Made For Us (19 page)

Zoe took a steadying breath. Everything inside of her wanted to wrap Aidan up in her arms and just hold him. This wasn’t the polished and in-control businessman she had come to know; this was a man struggling with his demons, and she wanted to be the one to take care of him. “I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“If I said I was, would you leave?” His tone was more vulnerable than harsh.

“Would you want me to?” She had no idea where he was leading with this, but after everything he had put her through, she wanted him to make himself clear.

For a long time, he simply stared at her. “No,” he finally said, his voice barely audible. “I don’t want you to go.”

A small smile played at Zoe’s lips. “Then I’m not going anywhere.”

That seemed to please him because his whole body sagged with relief as he sighed. He turned on one small lamp and then walked into what she assumed to be his bedroom. Unsure what to do, she followed and when she stood in the doorway, she was mesmerized as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Then he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks before reaching for his belt and pulling it off.

She made herself comfortable leaning against the door frame.

His large hands went to the button on his jeans as his eyes locked with hers. Slowly he lowered the zipper and tugged the jeans from his body, leaving him standing there in only a pair of black boxer briefs.

God
bless
the
creator
of
boxer
briefs
, she thought to herself.

It would be so easy, she thought, to just walk over to him and act as if he hadn’t been gone for days, that he hadn’t pulled a disappearing act that had pretty much devastated her. She could just walk over to him, kiss him, strip down, and crawl onto the bed with him. As a matter of fact, Zoe looked at Aidan and then the bed and then back again. His face was unreadable.

Slowly, Aidan began to walk toward her. Did she want to do this right now? He looked like he hadn’t slept since she’d last seen him so when he was practically toe-to-toe with her, she spoke before he could. “Why don’t you grab a shower and get some sleep? You look like you’re ready to drop.”

Reaching out, he skimmed a hand down her cheek. “Are you going to leave again?”

“I thought we covered this already,” she said softly as she lifted a hand to cover his and held it against her skin. “I’ll see if there’s anything here that I can make for dinner. This way you can eat and then get some sleep. All right?”

He looked like he wanted to argue, but his eyes were slowly drifting closed and Zoe could tell that he wasn’t going to stay awake long, no matter what he thought. “Okay,” he finally said. Stepping around her, he walked out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom and shut the door. Zoe almost sagged against the wall with relief. Never in her life had her self-control been tested like it just was. From the moment she’d met him, Zoe had felt a connection to Aidan. Since their time together during the hurricane, she knew what it was like to be with him, to make love with him, and how good it could be. She knew the feel of him, the taste of him, and how incredibly sexy he was.

Even slightly haggard from punishing himself, he was still the most irresistible man she had ever seen. A part of her was tempted to strip down and join him in the shower right now.

She looked across the hall as she heard the shower turn on; it wasn’t hard to picture Aidan standing underneath the spray. She could imagine the water rushing down his body and the way he would look as he took the soap and completely lathered himself up from head to toe.

Her mouth went dry.

A loud moan came from the other side of the door and Zoe had to wonder if it was a moan of pleasure or pain. He hadn’t looked physically injured, but he also didn’t look like he’d had an easy time of it. She stood motionless, filled with indecision. The nurturer in Zoe insisted that Aidan needed a shower, a good meal, and a good night’s sleep.

But the woman in her, who just heard another moan, started to kick off her sandals. “Dinner,” she hissed at herself. “You’re supposed to be making dinner.” As much as it pained her, she picked up her sandals and started to walk down the hallway toward the kitchen—and then stopped and looked back at the closed bathroom door.

What if he was too tired to stand up? She didn’t know with any certainty what he’d been doing for the last couple of days. What if he couldn’t stay awake in there? There was a real possibility of Aidan hurting himself. So really, what was more important—making a lousy dinner with whatever he had in the pantry or making sure that the man didn’t drown?

“Safety first. That’s the motto, isn’t it?” Spinning around, Zoe dropped her sandals, walked back toward the bathroom, and paused outside the door. “Aidan?” she called out with a light knock.

