Mail Order Rose (Mail Order Brides #1) (6 page)

Rose held her breath, feeling her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She wasn't sure if she was ready to answer his questions.

“Why did you answer my ad to be my bride? I've thought about it and I can't figure out why you'd leave your life behind to come out here to be a farmer's wife. Your father's a judge and it's obvious from the clothes you brought that you come from a wealthy home. You are young and beautiful and probably had a line of suitors out the door. So why did you do it?”

Rose looked down at her hands in her lap, not wanting to meet his gaze. She'd dreaded this and hoped that this very conversation would never come up. She could have lied to him, but she didn't want to be that kind of person. The deception and lies that Grant had told her caused to much pain, she couldn't do that to another person, especially someone who had been so good to her. She had to tell him the truth.

“I know it must seem an odd choice for a girl like me, but at the time, it seemed like the only choice. A chance for a new start.”

“
What were you running from, Rose?”

She tried to swallow back the lump in her throat but it wouldn't go away. She wiped tears off of her cheek with her hand before answering him. “I'm running from away from heartbreak, but the pain seemed to follow me. I had a beau, he and I were soon to be engaged when he...he betrayed me. Out of the blue. Everything had been perfect but he had an,well, an indiscretion. The girl that he betrayed me with was not just any girl. It was my sister.”

Any fears Rose had that he would be angry with her melted away when she saw the compassion in his eyes. He reached out to hold her hand as she let it all out. It was a catharsis for her to pour out the secrets that she'd been holding in this whole time. She told him all about Isabel and how she had grown up with her sister's cruelty, she told him of her desperation and the plan she'd concocted to leave and make a fresh start as his wife. She told him of the letter that she left for her parents and had to senak out in the middle of the night to catch the train in Springfield. She told him
almost
everything, only leaving out the part about her never letting herself fall in love again, though she knew he was a smart man and could probably read between the lines and figure it out for himself.

He hugged her tight and she let the tears flow, feeling as if she was melting in his arms.

“Oh Rose, I'm so sorry you had to grow through that, but you don't have to bear this alone. I'm so glad that you finally told me.”

Though he'd have every right to be upset with her for not being honest with him, running away from home without even letting her parents know where she was, he was not. He was full of compassion and sympathy. She wanted to let him comfort her, she'd had to bear this burden alone for too long. In his arms, she felt safe to face the truth.

“I know it's painful, to lose someone that you love. But you will get over it, my beautiful Rose, you will. I promise you that. As time goes by, it will get easier, but you have to let me share your burden. You can't do it alone.”

She was sniffling and trying to catch her breath. His words sounded like he knew how she felt, but he didn't; how could he? How could he know the pain and loneliness that she'd suffered?

He stood up and grabbed her hand, leading her out of the room. “I want to show you something, something I should have shown you long ago.”

She wondered what on earth he had to show her. She couldn't imagine what it was. She followed him, her hand in his, as he led her silently down the stairs and outside on the porch. He turned back once to her and she saw his eyes filled with tears. It gave her heart a pain to see him sad. Was he sad because of her or was it something else?

He turned back around, leading her down the porch steps and around the farmhouse. Now Rose was really curious. She assumed that whatever he had to show her was in the house. Where was he taking her-the barn?

She continued following him as he lead her past the gardens, the barn, back into the cluster of trees that were along the creek behind the house. On the first day she arrived and David had shown her around the property, he had taken her to the little creek but not as deep into the trees as he was taking her now. Neither said a word as they made their way to whatever it is that he had to show her.

Though it was a sunny day, it seemed darker with the cover of the trees, and cooler, too. Finally, David stopped. He was staring at the ground in front of them. Rose was puzzled but then she looked down to see what he was staring and a shiver went down her spine as she gasped, covering her hand with her mouth.

On the ground were two grave markers, one was a  gravestone in the shape of a cross bearing the name Sarah Webb Thompson, who, judging from the dates on the stone, had died when she was only twenty-one. The second stone was flat and bore the name David John Thompson Jr., only a year old when he died...the same death date as Sarah.

Rose looked from the gravestones up to David. “I had no idea these were here. Who are they?”

“
Sarah was my first wife, baby Davey was our son,” he said, choking back tears.

Rose didn't say anything, she was in shock trying to absorb this news. David composed himself and went on. “Sarah and I were married back in Michigan. She came out here with me and then gave birth to our son. By the next fall, they both were dead. Scarlet fever. I thought my life was over. To lose them both was more than I could bear.”

“Oh, David, I'm so sorry! I had no idea.” Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was married before. Another woman had shared his bed. It was all starting to make sense now. The sewing machine she'd found...David didn't buy it for her, it had been Sarah's. And the crib....it had been his son's. She could feel the hair on her arms and the back of her neck stand on end.

“
Why didn't you tell me?” she asked him.

“
Well, when I'd first written the ad up for a mail order bride, I stated in it that I was a widower.  But I hated the word, I couldn't call myself that, the very word is just full of grief and pain. I had walked a long journey of healing to get to where I was, to be open to love again and 'widower' wasn't the word I wanted to use. Then when you got here, I figured you were nervous enough without having to learn that I'd had another wife, that she lived here, died here and is buried here. I just thought I'd wait til the right time. Then when you opened up to me, I knew that right time was now.”

Rose felt a sting of embarrassment as she thought of her own heartbreak, what had happened to her had been painful but she was keenly aware that it was nothing to the grief that David had lived through only a couple of years ago. Her childish heartbreak seemed silly and petty compared to this.

“I'm glad that you shared with me,” Rose said. “I feel so silly, crying about an unfaithful beau when you lost your whole family. You must think me to be a foolish child.”

