Maggie Get Your Gun (14 page)

“They are sort of the same size.”

I rolled my eyes, “Yes.  You’re right.  They’re the same
size.  They’re practically twins.”

My mom waved her hands at the beastie, “Shoo!  Shoo!”

He started doing all sorts of awful things with his tongue
against the glass.

“Honey, he doesn’t seem to want to leave,” Mom pointed out.

I reached into the top of my boot and pulled out my gun.  I
aimed it at the goblin, begging him to just give me a good excuse.

He looked at the gun and looked at me and then let go of
the window like a jumper whose chute just opened.

“Must you always resort to violence?” asked my mom.

“She is very good at it,” piped in Killian.

Mom didn’t even acknowledge him as she continued to snipe
at me, “Really, dear, how is Killian ever to think of you as life-partner
material if you go around threatening defenseless animals?”

I looked at Killian in the rearview mirror, “How many more
defenseless animals do I have to threaten before you are completely repelled by
the thought of spending an eternity with me?”

“Four.”

“I’ll put it on my to-do list.”

“You crazy lovebirds,” she laughed.

"Don't make me roll down your window, Mom."

Chapter 22

The outskirts of town spread before us as we crested the
hill.  Coming up along the side of the road was a weathered wooden sign that
read “Welcome to Ghost Town = Population 0”.

I pulled over and popped the glove compartment.

“Stake or gun, Mom?”

She sighed, “Neither.  Really, dear.  Walking into a perfectly
lovely little town with weapons blazing...”

I couldn’t have this fight right now.  I turned to Killian,
“Stake or gun?”

“I am armed,” he replied.

He had pulled his collapsible staff out of regions unknown
in the past.  I had no idea where he was storing it now, but I wasn’t about to
ask.

“Well, here’s a stake anyways.”

I undid my seatbelt and flung the door open, aiming my firearm
at whatever might want to jump out at us.

“Really, Maggie,” sighed my Mom.  She opened up her door
and stepped out.  “Mindy?  Mindy, honey, are you here?”

Mindy came out from behind the sign and ran over to her,
falling into her arms, “Oh god, Mom!”

She was shaking pretty hard and I let Mom take care of the
mushy business while I scanned the area for anything that might want to make us
lunch.  Chupacabra, jackalope, you never knew what was going to come running
out of the scrub.

“It is remarkable how much you two look alike,” noticed
Killian.

“Yah, except Mindy knows how to fix her hair.”

“True.”

“Don’t agree with me,” I threatened.

Mom was laughing and rocking Mindy gently, “There is no
need to be this upset.  It’s just Ghost Town.  You're a MacKay.  You should
have gone in and said hello.”

I held out my hand and squeezed Mindy’s, but kept my gun
pointed to the desert.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Mindy sniffled as Mom wiped
back her sweaty bangs and teary face.

I made a mental note, next time I hit town, I was getting a
mini anti-monster kit to stick in Mindy’s purse.  Or a bazooka.

“How the hell did you get out here, Mindy?” I asked.

She reached into her pocket.  When she brought her hand
out, it was wrapped around a pretty little jade hair comb, “This came in the
mail.  It gave me a shock and suddenly I was standing by Ghost Town.”

Shit.

“Throw it down on the ground,” I said.

She did.  Killian watched my back as I walked to the trunk
of my car and pulled out a tire iron.  I gave Mindy a smile and then set to
pummeling that thing into a lump of useless rocks.

“Can I have a go?” she asked.

That’s my sis.

I handed it over and let her wail on it for awhile as I
turned to my partner for a little powwow regarding recent events.

"Okay, Killian," I said, "somehow that comb
was stolen off of Mr. Smith, transported back to earth, and then mailed to my
sister.  Any thoughts on why said person would do such a thing?”

"Either to prove that they can, or..." he got
really quiet before confirming the thought that was bouncing around my head,
too, “because they needed you here.”

I looked over at my sister and my mom.  They were just
about the only things on several planets that would make me drive out to Ghost
Town as night was falling.

“What’s your take on this being a trap?” I asked.

“100%?”

“That’s about the same number I had in mind.”

Killian stared down the road, “The options that seem to
have presented themselves are that we can either choose to walk into their trap
or choose to walk away from their trap.”

Except that walking away wasn't really a choice, and I'm
sure Killian was just throwing it out there to be polite.  It was pretty clear
someone was out to get me to Ghost Town.  They were willing to kidnap my sis to
make sure I came.  We could leave, but god only knows what they’d try next. 
Someone once said that a wise man knows when to run in order to fight another
day.  Unfortunately, I tended to be an idiot when it came to my family.

"How about Option C?  We go into town and fuck them up?"

Killian shrugged as if weighing the choices, "Option C
has a certain charm."

I touched his arm and lowered my voice.  I didn't want Mom
and Mindy hearing this part of the conversation, "Listen, Mr. Smith said
that Dad was safe here.  But seeing how Mr. Smith is now dead and Dad hasn't
returned any of my messages, I’m getting a little nervous that Ghost Town might
not be as safe as everyone thought it might be.”

Killian didn't even hesitate, “Then we must go in and bring
your father to safety.”

Killian and I stood side by side looking at the dirt road
leading into the clapboard sided town.  Its weathered false fronts were
silhouetted against the sky as the suns started their dip behind the mountains.

“Maybe they have funnel cake,” I offered.

“I believe I will accept your offer for additional
armament," he replied.  "Do you still have that wonderful crossbow
you used to carry?”

“Does a troll have two stomachs?” I handed him my car
keys.  As he went over to check out the prize chest of weaponry in my trunk, I turned
to Mindy, who was still wailing on the comb, “You can stop now.  It’s dead.”

