LOW: A Rockstar Romance (36 page)

Chapter Forty-Three

Rane

Red rage hovered at the edges of my sight, blurring my brother's body so that I could barely see him as I told him, very calmly, "I'm going to kill you for that."

"You are, huh?" Keir's voice was bitter and biting. "I should break your other arm, you ungrateful piece of shit."

"Ungrateful?" I spat. My mouth was still tingling from where Maddie kissed me, my lips still tasted like her. "Now I'm supposed to be
grateful
to you for butting into my life?"

Keir stalked to the window, his eyes darting everywhere at once. "I spent the last few weeks standing over you," he said. His voice was no longer bitter. No, I recognized this Keir. He'd gone from angry to fucking
dangerous.
"Hours, days, fucking weeks, Rane, doing nothing but watching and waiting, and yeah, fucking
praying
for you to wake up." He shook his head. "People kept telling me, 'go home, get some rest,' but I couldn't. I had to be here the second you opened your eyes. 'He's my brother,' I told them."

He swiveled on his heel and turned to face me. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets but I knew that his fists were balled and ready to punch something. Maybe me. "And you're going to kill your brother over a girl?"

"She's...not...just a girl!" I exploded, lurching upwards with a roar. From outside of myself, I heard machines dinging and felt the sting of something ripping my skin, but I cared only about wrapping my broken hands around my brother's throat. "If I wasn't strapped to all this shit, I swear to god I would make you pay for that!"

"Fucking hell," he swore. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Yes! I have. I've lost my mind. And my heart. Do you even know what that's like? Or are you so serious and self-controlled that human emotion is an alien thing to you?"

Too late, I remembered Scarlett. Keir's face pinched tight. "Fuck you, Rane," he hissed under his breath.

"Keir, I'm sorry."

"Damn straight you are."

"But I'm not going to stop seeing Maddie. I've made up my mind."

"So you're choosing her. Is that what you're doing?"

"Choosing her?"

Keir straightened. "You're fucking up your entire life by being with her."

"You're the one who told me to go for her in the first place!" I screamed.

"I was drunk!" The cords in his neck stood out as he roared and slammed his hand into the side table. "I was thinking about fucking Scarlett and being stupid. You can't do this, Rane. It's a fucking mistake."

I clenched my good hand. "Who says? You? Are you trying to fucking fix
me
, Bulldog? I don't need to be fixed, I'm not fucking broken in the first place."

His eyes flashed. "You're going to get tired of her, Rane."

"No, I'm fucking not."

"You are. You're gonna get bored and want to move on. You'll say fuck it when things get hard, and then you know what happens? It's going to break up our family. Sheila will take Maddie's side and Dad'll take yours, and there's two more lives your stupid decisions will ruin. You'll get fucking depressed and quit the band, and there's three more people you fucked over with this."

"You've got a hell of a lot of fucking nerve."

"And I can't stand by and watch you do it. I know I can't fix this; it's already too far gone. But hell if I'm going to stand by and watch you set your whole world on fire." He crossed his arms over his chest, and if I wasn't watching I wouldn't have seen the way his eyes glinted with unshed tears. "Her or me, Rane."

I opened my mouth to answer, but he seemed to lose his nerve right at the end of his speech. Because instead of hearing my choice, he turned and left without saying another word... 

Just as a nurse came hurrying into the room and started shouting for an aide to help hook me back up again.

I glared after him, then winced as the nurse reattached the IV. "Fuck all of this shit," I growled.

There was a hot sting, then the feeling of cold running under my skin. "This will help you calm down," the nurse said, her voice already sounding miles away.

Chapter Forty-Four

Madeline

"Ten million?"

My agent sounded like she was going to burst with pride. "Ten million," Jen repeated. "It just hit that number today. Congratulations, Maddie! You're viral!"

I leaned against the baking brick exterior of the studio. All morning, I had been immersed in the world of
Skyline Drive
. Jonathan Neil was every bit the director of my dreams—quick with notes, precise in his direction. He left very little to chance and hated improvisation. My kind of guy. I threw myself into working, desperate to prove to myself that I could handle it, and had been so wrapped that I forgot that my breakthrough was still floating around out there.

"Ten million hits," I repeated. I liked the sound of that.

"And here's what's even better, Mads," Jen continued breathlessly. "I've got a stack, no, not a stack, a fucking
mountain
of scripts on my desk. You're hot property again, girl. Everyone wants to grab you while you're the talk of the town. You can have your fucking pick."

