Luck of the Draw (Xanth) (42 page)

Authors: Piers Anthony

BOOK: Luck of the Draw (Xanth)

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It is I think coincidence, but death does feature in this novel. A reader, Nicole Good, sent a batch of truly groanable puns that she had literally dreamed up, guided on a tour of Xanth by her daughter Melinda, who had died. Later when I set up to write the novel, I wanted a tour guide for those puns, so I wrote back and asked permission to use Melinda, who became Mindy in this novel. She served well. Then Princess Harmony got her notion, and Mindy became a major character in the rest of the novel, for all that it wasn’t really her. Thus we have the anomaly of a person becoming a significant character without ever expecting it, without being requested. Mindy was simply there at the right time. I hope that if there is any Afterlife, Mindy sees and approves my theft of her identity. Wouldn’t it be nice if she encountered Penny, and they groaned together over their roles here.

Meanwhile my own life proceeds in its petty pace from day to day (yes, a paraphrase from Shakespeare’s
Macbeth
). I still exercise seriously and watch my weight, because that helps keep my brain healthy. I got partial dentures, an expensive and sometimes painful process that took just about a year all told, but now I have a reasonably full set of teeth even if some of them do come out at night. I discovered that I was starting to gain weight, because now I can properly chew my food and I am getting more from the same amount. I have had to cut back on what I eat, as I mean to maintain my weight at my college level. One of the things about me that relates to both my weight and my writing is discipline.

My writing is slower than it once was, because my wife tripped and fell and fractured her left elbow and right knee. They were hairline fractures that didn’t show at all externally, but she was incapacitated for about three months and I took over the household chores again. She’s better now, but not completely. I still do most of the meals and dishes, mainly because I can stand on my feet longer than she can, though sometimes I get the impression that she doesn’t really
like
eating scrambled cheese omelet on burned toast. I insist on going shopping and to doctors’ appointments with her, concerned about her state. I don’t want something to happen, and not be there to help. We are old, in our seventies, septuagenarians, and our future is no sure thing. We depend on each other. We’ve been married fifty-four years and want to try for a few more.

I am of course well into retirement age, but I will never retire. I have not seen the spare time that supposedly comes at this age. I am a workaholic, constantly engaged in new projects, and there is always the flow of letters from my fans, which I still try to answer responsively. That is, I actually read and answer them myself; I have no paid service for such things, just my wife to print them out for me. Should that volume increase, or my health decrease, that may change. I am conscious that the note I hurriedly dash out and forget may be far more important to the person at the other end. Sometimes a routine letter of mine gets framed. Oh, I hope I didn’t say anything stupid therein!

Fans constantly inquire whether there will be a Xanth movie. I would like to see a Xanth movie while I’m still alive to enjoy it, and it may happen, but at this writing nothing is set. At present there is a movie slated for 2013 based on
Split Infinity,
the first novel of my Adept series. With luck and magic, Xanth’s turn will come.

Fans also ask whether I will be attending fan conventions where they can meet me. No, my wife’s condition makes travel difficult. I don’t want to travel without her, or to leave her home alone. So the chances of my attending any conventions any distance from home are reasonably remote. However, I can be reached via my Web site, www.HiPiers.com, where there is information about my novels, a monthly blog-type column, and a candid ongoing survey of electronic publishing and related services that is intended to help guide aspiring authors to locate decent publishers. I had some hard knocks when I was coming up, over forty years ago; in fact I got blacklisted for protesting when a publisher cheated me. There are sharks in those waters. So now I try to make it easier for new writers to avoid such mischief. This does lead to some fireworks on occasion as errant publishers attempt to shut me up, but now I have the will and the means to fight back, and I do. Xanth is mostly fun fantasy, but my rough experience makes me an ornery cuss in real life. So though I am among the less accessible authors in person, I am among the more accessible electronically despite being on slow dial-up here in the hinterlands.

Now to the remaining credits for ideas contributed by readers, listed in approximate order of appearance in the novel, grouped by contributors. A number of incidental talents became significant characters because they happened to be there when I needed Suitors. This really was, to a considerable extent, the luck of the draw.

Mundanian on a recumbent trike in Xanth—D J Brown “Deaf Blind Old Goat.” Service Dog in Xanth, needed for a Good Magician’s Castle Challenge, knows private commands; cat burglar, horse thief, wharf rat, toilet tank; “Over my dead body,” zombie esprit de corpse, sweating bullets—Mary Rashford. Demon challenge to find the perfect man for Princess Harmony—Barry David Khelder, who unfortunately died before he could see it as the centerpiece of this novel.

Talent of seeing ten seconds into the future—Donald Dickerson. Escalate Her—Emma Schwarzhans. Hedge-clippers; Sand Stone; lucky bamboo; talent of giving a toothache; talent of changing from one humanoid form to another; ability to breathe anywhere; talent of having the legs and tail of any creature; ability to change flowers’ color, shape, smell; talent of befriending birds—Aaron Jackson. Flee Shampoo—Jill King. Gum Tree—Joyce Yang. Water Jacket—Russell Styles. Heretic, poultrygeist, D Pose, rock horse, walk on beams of light, getting the short straw, forget-me-not flower—Thomas Pfarrer.

