Magic Under Glass (12 page)

18

In the carriage, we sat across from each other in a heavy silence. The lights of Aldren Hall still blazed; many guests would spend the night. The wheels rattled over the road, leading us out into the surrounding farmland, where the world welcomed the full moon. Nocturnal butterflies with shimmering wings fluttered around the straight rows of strawberry plants. Trees and plants alike glowed an eerie deep blue. Hollin wasn’t looking out; he stared at a spot somewhere to the left of me.

“You should look outside. I’ve never seen so many butterflies.” I was desperate to start a conversation on some lighthearted matter.

“Garden fairies,” Hollin replied, with a rather disinterested glance.

“Oh. I’ve never seen them before.”
Alive,
I added inwardly.

“Nimira, I’ve been thinking.” He shifted position, leaning closer to me.

“I imagine we’ve both been thinking.”

“No, listen. You’re right. I can never be happy as long as Smollings has a hold on me. I have no future here. I was thinking . . . we should just leave.”

“Leave?”

“I have money enough to keep us up. We can travel the world. We can see the Floating City and the God’s Gate—travel the spice routes—my God, think what a life that would be. It would be such an adventure. We’d never think about all this again.”

Everything he said to me, he had once said to Annalie. His words echoed the inscription I’d found in the book he’d given her. “This is . . . this is all very sudden—”

“I don’t think it’s sudden. I think it was inevitable,” he said. “The looks you give, Nim . . . Your eyes tell me to trust you.”

How could I accept when his wife still lived! Yet, how could I refuse? “I’m not sure—”

“Love isn’t sure,” he said, now taking my hands in his. I felt their warmth even through our gloves. “It’s frightening. But it’s full of possibility. And hope.”

Oh, how I agreed! But it was not for Hollin that I hoped, and I couldn’t pretend otherwise. “It’s just, I’m still young, and . . . and are you sure you really feel this way? You’ve seen how Smollings looks down on me. He won’t be the only one. I don’t have anything to offer you.” I was blurting out things I thought should be said, but they had nothing to do with my real hesitations.

“What must I say to convince you, Nimira? I asked you the other night what you need to be happy. What is it? I’ll do everything in my power to grant it to you. We could go back to Tiansher and start your own dancing troupe—anything.”

The thought of Hollin in Tiansher running a dancing troupe almost made me laugh. “No. That isn’t it.”

“What is it?”

I could say the word and Hollin would take me away from New Sweeling. He would cheer up if he saw the sun rise in the Shai Valley. I could taste mangos again. To say nothing of the world’s riches I had never seen—the floating cities where the winged people lived, or the temples of Karadul, with shining minarets, tombs for long-forgotten kings. We could drink coffee in a waterfront café in Sormensen like the heroine of my favorite mystery novel and watch the sailboats on the glittering water.

But even the sweetest mango would taste bitter, knowing I had left Erris in Smollings’s hands.

“Do you believe the automaton is really the lost fairy prince?”

Hollin pulled back against the seat. “Why?”

“Don’t look so suspicious.” I spoke fast, as if I could outrun my sadness. “I’ve just spent a lot of time with it and I’ve never seen it do anything strange, but it’s a beautiful piece of art. I hate the idea that it could end up torn apart or gathering dust somewhere. And if it is the fairy prince, wouldn’t destroying it be murder?”

“It would be . . . assassination. To prevent something even worse from happening.”

“Is that what you really want? To be accomplice to an assassination? Is that really the kind of man you are?”

Hollin drove his fingers through his hair, yanking the roots. “Nimira, you don’t understand—”

“Then help me understand. Explain it to me. If I’m going to go away with you, I need to know you’re not the kind of man who would stand by and let an innocent man be killed.”

His forehead wrinkled with pain, and he pressed it against the side of the carriage, which could hardly have been comfortable with all the rattling. “My father used to quarrel with Mother over the choices he’d made on the council . . . He would tell her she was just a woman, she couldn’t judge, and he’d give me a certain look and ask me to bring him a glass of brandy. I wanted to please him. But at the same time, I felt a horrid stab of guilt as my mother would rush from the room.”

