Magic and Mayhem: How To Date A Dragon (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Baba Yaga Saga Book 2) (11 page)

“Mouthy broad,” Zenos declared. “That’s what ya are. So how do ya suggest we
save
them?”

“I don’t like your tone,” Hildy declared.

Zenos lifted a hand. “You got one minute and I’m blowing these flying black peckerheads up.”

Hildy bent at the waist, fighting not to hyperventilate. She’d never been so mad in her life. Her magic was sparking up and down her arms.

“Ya got twenty seconds left. The ones on the ground are waking up.”

Hildy felt Carol grab her arm. “Transpecies mutation, Hildy.”

“There’s too many,” Hildy said.

“Whine. Whine. Is that all ya can do, lass? Use yer Latin and yer natural inclination. No wonder ya need somebody like me. Nobody taught ya two anything useful.”

Hildy glared before straightening. She yanked her arm from Carol’s grip and raised her hands in the air. Sparks flew all around her and her hair lifted.

“Ut bufanoes!”
she yelled
,
hearing her command echo in the air all around the training ring.

In a matter of seconds, toads rained down on their heads. The boys who had been watching them fight ran away laughing about the toads.

Carol made a face at all the wild croaking as toads of all sizes bumped against her before hitting the ground. Hildy squealed as several big ones fell on her head and bounced off.

Their rescuer could barely stop laughing enough to talk to them.

“They’re too fecking big, but ya got the right idea, lass. How about this?
Et in paucis caveam.
”

A cage materialized at the edge of the dirt and inside it were a bunch of miniature toads with tiny black bat wings. Hildy sighed and walked over to the cage, making sure all of them had survived. She looked up and glared at her irritating helper who was still grinning about her anger.

“Thank you,” she said resentfully. “This is much better. I tend to panic when the magical task is large. I’m working on fixing that.”

Zenos laughed harder. “Just tell me to feck off, lass. Ya need to get more honest with yer words. Big magic won’t come to ya unless ya can speak the big truth.” He nodded to the cage. “That spell might not last long on those mutants. Ya best get them back to where they belong. If all of them change back inside the cage, that’s going to be a right slimy mess to clean up.”

Hildy frowned as she glared. “You’re not nice at all, are you?”

“Fecking right I’m not.” Zenos looked at Carol. “Hey Pissy Miss, I think ya need to go with Lady Soft Heart there. Somebody’s obviously out to kill ya both. Ya might be able to slow them down by showing yer tits, but most males develop an immunity over time. Neither of ya are that distracting.”

“How do we know you didn’t do this to us?” Carol demanded, not liking her nickname.

“Ya don’t. Now get them bats gone and get back here. We need to see yer almighty Jezibooboo and find a place for me to spend the night. I also need to find a place to teach ya. We’re going start tomorrow and get it over with as soon as we can.”

“She’s the Jezibaba and you will call her that or we will not work with you,” Carol said firmly.

Zenos snickered. “Oooo… I’m shaking in my fecking boots. Got anything to back that attitude up, Pissy Miss?”

Carol put her foot on the cage and her hand on Hildy. “I have more to back it up than you want to find out about, Professor Cranky Pants. I’m tired of people disrespecting us.”

“Shut up, Carol. Get us out of here,” Hildy ordered.

The last thing they saw was Zenos’s smile.

He was still laughing at them when they returned.

“Did he touch you inappropriately or hurt you in any way?” Jezibaba demanded, hating that she’d had to ask them that question twice in one week now. Damn males. All of them were assholes in one form or another.

“Does being super insulting count?” Hildy asked.

“Depends on how insulting,” Jezibaba answered.

Carol snorted. “He calls me Pissy Miss and her Lady Soft Heart.”

The laugh slipped out before she could stop it. Jezibaba covered her mouth to hide her smile. Two glares nailed her in place. It had been a long time since she’d gotten caught off guard by her evil sense of humor.

“No. Go ahead and laugh,” Hildy said tightly. “We know the names fit. We talked about it the whole time we were putting the bats back in the cave.”

Jezibaba sighed. “Don’t take his teasing too hard. My mage was equally unkind about what he considered my weaknesses.”

