Loving Lucas (3 page)
perch on the sofa. “How much have you had to drink?”
Lucas shrugged, looking at the bottle he still gripped. “It was full when I started.”
“Shit, Luc. You know you can’t drink like that.”
“No, I’ve never drunk like this before, but now seems like
the time to start.”
“You’re gonna have a hell of a headache later.”
“If I live long enough.”
Ignoring the comment, Nicholas pulled the bottle from
Lucas, placed it on the floor, and then set himself down on the edge of the coffee table, trying to pull his thoughts and 21
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emotions together. He knew Lucas was in a bad place
emotionally and he understood why, but he wasn’t about to
sit around and let him spiral down into a depression or put his life at risk.
“Listen, Luc.”
“You got a file from that DA, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. Yeah, he e-mailed it to me.”
“Which means you’ve read it so you know everything.”
“Luc….”
“Were there pictures?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t lie to him. He wouldn’t do that. “Luc, I want you to listen to me.”
“So you know all of it now?” Standing, Lucas moved past
him, walking across the room to the window, reaching out to toy with the curtain, but he didn’t open it. “I mean, I’m
guessing the file had a copy of the police report and my
interview with the police and even Miller’s now-null
confession.”
Resisting the urge to get up and follow him, Nicholas
stayed where he sat. “All of that was in the file and, yeah, I read it and saw all of it.”
“So you know what he did.”
“Luc, please.”
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“You know he knocked me out, outside of my apartment,
and when I woke up I was in this small, smelly warehouse
and I…I tried to reason with him, but he was beyond the
point where anyone could reason with him.
“Well, you know what happened, don’t you? You know he
raped me. And he stabbed me.”
“Luc.”
“I was on my stomach, when he set me on fire, but you
know that, too. Doctors said I was lucky I only got burned on my back and arm, but….” He laughed—a harsh, bitter bark
of laughter that echoed with tears he clearly refused to shed.
“Well, I guess you get it now, don’t you? I mean, after seeing what I looked like, you can’t imagine wanting to be with me and, hell, I certainly can’t blame you. Maybe this is all a good thing: Riley getting out, it can finally open your eyes up to what I am and why any desire you think you feel is a
joke.”
Standing, Nicholas finally allowed himself to cross the
room, placing his hands on Lucas’s shoulders, not surprised when Lucas tensed at his touch.
“Right now, you’re upset and somewhat drunk, so I won’t
hold anything you just said against you, Luc. What I’m
about to tell you, I will tell you again when you’re sober and, hopefully, capable of being reasonable.”
“Nic….”
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“I love you. I’ve loved you for nearly five years and
nothing, and I mean nothing, will change the fact that I love you.”
“You can’t say that.”
“I just said it, and what’s more, I mean it.”
He felt some of the tension fade from Lucas and he
leaned back against him slightly. Nicholas allowed his hands to slip from his shoulders, to wrap around Lucas’s waist.
“I’m tired, Nic.”
“You should be, after half a bottle of scotch.”
“No, I mean I’m tired…. I’m just tired of the memories
and being alone.”
His heart clenched and he shut his eyes, pressing his
face into Lucas’s thick blond hair and inhaling deeply.
“Nic.”
“Food can wait. I think you need to get some sleep.”
“You plan on staying here, don’t you?”
“I’m camping out on the sofa tonight.”
Slowly, Lucas turned in his arms, but he didn’t make an
effort to pull back and Nicholas didn’t feel inclined to step away as he looked into Lucas’s blue eyes, seeing a host of
tangled emotions there that broke his heart.
“Why do you keep fighting for me, Nic? I’m not worth it.”
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“You are. You are worth more than you realize and I love
you.”
For a moment, he thought Lucas was going to say those
words back to him, but instead, he took a step back and
Nicholas allowed his arms to fall.
“I should go to bed.”
“Luc….”
“I’ll see ya later. If you’re here, I mean.”
He turned, moving down the short hall to his room.
Nicholas sighed as he watched the man he loved retreat not
only physically but emotionally.
“I’ll be here, Luc. Get used to that, because I’m not
gonna be pushed away again.”
“NIC….”
“Shhh. No talking, remember? This is all about feeling.”
Any thought to protest died quickly, as Nicholas’s lips
claimed his and Lucas arched into the kiss, opening his mouth
and whimpering when Nicholas’s tongue touched his
teasingly. He could feel a jolt of heat run from his mouth right
to his already aching cock that silently begged for release.
Everything in the world, everything around them faded and
Lucas didn’t want the onslaught of emotions to end as he
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tangled one hand in Nicholas’s dark hair, savoring the way
the silky stands wrapped around his fingers.
Twisting beneath the man he wanted more than he
wanted his next breath, Lucas spread his legs more, lifting his
hips to press his erection against Nicholas, wanting the other
man to understand how much he wanted him, how much he
needed him.
“Nic….”
“Tell me, Luc. Tell me what you want.”
Gasping at the feel of Nicholas’s mouth latching to the
sensitive patch beneath his ear, Lucas thought he would fly
apart.
He had never felt so alive; he had never felt so wanted.
“You. I want you, Nic. I’ve always wanted you.”
The admission felt almost freeing and Lucas wanted,
needed, even more, but as he basked in that feeling of
freedom, something around him seemed to shift. The feelings
of love and desire faded and suddenly, he was cold and
afraid as he opened his eyes to find Nicholas was gone.
Instead, Riley Miller lingered above him, smiling sickly.
“Don’t worry. I’ll give you just what you have coming to
you, Luc. And you had better enjoy it, ’cause no one else
wants to touch you.”
