Love's Back Pocket (16 page)

Chapter 31

Holly decided to take Victor’s advice, and complete the rest of her hours with everyone else but Tommy in hopes to remain as professional as she could possibly be, despite the unwarranted feelings she currently felt. The tour bus was on its way to New York, after a brief stay in Washington, D.C. Holly was in her room, looking over her hours and comparing them with her notes just to refresh her memory on what had been said at what time and what sort of progress was being made. She had only talked to Tommy when it was absolutely necessary, and it was only necessary when Tommy tried talking to her. Holly replied in clipped tones with the least amount of words necessary. She wasn’t sure if Tommy knew that she was upset or if he knew why she was upset, but he seemed to be pestering her even more so than usual.

As Holly reclined back onto her bed, above the sheets she had recently discarded from her body when she woke up this morning, her thoughts began to wonder about that woman Tommy had with him in Florida. Since she had left the main part of the hotel room that evening in order to go to her own room, she hadn’t seen or heard about her since. It wasn’t as though Tommy had asked her to join up with them like he had asked Holly to. But the fact remained that while she hadn’t exactly heard or seen the two sleeping together, the circumstantial evidence surrounding the situation proved to be quite compelling. If Tommy were on trial, surely he would be convicted guilty.

~*~

However, unbeknownst to Holly, Tommy was thinking about the same thing at around the same time, save for the fact that he was currently in his room rather than hers. To be honest, he wasn’t exactly sure why he had done it. He wasn’t sure why he had picked her. Maybe it was because she looked absolutely nothing like Holly, or maybe because she looked strikingly similar to Delilah. Whatever the case, out of the fifteen girls waiting for him after the show, he had chosen her. Again, he wasn’t exactly sure why he brought her up to the hotel room, especially when he knew—he
knew
—he shared it not only with Holly, but with Tanya, too. Even if Holly hadn’t come up and found him with her, surely Tanya would have caught them and then relayed the message to Holly.

“I am so stupid,” he murmured to himself, his fingers currently locked in position in his thick, unruly hair.

Holly would have known that Tommy was with somebody else no matter what. In fact, it was she who determined what time she and Tanya would return home from Disneyworld. He
knew
she would be back by then, and yet still, he and the groupie—he had seemed to have forgotten her name—were running around the living room in their underwear.

But the question wasn’t
what
he did, but
why
he did it. Why would he do something as stupid and selfish as that? It was inconsiderate and disrespectful, and yet he had still chosen to do it, chosen to
hurt
her. But why? Why would he want to hurt Holly? If anyone else even thought of hurting her, he would have been the first one to damn his previous promise to stay out of trouble, and be the first in line to kick the guy’s ass … Because it would obviously be a guy.

The most obvious reason would be because he hadn’t had sex in a while and he wanted to reacquaint himself with the pleasurable activity. He had petitioned Holly to join him a few times, but she would always give him that look that seemed to have gotten on his nerves over the past couple of months; the look where she would regard him with those eyes that he swore could see right through him, and then slowly lift her right brow. So it wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried having sex with Holly before, but she always rejected him. Maybe it was his way of getting back at her—to show her what she was missing.

But then again, he knew that Holly wasn’t the type of person to just go out and have sex with random strangers. And though he didn’t consider himself a stranger when it came to her, he assumed that she was the type of girl who waited until she was in a committed relationship before engaging in such an activity. She knew Tommy wasn’t going to wait around for one of those … hell, he avoided those as much as possible, come to think of it. Maybe this was just another way to say, “Hey, missed your shot.”

That wasn’t it, either. He knew why he did it; he just didn’t want to admit it, at least not aloud. Tommy Nye brought a groupie to the hotel room and flaunted her around the living room in merely her underwear at the exact time Holly assumed she and Tanya would be returning from Disneyworld in order to get a reaction out of Holly. He wanted to see what she would do if he was with another woman and she caught him. He couldn’t quite explain why, however. Maybe he wanted to see just what she felt for him … if anything. Maybe it was some ego thing he had craved, since she rarely ever stroked his arrogance in any way.

When he looked into her brown eyes that evening, however, he wasn’t expecting to see what he saw, and as a result, he wasn’t expecting to
feel
it. Holly’s eyes were an open book; one just had to know how to read them. Though she was usually reserved when it came to her emotions, preferring logic above anything else, Tommy began to realize that he could easily read her eyes to gauge how she was feeling whether or not her mouth was saying something different. And when he saw Holly that evening, his eyes told him everything he wanted to see, and yet, at the same time, he regretted the very moment when he decided to bring somebody back to the room with him, and even more than that, he regretted that she had to see it.

Nothing could change it now. He couldn’t take back what he had done.

What he had seen would be with him for a long time coming. Holly was hurt, betrayed, and something else, something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. What he did understand, however, was that what she was feeling was due to him.
He
had hurt her, not some random guy.