She stood there shaking and breathing hard, “You sure? 
Because I could hit it a few more times.”

“Hit it three more times, then it’s time to go.”

She wacked the hell out of that thing and then gave it a
good kick for good measure.

Reading my mind, Killian tossed me one of my reusable
shopping bags and I picked up the beaten comb like it was a piece of doggie
poo.  It’s bad manners not to scoop your magical crap.

I put it in the back of the car and jerked my head, “Climb
on in.  We’ve gotta head into Ghost Town to see who was so anxious to bring us
all the way out here.”

Mindy backed away.  I could practically hear her little
accountant brain chewing through the math of this being a smart move and
figuring out we were all in the red.

“Are you sure?  Maybe you could just take me home,” she
suggested.

“I don't like it any better than you do, Mindy, but the
gauntlet has been thrown.  We gotta go in.  Otherwise, they'll come after us
again.”

“WHAT?  Come after us…AGAIN?”

Mom took Mindy's hand, “What your sister is trying to say,
although not very tactfully, is that it is important we go into Ghost Town.  I
have seen our future and I can promise no one in our party will meet an untimely
end.”

"I know you can't read your own future, Mom,"
Mindy pointed out.

Mom booped Mindy's nose with her finger, "You're
right.  But I can see YOUR future and it is a bright and happy one.  So, just
help your sister save the world this one time and I promise you won't have to
do it again for awhile."

Mindy groaned, but got into the car.  Mom piled into the
backseat beside her.

I was left standing there.

"Wait!  Mom.  How many times do I have to save the
world?"

"Enough!" she shouted back, "Enough times. 
Now get in the car."

She reached over and squeezed Mindy's hand bracingly.

"Great..." I said.

"Just think of all of the lovely new weapons you shall
have to buy," pointed out Killian, trying to cheer me up.  He handed me a
couple cartridges filled with silver bullets.

Which reminded me...  I walked over to the passenger side
and opened my glove compartment.  I pulled out a sweet little baby blade.  I
think it might have even been packaged as part of a "My First Monster Under
the Bed Kit" line of weapons, as suggested by the rainbows and teddy bears
on the handle.  If anything got to close, it would poke ‘em through the ribs well
enough, though.

“Think you can handle this?” I asked as I held it to Mindy.

She took it and nodded grimly, “Sure.”

I could tell the last thing she wanted was to be stuck
holding any end of a pointy thing, but we live in an imperfect world.

“Don’t worry, Mindy.  Killian and I will kill anything that
comes close.”

“I’m here to help, too!” Mom piped in.

“Mom will ask them very nicely not to be mean to us.”

“You’d be astonished how just asking sometimes can smooth
out any problem…” she reminded us.  Again.  The same speech we had been
receiving since we were six.

“Mindy, this is just so you can provide backup if we need
it,” I explained.

“I am going to encourage you not to need backup,” she said.

“Fair enough."

I loaded myself up with more weapons from my trunk to
complete my ensemble of bad assery.  Killian looked like he was outfitted for
Armageddon, which was a good look for him.

"There is something about a Glock that brings out your
eyes," he commented.

"Gun metal black has always been my color."

I opened up the driver's door and got in, "Okay, the
plan is to go in, pick up Dad..."

"Dad is in Ghost Town?" squeaked Mindy, "Why
didn't you say so?"

"... we pick up Dad and get out," I continued as
I turned on the ignition and pulled onto the road. "We stick together.  If
anything moves, kill it.  You know, if it isn't already dead."

"This is almost like a 'Bring Your Family to Work
Day'," said Mom, practically bouncing in her seat, "What an adventure!"

"As long as it doesn't turn into a 'Kill Your Family
at Work Day'," I muttered.

We drove down Main Street, kicking up clouds of dust.  The
place seemed deserted, but that’s because it was a ghost town.  A pair of bats
flew across our double-sunned sunset.  I saw Dad’s car parked in front of a
broken down horse trough, so I pulled in behind, hoping maybe he’d notice we
had arrived.  I looked around for any signs of life.  Instead, I saw a lot of
signs of “not life”.

The empty rockers on the post office porch rocked back and
forth.  I tried not to lose my shit as a cold wind blew by us, accompanied by
the sound of horse hooves.  Two shades sat playing checkers in front of the
saloon.  Except you couldn’t see them.  You could just see the pieces being
moved and lifted, and the board being upended as one shade got pissed that the
other one had jumped him all the way across the board.  Rinky-tink piano music
echoed down the street.

The ghosts of Ghost Town all died simultaneously from a
poisoned well.  No one noticed that they were dead for so long, it just didn’t
seem like it made much sense to go out and give them a proper burial.  Their
bodies were all lying around like beef jerky in the sun.  And are still.  But
since they met an untimely end, all their spirits have been hanging around, too,
just waiting for something to happen.

If you’re a kid with nothing better to do, it’s a hoot to
come out here and get the crap scared out of you.  But as a grown up, when you
outgrow such things, they can literally give you a heart attack.

My keys jingled as my foot stepped onto the dusty main
street.  I was so over this wild west theme two days ago.

“Oh, it is just so lovely to be here,” said Mom as she
practically skipped out of the back seat of the car.  “I haven’t been here in
ages.  Just ages.  I need to get out more often.”

“I fucking hate this place,” I muttered.

“Don’t be rude, Maggie,” my mom corrected.

Killian sidled alongside me, his crossbow loaded and
casually at the ready as he whispered, “I do not feel comfortable here, either...”