Love's Back Pocket (15 page)

Chapter 29

The day went along quite smoothly. After Holly’s confession to Tanya, she felt as though a heavy burden was lifted from her shoulders, and she actually enjoyed the day. Though she still preferred Disneyland, she could definitely see Disneyworld was a favorable place. They went on numerous rides, took in a couple of the parades, and saw the fireworks show. Holly never admitted it, but she always got a bit teary-eyed whenever she watched the fireworks at Disneyland. Dreams really did come true, it would seem, and she felt especially lucky because she lived so close to a destination so many people wanted to visit. After the fireworks, Holly and Tanya went on a couple of more rides again—such as Pirates of the Caribbean and the Matterhorn—before finally exiting the park.

“You know what’s cool?” Holly asked as they left, heading for the streets in hopes to catch a taxi. “I did some research before coming here—“

“Of course,” Tanya teased, flashing her friend a good-natured smile.

Holly grinned back, completely unperturbed at Tanya’s insinuation. “Anyway,” she murmured, “I did some research, and besides the ride at our Disneyland, no other Disney park has an Indiana Jones ride, except for Tokyo.”

The left side of Tanya’s lip curled up into an amused smirk. “That is actually pretty cool,” Tanya agreed.

The two were standing on the street now, and after a good twenty minutes, Tanya managed to flag down a taxi. After she told the driver where they were headed, Tanya turned to look at her friend, who was currently gazing out the window and into the dark night sky. Tanya smiled. Holly was happy today; she just let herself forget everything else—Tommy, the psychologist thing, and anything else that might have been troubling her.

“I wonder how their concert went,” Holly murmured, attempting to stifle a yawn, but failing miserably.

“You know,” Tanya said, leaning over to nudge her friend playfully, “if you went more often, you might actually find out.”

Holly chuckled, tearing her gaze from the outside scenery to look over at Tanya. “I think I will go,” she said, and smiled, surprisingly excited. Besides going to Disneyland—or Disneyworld—she never really got excited for things, seeing no reason to. But now, after confessing just how she felt for Tommy, she couldn’t help but feel a little titillated at the notion of being able to stare up at the man for a couple of hours without people assuming she was checking him out.

Which she was.

“Hey, Tanya,” Holly began, furrowing her brow only slightly as she regarded her friend, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something. The thing between you and Mitch has progressed really well, but I was wondering … When the tour is over and we go home, are you guys still going to be together? Are you going to break-up? Or is this the summer love kind of thing people always sing about where it’s not really a break-up, but it’s bittersweet …” Holly let her voice trail off before saying a bit softer, “And stuff.”

She finally looked back at Holly, and forced a strained smile. “I don’t know, Holl,” she murmured. “All I know is that I’m going to enjoy it for as long as I possibly can. And if everything ends tomorrow … well, I’d have had one of the best experiences of my life.”

Holly nodded a couple of times, letting Tanya’s words sink in. “So …” She was suddenly nervous due to what she was about to ask. “What should I do then? With Tommy? I mean, we have a week and a half left together, of two and a half months on the road. Should I tell him how I feel, or should I just let things go, since there’s a slim chance we would even match up in the right way?”

“First,” Tanya started, the smile on her face more genuine, “there is no such thing as a right way to match up; there’s a right match for you. Second …” She sighed, letting her voice trail off in hopes that her thoughts would catch up to her mouth. “If I was in your position, Holly, I would tell him what I felt. There’s nothing for you to lose, and everything for you to gain. And I can guarantee that if you don’t tell him how you feel, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. I try to live so there are no what-ifs. You remember our high school Grad Night when I told Andrew Tsay I had a thing for him, and he turned me down? Though I was hurt, it didn’t bother me as much because at least I told him how I felt. I was never going to see the guy again, you know? So if you’re asking me what you should do, I think you should tell him. The worst thing he could do is reject you, but even if he does, the pain of rejection is easier to get over than the pain of regret.” She paused here, collecting her breath for a moment. “But I’m not you, Holly, and only you can make that decision. The best advice I can give you is to do what you feel is best for you at the time, and never look back.”

Holly was silent for a moment, taking everything in. “You’re right,” she said in a quiet voice, just as the cab pulled into the driveway of the nice hotel they were staying at. Tanya quickly paid the cabby, and once they got out of the car, Holly smiled at her friend. “Thank you.”

Tanya shrugged as they walked into the lobby. “I do what I can,” she quipped before the two stepped into a waiting elevator.

