Magic of the Wood House (The Elemental Phases Book 6) (10 page)

“I
really need an eggnog, now.”  Sullivan got to his feet and headed over to punch
bowl, which was shaped like a blackened human heart.

“Our
eggnog’s a super-secret recipe.”  Missy reported in a stage whisper.  “You’ll
never guess what’s in it.”

“Melted
chocolate ice cream and whiskey.”  Sullivan poured some into a paper “Happy
Birthday Kevin!” cup.  God only knew who --or where-- poor Kev was.  “The empty
container of Ben and Jerry’s and the booze bottles sort of gave it away.”  He
gestured to the debris on the table.

Missy
looked over at Satour.  “Ooooh, he
is
a detective.”

“Speaking
of the Wood House, Uriel and Abram are going to come looking for that boy,
sooner or later.”  Pele put in, gesturing towards Sullivan.  “Probably going to
get Brokk and Gion, involved.  And once Gion gets involved, Ty’s going to get
Job involved…”

“Job
can’t do a damn thing.”  Teja interrupted.  “Neither can the Wood House, or the
Water House, or anyone else.  Sullivan is
my
Match.  Under the law, he
belongs to
me
.”

Sullivan
scoffed at that, although her possessiveness didn’t sound nearly as ridiculous
as it should have.  After all, his instincts all told him that Teja belonged to
him, too.  He definitely needed another drink.

Pele
arched a brow at Teja.  “He’s not yours until you Phaze.”

“Yeah,
why aren’t you upstairs Phazing?”  Djinn demanded.  “Postponing it just gives
the human a chance to escape.”

“Because,
he won’t cooperate!”  Teja pointed at Sullivan accusingly.  “It’s unnatural.”

Everyone
looked over at him.

“Christ.”
 Sullivan belted back his “egg nog.  “I usually spend today dealing with
drunken guys in ugly sweaters and turkey fryers that catch on fire.  …And it’s
still
better than this.”

“Family
meeting!”  Alder banged his hand down like a gavel and all the Fire Phases
obligingly focused on him.  “Sully?”  He adopted the concerned expression of a
daytime talk show host.  “Why are you not Phazing with my aunt?”

“Good
question.”  Teja crossed her arms over her chest and fixed him with a “Well?”
sort of look.  “Well?”

Sullivan’s
jaw ticked.

He
wanted
to sleep with her.  More than he’d ever wanted anything, he
wanted to tumble her into bed and never leave it.  Holy
God
, but the
woman felt amazing in his arms.  All his instincts told him that sex with her
would be beyond anything he could imagine.  Touching her was like touching
magic.  But, he had the terrible premonition that it would be the end of their
insane relationship.

Whatever
supernatural energy thing Teja expected to find with him wasn’t going to
happen.  He knew that.  Sullivan was just a normal guy, not a mutant.  As soon
as Teja realized that, she’d be done with him forever.

He’d
never see her again and that was becoming increasingly unacceptable to him. 
How could Sullivan find her locked away here in Middle Earth?  He had no idea
how to inter-dimensionally travel.  She could just disappear from his life and
he wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it.

Sullivan
stared down at the gruesome punch bowl.  Every rational part of him knew he
should
want
this madness to end, but, now that he had Teja so close… he
didn’t want to lose her.

Kingu
studied him for a beat.  “In the beginning, it’s difficult to accept your
Match.”  He said and Sullivan had the uncomfortable idea that the dragon-guy
could see far too much.  “When you’ve been alone for so long, you come to
believe that nothing will ever change.  It seems safer to stay frozen than to
crawl towards the fire.”

Teja
winced.

Sullivan
concentrated on pouring another drink.  “Or possibly I just don’t like being
kidnapped by maniacs.”

“Kingu
kidnapped me when we first met.”  Hope offered with a bolstering smile.  “It
was very romantic.”  She looked at her cousin.  “Teja, have you done anything
to make this abduction special for Sullivan?  That might help get him in the
mood.”

“We’re
not doing romance.”  Sullivan muttered.  “We agreed to keep our whole
relationship impersonal.  Teja was really clear on not involving any emotions.”

Teja
groaned as her family’s heads swiveled in her direction.