But you guys aren’t …
you
know
, a voice inside his head tried to reason.
There’s really no reason to feel guilty, save for the reasons
why
you did what you did.

“It’s not like I needed to have sex,” Tommy mumbled to himself before sighing quite dramatically. “I mean, I brought her up there with a purpose other than getting my rocks off.”

What if it was Holly with another guy?
another voice asked, and Tommy was sure that if the voice had a face, it would surely be arching a brow.
How would
you
feel?

“I’d kick the guy’s ass,” Tommy said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Just the thought of Holly with a man other than him touching her in an intimate way, pleasing her in a way that only few had the opportunity to, and in return, her pleasing him …

Tommy scowled at the thought, closing his eyes and shaking his head in hopes that the vivid imagery that had accompanied the thought would simply vanish. He couldn’t even picture it without feeling his face heat up with pure rage. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—imagine her with anyone else because she didn’t belong with anyone else. She belonged with him.

With that thought, Tommy’s eyes snapped open so it locked on the plain ceiling and his mouth dropped open.

Wait, what had he just said? No, not said, but thought. What had he thought … that Holly belonged to him, like in some kind of monogamous relationship or something?

No way. Not
him.
Why would he want to give up his life of doing whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted whenever he wanted merely to be in a relationship with one person? Maybe before, the notion would have seemed absurd to Tommy, especially after everything he had gone through with Delilah. But the fact that it just wasn’t any woman he was thinking about made the idea more welcoming than before.

However, even if he entertained the idea to the point of actually consciously pursuing Holly as a girlfriend rather than a friend who happened to indulge in some benefits, it wasn’t like she would reciprocate. Any feelings she may have had for him no doubt went out the window the moment she had seen him with someone else.

The thing was, he never actually slept with the woman. Instead, he sent her away, suddenly changing his mind after seeing Holly’s eyes before she had disappeared into her bedroom.

“Oh well,” he said, casting his eyes back up at the ceiling. “It’s not like I love her or anything.” He paused here, suddenly worried. And in a softer voice whispered, “Right?”

Chapter 32

By the time the tour bus reached New York, there was a steady summer rain falling from the grey sky. In the past couple of days, Holly had taken Victor’s advice and began to finish her hours with everybody else but Tommy. In fact, Tommy and Holly really hadn’t spoken since that particular evening. Holly didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness while Tommy didn’t exactly know what he did wrong.. There were a couple of times when Tommy was standing just outside Holly’s bedroom door, ready to knock, when somebody—Mitch, Sean, even Drew—would come out, having just finished up a session. He would always pretend he was doing something else rather than see her, but his band mates weren’t stupid; Tommy was just glad they didn’t get in his face about it. However, to say he wasn’t jealous of the fact that she’d have a session with everybody but him would be a downright lie. Though, if he looked at it from her point of view, she could argue that she wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong.

Scratching the back of his head, Tommy frowned. Maybe he was thinking too much about this.

It was Tanya he had to worry about, it would seem. Her dark eyes always seemed to narrow in his direction whenever he walked into the lounging room, almost as though she knew something he didn’t. But why would Tanya be upset with him? He didn’t even do anything to her. However, upon further deliberation, he realized that Tanya was fiercely loyal to her friend, so her anger with him was probably because he had hurt Holly.

So it was true.

Well, this wasn’t good, now was it?

--

“Holly, are you going to the concert tonight?” Tanya asked, walking into the hotel room that belonged to both her and her friend. They had arrived in New York a couple of hours ago, and Tanya could still feel the tension that bristled from Holly. Once they arrived at the hotel, Holly immediately grabbed her stuff and headed upstairs without so much a glance in Tommy’s direction. Tanya had bit her lip, but followed Holly up to the room, though she noted Tommy’s look of longing following her blonde friend.

God, why were guys such idiots? Tanya knew Tommy cared for Holly in some way; it was so obvious when she looked into his eyes. Why couldn’t he just tell her, say something—anything—to alleviate the tension? It would seem he was as stubborn as she was.

“Of course,” Holly said with an excited smile, throwing a glance over her shoulder so she looked at Tanya. Currently, Holly stood next to the living room window, simply watching the groups of people bustle through the streets of New York, despite the weather.

“Really?” Tanya asked, furrowing her brow. “Wow, Holl, to be honest, I was expecting you not to show up. I mean, after the whole situation with Tommy, and how little the two of you interacted these past couple of days, I figured you’d either choose to sightsee or stay in the hotel … or something.” She paused, placing her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side. “Can I ask why you’re going? I mean, I’m happy and whatever; you shouldn’t let what happened with Tommy effect your decisions or anything … but why?”