"No shit?"

"No. Fucking. Shit," Jen enunciated in her strong Long Island accent. "You're about to make me rich, baby. Haven't I always told you you're my favorite client?"

I had to laugh at her brashness. "You've never told me that."

"Well, it's time for me to make up for that. I could kiss you for making that video. Sure, you went behind my back all sneaky-like, but I forgive you, baby girl. You made the right move."

I licked my lips. Did I? This victory felt hollow.

I hadn't seen Rane, hadn't dared to call him. I didn't want to come between him and his brother. I never wanted to cause a problem and yet I had caused a huge one. Regret flooded my stomach even as Jen kept on yammering.

"...prestige piece. I mean, you should really consider this as an Oscar push. You've got the chops, that much is amply clear, and if they're not going to take you seriously, you gotta tell them where to get off. And if you're not up to it, then I will, gladly...."

"Hey, Jen?" I interrupted. I was on overload, and if I didn't get somewhere quiet...fast... "I'm so glad you called, but I'm here at the studio and Jonathan is waving..." I lied so smoothly, I half expected to look up and see Jonathan doing just that.

"Oh, yes, go! Go, go, my viral celebrity. I'll send over the scripts I think are worth a read-through." I heard the ruffling of pages and Jen muttering for a second before she popped back on the line. "I'll be in touch!"

"Great." I smiled.
Acting.

Chapter Forty-Five

Rane

It turned out didn't have to decide between Maddie and my brother. It seemed like Maddie had already made the choice for us.

Slumped in my wheelchair, I stared out the window of the therapy room. The bright sunshine outside seemed surreal, like something from a book or a movie instead of my real life. Real life was the gray of a hospital room.

Maddie hadn't called, hadn't come by, in over two weeks.

She was staying away...just like Keir wanted.

And I hated it.

"Can you make a fist?" the therapist prompted, drawing my attention away from the window.

I scoffed. "Of course," I muttered.

This was my third appointment. There had been no progress. My hand still lay useless at my side, curled up like a claw.

I was bored of this.

The very act of lifting my arm felt alien to me. Instead of the smooth, strong motion I was used to, my arm felt creaky. Rusty with disuse. I looked down at the white blimp thing at my side. It still didn't register as belonging to me.

"Make a fist now." The therapist nodded encouragingly.

Her hyper-positivity irked me. I shifted in my wheelchair, an uncomfortable pain settling into my lower back. I moved to stand up and stretch it out.

"Easy, easy now, Mr. Wilder," she said. "Walking exercises will come next."

"I don't need exercises to be able to walk," I told her. "I just need to stretch." I hefted my foot off the leg brace, and it fell to the tiled floor with a thump. Shifting forward, I dug my elbows into the armrests and began working my way towards the edge of the seat.

"Mr. Wilder, I'm going to have to ask you to wait." The little therapist placed her hand in the center of my chest and pushed.

She was a small, sturdy little thing. Before my accident, I could have lifted her with one arm, given her a piggyback ride around the perimeter of this room, and then laid her down on the table and fucked her into oblivion right afterward. Now, this little thing pushed me back into my place like I was no stronger than a gnat.

I looked down at her smooth, strong hand. Disgust and anger fought for control of my body.

"Make a fist now." She smiled brightly.

"What's the fucking point?" I asked.

"To regain mobility in your hand?" she parroted robotically.

I looked at her. "I'll say it again. What's the fucking point? Fuck this. Fuck all of this. I'm done. Bring me back to my room."

If I thought I was going to get a break there, I was mistaken.

"Jesus Christ, don't you have somewhere to be?" I exploded.

Keir was leaning against the radiator, one of his ever-present paperbacks dangling from his fingers. His working fingers.

"I'm going to chalk that nice, brotherly greeting up to the pain," he replied.

I grunted as the attendant lifted me back into bed. Keir averted his eyes until I arranged the sheets back around my legs. "What do you want?"

"The video just passed ten million hits, Rane." He eyed me sidelong. There was a hopeful tone in his voice. "Ten million."

"Huh." I looked away. What the fuck was he doing showing me the video with Maddie?

"Were you in therapy when I got here?" Keir prodded.

"Yeah." If he was trying to fix things between us, I sure as shit wasn't going to make it easy on him.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Bad."

"Are you only going to answer me with one-word responses?"

"Yup."

Keir inhaled sharply. "I didn't tell her to stop coming, Rane. She did that all herself."

