Lyonesse II - The Green Pear and Madouc (104 page)

"Come, Sir Pom-Pom!" said Madouc. "You need not stare quite so earnestly down the road."

Travante said gravely: "Sir Pom-Pom is admiring the unicorn's fine white tail."

"Hmf," said Madouc.

Sir Pom-Pom explained his interest. "I only wondered how she keeps warm when the breeze blows cold and damp!"

"For a fact," said Travante, "I wondered much the same."

"I looked closely," said Sir Pom-Pom. "I saw no trace of goose pimples."

"The topic lacks interest," said Madouc. "Shall we proceed?"

The three continued up Wamble Way. When the sun dropped behind the trees, Madouc selected an open area a few yards away from the road, placed down the pink and white kerchief and at the call of 'Aroisus' raised the pink-and-white-striped pavilion.

The three entered to discover, as before, three soft beds, a table laden with fine food, four bronze pedestals supporting four lamps. They dined at leisure, but somberly, with the thoughts of each fixed upon Castle Doldil and the ogre Throop's uncertain hospitality; and when they took to their beds, none slept easily.

In the morning the adventurers arose, took breakfast, struck the pavilion and set off to the north, presently arriving at Idilra Crossroads. To the right Munkins Road led eastward, at last to a junction with Icnield Way. To the left Munkins Road plunged ever deeper into the Forest of Tantrevalles.

The three travellers paused a few moments by Idilra Post; then, since there was no help for it, they turned to the left and with fatalistic steps set off along Munkins Road.

Halfway through the morning the three arrived at a clearing of goodly dimension, with a river running to one side. Beside the river stood the lowering mass of Castle Doldil. They stopped to survey the gray stone keep and the sward in front where so many brave knights had come to grief. Madouc looked from Sir Pom-Pom to Travante. "Remember! Take nothing except that which is given! Throop will use all manner of wiles and we must be on the alert ten times over! Are we ready?"

"I am ready," said Travante.

"I have come this far," said Sir Pom-Pom in a hollow voice. "I would not turn back now."

The three left the shelter of the forest and approached on the castle. At once the portcullis rattled and two squat knights in black armour, with visors closed on their helmets and lances at the ready, galloped from the castle yard. They rode four-legged gryphons with black-green scales; squat heads, half dragon, half wasp; and iron spikes in the place of winglets.

One of the knights cried out in a roaring voice: "What insolent folly brings trespassers to these private lands? We give you challenge; no excuse will be heard! Which of you will dare to do us combat?"

"None of us," said Madouc. "We are innocent wanderers and we wish to pay our respects to the famous Sir Throop of the Three Heads."

"That is all very well, but what do you bring with you, either for Sir Throop’s profit or his amusement?"

"In the main, the vivacity of our conversation and the pleasure of our company."

"That is not very much."

"We also carry gifts for Sir Throop. Admittedly they are enriched more by our kind intentions than by their intrinsic worth."

"The gifts, from your description, would seem to be mean and niggardly."

"Even so, we want nothing in return."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

The goblin knights conferred in low mutters for a moment; then the foremost said: "We have decided that you are no more than starveling rogues. We are often obliged to protect good Sir Throop from such as you. Prepare yourselves for combat! Who will joust the first course with us?"

"Not I," said Madouc. "I carry no lance."

"Not I," said Sir Pom-Pom. "I ride no horse."

"Not I," said Travante. "I lack armour, helmet and shield."

"Then we will exchange strong strokes of the sword, until one party or the other has been chopped into bits."

"Have you not noticed," asked Travante, "we carry no swords?"

"As you prefer! We shall strike at each other with cudgels until blood and brains spatter this green meadow."

Madouc, losing patience, directed the Tinkle-toe Imp-spring to ward the first knight's fearsome mount. It gave a vibrant scream, leapt high; then, plunging and bucking, bounded this way and that, and at last fell into the river, where the knight, weighted down by his armour, sank quickly and was seen no more. The second knight raised a ferocious battle yell and lunged forward, lance levelled. Madouc directed the spell against the second gryphon, which jumped and tossed with even greater agility, so that the goblin knight was pitched high in the air, to fall on his head and lie still.

"Now then," said Madouc. "Let us try our luck with Sir Throop's hospitality."

