Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You'll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself! (18 page)

jackets and coats

Now select one area. Get out everything that is related to that category. Try things on and see what works for you now.

Strength training, cardiovascular exercise, and flexibility conditioning are the three keys to fitness. Choose forms of exercise that incorporate all of these elements. Find classes and activities you find motivating and fun. As a dancer, I prefer classes that rock it out with heart-pumping music. I also love the intense challenge and spiritual nature of yoga. Of course, the most important thing in any exercise program is to show up with consistency. If you haven't exercised in a while, I know how intimidating it can be to get started. Trust me. Nothing will make a bigger difference in the way you look and feel. One of the best ways to set yourself up for success is by going to classes. The energy and efficiency of groups are unbeatable. Classes are usually about an hour long, and you get an incredible total body workout while being coached and motivated by a professional instructor and others on the same path with you. Remember that you are a tri-part being—a mind, body, and soul. Why sell yourself short? Everything you do is either supporting your irresistibility or suppressing it. Go for the triple threat, baby. Use all of your assets to fully express your aliveness and irresistibility.

Donate, give away, or throw away things you haven't worn or used within the past ten months. Don't forget to make note of things you'd like to replace.

Look in catalogs and magazines, online, and in stores for more current and appropriate choices that will support your irresistibility. Don't rush this process. Take your time and replace pieces as you find them. Use your intuition and fashion-savvy friends to guide you in choosing what works best. This is an excellent activity to do with others. If you want to capture a visual of your irresistible transformation, before and after pictures.

Once you've completed one area, choose another and repeat the process. Keep going until everything you own is a clear and current expression of your most irresistible self. Have fun with this challenge! Before you know it, you'll have completely updated your look from head to toe.

1. What areas of your personal packaging could use some attention?
   
2. What kind of support do you need?
   
3. When was the last time you updated your wardrobe? Cosmetics? Hair?
   
4. Is there anything you own that embarrasses you?
   
5. Are you willing to let those items go to make room for something newer and more irresistible?
   

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

If we are facing in the right direction,
all we have to do is keep on walking.

—
Ancient Buddhist proverb

Copyright © 2008 by Marie Forleo. Click here for terms of use
.

Do you ever wonder if your questions are silly? I've certainly wondered about mine. Especially around hot-button subjects like intimacy, sex, and love. I've often asked myself, "Am I the only one who doesn't know the answer to this?"

Over the years, I've been privileged to receive many questions from women around the world. I always admire the courage it takes to reach out and ask for support. That desire to gain a deeper understanding of oneself and the
people around you is what lays the foundation for a lifetime of growth.

Following are a composite of the most common questions I've received. They provide general guidance based on the Make Every Man Want You approach.

Because you're resisting the breakup. Remember, anything you resist persists. Whatever you truly see, without judging, disappears. Either you can continue to torture yourself and everyone around you by resisting reality or you can see that it's over (and not judge yourself for that fact), which allows those feelings to naturally dissolve. In the meantime, start having some fun and behave like the irresistible fox you know you are.

Because somewhere you learned to distrust men. There are three ways in which we absorb information as we grow up: we hear it, see it, or experience it. If you were raised in a family in which you repeatedly heard that men can't be trusted, you will most likely have this hardwired into your belief system. If during your childhood you saw that men
can't be trusted by witnessing your father or other male figures lie or cheat, you will most likely be predisposed to mistrust men. Finally, if as a child you experienced that men can't be trusted—either by some form of abuse or by male role models breaking their word—you are, once again, likely predisposed to mistrust men. All of this is quite normal, and, thank goodness, the only thing you need to dissolve this belief is awareness.

This is a tricky one. Partially because of preconditioned beliefs, as just discussed. But there's another piece to this. I've found it helps to pay close attention to the specific situation and relationship. One possibility is that you're intuitively picking up on the fact that he cannot be trusted and may indeed be cheating. You've got to be willing to investigate your internal information and see if it's coming from your thoughts (like habitual insecurity that is unrelated to current events) or that funny feeling inside when you just know something is not right (called a gut instinct or intuition). It all comes down to being willing to investigate your own personal landscape and, most important, to tell yourself the truth—even if it's not convenient or what you want to believe.

Not unless you make it matter. Nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it. Stereotyping men by age is as ridiculous as stereotyping men by hair color or shoe size. If you want to be truly irresistible, drop all your baggage about age and start getting interested in people for who they really are.