"You got what you wanted, though. That's what matters, right, Bulldog?"

He winced. "I wanted you to make the right choice."

"And how the hell is that something you get to determine, hmm? Why do you think you know what's best for me?"

He closed his eyes. "You really like her, don't you?"

"I don't like her. I fucking love her. And she's gone because you stepped in and made the decision that we shouldn't be together. You of all people should know how that feels."

Pain rippled across his eyes. "Yeah," was all he said.

I closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk about it anymore. What's done was done.

But Keir wasn't ready to drop anything just yet. "How did your appointment go? That was your third, right?" he asked, a little too eagerly.

"Third. And final."

"What???"

"It's bullshit. I quit, Keir. You know how to play guitar. You do it. Clearly, that part of my life is over."

"You have to be shitting me."

"I'm not. I'll do something else with my life. I'm young. I've got options."

"It's not just about you, you selfish prick!"

"Well, maybe it should be. It's my life, after all. You seem to want to fuck it up, like you get a say in who I get to be with. Well, I get to have the same fucking say in yours then. I quit. I'm done. With therapy, with this hospital, with Ruthless, with Maddie. Fuck it."

Chapter Forty-Six

Madeline

I edged around him warily.

Keir raised his eyebrows. "You can sit down. I'm not going to bite you."

"You sure about that?" I said. I felt like a dog with my hackles raised. I walked around the chair, putting it consciously between us. "You sure look capable."

He leaned back on the rickety cafe chair. I chose this place as neutral ground. He couldn't very well kill me in public, right?

"I didn't call you here to tear you a new one."

"Oh yeah?" I challenged him. "Why did you call me? I thought you hated me."

He at least had the grace not to flinch. "Not you, personally. I hated the idea of you."

I sat back in the chair. "Care to explain?"

Keir steepled his fingers and pressed the tips into his chin. I had seen Rane do the same thing a million times, it felt. He was so like his brother, but so different, too.

"Okay," he finally said, leaning forward and leveling his gaze on mine. "Okay, you got me. All I knew about you, I knew from the tabloids. Rane doesn't read that stuff, but I do. I read about industry news, I read the interviews, the articles. I have to know. It's a game, all of this, and I'm playing to win. And the only way that I know how to win is to know everything about my competition."

"You think I'm competition?" I asked, surprised.

"No. Not in so many words. What I'm saying is, I knew about your… issues, before I knew you. So, fuck me, Maddie, what was I supposed to think? Here you were, this person known for being unstable, known for being a liability, and you were coming into my territory and moving in on my brother, the person that I love more than anything."

"I wasn't moving in," I hissed. "Whatever you think of me, whatever you think I'm capable of doing. However crazy you think I am, I would never knowingly break up a family."

"I know."

"You do?"

He looked at his hands and exhaled. "I know," he repeated. "I know it wasn't you. You were staying away, trying to help. I see that. Thank you. It's my brother. He's a stupid, stubborn asshole, but he's my brother and I know him well enough to recognize his fingerprints all over this. I'm not blaming you, Maddie. I'm asking you for your help."

I sat back in my chair, surprise knocking the fight right out of my lungs. "Oh…" I exhaled.

He sighed a heavy, explosive sigh. "You know probably more about me than I know about you now. From Rane. He's the talker in the family. Likes to tell stories, likes it when he's got the attention on him."

"A bit," I hedged.

"So, you know then how it was for us growing up. Mom gone, Dad working all the time. It was just us. He's my older brother, but I was always the one that was the adult. I'd watch my brother fucking up and figure out what to do differently. How to fix it. I thought that's what this was. Rane fucking up. Rane making another bad decision. But I get it now." He looked up at me, and I swore there was something just like pleading in his eyes. "You're the best thing for him, Maddie," he said emphatically. "In fact, you're the only thing he needs right now."

I swallowed hard. "I don't know if it's a good idea… I mean, I've already messed up so much…"

"Messed up? You’ve done exactly the opposite of messing things up. Rane's given up. He's stopped his therapy, stopped trying to get better. You know how he gets. When he decides something's over, he just lets it fall through his fingers, throwing it away before it can slip through his hand. He's doing this now. You're the only thing I've ever seen him fight for. Fucker was ready to fight me from his hospital bed when I told him what I thought of you. I never saw him like that, Maddie. Willing to stick his neck out." He covered his face with his big hands and dragged them down his skin. "Make him work," he said. "Make him care again."

"How do I do that?" I whispered.

Keir shook his head. "If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you."