No answer.

“Aidan, are you okay?” Another light knock.

The only answer was another moan.

Hmm
…that could be taken a couple of ways. She was just about to knock again when she heard him say her name. Opening the door, she stepped into the steamy room and closed it behind her. “Are you all right?”

“No,” he said weakly from behind the curtain.

Everything inside of her began to panic. “Okay. What can I do? What do you need?” Zoe’s mind raced. Aidan didn’t answer so she stepped closer to the shower curtain. “Aidan?”

Before she knew it, the curtain was pulled back and Aidan was reaching for her and pulling her, fully clothed, under the hot spray with him. “You,” he said as he pulled her close and lowered his lips toward her. “I just need you.”

* * *

Aidan awoke later that night feeling human again for the first time in days. The main reason for that was the woman asleep in his arms.
Zoe
. Without conscious thought, he pulled her a bit more snugly against himself and smiled.

Zoe hummed softly in her sleep and snuggled closer to him as if she were ready to climb inside. It was a good feeling. He didn’t deserve her; he wouldn’t be surprised if she woke up right now and cursed him to hell and back.

Too late. He’d already been there.

But she was here. She was warm and naked in his arms, in his bed, and it was as if the world had righted itself again. His decision to pull her into the shower earlier had been impulsive, and Aidan had actually expected Zoe to put up more of a fight. Instead, she had kissed him as if her life depended on it and stripped her shirt off. The sight of her half-naked and soaking wet was enough to bring him to his knees.

Literally
.

There were a million reasons why he should have been asleep right then.

And only one why he wasn’t.

And it was her soft breath on his chest that made him ache for her all over again.

Unable to help himself, Aidan placed a soft kiss on top of Zoe’s head and breathed in the scent of her. He jumped slightly when she slowly raised her head.

“Aidan?” she whispered sleepily.

“Were you expecting someone else?” he teased and gently eased her head back down to his shoulder.

“What are you doing awake? You need to sleep,” she said around her own yawn.

“I woke up a while ago and was just lying here thinking about what an amazing woman you are.”

“Me?”

He nodded and kissed her head again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you go to the cemetery?”

“Because…”
Did
he
not
remember? Typical.
“You talked about how it upset you that you missed going with your family. I thought it would be a good thing for you to go.”

“No, I get that, but…even when you knew I didn’t want to go, that I wasn’t going to get out of the car, and I know you realized that long before we got there, you still went. Why?” There was no condemnation or accusations in his questions; he was genuinely curious.

Zoe sighed beside him. “When I lost my mom six months ago, I promised myself I’d go to the cemetery as often as I could. I’d go and I’d sit, sometimes for hours, and just tell her about my week. Then life got hectic and crazy and I was planning the move and selling my business and I went less and less. And now I’m here. And I can’t go to her cemetery.”

Her voice was sad and Aidan felt like an even bigger jerk for making her talk about this. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I just…”

Lifting her head again, Zoe looked at him. It was still somewhat dark in the room; the only light came from a light down the hall. “It’s okay. I think this is something we need to talk about.”

Aidan nodded and once again adjusted their positions until she was back down beside him. “I’m sorry I interrupted,” he said and felt her smile against his shoulder, which she then promptly kissed.

“Well, anyway, I knew what you were feeling because there have been many times, especially since the move, that I would sit and beat myself up because I was so far away and couldn’t visit her.” She paused for a minute. “I kind of knew you weren’t going to get out of the car, but I secretly hoped once we got there that you would.”

“I should have,” he said and then cursed. “What kind of son doesn’t get out of the car to put flowers on his mother’s grave?”

“One who still grieves so strongly that he’s overwhelmed by it,” she said simply, and Aidan realized she really seemed to understand him in a way that no one, not even his family, did. “And it’s okay, Aidan. I’ve gone for grief counseling and I’ve read dozens of books on the subject. Going there, that’s for us—the living. Our loved ones aren’t really in that place. That’s where they’re buried, yes, but their spirits are elsewhere. Your mother knows you love her, and whether you go to the cemetery every day or every week or for every holiday and anniversary, that’s for you. And you need to be okay with it.”