Carol climbed off her bed and fisted hands on her hips. “Did you eventually learn everything he had to teach you and then kill him to get your perfect revenge?”

Her loud, unrestrained laughter echoed in their small room. Jezibaba put a hand on her stomach. Eventually, she had to wipe her eyes. “Oh goddess, I needed that today,” she declared. “No, I didn’t hurt Ambrose. I fell in love and almost married him.”

“Ewww….” Carol and Hildy declared, both shivering at the thought. They looked at each other and laughed.

Jezibaba laughed so hard again that she couldn’t remain standing. She dropped down into a chair. “Ambrose wasn’t old and cranky like Zenos. He was middle-aged and still very handsome for such an advanced warlock.”

“Gross. Did he say
yer tits aren’t much of a distraction
?” Carol asked, mocking Zenos.

“Oh, Goddess. You sound just like him, Carol.” Hildy giggled and fell back on the bed.

Jezibaba giggled too. It was good to know someone other than Damien could spark her genuine mirth.

“No. Ambrose was mostly a gentleman. He was attracted to me and I was equally attracted to him. You can always tell when there’s a connection of that sort going on between you and a male. I think Zenos was just yanking your chains to see if you would yank back. And come on… you two were fighting in your sports bras. Why do you think all those boys showed up to watch? Zenos was stating the obvious.”

“But that’s how we were taught. The Amazons told us shirts give your opponent something to yank and they were right,” Carol declared.

“It was hot,” Hildy added. “And it’s not like our tits were showing. Everything important was covered.”

Carol hit her flat palm with a clenched fist. “If Professor Cranky Pants makes an improper move on me, I’m going to go full Amazon on his cranky old dude ass.”

“And I’m going to turn him into one of those tiny toad bat things he and I made together. I memorized his Latin spell. We’ll see how he likes it turned back on him.”

Jezibaba bent over laughing again. “Stop,” she begged. “Please. I can’t laugh anymore.”

“Why is this so funny?” Carol demanded. “Have you tried to talk to him, Jezibaba? Zenos is impossible.”

Jezibaba couldn’t talk for laughing, so she settled for nodding her head in agreement.

“Well, I’m learning everything in six months,” Hildy declared. “I want Professor Cranky Pants out of my life as soon as possible.”

“
Ya better study hard, lass. Ya need to make up for yer small tits
,” Carol mocked, pointing her finger at Hildy who dissolved into laughter again.

Jezibaba stood. “I’m going to go check on Nathaniel again. Get some rest tonight. Try not to irritate Zenos too much. He’s nearly as powerful as I am.”

“Yes, Jezibaba,” they both answered, collapsing into giggles again at their girlish echoes.

“Who knows? Maybe your new teacher will grow on you. Zenos isn’t the only one who appreciates that kind of awe. One day you two might be exactly like us,” she told them, smiling and lifting her hand as she left.

***

It was after classes when Damien finally got time to investigate the incident. Neither the Jezibaba nor the girls had told him about the problem. He assumed Thane hadn’t heard either since the boy had contacted him to say he was still in the library doing research.

Instead, he’d heard all about it from Iren who had barely managed to be civil to him during the recounting. Apparently the elf’s infatuation with Carol was a little more developed than the boy let show. Iren had come across some younger boys leering at the girl’s fight training just before the biology department’s mutated bats started dive bombing them. He mentioned some strange mage coming to help the girls... yet another mystery that needed his attention. Why hadn’t the wards he’d placed around the campus let him know someone new had arrived?

Damien looked at the entrance to the cave where the bats were kept. Nothing looked amiss to him. The lab backed up to a large stone which had been hollowed out into a cavern. The biology department maintained its eco system without magic. Only the occupants were charmed.

Seeing nothing obvious, Damien spoke a reveal chant. It showed him the lingering energy signatures of Professor Moth, Thane, and both the girls.

“Headmaster Smoke, you have my deepest apologies for what happened this afternoon. I don’t know how the bats escaped, much less why they would go on the attack like that.”

Damien nodded once. “What kind of spells have been tried on them lately?”

Professor Moth shrugged and studied the ceiling. “The most recent one was a control spell Thane found during his research. It worked beautifully. The bats lined up for him as if they were a trained military unit. I was truly impressed.”

