Luca (I Love the Way You Lie #1) (11 page)

Just Jane got up and walked over to the corner filing cabinet. She pulled out a packet and returned to her seat beside me. “I have something for you.” She handed me a thick, white clasped folder. I looked to her with question. “Open it,” was all she said.

I undid the clasps, and pulled out a file with the words State University of New York in calligraphy.
A college application
, I thought. “Really?” I asked and she nodded. “I don’t think I’m healthy enough.” It was true. I was a mess.

“You’re plenty healthy, Allison. You mentioned last session that you wanted to go to college. I’m giving you a chance. Have you thought of a curriculum of study you’d like to pursue?” Her voice was full of importance.

Wow. I was blown away.
What interests did I have?
I thought.

Suddenly, a pang of guilt hit me square in the stomach. “What about…”

“Luca?” she answered, beating me to it.

“Yes.” I exhaled a breath I was holding.

“You’re a survivor, Allison. Sometimes, honesty about these issues is difficult to a non-survivor. Meaning, Luca didn’t know what to do with your honesty. He has a whole set of separate issues. Let’s just say he’s unique.” She chuckled.

“Unique, like lightning-strike victims,” I offered, half kidding.

“Exactly. I’m not his therapist nor do I make it a habit to speak about other patients. However, please be careful, Allison. You’re vulnerable. Especially, while in treatment. That’s all I ask. Do you! Fight for
your
healing. It’s very easy to fall into co-dependency during treatment,” she said, looking toward the clock—a subtle signal our time has ended.

I grabbed my bag, my envelope in hand, and bid my goodbye until tomorrow. I had a lot to chew on tonight. Luca, of course, was one topic my mind would play on rewind. However, the potential of a future was exciting. I felt anew. And with that positivity, I left her office with more spring in my step than I had in a while…

I was consumed by this burning desire to assume responsibility. I didn’t know what to do for her other than revenge. Isn’t that what love was about? I felt like a fucker and I prayed she didn’t think I was turning my back on her. I wasn’t. The fact that she confided in me speaks volumes about her character and trust in me. However, I couldn’t dismiss the rage inside of me. I never could. And that was the crux of my problem mostly. Her shame and embarrassment colored my vision into a red haze of fire. This fucking parasite is out there living his life while she’s in here hoping to get a piece of her life back. And that didn’t sit well with me. Not at all. I had a personal need to put an end to his existence. Hurt him, like he hurt her. Or worse, hurt someone else. My thoughts were singular and focused on his annihilation. I picked up the phone, and made the call to my old man.

“You sure about this son?” His tone was empty.

This was business—my business—and if I was coming into the fold, I’d right this wrong before all else. That much I explained, leaving him no choice. It was done. An overpowering sense of relief settled in my bones. My heart still ached for her and guilt still danced around my brain. However, I settled that score and he was no longer be able to hurt her or anyone else. That was a fucking comfort worth paying the devil for.

Right here and now, in this very moment, I altered the lives of many without a pang of remorse. I truly
was
my father’s son. For the next few hours, I stayed in my room, absorbing what I just did. The significance it would have on my father and family was a step toward solidifying my standing with the crew. I had some decisions to make. How I’d shape this new partnership to my benefit. A mental outline of my business relationship moving forward. It would be on my terms. After all, I am a Deluca. My code is family first. And from now on, Allison was part of
my
family…

Ring. Ring. Ring
… I fumbled for my cell on my nightstand.
Christ, who is calling me at this hour,
I thought, not bothering with my lamp. I answered, “Hello?” It was my mother. I haven’t spoken to her other than a quick check-in once a week. “Yes, of course, I’m sleeping. No worries, Mom. What can I do for you?”

“Something terrible happened to the O’Conner’s house…it burned down.” She was sobbing hysterically.

“I’m sorry for their loss. But what does that have to do with me?”

She paused. “I thought you’d want to know everyone got out unharmed. Except Scully. They said he was burned over forty percent of his body.” She continued sobbing, adding a poor Scully this and poor Scully that.

I sat up turning the lamp on. “Is he okay?” I asked, more for my mother’s sake than mine.

“They had to medevac him to the County Medical Center. I don’t know anything else. Your father and I are heading over with TJ. I thought you’d want to know. I’m so sorry, Allison. I know you two were close. I’ll call when I have more information. Goodnight, honey,” she said and then hung up.

I sat there looking at my phone for a few minutes. Did I feel bad? I did for my brother TJ and for his parents, but that was about it. I had nothing for him. Just a space of emptiness that shame, guilt, and embarrassment took residence in. Padding over to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, I peeked over at Keri. Nada. Her even breaths pulled the sheet back and forth.
What the fuck was she on?
I thought. I still got up during the night to pee, despite my sleeping pill. She must have the good shit, I decided.