“I don’t know how to move on beyond the guilt,” he admitted, and his voice cracked with emotion.

Zoe shifted so that she was on her stomach and facing him. “Do you talk to her?”

“What?”

“Do you talk to her? You know, when you go to the cemetery or just when you’re alone?”

“Uh…no. That’s crazy.”

She chuckled. “Actually, it’s not. And it helps.”

“I don’t see how.”

Rolling her eyes, Zoe moved again to try to get comfortable. “Before the storm, I used to walk along the beach and talk to my mom. She had always wanted to see the ocean and feel the sand, and when I first moved here, I would walk along the shore and tell her what I was seeing and what I was feeling. It made me feel closer to her.”

“Was anyone around? Because I’ve got to tell you, if I saw someone walking alone on the beach talking to themselves, I’d think they were crazy.”

Playfully she pinched his side. “I’m being serious here.”

“So am I,” he said with a hint of defensiveness. Aidan turned and moved the pillows behind him and sat up. “Okay, I used to talk to her a lot right after she died, but…it wasn’t like she could respond. So I just…stopped.”

“Did it make you feel better when you used to do it?”

Aidan had to think about that for a minute and then he nodded. “I guess it did.”

“So then why did you stop? If it made you feel better, why not keep doing it?”

This was so not the conversation he wanted to be having right now. But he was the one who’d brought it up; he figured he had to follow through. “I was home on break from college about a year after she’d died. I was pissed off and overwhelmed and basically exhausted from helping my father out with my siblings, and I walked out of the house and out to the garden in the yard and just started…talking to her. I was sort of ranting about how it wasn’t fair that she wasn’t here any longer and that I missed her. My brother Hugh came out and heard me and started ragging on me, saying I needed to man up and quit whining like a girl. I never talked to her again after that.”

“Well, that’s just sad,” she said quietly and sat up beside him, tugging the sheet with her to keep her covered. “I know I can’t really empathize what it’s like to have a sibling respond like that because I’m an only child, but I probably would have reacted the same way.” She turned and looked at him. “I’m so sorry, Aidan.”

“What did you say? You know, when you put the flowers at her grave? I could see that you were talking, but…” He shrugged. “I couldn’t imagine what you could possibly have said to my mom.”

“I talked to her about you and how you were beating yourself up over missing the anniversary and for not being there with everyone. Then I told her what an amazing man you had grown into, a man whom she would be proud of.”

The lump in Aidan’s throat was big enough to choke him. “Really? You really said that?”

Zoe nodded. “Then I talked to her about my mom and how maybe she could share the flowers with her since I couldn’t take them to her in Arizona.”

Tears began to form in Zoe’s eyes and even in the dim light, the sight of them was enough to cause Aidan’s heart to ache. Wrapping an arm around her, he gently maneuvered them until they were lying down again. Slowly, he lowered his head to hers and kissed her—softly, sweetly. He had been right earlier; Zoe Dalton was an amazing woman, one he didn’t deserve.

But one he wasn’t willing to let go of just yet.

“I know I behaved badly and I’m sorry,” he said gravely, staring down into her beautiful face. “I didn’t take your feelings into consideration. My family is used to this kind of behavior from me and you’re not.”

“I’m not going to lie to you, Aidan, you hurt me. And on top of that, I was angry and…confused. And even though you think your family is used to it, that doesn’t mean they’re not concerned about you.”

“But that’s different. It’s like that with family. But that’s no excuse. I never should have left you the way I did. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Zoe, really, really sorry. Do you forgive me?”

Aidan held his breath. It was important to him not only to say the words out loud to her, but to actually hear her say she had forgiven him.

“Aidan,” she began seriously, “it would have been very easy for me to go and check on you at the site when your brother asked me to, even if I didn’t forgive you for what you did and what you put me through.”