“You’re
supposed to
courting
him, Tej, not scaring him away.”  Djinn made an
expansive “Duh!” gesture with his hands.  “No wonder he’s refusing to Phaze
with you, if you’re being so cold about it.”

Sullivan’s
brows compressed.  Djinn was on
his
side?

“You’re
on
his
side?!”  Teja made an aggravated sound.  “That is so frigging
typical.  Everybody make it
my
fault that my Match is an idiot.”

“It’s
not about assigning blame.”  Alder soothed.  “It’s about deciding who’s screwed
up the most and, right now, we’re thinking it’s
you
.  Did you really
tell Sullivan that you wanted a Match with no feelings?”

Sullivan
was beginning to like this meeting.  “She did.”  He assured them.

“Well,
you agreed to it.”  Teja shot back.  “Very goddamn easily, I might add.  I
explained that I can’t feel anything for you and you said you understood.”

“I
do understand.”  It was the one part of this misadventure that made perfect
sense to him.  Sullivan focused on a half-finished Lego replica of the Bates
Motel that one of them had left on the floor.  “Somebody like you is never
going to love somebody like me.”

For
some reason, that seemed to make Teja even angrier.  “You don’t think I’m good
enough for you, do you?”

Sullivan
sent her a sideways look.  “What?”

“You’ve
convinced your Match that you don’t love him?”  Alder threw up his hands, as if
there was no hope for her.  “Jesus, Teja,
that’s
why he’s being such a
moody hostage.  You broke his little heart!”

Even
Qadesh joined Sullivan’s team.  “Fuck, Tej…” His shadowy voice trailed off in
frustration.

“It
doesn’t matter that I can’t feel anything, because he’s not feeling anything,
either
.” 
She gestured towards Sullivan with an emphatic wave.  “He doesn’t care, at
all.  I’m giving and giving and giving.  And he’s
still
distrustful. 
He’s not even
trying
to love me.  Why should he?  Ask him how many women
proposition him every day!  Go ahead and ask him.”

All
eyes switched back to Sullivan.

Sullivan
sighed and settled down on an armchair shaped like a giant grasping hand.  “I
swear to God, either everyone here is crazy or I am.”  He wearily pinched the
bridge of his nose.

Kingu’s
mouth curved.  “I said something very similar when I first encountered Hope.”

Teja
turned back to her family.  “Sullivan’s gorgeous and he knows it. 
That’s
what the problem is.  He’s used to having a whole army of female admirers, so
he’s pissed about being stuck with me.”

Sullivan
outright sneered at that bullshit.  Teja was so beautiful that men would line
up just to look at her.  Supernaturally gifted men, with friendly personalities
and without scars.  Bastards.  If they showed up in Mayport, he’d arrest every
damn one of them.

“Somebody’d
better check the ingredients of those Christmas cookies, because you’re high.” 
He told her.  “I’m not interested in any Cult members.”  Not if they weren’t
Teja, anyway.  From the moment he’d first seen the lunatic in front of him,
she’d consumed his thoughts.  Everything in him insisted that Teja was his and
no other woman came close.

“Chicks
do dig the human.”  Alder allowed, tuning out Sullivan’s objections.  “They
follow him around town in little parades.”

“And
I’ve told
all
of you to leave me alone.”

“If
that’s what you wanted, you could have
killed a few of those potential
home-wreckers to send a message.”  Teja informed Sullivan angrily.  “That’s the
obvious solution.  Or, even simpler, you could
not
be so goddamn
handsome.”  She scowled.  “Did you even
think
about that?  Granted,
you’ve have thirty-five years of being the hottest guy in Florida, but you
could at least
try
to be less attractive.”

Sullivan’s
eyebrows climbed.  “What?”  He sputtered.

“You
heard me.  Actually, I don’t even blame the other women for wanting you.”  She
jabbed a finger at his chest.  “Of
course
they’re going to respond to
the fact that you’re so fucking beautiful.  You incite people with your eyes,
and your face, and your body.”  She waved a hand up and down his supposedly
irresistible form.  “I think it’s deliberate.  I think it’s
your
fault.”

Sullivan
realized he had no answer for that.