He took a deep breath. “I don’t want to be that way. If you can just be a little patient with me. You won’t be sorry, Nimira . . . my darling Nimira. I swear I’ll make you happy.”

I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t his darling. I wanted to take Annalie’s diamonds from my neck. But if he sent me away, I’d never have a chance to save Erris.

“Then, before we go . . . please make sure the automaton is safe.”

“Is Smollings right?
Have
you talked to it? Is it alive?”

His suspicion was hard to deny in the intimate confines of the carriage. Maybe the time had come to hint at the truth. “How would I talk to it? It’s a machine. It can’t talk. But sometimes . . . I think I feel it. I feel it living, and looking at me. When Smollings first suggested it was alive . . . I believed him, although I didn’t want to. If he is alive . . . then what a horrible fate, Hollin.”

“A horrible fate,” he echoed. “Oh, Nimira, you are soft-hearted. I can’t do anything to help a fairy prince. If Smollings wants him, he will have him. We can only free ourselves. Please say you’ll go. I promise you won’t think of it with the fine sea air in your nose and the fine meals on your tongue.”

If I agreed, I would have one chance to save Erris. It was more chances than I’d have any other way, it seemed.

It would have to be enough.

19

The next morning, I slept in, sending Linza away when she tried to bring me breakfast. I had no desire to wake. My plan for rescuing Erris would require more luck than I was sure anyone possessed, yet failure was unbearable to ponder.

I finally threw back the covers and dressed alone, twisting my back to reach the buttons. As soon as I laid eyes on Erris that morning I almost started to cry.

Face it, Nimira, this might be the last time. You’re no sorceress.

I wound him, wondering if he would now work. The hands immediately began to move.

NIM. I’M SORRY.

“No, Erris. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

KARSTOR SPOKE TO ME.

“After I left the room? But he doesn’t have a key.”

MAGIC. LIKE YOU TALK TO A GHOST. HE ASKED ME TO PRETEND TO BREAK SO HE COULD GET ME HOME, BUT HIS PLAN FAILED.

“Yes. Yes, I know . . . Well, it’s all right.” I didn’t want to tell him Karstor’s plan had only hastened Smollings’s desire to destroy Erris. “There must be some other way . . .” I stopped talking. My cheer sounded false. We both knew the state of things.

I KNOW MY FATE. I ONLY WISH I COULD HAVE ONE DAY WITH YOU. PIANO KEYS DRIVE ME MAD.

“I wish . . . I wish we could have had that, too.” I thought I’d add something like
But I’ll always remember you fondly
or
I’m glad I was
able to know you.
That sounded so trite.

“Erris, I don’t want to tell you this, but . . . I must. Hollin has asked me to go away with him.” I spoke fast, ignoring Erris’s fingers. “I didn’t have much choice. If I said no, I’m sure he’d send me away, and Smollings might destroy you. So I said yes. It will buy us a little time and until we leave I will try everything to help you, but if I fail . . . well, I’m not sure what I can do . . . anymore.”

Erris made a low sound in his throat. YOU DON’T LOVE HIM.

“Erris—” I struggled to speak.

I turned away from him. “I think I could. Sometimes I do think I love him, and then . . .” I faltered.
No,
I wanted to say.
I don’t love
him. If there is any direction my heart leans, it is toward you . . .

ALMOST WISH I’D NEVER KNOWN. SCARED FOR YOU.

I heard footsteps coming—brisk, strong footsteps that certainly didn’t belong to a maid. Erris kept his hands in place like he was still broken, and I quickly moved behind him and lifted his jacket, pretending to look at his mechanism.

Hollin opened the door. “There you are. Last I heard you were still sleeping.”

“I woke a little while ago.” I tapped Erris’s piano bench with my toe. “I just wanted to see if he was still broken.” My voice had a catch to it, but if Hollin noticed, he didn’t show it.

He waved me toward him, but I stayed put. “I have several extra trunks, so if there are any books or things around the house you’d like to take, go and collect them.”

Heaven help me, I wasn’t ready for this yet! “Sir—are we in such a rush?”

“I don’t want Smollings to catch wind of this. No, I want everything packed today and we’ll leave first thing tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? But that’s too soon!”