Holly chuckled at her friend’s confusion, and turned so that she was facing Tanya, her back leaning against the cool glass behind her. “Brendan’s going to be there tonight,” she explained, excited sparkles erupting in her eyes. “Don’t you remember, Tanya?” When she realized she might have forgotten to tell Tanya about her encounter with Brendan a few months back, she took a couple of steps toward her friend with the intent to do so now. “Okay, remember the day we left; how the whole band showed up in their tour bus and Tommy actually came into my classroom, talked to my professor, and got me permission to accompany him on tour as his psychologist?”

Tanya’s sharp eyes locked into Holly’s and she nodded, releasing her hips and choosing to cross her arms over her chest. “Yeah,” a small smile touched her lips, “I remember. That was the first official day me and Mitch got together.”

“Right,” Holly said. What struck Tanya odd about Holly’s speech so far was that her friend seemed to be completely okay with the whole situation concerning Tommy, as though that night after Disneyworld didn’t even happen. Tanya struggled with trying to figure out if Holly was faking, or if she was actually happy. “Anyway, so while the students gathered around the band asking for autographs and pictures and whatever, Brendan pulled me aside and we got to talking. Apparently, his older sister loves
The Futurists
, and since he was coming for a visit during the summer, she got them tickets for tonight.” She paused, but only to catch her breath. “So yes, I’m going tonight. I really want to see Brendan. I mean, Tanya, who knows what can happen, right?”

“Ah,” Tanya said, suddenly realizing why Holly was happy. Now she knew that while her friend might believe she was okay with this, Tanya knew that deep down, Holly was still hurting from her encounter with Tommy and thought that Brendan might be a good distraction. Tanya also realized that if Holly kept her wits about her, she just might be able to use this situation to her advantage … if she would only admit that she still cared about Tommy. “Well, you know what you could do?”

Holly’s eyes shone with excitement, glad that Tanya was going to give her advice. “What?” she asked as a smile decorated her face.

“You want to get Brendan’s attention, right?” Tanya asked, though it was quite clear in Holly’s eyes what the answer was. “Right, well you should totally dress up for the occasion, Holl. Show off a sexy side of you Brendan’s never seen before! Not only will he notice you, but Tommy will, too.”

“Tommy?” Holly asked, blinking a couple of times. “Wait, how does this have anything to do with Tommy?”

“Get back at him,” Tanya explained as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Listen, Holly, you don’t have to say anything; I can see it in your eyes that though you don’t want to, you still care about Tommy.” She quickly placed her hand up to stop Holly’s impending interruption. “Don’t deny it, Holl. I know you too well. Just hear me out, okay?” Holly opened her eyes, giving Tanya a dry look in hopes that she would hurry up and continue on. “Dress up really hot and give all of your attention to Brendan. It’ll piss off Tommy and show him just how you were feeling when he brought that floozy back to the hotel. Plus, it’ll show you how he really feels about you.”

“Oh yeah?’ Holly asked, arching a brow doubtfully. “And how’s that?”

“Duh, Holly,” Tanya said, rolling her eyes but smiling warmly. “If Tommy gets jealous, it means that in some way, he cares about you, too, or else there’s no reason for him to be jealous.” She shrugged her shoulder nonchalantly, pausing so Holly could take what she said in. “Anyway, I’ve got a bunch of clothes for you to choose from. We have a few hours before we have to worry about getting ready, but are you down to try it out?”

Holly thought long and hard. Did she really want to make Tommy feel the way she had felt … was currently feeling? Did she want to know if Tommy cared about her in some way other than the desire to sleep with her? But what if he didn’t? Would she be upset or relieved, maybe a mixture of both? And what about Brendan? What did she feel for Brendan anyways? She still had feelings for Tommy, but whenever she thought about Brendan, she smiled. Could she have feelings for them both? Was that even allowed? What if Brendan actually liked her, though, and it turned out Tommy did too? Who would she end up choosing? Would she decide to choose at all?

Tanya seemed to know what was going on in that mind Holly called her own, and she narrowed her eyes at her friend. “Try not to overanalyze, Holl,” she instructed. “Just make all of your thoughts disappear.”

“That’s impossible, Tanya,” Holly mumbled.

“Oh yeah?” Tanya asked. “And what about meditation, hmm? You have to clear your thoughts and focus on your breathing.”

“How is clearing my thoughts going to help?” the redhead asked, tilting her head slightly to the side.

“Just do it,” Tanya said, flatly. “Is it done? Are you sure? Okay, I’m going to say a sentence and you have to complete it without even thinking. Got it?” Holly nodded, closing her eyes, and Tanya thought for a moment of what she was going to say. “Okay,” she said finally, “I want to make Tommy feel …”

“Jealous.” The word came out of Holly’s mouth before she even realized what she had said. When it sunk in, her eyes snapped open.

Tanya, herself, was surprised Holly actually did what she had asked. “Okay then,” she agreed, nodding once. A determined glimmer made her eyes sparkle. “Jealousy it is.”