Mackinnons #02 For All the Right Reasons (42 page)

She gave the dough another punch or two, then picked up the tin, cutting nice fat circles in the thick dough. Moving to the oven, she removed the pan, seeing the fat had melted. She dipped the biscuits in the fat, first one side then the other, then shoved the pan into the oven and shut the door.

While the biscuits baked, she sliced two rounds of ham and put them on to fry. When the ham was done, she made redeye gravy, scrambled six eggs, and gave the grits simmering at the back of the stove another stir. By that time the biscuits were a golden brown and she buttered them liberally, then filled a plate fit for a lumberjack and carried it to the table. “Eat it while it’s hot,” she said to him before turning away to clean up the mess.

She cleaned up the kitchen, but it was only an excuse to watch him eat. Lord, there was something satisfying about that that made her feel as full and happy as if she’d been on a two-day fast and just eaten her first big meal. But soon the kitchen was tidy, and Alex had eaten his fill. “Well,” he said, coming to his feet and picking his hat up off the table where he’d placed it when they came in. “I guess I’d better get to work before this kind of treatment begins to feel too good and the men start accusing me of getting soft.”

She looked at the hard-muscled body and said, “That’s something no one could ever accuse you of, Alex Mackinnon.”

He had made it as far as the door, then turned. “Oh, I don’t know,” he drawled, “I’ve been known to show my soft side from time to time.”

Once again they were separated by the length of the kitchen, brought together by the look in their eyes as if they both knew what was happening here, both felt a little awkward and shy. The calico meowed and arched her back, rubbing it along the window. Alex smiled and said, “Looks like she’s ready for that bite you promised her.”

“She’s always ready.”

“A good trait for a woman to have,” he said, then slipped through the door.

She watched him leave, his words hammering like an echo in the back of her head. “I’ve been known to show my soft side from time to time.”

There had been a time in the past, when their friendship was like a strong link between them and Katherine would have laughed and said something like, “Only when you want something.”

But this wasn’t the past and she didn’t feel like laughing. As far as she was concerned, Alex never wanted anything—at least not from her. She went to the table and picked up his coffee cup, holding it in her hands and staring at the spot where he had placed his lips. She clutched the cup in both hands savoring the closeness of something still warm from his touch, then she pressed it to her chest as if to ease the bittersweet pain that lodged there.
Oh, Alex. Alex. Alex. Alex
. She closed her eyes and dropped her head down, the cup still pressed against her.

The back door rattled and she opened her eyes at the exact moment Alex stepped inside. “Alex…” She lowered the cup, her composure slipping into place. “Did you forget something?”

“No…yes.” He looked like a man who had been imprisoned for years and had just been released. For several minutes he stood there not knowing if he should speak or retreat. Finally he said, “I had breakfast on the ship. I just wanted you to know that.”

“I know,” Katherine replied softly.

He looked like he was searching for words and she felt his discomfort so intensely she wished she could help him. She had seen this same confused expression on his face so many times when he and Karin had quarreled and he had come to her to talk things over, telling her how he wished Karin had her ease of understanding, her gentle compassion. She felt as if he wanted more than just her understanding, her compassion, wanted it, but didn’t know how to go about getting it. How many times had she seen a newborn calf that seemed overwhelmed with the prospect of coming to its feet that first time, and how many times had she given it a nudge or two to get everything rolling?

“Was there anything else?” she asked.

He seemed so relieved for the question that she almost laughed. “Yes,” he said, almost leaping with the response. “I’m going up to the higher elevations to scout for the areas where we’ll be doing our next cutting. It won’t be much of an outing, but if you’d like to come…”

Happiness lit her face. “Oh, Alex, I’d love it. I’ve been dying to see what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.”

He laughed. “It looks pretty much like this side, I’m afraid.” He looked at her, his eyes going over her from head to foot. “It’ll be colder up there, you’ll have to dress warmly, and we’ll be going by horseback.”

“I’ll find something to wear,” she said, thinking how happy she would be if he wore exactly what he had on; the tight buff breeches and blue muslin shirt that pulled the color of his eyes from his tan face. His thumbs were hooked in his belt loops.