David turned towards her, eyes full of compassion. “That is not what I think of you at all. Your pain is real, just as real as mine was. Like I told you when we were inside, I want to help you through this. You are strong and you will get through.

He squeezed her hand and looked down at the stones again. “When I lost Sarah and Davey, it felt like my whole world fell apart. I wasn't living, just existing. I didn't want to live without them- and I was angry at God for taking away everything that was important to me. Why did he have to take them both?”

Rose's eyes welled with tears as she listened to him tell his story.

“I had so much anger, rage and hatred built up inside me,” he said. “I couldn't even think straight. I was angry not only at God but at the Martinsons, too.”

“
The Martinsons?” Rose asked. She remembered the name, it was a neighboring farm family, she had met them the day of her wedding, they'd been guests at the church. But she had no idea why David would've had anger towards them.

“
Charlie Martinson came to our farm one night, frantic and begging for help. His wife, Tillie and their girls had scarlet fever. He was exhausted and didn't know who to turn to. There were no doctors in town yet, and people came to Sarah often when they needed  healing. Her father was a doctor and she'd learned a lot from him. Every woman in town who was having a baby would call for Sarah to be with them at the birthing. She had a big herb garden and knew so much about how to use them for just about everything that ailed a person. It's no wonder that Charlie came for her. She went without even hesitating, without a worry for her own safety.”

He was getting choked up again and stopped for a moment to collect himself.

“She nursed Tillie and the girls back to health, staying there while I took care of Davey. The day she came back, I saw it on her face-she was very sick. I tried to do what she told me to do, I tried everything, but I was losing her and I knew it. Then Davey got sick. Watching them both so sick, knowing they were slipping away from me...it was more than I could bear, I thought. I tried to remember that the Lord only gives you what can handle. And Sarah was a good woman, a good mother, I didn't think God would take her from me. She was so young. And Davey, too...” He stopped, giving in to his tears now.

Rose's tears were flowing down her cheeks. What a horrible tragedy. Poor David!

“It wasn't fair. I'd done everything right, I was a good man and wondered how God could be so cruel. I hated the Martinsons because I held them responsible for my loss. It wasn't fair that Charlie's wife and girls were still alive, thanks to my Sarah, yet my family was gone. Digging their graves was the hardest thing I've had to do in my whole life. I spent my days in a fog of anger, my nights drinking. I didn't care about the farm, I didn't care about anything. I was contemplating suicide, as I didn't think I had anything left to live for.

One night after a heavy episode of drinking at the saloon in town, I blacked out. Then next thing I knew, I woke up at the boarding house. Gus had dragged me out of the saloon, unbeknownst to me and he and Emma basically saved my life. I stayed there to sober up and they helped me to find my faith when I needed it most. They prayed with me, prayed for me, and helped to share the burden of the pain I was carrying. I came to realize that turning my back on God and blaming him for my loss was the worst choice to make. That's when I needed him most. It by turning back to God and through prayer that I began my journey to heal. I had to have faith in God's plan for my life. I realized that my wife and son were in the best place to be, in paradise, and that I'd see them again someday. But in the meantime, God still had plans for me here. I learned to forgive the Martinsons and forgive God. That was a huge part of my healing. The anger I had built up was released and the forgiveness brought me peace.”

He looked up at Rose again and smiled through his tears. “Eventually I got to the point in my life that I knew God's plan for me was to have a family to share the farm with, to be a husband and father and enjoy life. I never take it for granted, Rose. Every day is a gift. And you were a gift. God's sending you to me was part of his plan for me. I want to be there for you, to help you heal like Gus and Emma did for me. To help you find your faith again. Faith will get you through this, my beautiful Rose.”

Rose felt ashamed. After all he'd been through, and he wanted to help her through the pain that now seemed a much lighter burden than before she heard David's story.

“As hard as it might be, you need to forgive Grant and Isabel. The anger and pain you hold inside, it  is only hurting you, not them. And until you find forgiveness, it will destroy you. Have faith in God's plan for you. Grant wasn't your plan, Rose. He brought you to me. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe that things happen to us, the good and the bad, to teach us lessons.”

He wrapped his arms around her and she let her tears fall, sad for the both of them, but also, feeling safe in his arms and for the first time in a long time-she felt hopeful. If he could get over his heartbreaking tragedy, she had hope that she could do it, too.

***

The day that her and David opened up to each other was a turning point for Rose's life on the farm. She woke up each day, busy with her work not just as a distraction, but she took joy and delight in it, knowing she was working hard at keeping their home. David prayed with her and they read the Bible everyday. Rose was embarrassed that she'd always referred to herself as a Christian when she'd never read the Bible. She didn't know much about it other than the stories she'd learned in Sunday School. Oh, how she wished she'd have read it sooner! How could she have lived this long without it's wonderful lessons, it's comfort and wisdom? She couldn't thank David enough for sharing his faith with her. He wanted her to write to her parents right away, to let them know where she was and that she was safe. She told him she would, but just needed a little more time. She wasn't ready quite yet.

The next couple months she and David became closer. She'd let her guard down and realized that despite her efforts, she was falling in love with her husband. And she
loved
falling in love. She gave herself to him fully, without guilt, enjoying their tender nights together. She no longer cried herself to sleep facing away from him, but turned to him, letting him hold her in his arms as they fell asleep.

She was able to bring herself to forgive Grant and Isabel in her heart, and David had been right, the feeling of freedom that came with that forgiveness was like a huge weight lifted off of her heart. She even felt sorry for Isabel, the choices she made in life were based out of her own anger and hate; what a horrible burden she must have carried in life, if only Rose could share her faith with Isabel.
Someday
, she thought.