“Lined up for Thane?” Damien asked. “I thought you were conducting the experiments yourself.”

“I was, but the boy had been so helpful doing all that research. I thought Thane deserved to be the one to try the spell out. His magic is quite strong for so young a dragon. Who trained him?”

Damien let out a breath as he confessed. “I did. It was many years ago now. I was impressed when he told me he went on practicing. That’s why I offered him the assistantship.”

“Well, good show on your teaching talents,” Professor Moth declared. “But back to your query… I was with the boy the whole time. Nothing abnormal happened. Thane released them from the spell and then went back to the library. The bats all flew back to their favorite perches. I locked up and went on with my classes without giving it another thought. If you want my opinion, someone had to come in here after we left.”

“Are you sure Thane didn’t return?” Damien asked. It made him feel better when the biology teacher looked stunned by the question.

“Why would you ask such a thing? Has Thane done something wrong enough to merit being a suspect?”

“No,” Damien said. “Thane’s done nothing as far as I can tell. I just have to rule out all the obvious people.”

“Of course… of course. That makes perfect sense.” Professor Moth thought for a moment. “Perhaps it was a prank like last time. If you recall, a couple of freshman let them loose in the lab on a dare. That’s why I put the magical lock on the cave entrance. These are not normal bats and shouldn’t be let loose into nature, not even accidentally. Goddess only knows what kind of hybrids would result from them mating in the wild. It’s a very good thing the Chosen Ones were able to capture them all.”

“Yes. It was. I believe I’ll bring the seriousness of this matter up to all the students at the next assembly. It might help to put the fear of Morgana into the younger ones.”

“You do that better than any headmaster we’ve ever had at Witchery U.”

Damien bowed his head at the compliment. “Thank you, Professor Moth. I’m glad we had this chat.”

Professor Moth bowed his head in reply. “So am I. Have a pleasant evening, Headmaster.”

“Same to you,” Damien said, looking one final time at the door of the cave.

He left the biology area with no idea who was behind what happened. Based on what he could determine Thane was absolved. However, this was the third or fourth incident involving the girls where the dragon had been at least indirectly connected. Most likely the connection was mere coincidence, but the Jezibaba would be quick to use it as validation for her claims.

He was going to have to dig a little deeper. Perhaps he’d been a little too hasty in outright dismissing the Jezibaba’s concerns, but there was still no evidence that pointed to a true suspect. Goddess damn, he hated groveling even more than he hated being somewhat wrong.

The woman he loved was definitely going to make him pay for his part of their ongoing argument. He still didn’t think he was wrong, but an apology had to be offered because she had been right about the threat to the girls. He hoped whoever was after Carol and Hildy would show themselves for the cowards they were soon.

Damn the prideful woman. He missed her more since she left him than he’d known it possible to miss another. He hated her absence from his bed most of all. She was only a short physical walk down the hall from him, but the mental and emotional distance was much greater than he’d understood when they fought.

***

“Listen, Jezi-blah-blah. Ya can’t expect someone of my girth to stay in this closet sized room. It’s too fecking small.”

Zenos walked into the room and covered the distance across it in five steps.

Jezibaba snorted. “Listen Professor Cranky Pants, this room is the same size as mine, and this size is all that’s available. Suck it up.”

Zenos rolled his eyes but chuckled at her comeback. “I hate modern language. It has too fecking many twists and turns with none of the words resulting in clear communication. Ya know if I had said that, ya would have accused me of sexual harassment.”

“True, but in just one short day you’ve managed to offend nearly every female on the campus,” Jezibaba said, shrugging at his eyes rolling again. “However, I agree the beds are unacceptable for someone of our size. When I first came here, I swapped the furniture in my room for some I had stored in a house I own.”

Zenos scratched his head. “Well, I don’t have any fancy houses. All I have is a mage’s cave, but I never go there anymore. That cave is from a time of my life I’d just as soon forget.”

Jezibaba looked him up and down. “You’re wider than Professor Smoke, but not much taller than me. I might have an extra bed that fits you among my things. Walk back to the doorway and stand beside me. This spell needs to use the entire space.”

She grinned when Zenos frowned. He grumbled and complained for the whole five steps he walked back to where she stood.