Loving Heart (The Broken Heart Series Book 3) (8 page)

“Jenesis, how’s the baby?”

“He’s fine…I guess” I said tensely.

“Give me Dr. Logan’s number. Let’s call.” I scrolled through my cell phone with the tissue, but it didn’t work. Michael grabbed the phone and gently scrolled through the numbers until he found her number.

“Dr. Logan, Its Michael Hunter. Are you available?” he said anxiously. “Yes, now. Please, Jenesis is falling apart.” He glanced over at me and I shook my head with tears brimming from my eyes. “She needs you right now.” He whispered as he drove down the block. “We’ll be right there.” He glanced over at me and handed me the phone. “Jenesis, fix your mascara. I know how much you love your mascara.” He said with a nervous smirk.

I pulled down the mirror in the car and tried to wipe the mascara that was scattered under my eyes and ran down my cheeks. We pulled up to Dr. Logan’s building and the doorman walked up to the car. He recognized me.

“Jenesis?” he said warmly. I nodded my head. “I’ll take the car sir. Just park it there and someone will put it in the garage.” He said warmly. “Annmarie is waiting for you.” He escorted me out of the car as Michael parked in front of the building and then got out.

“Thank you.” I said.

“Should I wait here?” Michael asked as he approached me. I could tell he felt uncomfortable, something was bothering him.  He looked around the lobby of the building cautiously as he placed his hands in his front pockets of his jeans.

“No, I’d like you to come.” I grabbed his hand and we went into the elevator. “Michael, I need you to understand. This feeling is taking over my life. I don’t think we can run away from this, anymore.” I said softly.

“We’re not running. You’re running…from
him
.” He slid his hands into his front pockets again and looked towards the floor aimlessly.

“Yes…it’s true, but we
both
need help.” He shook his head.

“I don’t know if I can do this Jenesis.” The elevator doors opened and he hesitated to get in.

“Michael, don’t do this. Don’t do this to me, to
us
. Now is not the time to hurt me all over again. I can’t deal with it.” He stared deep into my eyes contemplating whether or not to enter the elevator. I turned my back and walked in. I felt his presence behind me.  I was relieved and at the same time I was frightened. I knew this session would open up a world of hurt we both did not want to encounter, but we needed to face all of our fears…
together.

We walked towards the door and Dr. Logan appeared at the doorway.

“Hey…Jenesis, are you alright?” She reached out to grab my hand and I held it tightly.

“Annmarie.” Michael said in a low voice.

“Hey, it’s so good to see you.” I whispered.  I proceeded to walk into her office. The receptionist chair was empty.

“Where’s the girl that usually sits there.” I asked about the rude red lipped hussy that usually sat at the front desk.

“She killed herself last night.” She looked over at the chair and lowered her eyes to the floor.  I gasped then covered my mouth with my hand as she sat on the couch near the window. “That’s why I was here in the office. I got the phone call last night. I’m never here this early. You were lucky that I was here.” She shook her head in disbelief. “We were trying to figure out why she killed herself. I let the other girls go early. They were crying so much. I couldn’t bear to look at them anymore.” She shed a tear then wiped her tear with her fingers.

“Did she leave a note? I mean, that’s what people usually do, right?” I asked puzzled. Then I thought, that what such a stupid thing to say.

“No…she didn’t.” she kept her back towards us and then said, “She…she just turned twenty-two. She was just a kid.” Michael glanced over at me and shook his head.

“I’m sorry for your loss. Are you sure she killed herself?” Michael asked sympathetically.

“She jumped from the rooftop last night. We were able to keep the media away from this one.” she turned and looked at us both. “Please, Michael, sit.”

Michael sat next to me and reached for my hand. I held it tightly and smiled at him.

“Jenesis, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you have to talk about what happened to you, you know, between you and Dave” She said adamantly.

“I know.” I whispered.

“Jenesis, this is part of your therapy. You can’t hide from Dave. He’ll always be here if you allow him to be. You have to let him go.”  She leaned over and placed her hand on mine. “I know this is hard, but it’s the only way you’re going to get through this.”