They stood there, this new awareness of each other suspended between them. She had wanted this for so long, wanted him to notice her, to think about her, to include her in his life. Before, he seemed so distant it didn’t really matter what she did or said, but now things were different and she felt the pressure of it mounting.

He watched her looking so white and still in her dark green dress with the white collar and cuffs, her hair tied back like a young girl’s with a green satin bow. He saw how her eyes widened and she moistened her lips as she stared at him with some sort of expression he could only liken to wonder, as if he were undergoing some sort of transformation right before her very eyes.

Their eyes met. Awareness of each other hovered over them, Katherine neither feeling ashamed nor looking away, for she felt no shame over the way she felt for him. She had loved him too long and too well to undergo simpering schoolgirl shyness now. He must have felt the same way. “I’ve always wondered what you would look like with your hair down,” he said. “Take it down, Katherine. Now.”

Her hands went up to the bow in her hair, giving it a yank, the emerald satin ribbon trailing over her shoulder as she lowered her hands and released it, letting it flutter to the ground. The heavy mahogany strands of hair fell about her face, a deep wav arched over her cheek. She did not move. She dared not breath, as he took first one step, and then another and another, each step well directed and deliberate, until he was standing before her. For a long time he stood looking down at her in the same hungry way she was looking at him, drinking in every feature of a face he knew so well, yet didn’t know at all. After a long look he lazily lifted one hand and brought it up to the side of her face, threading his fingers through the heavy weight of her hair and dragging them through it, bringing its incredible length forward and over her shoulder, his knuckles grazing her breast. “You always did have such beautiful hair.”

Beneath the warmth of his knuckles, her chest rose and fell with each increasing breath. “It feels like heavy satin,” he said, “and smooth as silk.” His eyes dropping to where his knuckles rested still. “There too, I would imagine.”

He leaned forward, his lips grazing her forehead. “Time,” he said softly, “never seems to be on my side.” His mouth moved lower, in no apparent hurry to rush the scattered kisses that led eventually to her mouth.

“I could be trite and say we had the rest of our lives,” she said between kisses.

“You shouldn’t be saying things in the middle of the kitchen, in the middle of the day that give a man ideas,” he said.

“Mackinnon,” she said dreamily, “if I thought it would give you ideas, I’d serve you nothing but tipsy cake.”

“You get a humorous streak at the damndest times,” he said nuzzling the softest, sweet-smelling place just below her ear.

“It was necessity, not choice,” she said, pulling away from him and turning toward the back door. “In case you couldn’t hear, someone is knocking at the door.” She opened it and in popped Wong, a load of wood in his arms.

As Wong gave them a look and crossed the room to the wood box, Alex joined Katherine at the door. “Can you be ready to leave in an hour?”

She nodded, watching him step outside. “I’ll be ready,” she said, but he had already closed the door.

True to his word, he came for her in an hour. She had dressed warmly, layering her clothing, bringing her old cape along for the colder weather of the higher altitudes. She followed him outside where the horses were tied. He helped her mount, then rode ahead to speak to Adrian, who was standing outside the bunkhouse talking to Halfpint. A moment later, Halfpint stepped off the porch, walking away from them. She waved to Adrian as Alex turned his horse back toward her. Adrian waved back, giving her a warm smile and sticking his thumb up in the air, like he was giving her the go ahead. She nodded and laughed, feeling the brisk air and warm sunshine, thinking she couldn’t remember ever being so happy.

Alex caught up to her and for the first half hour she rode beside him, listening to him talk about his life since he’d left Texas: the gold fields, the lumbering industry, his desire to return to Texas one day.

“I had no idea you wanted to go back,” she said. Already she felt the knot of dread tightening in her stomach. Home. She thought of it often. She missed it of course. But home meant something different to her now than it did before. Home was where Karin was. She didn’t want to think about going home until she felt secure with Alex’s feelings for her.

