Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (69 page)

Me ma was kilt lookin out the winda. ‘Jaysus Christ, where is he, Martha? He should a been here an hour ago! Wha's keepin him?' She looked over at me sittin on the bed readin me
Bunty
. I looked up, seein her chewin the inside of her lip, an blinkin her eyes, an snortin an breathin big sighs out the winda again.

‘Ah! He'll be here, Ma. Stop yer worryin.'

‘Oh, Jaysus! Quick. Here he is! He's comin,' she said, whisperin, rushin te put the kettle on. I leapt offa the bed an made meself look busy.

He came in the door an looked at me. ‘Where's yer mammy?'

‘I'm puttin on the water fer a cup a tea,' she roared from the scullery.

He rubbed his hands together an snuffled, shakin his left arm up in the air an swingin it aroun like he was goin te throw a ball. ‘Fer fuck's sake, will ye get out here! I want te talk te ye.'

‘All right! I'm comin. Wha's happened?' she asked, smilin up at him, an chewin her lip, an blinkin, waitin.

‘We're elected!' he roared, laughin an spittin wit excitement, throwin down a bunch a keys on the table. ‘Fuck me! By Jaysus! I knew we'd beat them. Keep after them, I said. Hound the bastards! Day an night. An now we have a house! A real house wit a garden an rooms on the upstairs wit a washroom.' Me ma was chewin like mad, standin an smilin, lookin at the keys.

‘Where's tha tea?' Jackser roared. An me ma headed off te the scullery, givin a big laugh tha sounded like a horse neighin.

Jackser went in behind her, roarin his head off wit excitement, an grabbed me ma's arse. She laughed an said, ‘Don't be doin tha, tha's a terrible carry on.'

He rushed back out an picked up Dinah off the floor, givin her a fright cos he grabbed her so fast. An her breath caught an she went, ‘Ah!' He kissed an sucked an smacked his spits all over her cheek an neck. An she didn't like it an squealed an gave him a box in the mouth wit the back of her little fist. Teddy an Harry started laughin an rushed over te join in, an he dumped Dinah back on the floor. An she screamed up at him an waved her arm at him. Then he lunged fer Harry an dug his face in his belly, growlin like a dog, an Harry screamed laughin. Teddy reefed an tore at Jackser's trousers, screamin, ‘Me! Me! Do it te me!' Then Jackser's trousers slid from under his belt an fell down aroun his ankles, exposin his hairy arse. He dropped Harry on the floor, an Harry rolled, givin a terrible scream from the sudden shock.

‘Ah! Fuck me!' an Jackser grabbed his trousers. An Teddy stood in fright, chewin his fingers, not movin, just lookin up te see wha would happen.

‘Jaysus! Tha's the end of tha!' an he turned away, laughin.

Me ma looked out from the scullery at me laughin me head off, pretendin I was lookin out the winda. ‘Tell tha eejit te stop his carry on.'

‘Right!' Jackser shouted. ‘Let's get movin. The sooner the better we're outa this kip the happier I'll be. Away from all these wasters! They wouldn't work te warm themselves! No! We're goin te be respectable from now on! No more anybody lookin down their noses at us. We'll be as good as the best of them. I'll rush up an get Thompson te come down wit the horse an cart. He owes me a few favours, so he can shift himself! No ... better still, I'll give the bastard a few bob. Tha way he can't say I owe him anythin. How much have ye in tha purse?'

‘Eh! How much are ye givin him?' me ma asked half-heartedly. She was blinkin an chewin an tryin te look in her purse without openin it too wide. She took out a pound note an a red ten shillin note, turnin her back tryin te hide the pound.

‘Gimme tha,' Jackser said, leanin over her shoulder an grabbin the pound note.

‘No!' me ma roared, tryin te snatch it back. ‘I need tha. Then I'll only have ten bob left te keep us goin.'

‘What are ye complainin about? Sure ye can always send the young one out, an she'll bring back a few bob.'

Me ma looked at me. I gave her a dirty look, sayin nothin. ‘Eh! Could ye see if ye could go an maybe bring back a few bob, Martha?' She stood lookin at me, smilin an chewin.

I stared at her. ‘Today is only Tuesday, Ma. The shops will be empty, an I'll get nothin. If I go now, I'll only get caught, an I'll be up in court again. If I end up in court now, they'll put me away. Ye know I've been caught too many times. I'm on me last chance! I can't, Ma,' I whispered, lookin down at the floor, feelin all the life goin outa me.

‘Ah! Fuck her, Mrs! If she doesn't appreciate what I've done fer her, gettin us this house, then I can fuck the keys back at the Corporation. I don't give a fuck. All the same te me. Stay here! The lot of ye's. I'm takin meself off fer a drink.'