The band had rented a room on the top floor with four separate bedrooms. Tommy had a bedroom by himself, Mitch and Tanya shared one, Drew and Sean shared one, and Holly had one by herself. Each person had a key to the room, and just like the bus, everyone knew not to disturb the occupants in the room with an article of clothing hanging from the doorknob.

By the time the two girls reached their room, they were giggling and laughing. Holly slid her key into the door, and pushed it open. She wasn’t expecting to be staring at a nearly naked woman, and a nearly naked Tommy. Holly froze as she regarded the woman in front of her. She was really pretty, with straight chestnut hair and grey-colored eyes, wearing only a sexy black and red lingerie set at present. Her cheeks were flushed and her hair was messy; Holly knew enough about the human body to know that while the two may not have actually engaged in sexual activity yet, they had engaged in something. The woman arched a brow in Holly’s direction, obviously unaware of who Holly and Tanya were before shooting Tommy a look that basically asked the question.

Holly swallowed, immediately averting her eyes. Tanya was next to her, her own dark eyes narrowing in an accusing manner in Tommy’s direction as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m going to go to bed,” Holly said in a demure voice, forcing her eyes to look at Tanya, at anything at all, really, except the two participants in the living room. She also forced herself to ignore the tight constriction of her chest.

“Holly,” Tanya said, looking over at her friend with genuine concern pooling into her eyes, “do you want me to—“

“I don’t want to talk about it, to be honest,” she replied in a hushed tone, before forcing herself to move. It hurt to walk, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to do anything. She needed to get to her bedroom. She needed to get away from him.

Holly started walking toward her designated bedroom, trying desperately not to look at Tommy. She almost succeeded, too, except when she was a couple of feet away. Her head turned and her eyes chanced a look at the man. He had an enigmatic expression on his handsome face, but the sparkle that resided in his green eyes had disappeared. She wasn’t sure what that meant, and as of right now, she didn’t care. She opened her door, walked inside, and slammed it shut behind her.

When she was finally safe, Holly started to cry.

Chapter 30

All that night, Holly tossed and turned, unable to fully get some sleep. She would never admit it, but her lack of slumber had to do with the man in the adjacent bedroom and whoever his guest was. She hated that this bothered her so much. In reality, she probably should have seen this coming. Let’s face it, Tommy never claimed to be the most faithful person on the planet, nor did he ever claim to be faithful at all. In fact, Holly wasn’t even sure why she believed in the first place, where even if she told Tommy about how she felt and he miraculously returned the feeling, he wouldn’t want to dip into the pool of temptation with groupies and the like. Holly had to face it. Tommy was a ladies’ man, a womanizer, a player, a resident bachelor—however one wanted to label him—and it was a silly notion for her to believe he might consider settling down.

It’s not silly
, a voice told her, early the next morning, probably around three o’clock. Maybe it wasn’t exactly Tommy that was keeping her up, but the voices in her head that just had to make some remark about her current predicament. Oh no, was she crazy now? Did this constitute as talking to herself?
If anything, it’s highly romantic. Especially for you, Holl. You believed in something.

True
, another voice agreed, but Holly could already tell it was going to argue in some way.
But let’s face it, Holly and Tommy were never together. They never talked, Tommy never promised fidelity. If anything, she and Tommy are just friends. That’s it. You can’t get mad at him or be upset when you haven’t had a discussion about your feelings in a cool, calm, rational manner. Your feelings are unfounded. If anything, you should be thanking Tommy for making it clear to you that you may not be his first priority.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Holly mumbled, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness of her room but not really seeing anything. “Don’t you think I know that my feelings don’t follow any sort of logic?”

They’re not supposed to
, the first voice insisted.
Not when you’re in lo—

“Don’t say it, Holl,” Holly quickly murmured, cutting her entire thought process off. “Don’t even think it.”

That’s right, Holly
, the first voice all but taunted, the thought echoing throughout her thoughts.
Don’t even think it. Like
that’s
going to make your feelings go away.

But even though Holly tried to push all thoughts pertaining to the subject to the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but wonder what Tommy was doing with the woman at that moment. Were they having sex? Were they talking? She frowned. Knowing him, he’d probably be sleeping right now. But what about the woman? Was she sleeping? Was she even there anymore? Holly hadn’t heard anyone come in or go out upon her entrance to her bedroom, but that didn’t mean the woman couldn’t have slipped out unnoticed. In fact, Holly’s thought process was so intense that even if the woman had left, Holly may not have even noticed.

The thing that bothered Holly the most, however, was why. She wasn’t stupid, of course. She knew that as humans, they were all biologically programmed to have primal needs and sex was just that. But in the whole two months she had been with
The Futurists
, Holly had never seen Tommy with another woman once. Though he had never explained why that was in their sessions, a voice told her it might have to do with the fact that his manager—whom Holly had yet to actually meet—didn’t want him to end up with a woman, even if it was only for a night and they were only having sex, who resembled Delilah in any way.