Shoes with heeled souls—Peggy Forsberg. Mossy rolling stone, Ale Mint, Dear John letter, Paradigm Shift, Pair of Lies—Sean Darrow. Sea-saw, party animals, rain deer, butter fingers—Nicole. Gnome Anne’s Land—Kristi M Street. Web Browser, Rolling Hills, Sock Hop—Richard Stanfill. N Villages, V Villages, Beach Bums, Ten S’s Court, sun glasses—Cal Humrich. Gas Chasm—Matt Yarnot. Eli Ogre’s Moon-stir cheese—pun dedicated to Pattie and Ken—Andrea Thompson.

Caterwaul—Rachel Seppala. Pop Fly, talent of healing broken relationships, fly ball—Tim Bruening. Gold den, enor-mouse, Anna Molly—Robert Green. Sar chasm with sars—Kyle Bernelle. None-chucks, Justin Kase—Gary Scharrer. Female faun and male nymph—Tyger B Dacosta. Arsenal—Ben Kalkwarf.

Talent of being lucky, talent of dreaming up ways to die, talent of making anything inanimate become animate, talent of making figures of speech literal, talent of giving someone bad luck, talent of becoming an inanimate object, talent of turning anything invisible, or visible—Brant Tucker. Average Magician Andrew, angel’s and devil’s food cake—Greg Miller. De-odor-ant—Aaron Wikkerink. Miss Teak—David Kaplan. Soul Train—David D’Champ. Talent of changing into a flying sword—Noah Goodman. The Hood that makes a Mother or Father, the child with dragon qualities—Maddragon.

Demon Flower and the changeable spring—Benjamin A Forschler. Tooth brush, tooth paste, girl with dragon breath—Robert. Making things lighter—Jesse McBeath. Talent of being anonymous—Nicholas Birchett. Talent of being cut to pieces—Bithor. The ability to heal injured monsters—Peter Hunt. Talent of turning into a fox—Mariah of Arkansas. Talent of summoning magic weapons—Honor. Talent of controlling noticeability—Anthony Keech. Talent of Perspective—Brittany Westly. Duck Bill, Lady Slippers—Quaid Harsell. Bridal Path—R J Craigs.

There were some suggestions that simply would not fit in this novel without bursting its seams; I’ll try to use them next time. The last idea used I received OctOgre 22, 2010.

And I hope to see you here again, next novel.

TOR BOOKS by PIERS ANTHONY

THE XANTH SERIES

Vale of the Vole

Heaven Cent

Man from Mundania

Demons Don’t Dream

Harpy Thyme

Geis of the Gargoyle

Roc and a Hard Place

Yon Ill Wind

Faun & Games

Zombie Lover

Xone of Contention

The Dastard

Swell Foop

Up in a Heaval

Cube Route

Currant Events

Pet Peeve

Stork Naked

Air Apparent

Two to the Fifth

Jumper Cable

Knot Gneiss

Well-Tempered Clavicle

Luck of the Draw

THE GEODYSSEY SERIES

Isle of Woman

Shame of Man

Hope of Earth

Muse of Art

Climate of Change

ANTHOLOGIES

Alien Plot

Anthonology

WITH ROBERT R. MARGROFF

The Dragon’s Gold Series

Dragon’s Gold

Serpent’s Silver

Chimaera’s Copper

Orc’s Opal

Mouvar’s Magic

The E.S.P. Worm

The Ring

WITH FRANCES HALL

Pretender

WITH RICHARD GILLIAM

Tales from the Great Turtle

(Anthology)

WITH ALFRED TELLA

The Willing Spirit

WITH CLIFFORD A. PICKOVER

Spider Legs

WITH JAMES RICHEY AND ALAN RIGGS

Quest for the Fallen Star

WITH JULIE BRADY

Dream a Little Dream

WITH JO ANNE TAEUSCH

The Secret of Spring

WITH RON LEMING

The Gutbucket Quest

NONFICTION

How Precious Was That While

Letters to Jenny

But What of Earth?

Ghost

Hasan

Prostho Plus

Race Against Time

Shade of the Tree

Steppe

Triple Détente

About the Author

Piers Anthony is one of the world’s most popular fantasy authors. His thirty-five previous Xanth novels, including
Air Apparent, Two to the Fifth, Jumper Cable, Knot Gneiss,
and
Well-Tempered Clavicle,
have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world. He receives hundreds of letters and e-mails daily from his devoted fans, whose ingenious ideas are often incorporated into Anthony’s tales. Piers Anthony lives in Inverness, Florida.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

LUCK OF THE DRAW

Cover art by Julie Dillon

Map by Jael

A Tor Book

Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

175 Fifth Avenue

New York, NY 10010

www.tor-forge.com

Tor
®
is a registered trademark of Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

Anthony, Piers.

Luck of the draw / Piers Anthony. — 1st ed.