“I never intended to spend the rest of my life up here. Adrian always figured I’d change my mind, but I don’t think so. There’s no point in making that decision now. I’ve got plenty of time. It’ll take a lot of money to buy the kind of land I want, to build the kind of future I’ve always dreamed of. Right now it’s a dream. Nothing more.” He kicked his horse and turned up a steep embankment.

She followed him, her horse falling behind his because the trees were thicker now, the terrain rougher, making it necessary to go single file. “Well, like you said, it’s a ways off,” she said.

He didn’t get to say anything else because his horse began acting up. Katherine reined in, giving him plenty of room to bring the mare under control, which judging from the looks of things, might be some time. Finally, Alex had taken all he was going to take from this cranky old mare, and he whopped her a good one up beside the head. “Stubborn Old Bitch,” he said.

“Alex! How awful of you to call her that.”

“Why shouldn’t I? Old Bitch is her name.”

“I’m afraid to ask the name of mine.”

One wallop must have been enough, because Old Bitch was behaving herself now. When she had settled down, Alex shifted in the saddle enough to look back at the horse she was on. “I think that’s the one they call One Speed.”

“One Speed?”

“Slow,” he said.

“Good,” Katherine said. “It can’t be slow enough for me.”

He reached the top and pulled up, watching her as she pulled up beside him. “What about you? How do you feel about going back home?”

“I’ve always felt I could be happy anywhere,” she said.

“You could see yourself going back then?”

She tried to smile. “I suppose I can see myself going wherever you go.”

It was almost like her words surprised him, as if he had forgotten that one glaring fact: they were married. “Of course,” he said. “Well, come on. We’ve got some rough riding ahead, but it’s beautiful country—like nothing you’ve ever seen.”

He was right on both counts. By the time he reached a high ridge and pulled up, dismounting and coming to help her down, she felt as if she had been riding a mountain goat instead of a horse. She was glad for his assistance when she dismounted. If it hadn’t been for Alex’s strong arms, she would have fallen the moment her feet touched the ground.

When her legs steadied, he led her along a trail deeply cushioned by fallen hemlock needles. The trail ran along a cliff edge and when they reached a grove of statuesque pines they stopped. Katherine stood a few feet from the edge of the cliff, looking down at the foothill slopes robed in redwoods and firs they had ridden across. “This must be how Moses felt,” she said, “when he first glimpsed the Promised Land.” She inhaled deeply. “Up here the air is sharp and fresh and clear. You can’t smell the sawdust and the sea. It’s hard to imagine it’s been here forever. Everything seems so new. So untouched.”

“Look over there. It seems we’re being watched.”

She stood beside him for a time watching a tawny colored squirrel, his tail arched over his back like a jaunty feather in a lady’s hat. The squirrel watched them for a minute, then apparently bored, he stood on his hind legs, nibbling at something he held in his front paws.

They left the horses tied and walked along the trail. Often Katherine would run ahead to examine a tiny mountain stream, or a stone overgrown with moss. “Oh, Alex, look!” She’d stop and point at something she found and he’d stop and look in the direction she was pointing to see a deer or a wolf running across the slopes below. Other times she’d drop down and exclaim, “Look at this! Have you ever seen anything like it?” He’d come up behind her and she’d turn, her face angled up to see his, her hands cupping a pinecone, or the branch of a strange plant she’d never seen. Once she’d come running back to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up the trail with her. “It’s a bear! It’s a bear! I’ve never seen a real one, but I know it’s a bear.”

He laughed. “Yes, it’s a bear, and I’m mighty glad we’ve got that ravine and river between us and it. It’s a grizzly.”

“But it’s beautiful. Look at it! It’s standing on its hind legs.”

“It’s picked up our scent.”

“It must be six feet tall…or more.”

“More,” he said.

As he watched her run from discovery to discovery with the awe and enthusiasm of a child, he found himself enchanted with her.

His reflection was broken when Katherine found a miniature forest of hemlock seedlings nursed and nurtured in the rotting log of a tree toppled by age, disease, or perhaps just cold, hard weather. And then her attention was drawn away by a spider’s dew-dappled web that looked somewhat bedraggled. “I suppose the weather has already gotten cold enough up here for the spiders to have laid their eggs and died.”