I couldn’t hide my fear, and Hollin came and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know it must seem fast, but it’s for our happiness. It wouldn’t do for Smollings to know I was leaving.”

My plan to save Erris seemed more unlikely by the moment, and my fate, all the more real. I was agreeing to run away with a married man! Where did that leave me?

“We’ll leave without getting married?” I asked, baiting him yet again to reveal the truth.

“We’ll marry on the ship. Plenty of people do.”

“You mean, once you have me on the ship you wouldn’t have to marry me. There’d be nowhere else for me to go.”

My words grew talons in the silence that followed. I should not have sounded so harsh.

“Don’t you trust me?” Hollin said.

“It’s only, I don’t think you understand my position, when I have nothing and you have everything, when your word would always be taken over mine because of your sex, your station, and your nationality. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but
I
want to be shown respect—to be a
proper
wife. A woman of Lorinar would never run away without getting married!”

He put his hands around my arms and looked straight into my eyes. “Nimira, I swear I will make a proper wife out of you. But if we marry in town, word might get out. The day we set sail, we’ll marry, and if you like we can even have a proper wedding in Salcy; I still have family there.”

His dark eyes were both sad and hopeful. I saw in them reflections of his thwarted dreams. I did pity him. Annalie was no longer the woman he had married, the woman with whom he had shared all his hopes. If I had loved him, all this might have been different.

“My dear Nimira,” he said. “I would never wish to bring you shame.”

I lowered my head, reluctant but relenting.

He patted my shoulders. “There, now. No reason to be sad, I know it’s overwhelming, but we’re setting off on a great adventure. Go and get ready.”

I nodded, and turned to pick up the song sheets I’d practiced with, like I meant to bring a few favorites with me. Hollin left in a rush; I supposed he had a lot to do.

As soon as the door shut, I heard Erris’s fingers gently tap the piano keys, but I didn’t look up. I closed my hand around my throat. Sorrow wedged itself there.

“Mmm. Mmm!” Erris made desperate sounds, and I finally forced myself to read his messages.

DON’T GO. YOU DON’T LOVE HIM!

“Oh, and what am I supposed to do? You can’t help me.”

CAN’T STAND IT.

I grabbed his hands. Solid as they were, they didn’t have much strength to resist me. “Stop it. Stop talking. I can take care of myself. I’ll run away if I have to. I have a little money.” Very little. Hollin hadn’t paid me yet. “I’m doing everything I can!”

“Mm. Mm. Mmmm!” He moaned so loud I worried someone might hear, and finally I released his hands.

NIM. PLEASE.

“You can’t help me, Erris. I’m sorry.”

He knew it. We had nothing else to say. His clockwork face could show no emotion, but I felt my own limbs tremble, thinking how he must be desperate to move, to rage, to grab me, to stop me, but he couldn’t do anything.

Neither of us moved for ten clockwork clicks.

LET US PART ON GOOD TERMS, he finally said.

“Let’s not talk of parting yet!” I cried. “I won’t give up until I’m on that ship—”

DON’T BLAME YOURSELF FOR FAILING THE IMPOSSIBLE.

“But you didn’t think it was impossible at first. Garvin didn’t, anyway. He told you to find Karstor, and even Karstor didn’t say it was impossible. I don’t know how to get you to Karstor, but—”

HUSH, he spelled, his fingers falling soft on the keys. I WON’T SAY GOOD-BYE. I WILL WISH YOU HAPPINESS BEYOND YOUR HOPES.

“You too,” I said, and then I thought what a ridiculous thing that was to say to someone in such a position. “We will meet again.” Someday. Somewhere.
In the next life . . .

He bowed his head a little, as he did at the end of a performance.

I looked at him, but his eyes stayed lowered. I knew I must go. This was a good-bye, whether or not we said the word.

I started for the door, and then I dashed back and looked into his eyes. He looked back, and as my eyes blurred with tears, I thought I saw the real man he had once been. The air took substance between us, it pressed on my heart, it tugged at my arms. We could never embrace with our arms, but for that moment, we embraced with our souls.

I leaned in and kissed his rigid lips.

“Mmm,” he said, his final word before he wound down, the spark dying from his eyes.

I slid down to the ground and cried.