“Sullivan
is
very
good looking.”  Hope admitted with a worried frown.  “Kingu
could use his powers to make him uglier, if you think that would help, Teja. 
Maybe remove that lovely scar.”

Pele’s
eyes widened in horror.  “No, don’t remove the scar!  That would be a frigging tragedy. 
It’s
soooo
kickass.”

Djinn
made a gagging sound.  “Pretty boy human.”  He grumbled jealously.

Sullivan
looked around in amazement.  For the first time, it began to dawn on him that
they were
serious.
  They weren’t making fun of him or trying to trick
him.  The Fire Phases honestly believed that he was some kind of male model. 
Were they blind?

“I’m
not handsome.”  He blurted out, because they seemed to have somehow missed the
obvious.  “No one else in the world thinks that.”

Teja
regarded him like he had a brain injury.  “What are you talking about? 
Everyone
thinks you’re handsome, because you
are
.”  She narrowed her eyes.  “You
could do better than me.  We both know it.  But,
I’m
your Match and
nothing can change that.  Correction: I won’t
let
anything change that. 
Not even you.”  It was a vow.  “Deal with it.”

Sullivan
stared at her.  Yeah… He was clearly the crazy one in the room, because nothing
she said made a damn bit of sense.

“Hey,
guys?”  Satour called, his attention on the TV screen.  “Um… I hate to
interrupt the family meeting, but you might want to come take a look at this. 
I think we just became fugitives, again.”

One day we
may see it.

It needs the
fire of hot times to fuse the elements of greatness in the crucible of
revolution.

F. Marion Crawford-
“A Roman Singer”

Christmas
Eve Night: Four Hours into the Investigation

“Did
ya ever put Bailey’s on Frosted Flakes?”  Alder asked seriously.  “It’s the
fucking breakfast of champions.  ‘Cause it’s Irish cream, ya know?  That’s
totally
the same as milk, only it’s got way more vitamins.”  He frowned.  “Alcohol’s a
vitamin, right?”  He didn’t bother to wait for a response.  “Anyway, I ate
breakfast about… ten in the morning.”  He considered that for a beat.  “No, it
was ten-
thirty
, because
Smurfs
were coming on.  After that, I
bought this awesome action figure on eBay of --like-- the alien from
Aliens. 
The big one, not the
…
”

Job
cut him off, rubbing his temple where a Fire Phase induced headache had
formed.  “Is this fascinating tale going somewhere, Alder?”

“You
told me to tell you everything I remembered about today, so that’s what I’m
doing.”

“I
meant everything
relevant
.”

“Dude,
Smurfs
are always relevant!  They’re an allegory for the homogenization
of society.  They’re trapped in that mushroom gulag, forced to do the bidding
of ‘Papa Smurf,’ their fucking overlord.”  He added agitated air quotes around
the name.  “They slave away for the collective, rather than express themselves
as unique individuals.  They dress alike, talk alive, think alike.  It’s
totally like the faceless bureaucracy of…”

Job
didn’t know or care what a Smurf was.  “Alder, where are Teja and Sullivan?” 
He interrupted before he had to learn about the damn things.  “Are they okay?”

Eian,
of the Cold House slammed into the room before Alder could answer.  “I want my
sister back, you bastard!”  His frosty exterior was fracturing, revealing a
cauldron of fury underneath.  “Give her to me. 
Now
.”

“I
didn’t take Freya.”  Alder scoffed.  “What would I want
her
for?”

“She
wasn’t even supposed to be in the Cold Kingdom today.”  Eian flattened his
palms on the tabletop.  “This is all
your
fault.  You spread chaos like
a goddamn disease and Freya is paying the price.  Who has her? 
Tell me!
”

Alder’s
eyebrows compressed.  “Did you question the cow, yet?”

***

Christmas
Morning:  Five Hours into the Investigation

Job
stared at Qadesh.

Qadesh
stared at Job.

“We’ve
been in here for forty minutes.”  Job finally prompted.  “Are you planning to
stay silent forever?”

Qadesh’s
expression didn’t change, which Job took to mean “yes.”