The fluorescent bulbs did shit for my complexion.
Why was I even thinking about my complexion at a time like this?
Shouldn’t I be upset, devastated, and sick to my stomach? And yet I wasn’t. I was totally numb—dead on the inside. Scully had some good points. We had good times and shared plenty laughs a long time ago. But I had nothing. He was no longer the man I adored, but instead, the man who violated me.

Sixty minutes later, I was still staring at myself in the mirror as if my reflection would give me the answers. But nothing came. My journal beckoned me. I sat on my windowsill, and began.
Fuck, I was broken
, I thought.

Keri stirred for a minute and then fell back to sleep. I was stunned beyond words that I had nothing to write. I tried to summon any ounce of decency I was taught in my years and—nothing.

Five minutes and three cross-outs later, a figure stood just beyond the trees outside my window. A hooded figure. A hooded figure smoking a cigarette. A hooded figure smoking a cigarette looking up at me. Alone in the darkness, he stood.
Isn’t that poetic
, I thought. Alone in
his
darkness. Only the cherry from
his
cigarette burned. How very Luca! Mysterious, vulnerable, and haunting. His call was the fuel my body craved. A beautiful nightmare to which I never wanted to wake from. He left his mark tattooed across my heart. Forever, a part of me. His will encircled me. Like property, he became a curious security blanket for all my woes. I wanted to go to him. However, when I looked again, he was gone, leaving me with the phantom pangs that now plagued my days.

I felt the need to accomplish something. I wrote about him, and the man behind the fire—the phoenix. In Greek mythology, the phoenix is a long-lived bird that is regenerated, and an exceptional man is reborn. Associated with the sun, it obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Metaphorically or otherwise, this definition fits Luca perfectly. What this all meant about my future—our future—I didn’t know. However, something heavy hung weightily around my heart. A sense of dread. Maybe the late hour was getting the best of me so I decided to turn in for the night. My ears were ringing and raindrops now dripped outside my window. I fell into a fitful sleep of muted colors with no light.

Terrified, I woke before my alarm clock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.
I ran to the door, hoping to see Luca. It was Ollie. “Hey, babe. I got you some coffee.” He handed me a coffee, which I accepted graciously, and let him in. Beyond, the window, storm clouds rolled in, giving an ominous tone to the day.

“To what do I owe this to?” I gestured to my coffee cup.

He smiled. “I was just thinking of you.”

I smiled back. “That’s super sweet, but I was just heading down to meet Keri.”

“Let’s sit.” He gestured to the bed.

“Okay.”

We sat side-by-side as he took my hand. “I like you, but you already know that…don’t you?”

I shook my head no. Because, in all honesty, I didn’t. “I…”

“Are you into me?” he asked, looking into my eyes.
Oh, Jesus fuck
, I thought.

I needed to be honest. I didn’t want to lead him on. “As a friend, I do.

“I think we’d be great together. You’re different from any other girl I’ve met. I like different.” He brought my hand to press against his lips.
Oh, fuck. No!

I pulled away, hopping off the bed, and began to pace. “I can’t be any more than a friend to you. I’m sorry.”

“Is it him?” he asked with disgust.

“Yes…and no.” Which was true.

“You know he’s going to break your fuckin’ heart, right?” He shook his head in disapproval.

“Maybe, but that’s something I have to go through on my own. My decision.” I met his eyes. I didn’t want any misunderstanding.

“And if I’m there to pick up the pieces?”

“As a friend…then I’d welcome it. Though, I don’t see that happening.” I frowned, feeling awkward. I have never had two boys interested in me—ever. One boy I wanted to keep forever. The other I’d be grateful to have as a friend forever.

“I’ve got group. Sorry.” I looked to my watch in an effort to move things along quickly.

“We.
We
have group,” he amended. He got up and walked over to the door. “We can walk together—come.” He reached for my hand.
Fuck-fuck-fuckity-fuck.

As we walked the boring hallways, I leant my ear to any conversation as a diversion. We soon fell quiet. The only sounds were our shoes meeting the carpet. I started counting the paces until we reached the room. However, nothing kept my mind off of seeing him for the first time since yesterday.

My pulse raced and panic set it as we rounded the final corner. There he stood…leaning against the wall, arms crossed tightly. A cigarette was tucked behind his ear, his lips were pursed, and his eyes were full of fury. The full impact hit me square in the chest.