‘No, wait!' me ma panicked. ‘She's goin. Get the bag, Martha,' she shouted at me.

He swung himself aroun, roarin an spittin at me face. ‘Ye can all fuckin rot here. Why should I bother when the rest of ye's wouldn't even shift yer arses? I'm goin.'

‘Jackser!' I ran te get the bag from the press, shakin an feelin sick. An pushed past him, starin me out the door, an ran outa the buildins.

‘Don't be too long! We have te move all this stuff by tonight!' he roared after me as I disappeared past the gate.

Where will I go? Me face is too well known in them shops. An they'll be all empty. Nobody does their shoppin until Friday an Saturday. Maybe I'll try Henry Street. I haven't shown me nose in town fer a while. I always go outa the city, takin the bus te them new supermarkets openin up. Yeah, OK, an I'll just aim fer makin two quid. Then I'll only have te rob twelve pound a butter. An when I get tha, I'll have te look fer new customers. Cos me regular ones won't want their butter until Friday or Saturday. Where'll I go? I'll go te the flats. Tha means I'll have te knock on every door. Jaysus! It will take me for ever.

I hurried on, up Talbot Street, feelin me heart bangin, an me legs was like jelly. I'm feelin cold, like ice, an shiverin. It's me nerves. I'm always like this when I have te go fer the butter.

‘It's the best butter, Mrs, an me ma'll let ye have it fer three shillins an sixpence. It cost her four shillins an sixpence on the St Vincent de Paul voucher. Ye can only get food on tha voucher. An the butter is no good te us, cos me ma needs the money te pay the rent, or we'll be put out!' I stopped, lookin up at her, tryin te keep me face earnest.

She stared at me, not sure, then looked down at the butter. ‘I don't know, love. I'm not sure if I have the money.' Me heart was sinkin. She was a lovely old woman wit snow-white hair all wavy an tied back on her head wit clips. She looked at me closely then, wit her lovely baby-blue eyes, an said, ‘Will ye take a half a crown?'

I hesimitated, not wantin te push her. But no, I need te make up tha two quid. An this was me last pound a butter. ‘I can't, Mam! It has te be the three an sixpence. Look, ye're gettin a bargain. Savin a whole shillin. An feel it! Look at the make an the colour. It's gorgeous on fresh crusty bread!'

She lifted it outa me hand an laughed, weighin it up an down. ‘That'd be grand if I had me teeth.'

I said nothin, just waited, holdin me breath while she thought about it. ‘Ah! Go on, then. Come on in till I get ye the money.' Me heart leapt. I followed her down the hall, slappin along in her fur brown slippers. Ye could see yer face in the shiny oil cloth coverin the floorboards.

The sittin room was spotless, every bit a furniture shinin like the coloured glass ye see in the church. She reached up te the mantelpiece, takin her purse from behind the big black clock an opened it. ‘Now, put out yer hand, an I'll count it out te ye.' I held me hand out wide. ‘Right! Here's a half-crown, an wait, I should have a shillin piece here.' An she lifted it up te check it in the light from the fire. I could see straight away it was, but I waited fer her te let her be sure of herself. ‘Yes! Now we have yer three shillins an sixpence.'

‘Thanks very much, Mam. An I hope ye enjoy yer butter.' Then I backed away, headin fer the door.

‘Will ye have a sup a tea before ye go?' Me heart went sad, cos I knew she wanted me te stay fer a while. An I'd a loved nothin better than te sit in the armchair by the roarin fire an talk an ask her te tell me stories about when she was young. But it was pitch black out, an God knows wha tha Jackser fella is goin te do te me.

‘Mam, I wish I could stay an have a cup a tea wit ye, but me ma will be wonderin where I am. She told me not te be long.'

‘Ah, yeah! Ye're right there, child! Always do wha yer mammy tells ye. It's not easy rearin childre. I should know! An ye can tell yer mammy fer me ye're a credit te her, so ye are. Very mannerly! There's a lot more about who could follow yer example.'

Me heart rushed up te me neck, an the gladness flushed all aroun me body wit delight. ‘Thanks very much, Mrs,' an I kept grinnin an noddin at her. ‘Goodbye now!' An I waved an shut the door behind me an rushed outa the flats. Jaysus! It's pitch black. Wha time is it? I ran like mad. Dear Holy God, don't let me get inta trouble. I'm prayin tha Jackser will be in good humour when he sees the two pound I have fer him. God, don't let him go mad. I'll be very good from now on, I promise.

I belted in through the open gates an slowed down when I got te our winda. There's no light on. Wha's happenin? I could hear the childre cryin. The door was wide open. ‘Ma!' I squeaked, creepin inta the room, waitin fer Jackser te jump out from behind the door an land me wit a kick.

