner. The mortgage for Roy and Paulette’s house has also been paid for and they are the joint owners. Your family is insistent on paying me the balance of their mortgages over time and I understand and accept their decision to do so. I would do the same.”

“How did you know?” Rachel asked, confused.

“When we were at the dinner for my father, you mentioned how he had threatened your family. When we got back to my apartment I made some phone calls while you were sleeping. I’m glad I did because my father was one step behind me all the way.” He looked at Rachel’s face and saw that he was cracking her resolve to remain distant from him. “When I got back to the campground I found the letter my father had written to you. It was all bullshit, Rachel. There was no way he could do any of the things he threatened to your aunt or your cousin. I had already taken the steps necessary to protect them.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Rachel said honestly, still keeping her heart from him. “Thank you for helping my family.”

Sam nodded, acknowledging her appreciation. “I also called the department that Roy works for and spoke to the person in charge who happened, by sheer luck, to have been the father of a little girl that I had treated last year at the hospital. This man would not fire Roy despite what my father threatened. His daughter’s healthy life has made him very loyal. I spent a lot of nights with her when she was going through her illness. She was an adorable kid. Luckily, she has recovered completely and has a long life ahead of her.” He looked at Rachel and smiled.

Rachel could feel herself relaxing as she realized that her family was safe. She lay back against her pillow, unable to sit up any longer. She was exhausted and weak.

“This document verifies all my holdings as of yesterday morning when I found out where you lived and had my lawyer document everything before I flew out here to show you the truth.”

Rachel looked at the last piece of paper through a blur of tears. When she looked up, Sam was watching her carefully.

“I’m so sorry that I hurt you, Rachel,” he apologized sincerely. “If I could take back all the hurt, I would.”

“I appreciate what you’ve done for my family, Sam,” Rachel told him quietly, handing him back the papers. “I’m even glad you don’t need me to support you.” She looked up at him seriously, her eyes still distant and guarded. “But I’m not glad that you felt you needed to kiss Allison that day at the campground.” She moved back in the bed, trying to get as far away from him as she could. “Don’t tell me that she started it, I saw that she did. But I also saw that you didn’t push her away.”

She saw that Sam cringed at her words but was determined to tell him exactly what she felt. She made sure to pull away from him when he reached out to try and take her hand in his.

“I’m not the kid you hung out with all those years ago, Sam,” she told him, her voice strong and determined. “I have and always will love you, but I won’t stay with you if you question what you feel for me. You say now that you love me. Why didn’t you ever say it before? If you loved me as you now say you do, then why did you allow that kiss to continue?” Her eyes were boring into his, waiting for his response. “I obviously didn’t give you what you needed to keep you faithful.”

Sam winced at her words. “No, you give me exactly what I need. I don’t think of you as that young kid, Rachel. I haven’t for quite a while, actually.” He hesitated, taking a breath and closing his eyes as if in pain. “I don’t really know why I never said I loved you. I guess I thought I did.”

“You didn’t.”

Sam nodded, accepting what she said as fact. “I do love you, honey.”

“What about the kiss, Sam? You must have wanted it. You didn’t make Allison stop.”

“You’re right, Rachel, I didn’t push Allison away. I wish I had. There are no words to take away your pain from seeing that. You have to remember that she had me fooled for a very long time. But I knew back in Denver, before I even came to the campground, that my life with her was a sham. When she kissed me I realized that I had no feelings for her except disgust. I let it continue longer than I should have, but I was honestly relieved that I felt nothing for her. Nothing. I’m sorry.”

Rachel just looked at him, unsure what to do. She wanted to let it go. She wanted to understand.

“And I’m an idiot,” he added.

Rachel couldn’t help but smile. “Yes. You are,” she agreed.

Sam smiled at her. He was hopeful to see the tiny crack of her emotions beginning to peek through.

“Do you remember the day on the mountain when you broke your leg?” he asked her quietly.

She looked up at him, not sure what to say. She finally nodded. “I remember,” she answered, barely whispering.

“So do I,” he told her, the intense blueness of his eyes boring into her. “When you passed out from the pain and my body was pulled forward and covered yours, I was totally aware that you weren’t a child anymore. It was a good thing that we were both injured and Roy was there because all I wanted to do was bury myself deep inside your softness.”

The gasp that escaped her brought a smile to his lips.

“No way!” she whispered.

“Oh, yes, way!” he told her, laughing softly. “I felt every curve of your body and every soft breath that you breathed against my face. I had to say the times tables in my head to calm down or Roy would have probably beaten the hell out of me if I had done what I wanted to do to you at that moment.” He raked his hand through his hair in frustration as he looked down at her. “I told myself that you were too young. You were Roy’s cousin. I told myself a million things that prevented me from taking you in my arms and kissing you senseless.”

The smile left his face as he looked at her. There was a sparkle in his eyes as he searched her face for some glimmer of hope. At her silence, he knew that he had to tell her more. She needed and deserved to know it all.