“I think I should leave.” Michael said as he let go of my hand to get up and walk away.

“You have to do the same.” she said sternly.

“I can’t!” he barked. I jumped up in my seat and Dr. Logan sat back in her chair.

“Michael, please. What are you doing?” I said angrily.

“I can’t do this. You don’t understand, I can’t get the images out of my head. My father, on top of her…she’s screaming and I couldn’t get him off of her. How do you think that makes me feel?” He said as his eyes locked with mine. His eyes were solemn with defeat. He was so hurt he was choking back his tears.

“Michael, this is exactly why we need to talk about it.” I whispered gently. Our eyes locked again in a battle he wasn’t going to win. I was fearless for the first time and I wasn’t backing down.

“Please, don’t do this. This is not what you’re supposed to do.” Dr. Logan pleaded with us both.

“What do you know about my life…you know nothing. All the years of abuse, all the killing, innocent women…
I
helped him. What kind of sick person am I?” He slammed his fist on the table. Dr. Logan stood up.

“You were manipulated by a very strong man. I don’t have to know him to know how he manipulated you. It wasn’t your fault. You were a child, and then you became a teenager, and then a man, still tortured by the man you called your father. You could’ve been a bum in the street but you chose not to be. You’re one of the most successful lawyers in New York. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but this is not the answer. I can help you. Let me help, please.” She pleaded. Michael closed his eyes in pain.

“He killed my mother right in front of me…I was just a kid.” He stopped talking. His eyes welled with tears. “I loved my mother and believe or not…she
loved
him.” He glanced over at Dr. Logan, the tears falling down from his chin on to the hardwood floor. “Do you know that after he killed my mother, I cried myself to sleep every night. He would come in to my room and lie down with me and hold my hand until I stopped crying. He hugged me for Christ’s sake…” He wiped his face with the palm of his hand. “He was my father.
I killed him
. Do you understand that? I killed him.” He shook his head and became angry slamming his hands on the desk again. “How am I going to get over my father raping my wife? Or waiting for my wife to give birth to a child that might be his…a product of rape; do you know how much I love Jenesis? She’s everything I’m not. She’s forgiving, loving, and patient, and she never doubted my love for a minute. I
can’t
forgive him. He’s a murderer and a rapist and…I’m glad he’s dead.” He got up and started to pace back and forth. He was overwhelmed by his emotions. He was confused. He stopped near the window and glanced over at us, then looked out of the window and whispered softly, “But there’s just one problem…he lives in
her
heart and she won’t let him go. And keeping this baby is living proof that she can’t…” he shook his head and placed both of his hands on her cherry wood desk as if he were giving me an ultimatum.

“Michael you’re confused. It’s okay. That’s normal. You feel guilty about killing your father. You hate him for raping me and somehow, deep down inside you want to forgive him, but you don’t know how. This is extremely difficult for you. I know that’s how you feel because that’s how I feel too. All of these emotions wrapped up in one, you can’t possibly know what you want right now from this relationship, especially with a baby coming; a baby that might not be yours.” I could barely continue speaking, but I needed to. “Michael, the baby has a right to live whether he’s yours or not. You don’t get to make that choice like you did with those women when you offered them to your father. They didn’t have a choice, you made it for them.” My sorrow for Michael then turned to anger. I stood up and walked around the room. “I’m not going to let you bully me. I’m having this baby.” he shook his head in disbelief, his blue-green eyes shedding more tears as his lips trembled.

“I’m not bullying you. How could you say that?” He glanced over at Dr. Logan. “I want to
make
her happy. I want to
accept
the baby. I just need help learning how to do that.” He turned towards me. “
You
only see the baby.
You
don’t see
me.
” He stood up and walked out of the office. I closed my eyes. The feeling of despair crawled up from my stomach to my chest. It was tight, I was hurting so badly I could barely breathe. I grabbed Dr. Logan and held on to her tightly. I cried on her shoulder and she held me in her arms.