‘Where in the name of Jaysus have you been? I'm waitin here fer hours fer ye.'

I looked aroun. No Jackser! Charlie was sittin on the floor, dozin against the wall, an Teddy was lyin on the dirty smelly floorboards on his side wit his arms under his head, tryin te sleep. An Harry was pullin at me ma's skirt, wantin her te lift him up, cos he was exhausted wit the tiredness. Me ma pushed him away. ‘Will ye leave me alone!' An she gritted her teeth. He fell back on the floor an screamed in rage. ‘Jaysus Christ!' me ma moaned, pushin Dinah up an down in the pram tryin te get her te stop cryin an go te sleep. ‘Will I ever get any peace away from the lot of ye's!'

‘Where's everythin gone te, Ma?' There wasn't a stick a furniture left in the room.

‘Where do ye fuckin think it's gone te! He went off hours ago, takin everythin on the horse an cart wit tha Thompson fella. He'll go off drinkin now. An when we finally get there, we probably won't be able te get in te the place, cos he has the keys.'

‘How far is it, Ma?'

‘It's out in the country. A place called Finglas. An by the time we walk there, it'll be Christmas. Come on! Lift tha young fella an put him on top of the pram. We better get goin.' I lifted Harry onta the end of the pram, an Dinah screamed, not wantin him there. Me ma dashed at Dinah an grabbed her under the arms an yanked her sittin her up te make room fer Harry. She looked shocked an stared at me ma fer a few seconds not movin, wonderin if she could give a big scream. Me ma stared back an said, ‘Ah! Ah!' an waved her finger. Then me ma laughed an said, ‘She's very darin.'

Then Dinah grabbed a hold of Harry's hair when he tried te lean back beside her. ‘Eek! Eek!' she screamed, takin her annoyance out on him.

‘Ah, Holy Jaysus!' me ma moaned. ‘Will they ever stop?'

‘No, Dinah, bold!' An I undid her fingers one by one, an she latched onta me hair, pullin like mad. ‘Ye're bold! Let go, bold girl.' She let go, an I moved away.

‘Gimme the money! How much did ye make?'

I handed her the purse, ‘Two pounds, two shillins, Ma.'

‘Is tha all?' she asked, lookin at me an chewin her lip.

‘I can only get the butter at the end of the week, Ma! I had an awful time tryin te make tha money.'

‘Yeah! It will do. We better get movin.' She tried te pull her skirt up an tie it aroun her belly, but her skirt was miles too small fer her, an she just pulled down her jumper te cover her skin. An even her coat wouldn't button all the way down. I turned away hatin her. Another babby on the way. She's every bit as bad as the bandy aul bastard. ‘Go on! Push tha pram out, or we'll never get there.'

Teddy jumped up off the floor. ‘Ah! I'm tired, Mammy. I want te lie down,' an he grabbed hold of me ma's skirt. I pushed the heavy pram out the door, nearly topplin Harry out tryin te get it down the steps.

I waited until me ma banged the door shut. An she said, ‘Have I left anythin behind, Martha? Cos we've no keys te get back in. He gave them in te the Corporation.'

‘Yeah, Ma! We have everythin.' She hesimitated, chewin her lip an blinkin, tryin te think. ‘It's all right, Ma. Ye have everythin. Have ye got the purse wit the money I gave ye?'

She felt her pockets. ‘Yeah! It's there,' an she laughed, an Teddy held onta her coat, an Charlie trailed behind. An I pushed off, me ma hurryin te catch up.

‘It must be very late now,' me ma puffed her heavy breathin, tryin te hurry behind me.

‘Yeah, it's definitely very late.' I leaned out, tryin te save me breath te push the heavy pram.

‘Ma! Can we stop fer a rest?'

‘No, keep movin!' an she came up alongside me, holdin Teddy's hand an restin her other hand on her belly.

We looked in at the dark cemetery. ‘There's an awful lot of dead people lyin in there, isn't there, Ma?'

‘Oh, indeed there is!' me ma whispered back, lookin through the railins inta the pitch black. ‘Ah! Sure they're more better off than we are!' me ma said wit a sour face. ‘Their troubles are over. I wish te God I was gone meself!'

I felt sick at the thought of me ma dead. ‘Ye know, Ma, Jackser brought me in there one time te see his mother's grave.'

‘Yeah? Pity he didn't fuckin stay there,' me ma said.

‘Yeah,' I agreed. ‘I'd love te see him fall inta a hole, an when he tries te get out, ye can hit him over the head wit the shovel the grave digger left behind, Ma! I could do it fer ye.'