The three passed under the open portcullis, into an ill-smelling courtyard, with a row of parapets fifty feet above. On a tall door of iron-bound timber hung a massive knocker in the shape of a hellhound's head. Exerting all his strength Sir Pom-Pom lifted the knocker and let it fall.

A moment passed. Over the parapets leaned a great torso and three peering heads. The middle head called out in a rasping voice: "Who performs this ruthless noise which has disturbed my rest? Did not my minions give warning that at this time I take my comfort?"

Madouc responded as courteously as her quavering voice al lowed. "They saw us, Sir Throop, and ran away in terror."

"That is extraordinary conduct! What sort of persons are you?"

"Innocent travellers, no more," said Travante. "Since we were passing, we thought it proper to pay our respects. Should you see fit to offer us hospitality, we bring host-gifts, as is the custom in these parts."

Pism, the head to the left, uttered a curse: "Busta batasta! I keep but a single servant-my seneschal Naupt. He is old and frail; you must cause him no exasperation, nor put burdens upon his tired old shoulders! Nor may you pilfer my valuable goods, at risk of my extreme displeasure!"

"Have no fear on that score!" declared Travante. "We are as honest as the day is long!"

"That is good to hear! See that your performance goes hand in hand with your boast."

The heads drew back from the parapet. A moment later a great booming voice was raised in harsh command: "Naupt, where are you! Ah, you torpid old viper, where do you hide? Show yourself on the instant or prepare for a purple beating!"

"I am here!" cried a voice. "Ready as always to serve!"

"Bah batasta! Open the portal, admit the guests who wait without! Then go dig turnips for the great black kettle."

"Shall I also cut leeks, Your Honour?"

"Cut leeks by the score; they will make a tasty relish for the soup! First, admit the guests."

A moment later the tall portal swung ajar, with a creaking and groaning of the hinges. In the opening stood Naupt the seneschal: a creature mingled of troll, human man, and perhaps wefkin. In stature he exceeded Sir Pom-Pom by an inch, though his corpulent torso surpassed that of Sir Pom-Pom by double. Gray fustian breeches clung tight to his thin legs and knobby knees; a tight gray jacket dealt with his thin arms and sharp elbows in the same fashion. A few damp black locks hung over his forehead; round black eyes bulged to either side of a long twisted nose. His mouth was a gray rosebud over a tiny pointed chin, with heavy soft jowls sagging to either side.

"Enter," said Naupt. "What names shall I announce to Sir Throop?"

"I am the Princess Madouc. This is Sir Pom-Pom of Castle Haidion, or at least its back-buildings; and this is Travante the Sage."

"Very good, Your Honours! Come this way, if you will! Walk with delicate feet, that you do not unduly abrade the stone paving."

Naupt, running on tiptoe at a half-trot, led the three down a dark high-ceilinged corridor smelling sour-sweet of decay. Moisture oozed from cracks in the stone; tufts of gray fungus grew where the detritus of ages had settled into cracks.

The corridor turned, the floor humped and settled; the corridor twisted again and opened into an enormous hall so high that the ceiling was lost in shadows. A balcony across the back wall supported a row of cages, now untenanted; along the walls hung a hundred shields, emblazoned with as many different emblems. Above each shield, a human skull wearing a knight's steel helmet looked from empty eye sockets across the hall.

Throop's furniture was crude, sparse and none too clean. A table of massive oak timbers stood in front of the fireplace, where burned a fire of eight logs. The table was flanked by a dozen chairs with another, three times ordinary size, at the head.

Naupt led the three into the center of the hail, then, hopping about on his thin legs, signalled the group to a halt. "I will announce your arrival to Sir Throop. You are the Princess Madouc, you are Sir Pom-Pom and you are Travante the Sage; am I correct?"

"You are almost correct," said Madouc. "That is Travante the Sage, and I am the Princess Madouc!"

"Ah! All is now explained! I will call Sir Throop; then I must make ready for Throop's evening meal. You may wait here. See that you take nothing that does not belong to you."

"Naturally not!" said Travante. "I am beginning to resent these imputations!"

"No matter, no matter. When the time comes you can never say that you were not warned." Naupt scurried away on his thin little legs.

"The hail is cold," grumbled Sir Pom-Pom. "Let us go stand by the fire."