“He’ll be back.” she whispered.

“No, he won’t. I betrayed him. I chose the baby over him. He’ll never forgive me. Never.” I sobbed. 

“Then he never loved you. He’ll be back, I promise.” she whispered.

I was getting ready to leave Dr. Logan’s office about fifteen minutes after Michael left. She grabbed me by the arm gently.

“Jenesis, I’m sorry. If you need me I’m here, but I can’t force you to speak about Dave. This baby needs you to be healthy and if you’re paranoid and having panic attacks in the street you can harm this baby.” she said seriously.

“I understand. I’m just not ready to talk. I’m not.” I held her hands in mine. “I’m going to Pennsylvania for a while. I’m going to visit the little bit of family I have left. I need to be away from everyone. I’ll keep in touch though. Thank you…for everything.” I hugged her and she held me tightly. I could hear her whimpering a little, but I released myself from her arms never looking back. I walked out of the office passing by the empty receptionist desk of the red-lipped hussy. My heart hurt because as much as I didn’t like her, I surely didn’t want her to die. I wondered how she felt jumping off of the roof of the building, was she scared? Did she care? Maybe she felt just like I did when I jumped into oncoming traffic when Michael left me the first time, not caring if I got killed by a car. I walked towards the elevator and pressed the down button. The elevator doors quickly opened and I stepped in and pressed on the lobby button. My mind was racing and the baby did tumbles inside of me.  I walked out of the building and Michael was sitting in his car. I glanced in his direction and then started to walk down the block. I just ignored him and kept on walking.

I didn’t go back home to pack any of my belongings. I just wanted to leave. All of this was so overwhelming.
Maybe I was being selfish. Maybe I was the one who was wrong.
I hailed a cab and ask the driver to take me to the Port Authority bus terminal. I was leaving New York City the way I left Pennsylvania, with nothing in my hands except the memories that were etched in my heart. Unfortunately for me, they were both devastating memories. The driver stepped on the gas and I started to panic.

“Hey, can you take it easy? Drive a little slower?” I asked.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry miss. It’s just that…I just feel like this guy in this truck behind me is following me. I’m trying to get away from him.” His eyes were squinting as he looked through the rear view mirror.

“What truck?” I automatically thought it was Michael following us so, I turned my head towards the back window to look.

“This red Ram truck. I mean he’s relentless…” the cab driver shouted as he hit his brakes as the red Ram truck turned in front of him and cut him off.  I was pushed towards the back of the driver’s seat banging my forehead against it. I automatically held my stomach to protect the baby. My motherly instincts were on overdrive.  The driver turned around nervously.

“Miss, are…are you okay?” he asked anxiously. He looked towards the driver’s side window.

“I’m fine. What the hell is going on?” I asked worriedly holding my belly.

We both watched as the man in the red Ram truck got out of the truck and walked over to the car. The cab driver opened the window.

“Hey man, are you fucking crazy dude?” he shouted and that’s when I heard the pop. The man from the truck had shot the cab driver in the side of his head at close range. His blood splattered and pieces of his head hit the windshield. His blood covered my hands as I covered my face. I ducked immediately lying across the back seat of the cab covering my head with one hand and locking the door with the other, and then I heard someone lifting the handle to get into the cab.  I reached for the handle on the back passenger side as I slid my body across the seat. I heard people on the street screaming. I opened the cab door on the passenger side and crawled out of the cab onto the street.  I glanced over at the Ram truck and the driver took off almost running over the pedestrians crossing the street. I could hear the police sirens coming closer. I looked up through the crowd trying to find a direction in which to run to. A man motioned with his hand for me to run towards him. I grabbed my purse and I ran as quickly as I could into his arms. The ambulance was rushing through the traffic to get to the cab driver. I hated the sounds of an ambulance. It brought back so many horrible memories. I stood frozen for a moment, shutting my eyes tightly, blocking out the sounds of the sirens and staring at the large crowd that was forming around the cab over his shoulder.