The
Fire House’s resident assassin was slouched down in the chair, his steel-toed
boots flat on the floor.  No one had even suggested disarming him, so Qadesh
had an arsenal strapped to his body.  If they’d been trying to identify a
criminal using nothing but mug-shots, Djinn and Pele’s oldest child would’ve
been the first one picked from the lineup.  Job was also fairly sure you could
take an axe to the guy and you wouldn’t break him.

Aside
from Teja and Kingu, though, Qadesh was the most logical member of his insane
family.  Granted, with the Fire Phases, the bar was set low, but Qadesh was at
least able to focus for more than three seconds at a time.  It was impossible
to know what he was thinking, since he barely spoke, but at least he
was
thinking.

“Do
you have any idea where someone could’ve found a weapon like that?”  Job
tried.  Until he found Teja, this lunatic was his best hope for some straight
answers.  “How did it even get to this realm?”

Qadesh
crossed his arms over his chest, his face distant and unreadable.

Job
sighed.  “A lot of people think the Fire House is guilty.”  That was a massive
understatement.  The majority of the Council already wanted Job’s resignation
because he refused to convict the Fire Phases without a trial.  Eian was
rallying them to gather pitchforks and torches.  “I want to prove that you’re
innocent.  I
believe
that you’re innocent.”

Pele
was right.  If the Fire Phases had actually set this madness into motion, the
death rolls would’ve been like something out of the battle of Antietam.  No one
would have walked away from the Cold Kingdom alive.  The huge number of
survivors meant that someone far less ruthless had been behind this.  Or at
least less criminally talented.

“I
want to know who
really
attacked the Cold Phases.”  He insisted.

All
he got in response was a slow-mo blink.

Job
played his trump card.  “And I don’t want to see Hope upset.”

The
Fire House had adopted Hope when she was an infant.  The cherubic blonde fit
into their family like a butterfly fluttering around with vampire bats, but she
was everyone’s favorite.  Anything that upset Hope died bloody at the hands of
her overprotective relatives.

Qadesh’s
opaque blue gaze sharpened at the mention of his honorary little sister.

“She’s
shouting to anyone who will listen that you’re innocent.  Your job is to prove
her right.”  Job pressed.  “If you’re Banished, who’s going to help her raise
her daughter?”

Qadesh’s
head tilted ever so slightly.  Hope’s pregnancy had captivated the entire Fire
House.  They already had a nursery decorated with pythons and a mobile full of
severed ears awaiting the infant’s arrival.  They would never allow anything to
take them away from that baby.

“Kingu
is my nephew.”  Job reminded him, seeing that he had Qadesh’s attention.  “So,
I’ll
be there for Hope and her child.”  Kingu was Hope’s Match.  That sort of made
Job related to the Fire Phases, a fact which often woke him up in the middle of
the night in a cold sweat.  “But, it’ll be hard on Hope to be without her
family for the rest of her life.”  He pretended to have an idea.  “Maybe her
daughter can come and live in the Earth Kingdom.  Kingu and Hope, too, of
course.  Tessie would like that.  They can learn our ways and become Earth
Phases.”

Qadesh’s
jaw ticked.

Job
felt a surge of triumph.  Finally, they were getting somewhere.  “But, really,
that’s not what any of us wants, is it?  Certainly not Hope.  And the
last
thing I want to do is Banish Kingu’s in-laws.  Do you have any idea what Tessie
would do to me if I broke-up her nephew’s family?”

Tessie
might be Job’s Match, but divine beings stuck together.  Ever since they’d
stopped feuding with each other, Tessie and Kingu had been bonding.  Tessie was
the most important part of Job’s world and Kingu had turned out to be a
constant source of delight.  He loved them both beyond all barriers.

But
when they teamed up, it was brutal.

“The
second Hope starts crying, Kingu’s going to start beheading people.”  Job
pointed out.  “He’s already thrown Abram, of the Wood House through a metal filing
cabinet.  Do you think I need these kinds of problems in my life?”  He ran a
hand through his hair.  “Why don’t you just cooperate for two seconds and tell
me where Teja and Sullivan are?”

Qadesh
smirked, as if that question struck him as darkly humorous.  “Don’t you watch
the news?”  He leaned closer to Job over the width of the table, strange blue
eyes glowing with an unholy light.  “They were in the Cold Kingdom when the
bomb went off.”