"By no means!" cried Madouc. "Do you wish to become soup for Throop's supper? The logs which nourish the fire are not our property; we must avoid putting the warmth to our personal use."

"It is a most delicate situation," growled Sir Pom-Pom. "I wonder that we dare breathe the air."

"That we may do, since the air is all-encompassing and not the property of Throop."

"That is good news." Sir Pom-Pom turned his head. "I hear steps approaching. Throop is on his way."

Throop entered the hall. He lumbered five long paces forward and inspected his guests with the full attention of his three heads. Throop was large and bulky, standing ten feet in height, with the chest of a bull, great round arms and gnarled legs, each as thick as the trunk of a tree. The heads were round, heavy at the cheekbone, with round white-gray eyes, snub noses, and purple heavy-lipped mouths. Each head wore a cocked hat of a different color: Pism's hat was green; Pasm's liver-colored; Posm's, a jaunty mustard-ocher.

The three heads completed their survey. Pasm, at the center, spoke: "What is your purpose here, occupying space and taking shelter inside my Castle Doldil?"

"We came to pay our respects, in the fashion dictated by courtesy," said Madouc. "Your invitation to enter gave us no choice but to occupy space and take shelter."

"Bah batasta! That is a glib response. Why do you stand there like sticks?"

"We are anxious not to impose upon your good nature. Hence we await exact instructions."

Throop marched to the head of the table and seated himself in the great chair. "You may join me at the table."

"Are we to sit on the chairs, Sir Throop, without regard for the wear we might cause?"

"Bah! You must be careful! The chairs are valuable antiques!"

"In that case, concern for you and your property would argue that we should stand."

"You may sit."

"In the warmth of the fire or otherwise?"

"As you choose."

Madouc detected a crafty ambiguity in the statement. She asked: "Without indebtedness or penalty?"

All of Throop's heads scowled together. "In your case I will make an exception and levy no charge for either fireheat or fire light."

"Thank you, Sir Throop." The three carefully seated them selves, and watched Throop in respectful silence.

Posm asked: "Are you hungry?"

"Not particularly," said Madouc. "Since we are casual guests, we are anxious not to consume food you might have reserved for yourself, or Naupt."

"You are gentility personified! Still, we shall see." Pism twisted his burly neck and called past Pasm's ear: "Naupt! Bring fruit! Let it be generous in scope!"

Naupt approached the table bearing a pewter tray piled high with mellow pears, peaches, cherries, grapes and plums. He offered the tray first to Throop. "I will eat a pear," said Pism. "For me, a dozen of those luscious cherries," said Pasm. "Today I will devour a plum or two," said Posm.

Naupt offered the tray to Madouc, who gave a smiling refusal. "Thank you, but good manners force us to decline, since we have nothing to give in return."

Posm, grinning widely, said: "Each of you may taste one grape, free of obligation."

Madouc shook her head. "We might inadvertently break off the stem, or swallow a seed, and thus exceed the value of your gift, to our embarrassment."

Pism scowled. "Your manners are very good, but somewhat tiresome, since they delay our own meal."

Posm said: "All this to the side, was there not some talk of host-gifts?"

"True!" said Madouc. "As you can see, we are modest folk, and our host-gifts, while of no large value, come feelingly from the heart."

Travante said: "Such gifts, after all, are the best! They deserve a deeper regard than presentations of jewels or vials of rare perfume."

"Batasta," said Pism. "Each has its place in the scheme of things. What, then, do you bring for our pleasure?"

"All in good time," said Madouc. "At the moment I thirst, and I wish to drink."

"That can quickly be arranged!" declared Pism in great good humour. "Posm, am I correct in this remark?"

"The sooner the better," said Posm. "The day draws on and we have not yet started the kettle."

Pasm called: "Naupt, remove the fruit; bring goblets on the run, that we may drink!"

Naupt scuttled off with the fruit and returned with a tray of goblets, which he placed around the table. Madouc spoke politely to Throop: "These goblets are of good quality! Do you offer us their use freely and without obligation on our part?"

"We are not impractical theorists!" declared Pasm bluffly. "In order to drink, one needs a proper receptacle, similar in shape to a goblet. Otherwise, the liquid, when poured, falls to the floor!"