Psh, this woman looks just like her
, the second voice said after snorting.

Maybe that’s what bothered Holly the most. The fact that the woman he was with looked absolutely nothing like Holly. Now, Holly wasn’t too vain, but she always made sure she looked somewhat presentable before going out into public, and she didn’t think she looked too bad. In all honesty, Holly was confused. Why was Tommy with someone who looked like Delilah and not like— She shook her head, hoping to make such a though disappear. Maybe it was because he had seen his ex-girlfriend so recently and wanted to rid his desire of her without actually doing anything with her. That wasn’t exactly healthy, was it?

At seven o’clock, Holly forced herself to get up. She couldn’t take being alone with her thoughts anymore, wondering just what Tommy was doing at that moment. She was driving herself crazy, if she was being honest. After throwing on some sweatpants and a tank top, and pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she headed to the lobby where breakfast had just started. Normally she never drank coffee, but she figured if she watered it down it cream and sugar, she might be able to silence her thoughts. After grabbing a cup, she grabbed some eggs, bacon, sausages, and strawberry yogurt. She didn’t usually eat this much, but …

Oh, who cares? She was hungry and confused and the food looked absolutely—

Was that Victor? Holly furrowed her brow, pushing up on her toes to get a better look at who she thought resembled Victor the psychologist, sitting in a corner table. For a moment, she didn’t actually think it was him, but upon further inspection, realized that yes, it was. Without fully comprehending what she was doing, Holly made her way over and took a seat across from him. As usual, Victor gave her a crisp nod, but said absolutely nothing.

“Can I talk to you?” Holly asked after taking a long sip of the coffee before cringing at the bitter taste.

More cream, Holl. Wait a minute, what do you think you’re doing, talking to Victor about this?
a voice asked her.
This is the absolute last person you should be talking to about this sort of thing. Just wait for Tanya to wake up. Tanya will make you feel better. If anything, she’ll make you laugh. Who knows what Victor will say?

Again, Victor said nothing, but didn’t shake his head no.

In an uncharacteristic move on Holly’s part, she began to divulge everything to the man sitting next to her. “I don’t know how this has happened,” she began, “I’m usually not like this. I don’t fall for charm. In fact, I don’t notice charm directed at me at all. And I would never, ever,
ever
choose to feel this way for Tommy, out of all people. But against my best judgment, against everything I believe in, and beyond my control, I have fallen in love with him. Yes, love. I said it. With Tommy Nye.” She winced, frowning, and shook her head, forcing another long gulp down her throat, before taking a big bite of sausage and eggs. “I never thought this would ever happen. I never thought I would end up with these feelings for him. I don’t want to
be
like every other girl.”

“If I may,” Victor started, wiping his face with a napkin, though, as usual, no crumbs littered the corners of his lips. “You are not like every other woman who has encountered Tommy Nye.”

Holly quirked a brow, her mouth hanging open slightly despite the fact she still had some food in it. When she realized she was staring, she quickly chewed the rest of it, swallowed, and then said, “I don’t quite understand …”

“You’re a psychologist, for God’s sake,” Victor said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You graduated from college. You didn’t originally accompany Tommy on his little tour merely to be some trophy girl, some floozy.” He paused here, cocking his head to the side. Even a natural gesture like that, Victor made graceful. “When I first met you, I thought Tommy was trying to pull something. But after these two months, I find that I have misjudged you. Though you seem to have trouble using your psychological attributes on yourself and in relation to yourself, you are quite gifted.”

Holly paused for a long moment, merely eating what she had in front of her, though she refused to drink anymore of the hot liquid. “So,” she lifted her brown eyes up to regard the man in front of her, “what should I do?”

“The best advice I can give you is to do the best you can for yourself,” Victor answered, nearly repeating what Tanya had told her last night, word for word. “Only you know what that is. Professionally, I would tell you to finish up your hours with anybody that’s not Tommy, so you don’t take advantage of the situation, nor will you come off unprofessional.” He stopped here, taking in Holly’s facial features for a long moment. “From there, the matter is completely in your hands. But, I will just say this: Tommy Nye has never invited a woman on his tour without the pretext of sleeping with her. Though he may flirt with the notion of doing so with you, and probably has propositioned you more than a few times, he has respected you … more so than I have seen before.”

Though what Victor said did cheer her up, it didn’t take away from the fact that Tommy might still be up in the room with another woman.