Depends. If you come on like gangbusters because deep down you believe a relationship will solve all your problems, then the answer is no. If you are centered, alive, and irresistible, then the answer is yes.

If you happen to lay it on a man who has a "story" that he needs to be the aggressor, then it may be a problem (and who wants him anyway?). Most mature, well-adjusted, single men appreciate unsolicited feminine attention.

No.

Some men do and some don't. As you've learned from the rest of the book, rules don't work. The key to being truly irresistible is to forget about following rules and develop your ability to look and see what's appropriate right now. Use your most powerful tool—your intuition—to guide you on a case-by-case basis.

Yes, yes, and, oh yeah . . . yes. Two caveats: (1) do
not
refer to what your former partners used to do and (2) do
not
speak to him in a condescending way as though he should already know what it is that you want.

Nope. Men prefer hot and desirous women of every shape and size. Some men like a little extra cushion for the pushin', some like them lean and mean, and some like everything in between. No matter what your size, be irresistibly you by taking great care of yourself inside and out.

No. Reread
Chapter 10
.

You can't. Men are "as-is" merchandise. Love 'em or leave 'em, baby (reread
Chapter 2
). Don't waste your time or energy trying to change or improve anyone.

If he never to rarely calls or he wants you to always call him; if he never asks to see you or insists you come to see him; if he says he's too busy, he just got out of another relationship and needs time, he's got "intimacy issues," or he doesn't want to have sex with you, then you can pretty much bet he's not interested.

There's no hard and fast timing rule for appropriateness to meet the parents. However, most women rush this meeting
because they have high hopes for the future and are trying to force a relationship to get to the next level. The best thing for you, him, and your family is for you to relax. Trying to push things along because you think you'll be happier and more connected once they meet is a recipe for disaster. If he's really "the one," meeting your folks will happen very naturally all on its own.

Guys are turned off by desperation and neediness. So, if you are being desperate and needy when you call, yes, he will be turned off. If you have the idea that a relationship will save you, yes, he will be turned off. If you have to call right away because you are a control freak and consider yourself a strong and independent woman who has no time for games and you need to know immediately if he likes you or not, yes, he will be turned off. But if you are free from manipulation and expectations, then, no, he probably will not be turned off. The trick is not to lie to yourself. Also, don't forget that men are natural hunters that love a little chase. Don't rob him of the pleasure he gets from acting out his primal, male instincts.

Yes, if you want to torture yourself. Asking about his ex only sends his mind back to thinking of her. When, and if, the time is appropriate to talk about exes (his or yours), communicate from a place of neutrality and awareness. Practice true listening and do not bad-mouth your ex or his. Until then, why dig up something that's over? Keep your attention in the moment and discover who he is in relationship to you.

With the possible exception of bringing in other men (and some heterosexual guys are into that), most men like it all. Your job is to make sure that you are clean and fresh but, most important, that you initiate playful sexual exploration and mutual discovery of what works best for you as a couple.

It all depends. If you are having sex as a manipulation to create deep feelings, to get him to like you and/or love you, or you give it up because you're drunk, he's not going to be
thinking, "Gee, can't wait to take this one home to Mom!" Men are not stupid. They know if you are using sex as a device and will either play along to get more sex or conveniently forget to call you for a month or two until they want it again. Either way, he will write you off as nonrelation-ship material and you'll be forever slotted in his f*^k buddy category.

When you are clear and centered and are not thinking that a relationship will save you, sex on the first date can be exhilarating and fun. Most women, however, still believe on some level that a relationship will save them. My suggestion is, when in doubt, wait it out.

It means he wants out and doesn't have the courage to say it straight. He's trying his best to let you down easy and not hurt your feelings any more than he has to.

It means he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. Don't kid yourself on this one or hang around and have sex
with him until he's ready. Run, don't walk, outta there and get your irresistible a$$ back on the market.

It means he wants to date other women or at least get far enough away from you that he has that option. Don't make the mistake of believing he's different because of all of his special career, familial, and health complexities (blah, blah, blah). A man who truly wants you and knows how fabulous you are can't bear the thought of not seeing you for weeks or months. There are plenty of single men out there who are dying for a hot, irresistible babe like you to keep as close as possible.