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Choking back a scream, Lucas sat up in bed, blinking as
his eyes adjusted. He realized he was safe. He was in his
room and he was alone.
Raking a hand through his sweat-dampened hair, he
cursed under his breath, knowing he needed to get his
emotions quickly in check. Nicholas was still sitting in his living room and he didn’t want to seem upset when he faced
him. He didn’t want Nicholas to have more cause to pity him, because pity was the last thing he wanted from Nicholas
Demetris.
But what I do want, I can’t have. And I can’t forget that.
The dream he just had was a painful reminder that, no
matter what, he could never give in to his feelings for
Nicholas.
Pushing himself from the bed, he slipped into the
bathroom where he washed his face and gave himself a
moment longer to pull himself together, before going into the living room to find Nicholas on the sofa, watching television.
He had shed his shirt and shoes and he wore only jeans
and socks. His hair was a mess and he looked like a wet
dream come to life.
Shit!
Nicholas looked up at him, half-smiling. “Feel better?”
“I have a headache.”
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“Really? Who knew half a bottle of scotch would do that
to a guy.”
Rolling his eyes at the obvious sarcasm, Lucas sat down
on the far end of the sofa, looking at the television.
“What are you watching?” It seemed like a nice, safe
topic.
“Braves game just ended.”
“They win?”
“Lost six to four.”
Lucas nodded as Nicholas shifted to face him and Lucas
sighed, knowing they were going to have a serious
conversation, if he wanted it or not.
Don’t make an ass of yourself, Luc.
“Have you ever been to Hawaii?”
Thrown by the question, Lucas looked from the television
to the man sitting beside him. It was a challenge to make eye contact when Nicholas’s bare chest was just inches from him and his hand itched to touch the smooth, olive skin.
I bet he tastes wonderful. Salty and sweet. And his
nipples…. I want to suck them ’til he screams
.
Shaking the thought from his mind, Lucas forced himself
to focus on the question Nicholas had asked, but the way
Nicholas smirked at him made Lucas wonder if he had
somehow been projecting his sexually hungry thoughts.
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“Hawaii, Luc? Have you ever been?”
“No. No, I haven’t. Why?”
“We should go.”
He shook his head again. “Go….”
“I went there for two weeks about eight years ago. It’s
beautiful. I’d love to take you there.”
“Nic….”
“We should rent a beach house with a private beach.”
“I don’t….”
“I’d love to fuck you on the beach, Luc. Surrounded by
white sand and blue water.”
Shifting for the sake of comfort as his cock swelled in his jeans, Lucas told himself to stand, to move, to get away from Nicholas and the image he was painting, but it seemed he
didn’t have enough blood flow to his brain to follow that
command.
“Think about it, Luc. The sound of the waves, the feel of
the sun. And you riding me.”
“Nic, please.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that. You breathless. Saying my
name.”
Closing his eyes, Lucas prayed for strength, but he was
pretty certain no one was listening to his prayers when he
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felt Nicholas’s hand in his hair, moving slowly and sensually, drawing a moan from Lucas’s parted lips.
“Five years, Luc. Five long years I’ve wanted you.”
“Don’t….” He forced his eyes open to see Nicholas closer
to him, just inches away.
“I know you aren’t ready yet, but you will be soon. Very
soon, I think.”
“I can’t do this. You know that.”
“I know you want me. I know you love me. I know those
feelings are mutual.”
Lucas shook his head, but said nothing. He didn’t have
the strength to say words they both knew to be a lie as
Nicholas slipped from the sofa. Lucas watched with desire-
filled eyes as Nicholas easily pushed Lucas’s legs apart and arranged himself between them.
“I know you don’t want me to see you, Luc, but I intend
to change your mind about that really soon, so get ready.”
“What…what are you doing?”
“Me? Oh, I’m going to suck your cock, Luc.”
Teasingly, Nicholas brushed his hand over the front of
Lucas’s jeans and Lucas hissed, which made Nicholas smile.
“Looks like you need some relief. Lucky for you, I’m good
at this.”
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Licking his lips, unable to deny that he was painfully
aroused, especially by the sight of Nicholas kneeling between his hips, Lucas realized vaguely that he wanted this and he was sick of denying himself what he wanted.
He didn’t believe for a second that he and Nicholas could
have a real relationship, but maybe there wasn’t any harm in having this.
God help me, I want his touch. Just this once at least. I
need it. I need a real memory of him
.
Mesmerized, he watched Nicholas’s graceful fingers move
to unbutton and then unzip his jeans. Of their own accord,
Lucas’s hips lifted from the sofa, allowing Nicholas the
freedom to tug the jeans down his hips.
He heard himself gasp when the cool air in the
apartment hit his cock.
“And there it is.”
“Nic….”
“I’ve dreamed about this, Luc, but I got to tell you,” he
shook his head, “the real thing is by far better than anything I imagined, and trust me when I tell you I have a very vivid imagination.” He placed his hands on Lucas’s knees, gently
pushing them farther apart, and Lucas sucked in a breath
as Nicholas teasingly trailed fingers up the inside of his
nearly quivering thighs.
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Fairly certain his heart was determined to beat its way
out of his chest, Lucas could only watch, as Nicholas looked up with a smile that was sinful.
Oh God….
Speechless, he watched as Nicholas lifted one hand,
turning slightly, to pluck a piece of ice from a glass that sat on the coffee table.
“Nic.”
“Trust me?”
“Of course.”
That earned him a real smile and Lucas realized just how
much weight those two words carried, as Nicholas sucked
the piece of ice into his mouth. Lucas stared at his mouth, at those full, sensual lips, and he died a little inside because he knew that if they did this, if Nic sucked him off, there would be no going back.